[Miss Laura]

Hey guys,

I am really struggling to cope with the thought/idea that I am or should I say that I have Bipolar. I'm still in denial after being diagnosised 2 years.

I was talking to my Support Worker today and she has asked me to research this. So my first point of call are to fellow sufferers.

How do you cope/deal with having Bipolar?

I know the facts etc but in my head I am blocking anything relevant to getting over the official diagnosis and the words LIFE LONG CONDITION!

Acceptance! Seriously... I think until we accept that we are who we are we will continue to struggle. I can't tell you how to do it though, but I can tell you what worked for me. Acceptance came for me just by accepting that I am who I am. I put aside the " mentally ill" and negative tones of implications of such a dx. I look at it as more of just who I am, it's just part of my human experience. Everyone has battles, so if they don't have bipolar they have to battle something else. No ones life doesn't have hurdles, this is just mine. I also tend to not view myself as bipolar, I just am this way, this is how my brain works, what can I do to work with it?

I know what I need to do to beat this, I know I can do it. I didn't always feel like that tho. It took a lot of soul searching, trying different things out, changing my thought process, being open to new ideas, and for me it took unmedicalizing myself. I found that the more I saw dr's and my t and the more I was involved in being a sick person the sicker I was. I'm not saying to not see dr's at all tho, just that it's easy to get caught up in the medical aspect of this and close the other doors. They see the same thing with cancer patients, being overly medicalized can have negative effects on our being.

I try to take it one moment at a time, If I look at it from a view seeing all the mood swings to come, they will forsurely come and I will drown in them. If I look at what is right in front of me I can swim through that. I feel like if I look at it like a sentence of suffering, I will prophasize it and it will become so. Perspective is my key to dealing with bipolar, and the other things in my life, it's not always easy, but the more I practice it the better it gets.

[Merlin]

I would agree with your worker that researching the disorder is a great first step. When you know what you are dealing with, it's easier to cope with.

While you are symptomatic and especially when you are in denial, mood charting is an important tool. There are a number of printable charts, online websites, downloadable software, and iPhone or android apps.

http://www.mentalhealthrecovery.com/ is a good site to look at and developing a WRAP is an excellent way of learning how to cope. M. E. Copeland also has a number of good workbooks.

For myself, I find taking medications to be the number one self-care method. Proper sleep, diet and exercise are essential as well. My pdoc actually prescribed daily socialization for me as well. I need to work for my own well-being, though I would include courses and volunteering as work too.

Keep trying until you figure out what works for you.

[TRNRMOM]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

Hey guys,

I am really struggling to cope with the thought/idea that I am or should I say that I have Bipolar. I'm still in denial after being diagnosised 2 years.

I was talking to my Support Worker today and she has asked me to research this. So my first point of call are to fellow sufferers.

How do you cope/deal with having Bipolar?

I know the facts etc but in my head I am blocking anything relevant to getting over the official diagnosis and the words LIFE LONG CONDITION!

well, i'm an old-timer female bp2 who's now 65 yrs. of age and got my diagnosis in my 30s. am married a 2nd time for 27 yrs. so my 2nd hubby has lived w/this disorder for almost as long as i've been diagnosed. my suggestion is to become as informed as you can and be medication compliant, and for most, we it's trial and error til we find the right combo of meds. i have little or no depression but my mania includes agitation and irritability. and i have anxiety. for me, my bipolar has gotten worse over the years (kindling effect) but i know exactly what my triggers are which create more mania, i.e., stress, loud music and lights (las vegas kills me) and travel w/time zone changes. over the years i've become completely honest and open about having this disorder and w/the help of meds. and therapy, i feel i am no more screwed up than the average person w/a diagnosis other than bipolar. we are all unique and i have many qualities that i consider a plus: humor, charisma, insight, and the mania lets me appear to be more outgoing than i really am. i know and have learned how to stabilize. 10 years ago my crohns/colitis got out of hand and have been on a chemo drug which has kept me in remission. i require a daily nap due to the fatigue that the chemo drug causes, but you just learn to live with whatever it is you have, whether it's bipolar or needing daily naps from the chemo meds. you adapt and hopefully you come to accept and probably there are other members in your family to had/have bipolar but maybe have never been diagnosed properly or have used drugs/alcohol to medicate some of the highs or lows. i feel people are more drawn to me because i'm open and honest w/them and have a pretty good understanding how what my triggers are and how to stay stable. sometimes it's not easy on me or my hubby, but we just deal with. good luck.

