[Trippin2.0]

Angry, sad, irritated, fed-up! But nobody leaves me alone, they KEEP bugging me, when all I want to do is sleep it off. So then, I yelled at my poor daughter bcoz I didn't feel like making her what she wanted for supper (2 much GD effort) and then my mom gave her what she wanted, and she probly went to bed hurt, I'm hiding with my shame and guilt in my room. Sometimes I question God's motive for putting her in my life, is He trying to show me how badly I suck? I'm honestly no good at being a care-taker. A provider, yes, a listener, yes, a guide or help, yes, that came naturally, but N0T taking care of somebody else 24/7, I'm WAY to self-centered for that. That much is CRYSTAL clear but I'm stuck at home being miserable, probly making my daughter feel unwanted. God I suck
.
Not looking for pity, just ranting about being inadaquate and the shame that follows.

[Victoria'smom]

Our children are much more understanding then you think. It is not selfish to take care of your self when you are sick. I don't know how old your daughter is but as a parent you can apologize. We have activities based on mood. We've toy'd with the idea of mood magnets. The hardest job is to be a parent, w/ MI or not. The way I have to see it is as long as we're working out our issues and not denying them we are better parents then most.

[Trippin2.0]

She's 8y.o, and knows about my dx, but that doesn't give me the right to treat her like crap. What's worse is she'll wake me up with a hug and a kiss and tell me it's ok she understands before I get a chance to apologise I don't deserve her, honestly I don't...

[Trippin2.0]

She woke up for a drink of water... I apologized and gave her a hug. She said it's ok, she knows I've been going thru a rough time, and curled up beside me and went back to sleep... So now I'm staring at her face in the dark, bewildered, and trying to be, and feel ok...

[BlackPup]

she sounds like a really sweet kid. don't be hard on yourself, be kind to yourself

[Victoria'smom]

You're not treating her like crap. She is a very caring and understanding child. Which means that YOU have taught her those things, and aren't as self-centered as you think. Just breathe and try again tomorrow.

[moremi]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Angry, sad, irritated, fed-up! But nobody leaves me alone, they KEEP bugging me, when all I want to do is sleep it off. So then, I yelled at my poor daughter bcoz I didn't feel like making her what she wanted for supper (2 much GD effort) and then my mom gave her what she wanted, and she probly went to bed hurt, I'm hiding with my shame and guilt in my room. Sometimes I question God's motive for putting her in my life, is He trying to show me how badly I suck? I'm honestly no good at being a care-taker. A provider, yes, a listener, yes, a guide or help, yes, that came naturally, but N0T taking care of somebody else 24/7, I'm WAY to self-centered for that. That much is CRYSTAL clear but I'm stuck at home being miserable, probly making my daughter feel unwanted. God I suck
.
Not looking for pity, just ranting about being inadaquate and the shame that follows.

No one is perfect girl, just go in there and give her a hug. Tell her you love her and goodnight. That will make you both feel better. Children are resilient and the fact that you worry about your ability to take care of her shows you care. You could be one of the parents out there that dump their kids off with any family member that will take them and just never come back. I have seen it countless times. You are there making an effort and that deserves to be acknowledged. Being a mother is a hard thing to be. Very rewarding at times too. Im no where near a perfect mom but I give it my best and hope that Im doing something right.

[moremi]

Originally Posted by moremi

No one is perfect girl, just go in there and give her a hug. Tell her you love her and goodnight. That will make you both feel better. Children are resilient and the fact that you worry about your ability to take care of her shows you care. You could be one of the parents out there that dump their kids off with any family member that will take them and just never come back. I have seen it countless times. You are there making an effort and that deserves to be acknowledged. Being a mother is a hard thing to be. Very rewarding at times too. Im no where near a perfect mom but I give it my best and hope that Im doing something right.

Well I should have read farther down. See you are a good mom. Dont worry, you have to have time for yourself. Everyone does and that is a normal thing. Even mothers without MI need time for them especially when they are sick. Pat yourself on the back for being a good mom. Your staring at your child while she sleeps and that is what good mommys do. Dont be so hard on yourself, it sounds to me like your doing a good *** job at parenting. Just had a moment like we all do.

