[greyclouds]

Hi I'm waiting to be seen for bipolar. but I just wondered as I don't know any one with bipolar, did you suspect you had it before you were diagnosed?
How has your life been since?

[Miss Laura]

Hey Greyclouds,

No initially I was just depressed as much as I remember. Then when I told my "life story" to my GP she kept saying "I think you Hypomanic at the moment" Then I did actually have a manic episode and then she made the Psych appointment. Then Psych told me after observing my mood for a month that I was Bipolar. I denied it and I still do sometimes. But I now know I do have Bipolar.

I researched and re-assessed my life and realised I had experienced manic episodes at least 6 times in my life which no-one had picked up on.

Hope this helps

[greyclouds]

Yes it does a lot thank you, I look over my life and I think I could of well had it from the age of 16 and the 1st real symptoms and signs at 18, I'm now 30 and just been diagnosed with depression. But when I look at my life and how I've acted, been the stuff that has happen.
I don't feel depressed very day, some days I full of energy, focused, happy and laughing, then with in a split second my mind goes racing I think irrational thoughts do irrational things it's so confusing. And then I can't even remember why or how I felt like that.

[EverythingNothing]

I was mostly depressed before I entered the bipolar stage in my life. Other than that there were definitely signs. I mean, I always knew I was on a different plane compared to others growing up if that makes any sense.

My I didn't really explode until about a year ago when I went balls to the wall manic. This is when things turned for the worst and I suppose when my psyche truly revealed itself.

[greyclouds]

How are you coping now? Is medication helping? X

[blossom12]

I wanted to believe that the times in my life when I was manic or hypomanic where the real me- outgoing, happy, energetic, spontaenous, fun, risk taker. What I didnt want to see, and did not see in that state was that sleeping fitfully 2 hours a night, eating very little, losing weight rapidly, making rash decisions, mind going 80 miles an hour, doing inappropriate things, and bouncing off the walls were what I was actually doing.
I accepted the depression diagnosis, because I was seeking treatment for depression. I was treated for it for years, switching meds periodically as one stopped working, then another.
Finally, I went to a new pdoc who listened carefully and gently suggested the possibility of bipolar 2. Over time and medication changes, it became clear that it was correct. It really took hindsite for me to realize that I had some manic/hypomanic stages in which I made some big mistakes. Once I was properly medicated, I saw that I created a divorce and remarriage that was rooted in mania.
I made some mistakes and did things I am not proud of and that are not me.

I never cared with the label was. All I wanted was to get it fixed. And once my mood was stabilized and I looked back, I saw times when it had happened all the way back to high school. I am sad I went through many more years before being properly treated.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by greyclouds

Hi I'm waiting to be seen for bipolar. but I just wondered as I don't know any one with bipolar, did you suspect you had it before you were diagnosed?
How has your life been since?

I didn't know what bipolar was until I was diagnosed. I had no idea. They kept telling me I had depression or PMDD.

Since being treated its been easier to cope with BP. Its never easy though.

[nacht]

I had no idea. I figured I was just severely depressed, since I'd had recurrent depression since I was 14, and that I was suffering from burnout due to my schedule the spring before when I'd done an opera, my senior recital, and performed as a guest artist in someone else's recital on top of 22 hours of semester coursework. And then realized I'd gotten winter and summer "burnout" every single year since I started college.

I didn't know it was a cyclical pattern until I went looking... and then I started seeing other things I'd done that were, well, kind of out of character for me, like believing I had the power to detect and hunt werewolves. I can literally look at my college degree audit and tell when I was having a mood episode, like... how did I miss all of this?

But yeah. Honestly I didn't care about the label. I just wanted to feel better. Mood stabilizers have helped immensely, and even though I have moments where I want to be like "the heck with this, I'm fine!" and throw them away, I try to remind myself what it was like before.

[BuggsBunny]

I didn't even know what it was, when I was told I had it. I went to the pdoc on the urging of my T. Later, she and I talked, and I could see in retrospect all the times in my life that I had had the highs and the lows. I knew I switched moods, I had felt them switch for many years, I just didn't have a name for it and didn't think much about it until it became severe my 1st year in college.

On medication now, I have not had a manic episode in over 10 years. Depression I still fight daily, but that is a matter of getting my meds straight.

[grandmaof3]

I suspected it but didn't want to believe it. My aunt was bipolar and I could see that I was alot like her. She was in and out of mental hospitals all the time and that scared me. I have more manic episodes than depressive but when the depression hits it drags on forever and I just want to die. Now that I'm on the right track with my meds I'm "normal" a good bit of the time, but I still get manic more often than I would like and of course the occassional depressive episodes.

I've had psychotic symptoms since I was 11. My whole childhood seemed like one long depression until I was a teen and had many major manic episodes. So when I was dx at 17 I wasn't suprized, but I was in serious denial. I got dx again at 27 again major depressive episodes, mania, and more psychosis. Really wasn't anything I could deny any longer, it was pretty clear. I think it's natural to wonder and question it tho. I still do have doubts from time to time. Although I always knew something was wrong.