[BlueInanna]

Hi Laura, For me, I've had the bp II dx for over a year. And still not sure I agree with it. I don't like it, but I do trust my pdoc. It has caused me to re-evaluate every happy moment of my life, every choice and experience. It was no longer the magical, spontaneous times I remembered, but delusional hypomanic state? I probably won't ever really know what was real or not. There has been much grieving for me involved.
But as I've gotten older and it's gotten worse - I have to look at the mistakes I've made in hypomania, maxing out every credit card, bad choices with lovers, etc. So I feel better now knowing I've got it and that there's help. I don't ever want to make those mistakes again.
And now I know why I get so depressed, and I can get help. It does make sense for me.

[kj44]

Wonderful Anika!! I couldn't of said it better It's a long process, and, it can be a hard road sometimes, this site helps me alot.

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by Anika

Acceptance! Seriously... I think until we accept that we are who we are we will continue to struggle. I can't tell you how to do it though, but I can tell you what worked for me. Acceptance came for me just by accepting that I am who I am. I put aside the " mentally ill" and negative tones of implications of such a dx. I look at it as more of just who I am, it's just part of my human experience. Everyone has battles, so if they don't have bipolar they have to battle something else. No ones life doesn't have hurdles, this is just mine. I also tend to not view myself as bipolar, I just am this way, this is how my brain works, what can I do to work with it?

I know what I need to do to beat this, I know I can do it. I didn't always feel like that tho. It took a lot of soul searching, trying different things out, changing my thought process, being open to new ideas, and for me it took unmedicalizing myself. I found that the more I saw dr's and my t and the more I was involved in being a sick person the sicker I was. I'm not saying to not see dr's at all tho, just that it's easy to get caught up in the medical aspect of this and close the other doors. They see the same thing with cancer patients, being overly medicalized can have negative effects on our being.

I try to take it one moment at a time, If I look at it from a view seeing all the mood swings to come, they will forsurely come and I will drown in them. If I look at what is right in front of me I can swim through that. I feel like if I look at it like a sentence of suffering, I will prophasize it and it will become so. Perspective is my key to dealing with bipolar, and the other things in my life, it's not always easy, but the more I practice it the better it gets.

^^^^ that, all of that, perfectly said Anika. I just want to add to the medicalizing part... I got significantly worse, while trying to accept being 'ill' as Dr's call it. It's like I was giving bipolar my power. Since taking it back, not allowing it to define me or dictate my life, I have improved beyond what I ever imagined. Perspective really counts alot!

[faerie_moon_x]

Oddly enough.... I don't think about it unless it's effecting me. I think I've had it for so long it's just part of my personality. It doesn't bother me at all. I know that may sound weird, but it's true. I know I'm way more things even if I have an illness. But ever since my symptoms have gone through the roof I think about it more. I don't feel angry or upset that this is part of me. I know I have to be vigilant or I get out of control.... but I've known that since I was a kid, long before I knew what was going on.

What makes me frustrated is when I can't share what I'm going through with others. That people don't take it seriously. People are more likely to care if you have a cold than if you have bipolar. If I say, "I'm really not well today," I know I'll get people rolling their eyes instead of, "Take time to take care of yourself." Or even something stupid like that. I know a lot of people who say that people only say they have bipolar just for attention. That's like the biggest joke! Because no one cares if you have bipolar. If you're looking for sympathy, that's the wrong diagnosis to fake....

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

Oddly enough.... I don't think about it unless it's effecting me. I think I've had it for so long it's just part of my personality. It doesn't bother me at all. I know that may sound weird, but it's true.
.
If you're looking for sympathy, that's the wrong diagnosis to fake....

I relate to the 1st statement, and concur the 2nd.

It's definitely not an diagnosis that garners sympathy or empathy that is pretty true Darkheart.

