I need advice please

I haven't worked in 6 or 7 months now and am desperate. I feel that I can get a job at a car dealership I used to work at. I will have to call the owner directly because I do not have a driver's license because of a DWI, and usually a car dealership requires that you have a DL. I've been fortunate that 2 car dealers have let me work without one and this is one of them. I am not 100% sure that I will get the job if I ask, but I don't see many options.

The reason I am asking for advice is because I am a bit concerned about working at a dealership again. I say that because it is a high-stress job and stress is a trigger for me to turn to drugs. Stress also triggers all types of symptoms for me. On top of that, I am so nervous to call the owner to beg for a job because I feel like such a failure and if he says no I don't know what that will trigger. This may sound ridiculous to people, but I have a million intrusive, negative thoughts haunting me at this point.

I appreciate any help with this guys/girls.

Just believe you can do it and you will make it through

Maybe you could look into other fields, types of jobs for employment. So many people dont have a drivers license. I've had the jobs where i hire people and at first i think , oh maybe he'd be unreliable, but then i just talk to them and make sure they have a way to get to work.
What other interests or experience do you have? What else might be interesting work?
I too have to avoid stress and triggers towards wanting drugs.
Good luck

Yeah, I have to avoid stress and drug triggers too.

As far as the job situation, I don't know how the market is where you live or if there's anything else available, but for your personal sanity and sobriety, I'd encourage you to try something else if it's feasible. The problem with that is that there are a lot of jobs that are high stress (it seems like those are the easiest ones to get).

Is there anything that isn't sales oriented that wouldn't be an issue getting to? I mean transportation wise here. Again, I'm not sure how the job market is in your area or what sort of jobs you are skilled at, but I wouldn't want to see you risk your sobriety or stability for something like that, even though you do need a job. Would it be at all feasible to work from home right now? That's what I'm doing --- I work for myself. There are a lot of work from home scams out there, but I know of at least one that's legit. A friend of my wife's worked for them for a while. I dunno if I can give the link here or even if it's up your alley (it's CSR work), but if you're interested, PM me.

Hope everything works out for you. If I can be of help, let me know.

Peace.

Why don't you tell him that you're going through some problems right now and you really need a job that doesn't have a lot of stress? He might be willing to work with you and have you just do paperwork or something. I let my boss know that I might need to take some time off for doctors appointments and he was more than willing to help me. Most people don't want to set you up to fail.

What exactly would you be doing at the dealership? Sales, or something that has you behind the scenes like detailing cars or paperwork? I think if you have already tried it twice and it hasn't worked out so well, that maybe you should look for something else.

I don't think your worries are ridiculous at all-but if you're already in a tough place, putting yourself in a position where it's possible to feel rejected/loser-ish/a failure, probably isn't a good idea.

What other skills do you have? Maybe we could help you with other career ideas, rather than something that's a known trigger for you.

I am not sure what position I will get, if I get one at all. For the last 7 years I have worked the following positions: salesperson, internet sales (answer leads and work with customers when I get them to the dealership), internet sales manager, sales manager, and finance/business manager. Every position is high stress because the dealership has expectations and I set the bar high for myself also.

Before I worked at a dealership I was a mechanic. The problem going back to being a mechanic is that all my tools were stolen years ago. I looked at it as a sign because I got offered a job selling cars the very next day. I did get some compensation for my tools, but it wasn't even close to what they would cost to replace.

Other than that, I don't have a formal education or any other skills I am aware of. In all seriousness I have no idea how I am even able to work at a dealership because of the intense anxiety I get when being around people. I guess going back to a dealership seems like my only out because of the income I can earn, but the downside is the stress and triggers.

What you are saying makes sense. My concern with that is I am asking them to take me back for a 2nd time and if I ask for special conditions right away it may end my chance of getting hired. I mean I could be wrong and just over analyzing as usual.

It never hurts to ask, and you could always get a "doctor's note" saying that you need special accommodations at work, that's what the ADA is there for.

i used to work in furniture sales... and i was damn good at it, too.. but like you, stress is my trigger... good stress, bad stress... any combination - triggers my cycling & just leaves me a wreck.. i had to leave... i would love to go back b/c of the income possible, but it's just not a healthy environment for me & that has to be priority one...

i know the problems financial stress can cause on its own... but with the illness we have, the environment has to be a good fit... no job is worth sacrificing your mental (or physical) well being...

