sliding down to he**

Hey everyone ..

I have been dealing with rapid cycling for months now , I have fibromyagia so i know i have overdone everything physically ,, ( no i havent learned to pace myself yet) well i get up today and i just feel down blah world is caving in type of nonsense .. I have been taking mymedications as prescribed ive been sleeping well ,, IM just pretty pissed that i really feel like im going to bottom out and wind up need tons of help to reach up to feel the sidewalk.. AND my therapist is on vacation I dont see him until the 19th !!! Yes him and i had made a plan for me IF i get into trouble that will hopefully keep me out of the hospital again( been there 3 times since Feb2011

I guess im just getting or being tired and unable to make any kind of plans because usally im not able to do whatever it is because im either up or down ,,,betweem the bipolar and fibro.. blah is all i can say , what does "normal " actuially feel like ..My therapist promises me we will find the right meds and since i work so hard in therapy that altho i will still have the ups and downs at times they wont be so intense . I really completly trust this guy ..

Anyway thanks for reading my ranty whiney mess .

Wishing you all Love and Peace and a hug if you need one

My sis has fibro and she over does it all the time, then feels like *****, sometimes for days. You may just be very tired?

I am going through what my Tdoc calls "exhaustion after mania", but I thought "ohh god I'm getting depressed..", she said for me to stop the catastrophic thinking.

Im sorrry your sister also deals with Fibro ,, its a damn vicious illness.
" catastrophic thinking" hmmmmmm I think that fits me perfectly !
I am sure thats how im looked at I ALWAYS and have ALWAYS thougth the worst .
Hope you get to feeling better .

Wishing you love and peace ~

Do you feel any better today? ...
I think with this unpredictable illness we may sometimes just get worried that something is brewing and we won't know til' it's too late, but thought I'd share with you what my Tdoc said just so you don't jump the gun, unless you are having negative thoughts- hopeless, helpless, etc. then that's a different story all together.

I feel like a herd of trucks ran me over 15 times ,, I hurt really bad as i expected .. I HAVE to learn how to Pace myself ... I was awake most of the night from the pain . so when i dont get the sleep i get " stupid" this time im very aware of how im feeling ,, Im having some auditory Hallucinating and seeing things that arent there , altho they are scarey as all get out ,,I at this point KNOW they arent real... SO all i plan to do Is use the coping skills i have learned in therapy ....... I want to isolate myself and hide from the world which I know is NOT a good thing ,,,,, Im also fighting the huge urge to SI .which this is all typical ( i have seen this pattern in my Bopolar before and abot half the time i get so bad i wind up checking into the psych ward .. But I have been there 3 times this year and i really dont want it to be a 4th time ...

Im just going to try and roll with the punches and for once really honest to god put ME first and try to hold it all together

Wsihing you peace and Love ~

Im stll struggling daily with the thoughts of hopelessness and feeling like a burden so I have a big ole dose of that daily ,, I do watch how much "I" allow to build up .. everytime I get in this place I watch the movie " Eat Pray Love" for some reason it helps me . or maybe i wish i could be her and just pack a bag and go travel .. I always want to pack a duffle bag and a box of pictures and my dog and just drive away .. no where specific ,, just get the hell away from my life . My Therapist assures me thats "normal" for most bipolar people ... hahah @ normal for any bipolar person .. Hehehehehe

Wishing you Peace and Love ~

Sounds like a call to the Pdoc is in order? Don't you think?... Lots of not so good symptoms. Maybe one of your meds needs to be increased....

I myself am exactly where I was a week ago when this started....exhausted with no motivation. But no negative thinking per se except for a tad of feeling sorry for myself. Guess that's normal when you're use to working and being productive.

Hope you feel better, let me know how things go, ok?

Yes If Im still feeling this way tomorrow Im goingto call my Pdoc .. Im hoping if I get a good nites rest Ill be able to cope and funtion better ...

I use to work 12 hour shifts 6 outta 7 days ,, Now i cant work at all and trying to come to terms with that is very hard .

Thanks for your replys ,, always helps to know people who care are always there to lend and ear or typing fingers LOL

(((( hugs)))))

Yes, call tomorrow if you still have symptoms, no need to suffer.....
Gee what kinda work did you do? ..Just curious, (6) 12's in a row, every week...my god! I'm a nurse and I thought I worked a lot of hours.
I know how you feel about not working I was on SSDI for 10 yrs for my MS, then went to school for nursing with the ticket to work program. However, this is about the 3rd time in 4 yrs that I've had to take months of work for either MS or BP....it's depressing, but I was stressed, burned out and working long hours....should've known I couldn't keep that up without either my MS or BP flaring up.
Hopefully when I do go back I will be able to balance my life better...

