Content to be alone???

I've never had a true friend and i'm 26 yrs old. In high school the friends i had were mean and shallow, after high school i isolated for 5yrs drinking myself to death. I got sober, started making some friends at AA then i met my ex and through alll that out the window and spent the last 4yrs rapped up in him, now im back at AA and I'm trying to make new friends, i never stay after the meeting to talk though, i'd rather go home and do something fun by myself. i know that sounds horrible but thats how i feel. I do want close friends though, I'm really lonely in life. i just dont really know how to have a friend, i know i sound like a huge weirdo, i dunno i guess i'm just used to being a loner. Can anyone else relate????

Yes, absolutely. I recently counted up for someone that at age 66 I can now count a total of five good friends. I've worked very hard for that total.

Friends--real friends--are the hardest kind of people to find and develop and nurture in all of life. They are also also one of the most rewarding. Every other kind of relationship is better if that person is also a friend.

I never had more than a superficial friend until I was in college. Our experiences aren't that different up to that point. So, no, I don't think you're weird--maybe a little slower than others to develop but I turned out okay (I think). I've had a pretty terrific life and some wonderful friend,s so just hang in there, keep working, it's worth it!

Roadie

I don't have anyone I can truly call a friend. I have started working on developing closer relationships with my family. I isolated myself from them for years. I have lots of aquaintances. I find it hard to talk to people, even though I am an awesome person. I am getting better though. It takes practice. Sometimes you have to push yourself to a place where it is vulnerable. Feel the fear and walk through it, again and again.

Yep, like Roadie says, hang in there & keep working on it. I go to an Alanon that's at night, was thinking of changing to a morning one where I'd be more likely to stay and get to know the folks better. Are your meetings at times that are good for you to hang out after? I like my alone time too

Not a weirdo, i'm kinda the opposite tho. Always had loads of friends from the get go, I'll be 28 tomorrow (Wednesday) and now have none... I isolated heavily last year, cut off the few (3) close friends I did have. They seemed way too self-absorbed and ill-equipped to be my friends any longer. Add that to the fact that to them fun = alcohol, and I was not impressed. I don't have problems with alcohol, but I don't want to see it every weekend either. Thats just boring and unhealthy. Saw them this weekend, by chance, and enjoyed their company, but I don't think I changed my mind, I mean I haven't gone back have I? I'm not a complete loner tho, I hang out with my brother and sister sometimes (who can let loose without a glass inhand) and for me thats enough. Nope, I don't have anybody to call when the proverbial s.h.i.t hits the fan, that would be über - nice, but I'm used to dealing on my own anyway... You're not weird, keep at it, try, try, try and you WILL succeed

I like all the responses. I'll add that when it comes to AA and Al Anon meetings, I always try to go early and stay late! My "rule" is I must talk casually to one person after each meeting. Something sounding so simple can be huge tho'. Move a muscle, make an action.

I don't recommend lots of isolation...it's never been very good for me. imo, of course.

I get on with most people on a superficial level. Then I have 1 or 2 REALLY close friends, that I tend to latch on to for dear life

I don't reckon you are a huge weirdo because of what you are saying here...if you are? then that makes me one as well and I'm already a huge weirdo because of other things and being twice a huge weirdo just can't be fair

people make me nervous....I get exhausted around them I be friendly and respectful and go about my thing...sometimes I sit there at night and think "oh crap man!!....bit lonely here!"....but I do really like my own space even though I drive 'me' nuts sometimes need to slap meself...aaaah! and poke in the eye....aaah! again

over 95% of my memories only really have me in them, it doesn't mean the other 5% weren't special...and it could be just a phase and eventually get comfortable to share myself more...maybe you too? ...thing is though, I'm content to cruise along by myself, have a couple of contacts but generally stay the loner.

there is something satisfying I reckon....for a person to be independant and not be insecure cos they are by themselves....I aim to keep getting more confident about it

it's not worth it just to be around people for fear that you're a huge weirdo if ya don't because some folks just aint any good for you anyway....it's ok

not a huge weirdo nope!