Hey there John! Sorry to hear about all these decision making problems you are having....be very very careful with the car dealership job. I know you say you need a job badly, but just be careful. Years ago, I used to hang out with alot of people who sold cars, and not trying to sterotype, but alot of them seem to live the fast lifestyle, and that doesnt seem a good place for you to be. Best of luck to you though...have you considered going back to school?

I'd say, from my experience, you are dead on with the lifestyle of many people who work in car dealerships (I am sure there are a lot of normal people who work at car dealerships, too). I probably would go back to school, but being in the situation that I am in won't let that happen.

For the last couple days I have been thinking about what sets stress off in me when working and I came to the conclusion that it is me. I say that because I would always exceed the expectations of the companies I worked for, but my internal dialogue would start telling me I can't keep it up, I have to do better now for when I do fail and want to keep my job, or someone could be selling more than me and I would go crazy over it. These types of thoughts happen constantly, some much more negative, and this is the reason I get completely stressed out and quit jobs and also why I never finished college. Sorry for the rambling, just want to put everything out there.

I appreciate your advice and I think I'm going to use it. I decided I'm going to call the owner on Monday and see if he will give me a shot, even if I am still very worried about it. He will still probably have me interview with a manager. I think I can get rid of some of the stress in the job by working out my own schedule, like changing the time I have to be in from 9 to 11 or 12. Changing the day from a 12 hour day to an 8 or 9 hour day should be able to help the stress level a bit. It may not be your exact advice, but just the concept of asking for something may have been what I've been missing.

I wouldn't suggesst taking a job that you know is stressful and you now will trigger you. Find something that won't overwhelm you and stress you out. Having a job is not worth loosing your sanity...

That is an option...If there is flexibility, try changing your hours and see how that works...Maybe see if you can start off part time and then gradually move to full time. I'm not sure what your financial needs are so maybe this wont work. Explore all your options and choose what is best for you. But again, I would be cautious about working stressful jobs. All jobs are stressful but you should know what you can and can't handle.

Unfortunately, the only skills I have require me to work in a stressful environment or at least that is how it looks to me. I have been wracking my brain to find something else that I can do, but I cannot come up with anything else. My financial situation is in a state of chaos: I owe somewhere around 70K. The debt that I owe is credit card debt, motor vehicle surcharges, back taxes, family (they are not hounding me or anything, but I have to pay them back), and various accounts in collections.

I am 31 and have been living with my grandparents for the last 12 years on and off, I am so grateful for them. If it was not for them I would be homeless right now. They have also helped me financially, so they are the family I owe a ton of money to. I have had tons of legal problems and they were always there to help. The only thing I can contribute is taking care of them (grandfather had 2 strokes and needs help with everything). I don't expect them to be around for much longer and all they want for me is to get my life in order and be able to support myself when they are gone. This is why I am trying to get back to work and fulfill the only thing they've ever asked of me.

John...have you ever considered filing bankruptcy? I know everyone hates the B word lol, but actually its not as bad as you think.....it can get your sanity back, and maybe save you financially.....and you learn alot from it too....

If you don't already have a T, get one and start practicing some major self care.

This is embarrassing to admit, but I declared bankruptcy once already. I worked like crazy from 12 to 18 years old and was able to save 140K (I am still shocked I was able to do this). I started an auto performance parts business with the money I saved, it was my childhood dream. I was able to run the business and turn it profitable by the 2nd year, the business lasted a total of 3 years. In the middle of the 3rd year, bipolar disorder reared it's ugly head. I burned through every penny I made and then a lot more, so I had to declare bankruptcy.

I've been thinking about declaring bankruptcy again, but I am convinced that I have to pay all my debts to learn from this. I think I need to suffer and experience the pain this time. My problem, even when on medication, is that I get extreme bouts of mania and end up dismantling my life.

What do you mean "start practicing some major self care?"

I have a T and a Pdoc and am trying to do everything I can to straighten every aspect of me out. It is not like I am running through life haphazardly.

Kudos to you for taking responsibility and trying to take care of the debts yourself BUT sometimes its one of those things that why suffer if you dont have to.....the non manic John would probably not have burned through all of that money and ran up all of that debt and had all of this stuff happen (I dont know you, going out on a limb here) so if the manic John did it, then its more of your illness that wasnt under control at the time.....so plead mental insanity and file.....you can still learn lessons without having to kick yourself in the a$& everyday for them and it seems that you are learning if you are actively seeking treatment and taking your meds and taking care of yourself. People make mistakes.....and people always deserve another chance.....