[and_im_still_here]

She sounds very comprehensive and well im a child of a mother and ive always been comprehensive with her and at the date i love her so much with her many defects and i know she loves me sometimes its hard for me to understand but she is always there for me, i think you should be easy on your self as if you aree ok then your daugther will too she loves you and you love her and well mistakes are always present but with the confidense you with to each other you can do it

[Trippin2.0]

Thank you guys we seemed to have smoothed things over. I just wish I didn't get mad at idiotic things, that would help ALOT in the adaquacy department.

[moremi]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Thank you guys we seemed to have smoothed things over. I just wish I didn't get mad at idiotic things, that would help ALOT in the adaquacy department.

Ha i wish that i didnt get mad at things like that either but sometimes it happens. I cant help it and you cant either. I try really hard and i am getting better at biting my tounge but the anger is still there. Stupid but true.....

[xraydiva09]

I have the same problems with my son.....he wants to act and do things, like,well, a typical 9 year old and I want to act like a typical, impatient, witch sometimes....The other night I dropped the F bomb at him and I immediatley felt like a big A-hole for doing it....his sweet little face looked so sad.....and it was over him fidgeting around and not doing his homework and being a chatterbox when it was time to do the homework and I had to go to work and blah blah blah.....pretty much me rushing him around because I was being impatient and not understanding....the usual......and then the kicker....they really make you feel like crap when they give you extra hugs and love and kisses before they go to bed and tell you they love you and dont even seem to remember that you said a bad word just an hour ago at them......my stomach is still in knots over it hours later and he is blissfully asleep in his bed....joys of parenthood lol

[Irreplaceable]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Angry, sad, irritated, fed-up! But nobody leaves me alone, they KEEP bugging me, when all I want to do is sleep it off. So then, I yelled at my poor daughter bcoz I didn't feel like making her what she wanted for supper (2 much GD effort) and then my mom gave her what she wanted, and she probly went to bed hurt, I'm hiding with my shame and guilt in my room. Sometimes I question God's motive for putting her in my life, is He trying to show me how badly I suck? I'm honestly no good at being a care-taker. A provider, yes, a listener, yes, a guide or help, yes, that came naturally, but N0T taking care of somebody else 24/7, I'm WAY to self-centered for that. That much is CRYSTAL clear but I'm stuck at home being miserable, probly making my daughter feel unwanted. God I suck
.
Not looking for pity, just ranting about being inadaquate and the shame that follows.

Girl girl girl. Get out of my head LOL...I feel you I feel ashamed to have some of these thoughts floating around in my head...I feel like ***** sometimes because of it...In the "real world" I wouldn't even utter the words that you wrote because ***gasp*** moms aren't suppose to say things like this...I wouldn't say I'm self-centered, it's just that when i get in my moods where a melt down is near, I need my space and I get upset if I can't have it...

It would be 1000 times easier if I had someone here to give me much needed breaks by watching my daughter for me but most of my family moved away. My dad is here but he deals with PTSD, depression, bipolar and he can't handle her. Last two times she spent the night, he called all frantic asking me to pick her up because she was too much. So, I just handle things the best I can...I'm waaaay too paranoid to allow her to do sleepovers so that is out of the question...

These feelings you are describing is how I feel a lot of times....It will be ok...You're not alone...Me and you need to talk...How old is your daughter?

[Trippin2.0]

She's 8, will be 9 at the end of the yr. And I wouldn't dare utter these words outloud, so my mom and brother probly just chalk it up to me being in biatch mode, idk. It really does help having them around tho, really thankful for the roles they play in her life...

[Irreplaceable]

Originally Posted by moremi

No one is perfect girl, just go in there and give her a hug. Tell her you love her and goodnight. That will make you both feel better. Children are resilient and the fact that you worry about your ability to take care of her shows you care. You could be one of the parents out there that dump their kids off with any family member that will take them and just never come back. I have seen it countless times. You are there making an effort and that deserves to be acknowledged. Being a mother is a hard thing to be. Very rewarding at times too. Im no where near a perfect mom but I give it my best and hope that Im doing something right.

That is very true....You could take the easy way out and just give up on her and leave her...At least you are trying the best that you can and she is understanding....

[Trippin2.0]

I honestly don't know how I would cope if it was any child other than her... She's an awesome fit, that's for sure