[Beebizzy]

What do you all expect from your T? Do you have criteria that you measure them by? Or is it just a kind of 'if your T is good for you, then they are good' type of thing? Or do you have no choice where you are living?

Has anyone ever 'broken up with' their T? How?

I'm not too convinced about mine, haven't been since the first session really and now it's 16 months later.

She's very nice and many sessions have been good. But... she is rather unresponsive and I feel like I am paying a lot of money to talk to myself. It's not really what I want. I'd rather have someone who challenges me and who 'gets it'.

But I don't know if I am expecting too much, or if I am just not 'doing it right' (I'm always accused of intellectualising too much and not 'feeling' enough). I've never been especially happy with a T. I feel too much as though I can see them coming, and I want not to. Hope it makes sense.

So - just wondering - what do you guys look out for (if you have any choice)?

Thanks
BB

[SunAngel]

I have been through about 6 or 7 therapist until I found a good one.

She actually listens to me and gives me coping skills and strategies for when I am eposodic, and they work.

My last therapit I went to really pissed me off. I went in there and told her how depressed I was, and then she says to me, "Well it looks like everything is okay with you today". I stood up, walked out and never went back. She wasn't listening to me one bit. She was just in it for the money and I absolutely hate that.

I asked my current T why she does what she does for a living, and she told me that she got a "calling", and she really wants to help adults deal with life situations, so I knew I found a good one who wasn't in it for the money. She actually cared and listened to what I was telling her.

If your inner voice is questioning your T, then I think you should listen to it and find another one.

[ladyjrnlist]

If you are asking this now, then you probably know the answer already. Maybe bring it up in session?

[SophiaG]

Originally Posted by ladyjrnlist

If you are asking this now, then you probably know the answer already. Maybe bring it up in session?

why would bringing it up help if the patient thinks they are bad already?

[horseontheloose]

I have been to different T's. It's very important to find the right one. Just because they are a T, doesn't mean it's the right one, or even that they are good at it. I have done both, at a session said I didn't feel it was working out, and I've called and told them I felt we were as far as we were going to get, and thank you. I have one now that seems good. We connected right off. I look for somebody that has ideas for me to think about, a different view of things. I don't want somebody to just tell me what I want to hear. I don't want bossy either. It's a sharing time. I don't always know what I want to talk about, and that's OK too. The T helps with that. This is what I look for, and how I do things. I wish you well.

[AniManiac]

Warning: rant ahead!

I was seeing a pdoc who also did therapy. The story with that one was a lot like SunAngel, I felt like she was only in it for the money. Especially because when I said that I wasn't sure I could continue with her (because she's out of network and I get diddly squat for reimbursement) she would just tell me how everyone else that works at the university manages it and if you call the insurance company sometimes they will permit it. We actually had that conversation more than once - what a huge waste of time, since she basically wasn't worth the effort to contact my insurance!

She also spent a lot of time trying to tell me that my bipolar symptoms were normal, jumped to a snap conclusion that I'm borderline (really, I'm not) which was a nasty bomb to drop at a first appointment, and asking me about my research. Several times, which is a sure-fire way to make me mad, because it implies that she wasn't listening the first time. I wasn't paying her to talk about my research; I have colleagues for that!!! And then she bad-mouthed the agencies that my insurance will actually cover, saying that she got a lot of patients that came from there and weren't happy, and made faces about the pdoc's office that I currently go to, implying that they were not very good. All of which really confused me and massively slowed down my treatment progress.

And you know what? That "second rate" pdoc group and "not so good" therapy agency have turned out to be just fine. I didn't know any better with that first pdoc, or I would have been out of there a lot sooner. I also had a really hard time finding anyone who was taking new patients, particularly without a referral or existing dx. So I settled on the first one who said yes, and that was a mistake. She made me feel bad, which seems pretty counter-productive.

Clearly your situation is not as negative, but it does sound like it might be time to shop around if you don't think you're getting what you need out of it.

[Tosspot]

I was seeing my T for 14 months and the sessions were good but I felt I wasn't moving along the way I wanted to. I ended up going to a session and telling her exactly that and that I needed to be pushed a little bit into dealing with this deep stuff. She suprised me by saying "I thought you would never ask" in the last 2 months the sessions have gotten way better and more productive.
Advocate for yourself and hopefully they will adapt. If not, time to move on

[ariatboot]

The first thing I look for is patients. I hate T that tell you that you have to be better in a certain amount of sessions and that's it. 12 sessions and your out the door, like everyone's problems can be solved in 12 hours!!

After that its a mixture of things. One thing that's personally important to me is their religious background, but that's just me. Professionalism but still being laid back enough to put me at ease and help me talk. Knowledge and experience in dealing with people like me (because i'm definitely not easy to deal with ) How easy they are to contact and help me if I am in a crisis and a bunch of other things.