Another one would be anorexia, well all mental illnesses. But I've noticed a trend where anorexics a lot if the time fail to have sympathy or empathy even for each other. Maybe that's the competitiveness of that illness.

[Confusedinomicon]

I just want to make a point about life experiences.

You may have had symptoms before your diagnosis but that does not mean you should discount the memory as any less fun/sad. Even if it is a sign of hypomania or chronic depression you have to take it for what it is and leave it at that. I clearly know that the few months as a child that I believe I was implanted with radio things as a child in my fingertips was some kind of hypomania/mania. I know that at 11 years old I was suicidal. I know there are points in my life that I can say I had symptoms. But they are my experiences and whether or not it truly is a symptom of bipolar matters not. It's an experience and it is as important as any other experience. Don't try to devalue your memory because your perspective is as important as everyone else.

I know my lenses are shaded by this color, bipolar. It's part of who I am, but it's not the most important part. My symptoms have reduced a lot since I've come to this understanding. I know I am ill, but I know that the illness isn't everything.

The funny thing about this is that seeing Venus on the boards actually prompted me to get to that state. Then seeing Anika and Trippin slowly drop their meds gave me confidence in this new perspective. (Although I do choose to stay medicated)

I think PC helps because people post who care and who prompt you to do better for yourself. It's not a community that rejoices in the illness, but holds onto the very real human desires we all have and doesn't devalue anyone's experience. It's also the friendliest board on PC. (I am totally biased)

[justaSeeker]

Hi Miss Laura, welcome to the PsychCentral Forums.

There is a lot of great advice within, however, advice will do you, or me, or anyone, NOT one bit of good at all. UNLESS, that is, we actually put it to use, making it a part of our 'toolbox', following good advice is just one of the many tools that we can use to manage this thing called Bipolar Disorder.

Some other tools you might use possibly medication(s), and making sure you take them as prescribed. There are also several types of psychological therapies that may be of a big help. So far I've only been involved in a Group Therapy setting, where Cognitive Behavioral Therapy was mainly used. Later this month, I get to try one-on-one with a Licensed Therapist. I don't know what type of psych therapy will be their main focus, at this time.

I think it's really important to know that what works for me, or someone else, may not necessarily work for you. In fact, it doesn't work exactly the same from one person to the next. Thats because no one's Bipolar Disorder symptoms are exactly the same. What I gain from reading about other's experiences are ideas that maybe can be adjusted and changed to fit me.

Sorry for being so lengthy/wordy, it's just the way I am when I'm in my hypomanic phase/cycle/mode.

[venusss]

Anika said it well.

I put aside the " mentally ill" and negative tones of implications of such a dx. I look at it as more of just who I am, it's just part of my human experience. Everyone has battles, so if they don't have bipolar they have to battle something else. No ones life doesn't have hurdles, this is just mine. I also tend to not view myself as bipolar, I just am this way, this is how my brain works, what can I do to work with it?

It bothers me how some bipolars idolize normal (and moreover put down "normal" people's burdens...). Thing is.... we will never be "normal". We may find peace and stability, but our previous highs and lows already changed us too. And as much as we are "unlucky" 3% or so with this diagnosis.... compared to rest of the world, we are extremelly lucky. So it's kinda moot to whine of "not fair". Bipolar sounds so much better than cholera...

I guess for me belief in reincarnation helps a lot.... I need to learn something from this. Been given this quirk for reason.

[Miss Laura]

Hey Anika,

I am and can be quite negative about my illness. I don't think I actually have a good thing to say about this illness. In my head and heart I know I have bipolar and that sometimes I can be quite ill. But then I also can not get my head around the fact that I am ill and will always have this illness plaguing me. My Support Worker has said I need to start going out and about from people who have MH problems. As I live it 24/7. I am scared cause I know people can be quite negative. My friends are great but they all work in care and MH so I am definately around it 24/7.

Hey Merlin,

I have researched quite a lot but I research bipolar and that's it. I have never researched acceptance. So I know I am going to have to do this. I have a WRAP, I keep a daily mood chart and I have been on my meds continulously now for 6 months which is a huge thing for me. I play Badminton once a week, Swimming once a week and I get emotional support from my Support Worker once a week too. In between this I also try and get out and about. I see a CPN- Community Psych Nurse once a month where I can talk about any issues I have etc. I am hoping to volunteer weekly as a youth worker for my local community centre too. So I do, do things to aid my metal wellbeing but it's learning ways to accept I just can't seem to figure out.

