in terms of sexual attractiveness, just how horrible is it to be fat?

Maybe it is just me .... I can't for the life of me understand why D or Charles thinks its ok to tell you that you need to exercise /lose weight/wear sexier clothes???? I mean what the Hell ??????

These are men that blow in and out of your life on no particular schedule? You obviously have more patience for there ( what I think is rude comments) comments about your weight, figure or clothing.

Your a much nicer person that I am ..

I would have told them off and removed them from my life completely.

Charles is going to be removed from my life, for other reasons. He expressed such opinions on the place of women and men in society (unequal place) that I was completely shocked. I am still in a state of shock. I do not think that I will have any trouble finding men who support gender equality. I mean, it is nice when men open the door and stuff, but on critical issues such as what kind of sexual behavior should be allowed for what gender, we ougta be equal.

Yeah I agree with morethingswrong. If they worry about your weight and how sexy you are based on there warped and shallow opinion of how people should look or dress. SO anyone who doesnt like you for who you are needs to be gone.

I have a kink for mildly thick women, like some porn stars ;P. I am not sure which level of fat we are talking about. Most men and women would prefer meat, but not fat on a person from what I gathered.

Also some people carry fat in the right places that makes them look even more appealing.

Why not lose weight? It is possible for anyone regardless of age or body type or medicine usage, but requires a lot of discipline and effort. That and exercise undeniably help with bipolar disorder,. The worst case is you will have skin left over that will need surgery, but you would need to be pretty damn big for that...

I am not sure about the whole sexy clothing. Maybe he is flirting with you and wants you to wear something sexy for him? But I don't think advice to lose weight is bad at all. I just don't get it. Everyone should try to be fit.

I am so glad I have you guys. I agree with you. I will take G, who so far has said only one thing in regards to all that: "I noticed that you had no food in the fridge, and since you have a history of anorexia, I am afraid that it is not a healthy sign. You are at a great point now, neither too big nor too small, but I just noticed that there was no food".

Since I clearly lack and need to start developing sane criteria by which to judge men, I will start by measuring them by how they deal with my figure.

that is counterfactual

Are you saying that Lithium makes you require more calories than you can burn? How is that? Even if meds slow down your metabolic rate, you could still eat healthy, be full, not starve, and lose fat. I gained 40lbs on Lyrica due to increased appetite but increased appetite does not mean you would feel like you're starving when creating 200-300 calorie deficit. There are plenty of low calorie yet stomach filling foods out there to help with increased appetite.

Lithium is OK, I was size 6 on Lithium. I carry excess weight after Depakote and Zyprexa. I will be fine in the end, with biking and Topamax, but your statement is counterfactual because tons of people struggle while being on medications such as Zyprexa and the calorie in / calorie out does not explain everything. That is why people struggle. I personally have no appetite (I eat because I do not want to die), but I still carry excess weight and it is going to take a while. I polled people on this forum on what is the worst side effect of psychiatric medications, and the answer, with tons of respondents, was very clear-cut - weight gain. If things were as easy as you paint them to be, the results of my poll would have been different. Plus, and any endocrinologist would tell you that, weight loss gets harder as we age because our metabolism slows down, so your optimistic statement "regardless of age" is just that - counterfactual. You need evidence before you get into discussions.

Go read "The Fat Nutritionist" blog - she has lots of links to articles that disprove your approach in a scientific, evidence-based way.

Health At Every Size literature is also a good read.

Will do. I love research. Sometmes weight gain occurs due to water retention and increased creatinine levels (like with Lyrica). Weight and fat are not always the same. But you could be right because I use stimulants like Nuvigil and I am also prescribed testosterone, which sheds fat and builds muscle better than anything out there.

AP's like zyprexa cause metobolic disorders... When I took zyprexa I gained 20 lbs in 2weeks on a diet of 500- 800 calories a day. Not bad for an anorexic maybe, but I am also pretty active daily. It's really not all colories in calories out with those meds all the time.

And, some after-shocks of them, or the age effect, or something else. Currently, I barely eat, I commute by bike, I swim, and my weight has plateaud. If calories in calories out were true I would be losing weight but I am at a stable weight. Granted, I might be losing fat and gaining muscle mass - I do not have an expensive "smart" scale to tell me if I am - but still, the point remains.

The measuring tape has arrived. Need to start recording the measurements. All measurements or just the waistline?

Upper arms, chest, waist, thighs, bum... I guess anywhere that you want to keep track of. Or just the waist.. doesn't matter too much, because hopefully you will know when you are happy with your body. Just don't let the measuring or weighing get in the way of appreciating your body always.

Sometimes when we are working really hard towards something it is nice to have measurable results. I think that's fine as long as long as we keep them in perspective.

Different cultures, different countries, different times, yada, yada, all have different standards of beauty. I agree, the anorexic standard for women that we see in all media these days is screwed up. However, over the years, (40 of them), I've been fat (50 lbs. overweight) and I've been normal weight (height/weight proportional), and I've been 10 lbs. underweight. I'll cut to the chase on this. Personally I cannot be "fat and happy". I'm miserable when I am overweight. Miserable health-wise, wardrobe-wise, and sex wise. I will not address your romance issues, just your questions about weight. And that's only IMO. I'm sure there are others just as valid.

I am miserable sex-wise, but apparently that comes from my being on Topamax. Wardrobe-wise, yes, it pays to be normal weight.

That completely solved the problem. A pair of some kind of "shapewear" shorts. At Ross. For $10 or so. And they even feel nice - they have a nice silky touch to them. I got one pair in black. Now I will just buy another pair in nude and be happy for the rest of my life .

THANKS!!!