Do hope you get a good nights sleep ((((HUGS))))

hey ! I did actually sleep ,,Im a lil clearer than yesterday . use to work as a CNA in a nursing home and had planned to go get my LPN license , but thats pretty much put on hold for now . I cant believe its taking me so long to get my SSD ,, good grief people just cross boarders and are given everything they need healthcare, money etc ,, here i am 44 yeahs have worked since i was 14 years old and I got denied las week so my sttorney says ok fill out these forms and we will file for a reconsideration,,, this takes between 3 and 6 months ,, HOLY HELL !!! SOrry i dont mean to be a B****and rant about this but I shouldnt have to take 2 years fighting for something i deserve and all my doctor agree completly .. A friend of a friend just got approved first go around , shes 300lbs and prediabetes and isnt able to bath herself and cant get around .. HELLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Yes im on a rant ... There are so many things I can no longer do but its due to BP and Fibro not my inability to reach parts of my body to wash .. and this person is Happy as a lark and bragging about it ,, My friend almost slapped her as she knows how i am and how i have fought for everything .. i know life isnt fair but ,,, comeon i just need a little break!!!

HOpe your having a good day ((( hugs))

Hey there,
Sorry, you feel frustrated, I don't blame you. When I was on SSDI for my MS I had to file for reconsideration with a lawyer also...6 months later I got approved and received a big back pay check... It is very common to be denied the first time around, it's not right, but VERY common. Some of us just have to fight our asses off for what other people seem to get handed to them.

(((((HUGS))))) Have a good day also!

So sorry that you have fibromyalgia and are suffering. I have fibromyalgia, ibs, and migraines. I know how hard it is. People dont
get it. It' s easier for them to understand other ailments. Mine they think are my fault or all in my head or i' m lazy. I actually still
work , but i' ve missed a lot. Would have been fired if it weren' t for fmla . When i do work, i still work sick. Then i get so run down, i can' t anymore. I know how hard it is. I dont have any answers, but you aren' t alone. Hope you feel better soon.

Dijmart ... I know the system is SLOWWWWWWWWWWWWW and most people are alwayd denied the first time,, I expected that yet didnt ,, I was just hoping for once something would fall into place ....

Hope your world slows down some after reading your other posts
(((((Hugs)))))

Likewater .. ((( hugs))
I worked up until last october I was just so sick that i had no choiice but to quit or i was going to be fired i was missing work all the time and its was at a nursing hime so you can just call in,, the patients need care so even when i had a doctors note it was still held agaisnt me .. Am i the type of person that feels patients deserve dignity and correct care so this place literally was a dump ,, so my complaints with first few weeks i worked there didnt make me any brownie points LOL I lasted 5 months but missed about 4 weeks where my doctor had to pull me off work becasue i was just too weak to work ..

I have had bipolar all my life i think now that i finally got a therapist that actually connected the dots ,,other times when i have been " down" i would just get handed antidepressants ,,, for me antidepressants just lauch me into Mania and i lived in manis for years ,, then FIbro hit so between all this mess i have finally broke down and now im trying to pick up the pieces and try to take back hold of my life ,,right now im rapid cycling for months ,,b ut last few days im so low id have to jump up to reach the underside of the damn sidewalks ,, Ugh ,, I hate the Maniz ,,i hate the lows ,, I just want somewhere in the middle . i have absolutly NO motivation to do anything ,, good thing breathing just happens or i doubt id remember to breathe lol
my hallucinations are a little less today so im hoping they will go away again soon ,,, they always come out to play when im too high or too low .... they are sccary as hell but for now i know they arent real

I hope you get to feeling better and trust me i so know what its like to go to work so sick you could literally drop ,,, be kind to yourself

Wishing you Peace and Love <3

((((Morethingswrong)))) wish you peace too. Thanks for your kindness. I understand your frustration. All off us are struggling like
crazy to take care of ourselves while others our given assistance when they are doing things that basically cause their illnesses. But i try not to judge. Their demons and addictions are hard to understand but maybe just as difficult as our battles. Your friend bragging to ypu was probably super duper horribly awfully terribly extremely insensitive. I' m sorry for your pain. Sending you hugs back.

Wow. I have hallucinations too, but mine are different. My past memory world will overlap with present , and i' ll be walking through both at same time. It' s a little freaky. I dont rapid cycle. I only get depressed. I dont think im bipolar. I would kill for energy. But what ypu go through doesnt sound fun.

Hey
thanks for your response ! Your so correct that everyone has a struggle going on..I feel slightly better today .. but hallcinations are still happening .. but I KNOW they arent real so it just like that annoying fly that slips in your home and is just buzzing in your face.. Im still new to this whole Bipolar mess learning what my personal triggers are .. learning how being anorexic and taking seroquel caused 20 lb weight gain ,,,of course i flip out ... so all Pysch meds seem to have that effect ,, but due to my FIbro its not like i can go nuts and work out like i use to counteract any weight gain.. I know i just have to accept that i will have this weight with me .... I try to walk daily but my body hurts so bad this week becasue i have over done things .. But right now my motivation level is about a - 50 ... going to a long day i think .

Hope you have a wonderful day

Wishing you Peace Love and tons of ((( hugs))))

Hi Morethingswrong,
Regarding your eating issues....years ago I was bulimic for about 5 years. I wanted to let ya know I went to a support group "Overeaters anonymous" it's for overeaters, bulimics and anorexia. Not only did it help, but after 9 months it stopped completely....gone.