Hey TRNRMOM,

I get where you are coming from. We haven't got anyone in the family who has BP or any other MH issues. No-one uses drugs or alcohol. Its like its came out of nowhere. Even thinking back to my Grandparents they were "normal". My folks have spoken of their childhood's and have said they both had "normal" upbringings. We are a very small family of 9 people.

Hey BlueInanna,

I don't understand sometimes why I get manic. Sometimes I do but don't want to control it so I do nothing to stop it and then it escalates. My depression I don't understand. I don't get where it comes from. I have too questioned EVERY happy thought/time I have had. Is it real? Was it all an illusion? I just want to be "normal" and I am finding it hard to get it through my head I will never have a "normal" time. I will always have a topsy turvy time even when I am stable. That is just what life is going to be like. Do I like it NO! But I still don't understand it.

Hey Trippin,

How do I make sure I do not allow it to overtake my life though?

Hey dark night x,

I find it hard to open up to people I don't know about BP. Like I can talk to my friends and a wee bit of this goes to my family. But I find it hard telling people I am taking time out of working to recover. Like it's no-one's business what's wrong with me but cause I am so closed no-one gets a look in, into my life cause I worry people will judge me. It's stupid and I know that. But I can't take the judgement and or the looks people would give me.

[Miss Laura]

Hey confusedinomicon,

I do question my life before diagnosis and what my life has become. Were all my happy times mania and were all my sad times depression? Was I ever just ok? I do not think I would consider coming off meds. I think I would play safe and stay on meds as much as I could. Actually last night a friend's sister in law is on anti-depressants and she is now 15 weeks pregnant and we were talking about her. She said she has been told by her GP that she can stay on her meds they would not affect ehr child. She has chosen to come off altogether. I worry about if I ever decide to have kids. I personally don't want kids but you never know what the future holds. I think I would need to be medicated or something. Don't think I could fly solo until the birth.

Hey justaSeeker,

I know all about meds, therapy etc I worked in MH. I just can't use the tools I learnt while working to help me. I am struggling to understand the repercussion of having bipolar and doing the stupid things when manic/depressed. I scare myself a lot when I do these things but never seem to learn from my eperiences which I just don't get. Why is it so hard to get my thick head around all of this? I attend a Depression group every 2 weeks as there are no bipolar groups in my region. They are good for me when I am depressed but when I am manic they really can't help me, although they are getting better at noticing my little manicy quirks!

[Trippin2.0]

Hey Laura in answer to your question: I don't question my every emotion, I don't try and dx my every human experience as a fricken symptom. If I'm happy, then dammit I'm happy, and I enjoy it If I'm aggro, I just am, and hide until it dissipates. Also, I ACCEPT my moodstate, and ACCEPT that it will change soon, wether I like it or not. I don't go 'oh there's my bp again'... everybody has emotions, everybody has moodswings of some kind, why must I question EVERY feeling? Doing that got me nowhere, I was constantly second guessing myself, and struggling more than EVER. Also, I REFUSE to think of myself as 'ill', meds or no meds, that's WAY too negative for my wellbeing. Do amputees say 'oh I'm legless' no! They're disabled/ differently abled. I'm differently abled, and meds will probly be a wheelchair, or supplement to assist me. Yes, I have to watch for red flags, I have to be vigilant about triggers, but I am NOT defeated. Bipolar does NOT rule me, there is WAY more to me than bipolar.

[LadyShadow]

Originally Posted by Confusedinomicon

I just want to make a point about life experiences.

You may have had symptoms before your diagnosis but that does not mean you should discount the memory as any less fun/sad. Even if it is a sign of hypomania or chronic depression you have to take it for what it is and leave it at that.

I know my lenses are shaded by this color, bipolar. It's part of who I am, but it's not the most important part. My symptoms have reduced a lot since I've come to this understanding. I know I am ill, but I know that the illness isn't everything.