[Secretum]

I had known that I had mental health "issues" for a long time, problems with highs and lows, and I sometimes suspected that I might have had cyclothymia because full-blown bipolar seemed too severe and scary. Then I did some research and discovered that you don't have to be extremely mentally ill to be bipolar. I then alternated between thinking I had bipolar and thinking I had BPD until my diagnosis of bp II last April. I still question the dx sometimes (though it has been confirmed-twice!-by other pdocs). My hypomanic periods are really mild compared to most, which often leads me to wonder if I'm actually unipolar. Truth is that I also have a ton of "non-manic" markers-atypical depression, short depressions (3 months or less), numerous depressive episodes, anxiety...so I really should stop questioning it. It's definitely something that is hard to accept.

[jaxter23]

My story is kinda the same as everyone else. I went through episodes of severe depression and every once in a while I would snap out of it and be in what I thought was just a really good mood. I started to pay attention to stuff when my best friend told me she couldn't take me snapping anymore. Apparently I was getting worse. I would just snap at someone for no reason at all and wouldn't realize what I did until I saw the repercussions of what I said and then it would hit me. I screwed a lot of things up and got very very depressed and went to get treated for depression and once my T talked to me for a few weeks she sent me to my pdoc and he diagnosed me with BPII. I don't think I have fully accepted it yet cuz its only been a month, but I really should cuz it all makes sense.

[dragonfly2]

I'm actually the one who went to my doctor and told her that I thought I had it. She had been treating me for depression with an antidepressant (general practitioner) and the cycling was out of control. I finally did some research and found that not only was the cycling from the antidepressant typical for bipolar, but I also had the history to back it up. She agreed and I was finally connected with a pdoc. The pdoc also confirmed the diagnosis and I haven't looked back since.

Now, when I was finally diagnosed, I was in such bad shape that I went on disability. Over the next three years, I was able to find the right meds and learn how to manage this beast. I went back to work for seven years, with just a few blips on the radar. At the seven year mark, though, I crashed into a bad depression and realized that I just couldn't do it anymore, not just because of the bipolar, but also due to some bad dissociation.

So, even though I'm back on disability now, I still consider myself a success. The fact that I've survived this long and am able to care for my family with the severity of my episodes makes me a success.

[Confusedinomicon]

I was hospitalized. Initially diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Then I got hospitalized as I spent a lot of time dealing w/suicidal idealization. I stayed for 10 days, and left on prozac and depakote and 3 years later I'm now taking lithium and seroquel.

I believe I've been in the presence of God, was supposed to martyr myself and other things like that. Also my swings are based off of the weather. I am usually worse during spring and better during winter...

I haven't had a noticeable mood swings for over a month now. (I don't think I am cured, but its managed)

[Tsunamisurfer]

Originally Posted by greyclouds

Hi I'm waiting to be seen for bipolar. but I just wondered as I don't know any one with bipolar, did you suspect you had it before you were diagnosed?
How has your life been since?

A friend of mine who led a bipolar support group pulled me aside one day and described my experiences. Then he told me what Bipolar disorder was. I was shocked. So much just slotted into place. I had to do a complete rethink about what my life had been about. It was only about 2 years later that I saw a psychologist for help with depression and discovered that I had been turning a blind eye to much of my troubles despite having been told about bipolar. I was referred to a psychiatrist who wanted to treat me for depression before concluding it was bipolar. The Prozac he prescribed put me into a severe mixed episode and 19 months later I still haven't recovered to my pre-treatment level of functionality.

Just be very careful with taking antidepressants on their own if you suspect bipolar. Any hint of euphoria or wild mood swings, and you need to get that psychiatrist to deal with the issue immediately in order to avoid being launched into an irreversible and severe condition.

[greyclouds]

Thank you so much for your comments hopefully will see the t very soon and get the help I need and so badly want to get a stable life as such xx

[AniManiac]

I suspected I had bipolar for many years before I got a diagnosis, but was initially talked out of it. I went in for re-evaluation because symptoms were getting worse, I heard a lot more about symptoms related to bipolar that I was experiencing than I had previously known, and I knew I needed to do something or have some changes made.

[SunAngel]

I had no freakin' idea that I had BP Disorder.

I thought I just suffered from depression, anxiety and OCD.

When I got the correct diagnosis, everything fell into place, and everything became so clear. It explained so many things that I was feeling and doing and I was finally relieved to get the diagnosis.

[sewerrats]

I am bipolar but i dont take bipolar meds,well not mood stabliser,s . I am addicted to ativan ,well i have a 4mg a day habit better than the 12 mg it used to be, but i also use sertraline an live on the edge sooner than be a fat medicated blob. Sure is rough but so is life

[Trippin2.0]

I had no idea, not an inkling. When I was 15 and feeling quite unstable, my mom convinced me that I was just overly sensitive and melodramatic. She also said I wasn't good at handling life

10yrs later I was dxd and had my 'aha moment'. I didn't doubt it, coz it just made so much sense, and also validated all those times I was struggling but didn't know why.