[QUOTE=dubblemonkey;2476217]I don't reckon you are a huge weirdo because of what you are saying here...if you are? then that makes me one as well and I'm already a huge weirdo because of other things and being twice a huge weirdo just can't be fair

people make me nervous....I get exhausted around them I be friendly and respectful and go about my thing...sometimes I sit there at night and think "oh crap man!!....bit lonely here!"....but I do really like my own space even though I drive 'me' nuts sometimes need to slap meself...aaaah! and poke in the eye....aaah! again


I feel the same way, im really on edge when im around poeple i dont know, even sometimes when im around poeple i do know, sometimes i try to have a conversation and it goes pretty well but it is hard work trying to not seem wierd and respond in the right way. when i walk away from meetings and get in my car i always let out a huge sigh like i just went to gym and have no more energy left. and then like you i get home and im like crap i shouldve talked to more poeple cuz now im really lonley! and i drive myself nuts too, thinking and putting myself down, having pity parties. thanks for everything you said, it really did make me feel a little less alone, now i know someone out there feels like i do, if your a wierdo im happy to be one too

I agree making friends if hard work, but then again all relationships are hard work i guess, thanks for your encouraging words, i'll keep working at it

I have tried to have friends but I was too needy at times. I was too much a people pleaser. I have know I am loner even though it took me a long time to accept it. My trust has been affected so that I minimize the hurt by being a loner. Just imagine, my best friend was a pet bird who had trust issues too. So, I understand.

Thanks for your kind words guys!-i am making some progress actually, i now have 3 poeple from AA that i feel comfertable calling if i need to talk. i guess i just needed to find poeple that are actually good poeple, that would make good friends, these girls seem really nice and they care about how i'm doing and i care about them too. AA meetings still make me really nervous but im coming to find that most poeple dont want to hurt you, most poeple are alright. im thinking of planning a get together at my house so i can get to know some of the poeple in AA better. you guys are right if i keep trying and putting forth effort theres no reason why i cant meet poeple and form some great relationships.

i do have trust issues, but im gonna put myself out there again, if your happy on you own then thats great, but if your lonely try try again, im right there with you

AphroDemeter: Yes, I do not like being vulnerable. I do not know if it's because the person I would be vulnerable with is expected to reciprocate or they get uncomfortable hearing such vulnerability. Sometimes, being vulnerable does not mean I need advice but that I just needed to vent. I called it being emotionally naked.

I have a cousin whose wife always said that her husband "just used up all his niceness" at times; that's why he was never very friendly.

I think her message to all is that to be friendly we have to avoid "using up all our niceness". That makes for better friendships. And, yes, it's great to be alone sometimes. I treasure my time alone, and I hope you do, too.

Remember, "stay with your niceness" when you want to be around folks!

Good wishes,

Genetic

I have a ton of acquaintances and few friends. Few friends for various reasons most of which can fall under my being a moody arse.

I never even used to have friends or even acquaintances. I wasn't well liked.

When it comes to being a person someone wants to be friends with, think about the qualities of the people you want to be friends with, what is it about them that you could learn from? Learn it!

My 4 sisters are my best friends. I have a goal to actually go to different support meetings so I can try to meet new people. I tend to isolate and need to push myself to meet others.

I have always 'gotten away' with having no real friends by saying my 4 sisters are my friends. While it's true that they are my friends, I have realized that doesn't absolve me of Making friends outside the family.
I've just started working on this and I feel so good when I've at least tried. There is so much knowledge and experiences out there and I have missed out on it because of my isolating. I don't know when I will find a friend, it may take years, but I'm trying and that's all we can do.

No... even though i have a good hubby he is not a talker and works 6-7 days a week, sometimes he is asleep 2 hrs after he gets home. It's lonesome and it's not for a lack of trying. We used to get to gether with friends in the 90's and no one was preoccupied with their phones or computers, now no one has time. Even those retired since the 90's.
I'm not comfortable with more than a few but i love to laugh and have fun, talk about anything but this stuff we are here for. People just stay to themselves around here now.
You would think at my age it would be different. Even people online as much as i know they are because i am, are not socializing obviously. Yet can't get anyone to even chat on skype or tinychat. Not even my own sister 700 miles away? Its not healthy, but i will not give into it!
HUGS***