Originally Posted by Anika

Acceptance! Seriously... I think until we accept that we are who we are we will continue to struggle. I can't tell you how to do it though, but I can tell you what worked for me. Acceptance came for me just by accepting that I am who I am. I put aside the " mentally ill" and negative tones of implications of such a dx. I look at it as more of just who I am, it's just part of my human experience. Everyone has battles, so if they don't have bipolar they have to battle something else. No ones life doesn't have hurdles, this is just mine. I also tend to not view myself as bipolar, I just am this way, this is how my brain works, what can I do to work with it?

Perspective is my key to dealing with bipolar, and the other things in my life, it's not always easy, but the more I practice it the better it gets.

I agree with those two points the most. I deal with it through what my life experiences has taught me and acceptance of it all. That's how I get through it. They summed it up nicely. Thanks and I hope you find a place here, I loved reading everyone's answers

[venusss]

I do question my life before diagnosis and what my life has become. Were all my happy times mania and were all my sad times depression?

Does it matter? Everybody percieves reality THEIR way, through their previous experiences and whatnot...

unnatural? Imagine you have been on great party where you drunk a bit... will the fact you been drunk annul all the fun you had, your friends being there and you looking good? NO.

So what if you been bit manicky (or lot... manicky) during your great times. THey were great.

And you still have reasons to be sad and please don't write them all off to "depression lying to me".

Just observe yourself. appreciate your emotions. Love yourself for what you are... and value the good things about yourself and your life.........

[Trippin2.0]

Venus! You said exactly what I was struggling to articulate effectively in my 1st language

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Anika

It's definitely not an diagnosis that garners sympathy or empathy that is pretty true Darkheart.

Another one would be anorexia, well all mental illnesses. But I've noticed a trend where anorexics a lot if the time fail to have sympathy or empathy even for each other. Maybe that's the competitiveness of that illness.

Cf with migraines, another brain-based disease which is not a mental health disorder but a neurological one. I have both migraines and bipolar, and actually one of my meds, Depakote, treats both. But if I were to fake for attention, of course I would cry out "I have a migraine" - the disease easily garners sympathy of by-standers and empathy of fellow sufferers. When I was working, I once or twice excused myself with a "migraine" when I suffered from an intolerable anxiety attack and needed to go home to sleep it off.

[Trippin2.0]

Wow hamster, I also used 'migraines' for being excused from work. Idk why, but I haven't had an actual 1 in ages (not complaining) anyway, Better to lie than have a complete meltdown. In my book anyway

[Merlin]

I've stopped classifying my moods are normal vs. bipolar and consider them impairing or not impairing. If they fall in the impairing range, then I evaluate their likely cause (or causes) and act accordingly.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Wow hamster, I also used 'migraines' for being excused from work. Idk why, but I haven't had an actual 1 in ages (not complaining) anyway, Better to lie than have a complete meltdown. In my book anyway

what are so psych meds? some of them prevent migraines as a positive side effect

[Miss Laura]

Ok,

So to sum up what I have to do.....

I have to be able to accept that I am me warts and all. I also have to accept that some days are better/worse than others. Also that everyone's symptoms/experiences with Bipolar and living with Bipolar are different. I need to learn my symptoms and triggers and learn what strategies work for me to calm down, improve my mood.

I know I am reiterating what I have asked but I really thought I was accepting having Bipolar. But when my Support Worker said I wasn't and that I have to research this I am questioning myself a lot which I normally do. I have started researching. I have found people are so different in their experiences.

This can be a lengthly process too! I am worried I will never be able to accept this. What if I can't? Will I be doomed?

[bluemountains]

I have been reading with interest how everyone handles their bipolar dx. I, like Miss Laura, appreciate your input because I have a hard time accepting the diagnosis as well.
My problem is that I get very angry with it and the lifestyle changes I have to make in order to help minimize the symptoms. Of course, all of these changes would benefit anyone, but I don't like that these are necessary in order to minimize my mood swings. Exercise, socialize, no acohol, take meds correctly, visit pdoc and t regularly, and so on.
Thanks for starting the thread, Miss Laura, and good luck as you strive towards acceptance.
Bluemountains