There are a reasonable amount of T in my area but I wanted one with the same religious background as me so that limited me to 4. The first one I saw my church paid for so I was stuck with him. I got married and my husband has amazing insurance so I got to choose my current one.

The first T I saw was horrible. He was extremely pushy and wanted me out of his door in X amount of sessions. I think I ended up worse then when I started with him. It took me about a year to even consider therapy again after that.

My current T is amazing. He works well with me. We just clicked at the first session. I am one of those people that doesn't really like to talk in therapy but needs the therapy so the T ends up having to fish around and ask a bunch of questions before I end up talking and he is so patient with me. Sometimes it takes two or three sessions to get down to what is really bothering me but my T sticks it out with me and we get there.

I think if your having doubts about your current T then its probably time to start looking for a new one. I dont think there is a "right" way to do therapy. I think everyone is different and has different issues that they resolvethem in their own ways and in their own time frame. Find a T that understands that, someone that understands you and what you want to get from T.I hope you find someone that works.

[~Christina]

I have gone thru 3 T's before finding my current one .. Hes FANTASTIC ...
Therapy is expensive both money wise and mentally exhausting ..

I feel since seeing him begining in april that him and I have gotten pretty far with my problems ( still a longgggggggggggg way to go ) But hes Help and his insite into helping me realize my problems and issues are priceless to me ..

If you feel uncertain about your T then there is probably a good reason for it..

Its never a bad thing to change T's if you arent getting the help you need or deserve ..

I know alot of people worry about " upsetting there T's ..I guess I cant understand that .....
Good Therapists will admit there cant be a good fit for everyone ..

Good luck

[~Christina]

I cant imagine being told you have X amounts of visits to be finished :O

I cant even imagine how I would feel if i was given a "time limit" and hope I never have to find out .

I have been seeing my current therapist once a week since april . I literally at this point just get thru each week by thinking " you will see Richard on Wednesday" almost like a mantra to me I guess .

[Resident Bipolar]

There are normally a few things I look for...

Attention - During your session, a therapist should always be focused on their patient. If they're checking the time throughout the session, looking at objects in the room, taking constant notes or if they take considerable time to look at their phone/answer calls...it isn't really a good sign, nor is it nice for the patient to feel as though they're just another number or boring the person of whom is SUPPOSED to be helping them with their issues and illness.

Note Taking - Even though constant/prolonged note taking can be a negative thing as I mentioned, a generous amount of writing down notes means that the therapist is taking down what you say and may be figuring out how to help you better and future sessions.

Casual Conversation - Yes, you are in therapy to help with your mental illness and problems in life that you may be experiencing...but it is always nice to sometimes have a casual chat about something rather "off-topic". I knew my DBT worker was brilliant when we began exchanging subtle jokes and having a laugh about things not related to my illness. It's refreshing and even more it shows a good patient-therapist bond.

Working WITH you - One or two of my past therapists would decide what happens and when with my treatment. A good therapist will talk you through the treatments and discuss what you want from your time in session. One of my past workers also just gave me lots of homework to do by myself...a good therapist will help you with it during session and also work through a lot of work with you whilst you are there. He/she should know how to respond to your negative comments and/or emotions correctly and know how to help you through the difficult times.

Out-of-Session Support - Not many therapists offer this. But mine gave me her phone number and email so I can email her or call her during times of struggle whilst out in the "real world". It's also good if I want to write stuff down. NOTE: You can, obviously, ask your therapist if you can write down things you'd like to say but can't (as well as how you are feeling at certain times) on a piece of paper and give it to him/her or read through it during your session.

Most of all... You can usually just tell after 2 or 3 appointments that your therapist is the one for you. There is just that bond and willingness; trust and belief in your therapist that you can tell him/her everything on your mind.

RB ♥

Originally Posted by Tosspot

I was seeing my T for 14 months and the sessions were good but I felt I wasn't moving along the way I wanted to. I ended up going to a session and telling her exactly that and that I needed to be pushed a little bit into dealing with this deep stuff. She suprised me by saying "I thought you would never ask" in the last 2 months the sessions have gotten way better and more productive.
Advocate for yourself and hopefully they will adapt. If not, time to move on

This is a really good point. If you know what you want out of it, and have voiced that, it should be pretty clear in a short while to know if you're heading in that direction. One of my biggest problems is not knowing what I want or expressing it. Any more concretely than "just to make it through", that is. When I kind of do figure out some stuff, I realize that it's not always the same thing. Depends on where I am and how much I can deal with. Partly, it's nice if they have the perception to pick up on that to some degree, but the other part is that they're not mind readers. Which brings us back around to voicing it and seeing how that proceeds.

Resident Bipolar gives some really good things to look for.