I am however currently unmedicated by choice, and would only go back on meds if my dx ever changed from type 2 to 1...

[moremi]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I had no idea, not an inkling. When I was 15 and feeling quite unstable, my mom convinced me that I was just overly sensitive and melodramatic. She also said I wasn't good at handling life

10yrs later I was dxd and had my 'aha moment'. I didn't doubt it, coz it just made so much sense, and also validated all those times I was struggling but didn't know why.

I am however currently unmedicated by choice, and would only go back on meds if my dx ever changed from type 2 to 1...

It took a lot of convincing for me to believe it. 3 different pdocs diagnosing me. I am a little stubborn, but now that I have accepted it and researched evrything my whole life makes so much more sence. I was having mania back in high school but my parents didnt pay close enough attention to me to notice that I never slept or ate and believed unrealistuc things about myself at times. Then when I was in depression sometimes I just didnt go to school. Again bad parenting, they should have known something was wrong with me.
Im so glad I know what to watch for in my children. I wish I woukd have listened the first time I was diagnosed which was only 3 years ago and I am now 33. It could have saved my marriage and kept me from hurting myself and others. I now listen to the doctors.

Originally Posted by Secretum

Then I did some research and discovered that you don't have to be extremely mentally ill to be bipolar. I then alternated between thinking I had bipolar and thinking I had BPD until my diagnosis of bp II last April. I still question the dx sometimes (though it has been confirmed-twice!-by other pdocs). My hypomanic periods are really mild compared to most, which often leads me to wonder if I'm actually unipolar. Truth is that I also have a ton of "non-manic" markers-atypical depression, short depressions (3 months or less), numerous depressive episodes, anxiety...so I really should stop questioning it. It's definitely something that is hard to accept.

I'm not diagnosed as Bipolar (and probably won't be in the near future, if I have bipolar at all) so I hope you don't mind me butting in?

I am diagnosed as 'depression with psychotic features' but I'm wondering now if I've had 'mixed episodes' (both due to anti-depressants and off meds)? I think it was AniManiac who mentioned the 'soft signs' of bipolar to me, and I've done a load of research on it recently. I'm seeing my pdoc on 14th and presenting all of my research to her to see what she says. She will most likely be incredibly resistant to the idea, but at this moment in time I just want her to treat me properly - whether that's for psychotic depression or bipolar, I don't currently care! I'm just fed up of her doing NOTHING!!!

Until I did this research though, it never occurred to me that I could be bipolar as I've never had euphoria or felt 'up' in any way - but I really identified when reading about mixed episodes and dysphoric mania.

Interesting thread!

*Willow*

[greyclouds]

Thanks willow, that's exactly how I felt I would never suspected it until I was talking to other girls, then when I down research, and looked back on my life all the symptoms are there not extreme ones but there, there!!

I do believe I don't have depression but something more,

I did alot of online tests I don't know if there real or Not but they all said high levels of bipolar and some signs of personality disorder.

I hope you get the help you need, I still have to wait another 4 weeks to see a t. But have to see my doctor next week

[beauflow]

I am still dealing with the news of it.... but seeing my Mom and my brother were dx as bipolar (the I found out later after I was Dx'ed that my one sister is too).... I guess so... I see things in them that I see in me, I see things in them that are not me or that I do differently.
I am a funny person, I went in and was like I think i have bipolar, they agreed to an extent- Bipolar 2 with severe PTSD... and then I went and saw a different Pdoc and asked for the Bipolar to be taken off due to I was not sure if I was... she mentioned, "you seem to have depression mixed with high agitation and anxiety:........ I guess; not totally positive what she was trying to say.

I took lamictal for a month, and either that was mixed state, or really bad rapid cycling when I was on it (T and I did not talk much on "what it was" but what I was doing and promising to not hurt myself till the next time i see her and some more coping things.. funny thing is in this time I felt awesome too and started my side business in a mess of a way.... I have just been highly anxious and irritable here lately so a little better)... I did not take anything else with the Lamictal (which I am seeing is a bad thing I guess with Bipolar)-- I am a little afraid to see my pdoc in about a week and half... I am afraid she will tell me to add anti-psychotics to the mix; which I was not planning on...

I am just still having problems accepting... but always knew I had mood swings that was a given to me... and slight to mild (maybe one or two times severe) depression, which is what took me in......
I am not sure if a few years ago they would call a manic state (not sleeping, running around paranoid as hell thinking all were out to get me, everyone in a plan out for me or what not, being odd (not showering, basically living on the streets but working too), and to be honest, I forget to tell them about it.... cuz I try to stick with recent things here as they seem to as well. and I am not sure if it was also due to I was trying to clean up off of hard drugs on my own (quiet them and tried to move away from people) it is surprising to me when I remember that.... (was not this way entirely when using hard drugs-- I showed, and had a bed of my own to sleep in).
sorry for the ramble.

Hope you all well and find what you need to cope.... I have been recently told by my general doctor, I need to stop smoking cigs, which is a big things with me.. especially when about to go "almost psychotic" with rage.