Close call last night

Trigger warning about self-injury, the word satan, blood, etc.

I am home from the ER, my 16 yr old son has bpI. He has been refusing his meds - lithium and xanax. He left and didn't come home last night. He called me at 2:30am wasted on alcohol. I went to town to pick him up. He had 2 new homeless friends to bring home, I said no. He came home with me and got into it with his sister, she's 18, he wanted her cigarettes, she didnt have any. On the car ride home he was screaming about satan is me, satan is lord. He's never gone on a satan trip before. Then at home, he began his destruction of the walls and doors, then he got a knife cut up his arms, the outsides, 39 lateral cuts on one arm, I counted them while he slept in the ER. He threatened me and my other 2 children with the knife. I tried to talk him down, called police when he wasn't looking. There was blood everywhere, he was smearing it on the walls and smearing it on me, telling me something for me to remember of him for after he's gone.

As soon as he was in the cop car, he was crying and apologizing. He hugged me when he left the ER tonight to get transferred to the nearest childrens BHU, which is an hour away. But he's very mad at me for calling the police, was calling me names like I'm a stupid *****, *****. And this is I think the 6th hospitalization in the past year. It is one nightmare after the other.
I don't know how we're going to make it through this. I don't know how I've made it through the past 5 years of this sickness with him, along with my own sickness. I should feel lucky we're alive today, but I'm not, I am exhausted.

I refuse to let cps take him like they wanted to last time I called police. They will throw him in some group home where he will not get adequate medical care and supervision. I do have some fight in me left.

BlueInanna, you're going to have to do something that will keep him out of your home for the sake of your children remaining. Isn't there some kind of in-house treatment for him that will give him some understanding of what he must do to contain himself to be able to come back and live with you and the others in your home?

You're fortunate that you and your other two youngsters weren't seriously physically injured. I know the psychological pain is almost as bad for you, but, lady, you have more than your share to deal with this happening to your son.

Please talk to an attorney if you can't get positive help from the unit he is in now
that will enable him to go through at least 3 months of instruction, medications, and
psychotherapy. I don't see how you can permit him back into your home as the
situation is now. Then, I guess you'll need to explain to your son that it is for his safety
and that your attorney has insisted that those steps be taken to insure his remission.

I know that it must be a real nightmare right now, but he can be made better with the
right medical, educational, and understanding of how this illness is affecting him and
what his responsibility is for his well-being.

I'll be thinking of you and hoping for the very best for all of you as you go through this.

Did you get any sleep at all last night? How are the girls holding up? I might ask how
they feel about their brother's coming back any time soon.

I hope today will be a better one for you.

Take care.

Please look into a treatment center while you get your other children comfortable with his return.

Blue

Im so sorry you have to deal with this .. I'm kinda of in a brain blizzard... will PM you later

Know I am here for you

Oh Blue..... Damnit. I completely understand not wanting to place him outside of your home. I mean... your his mom, right? The one who keeps him safe and sound. Ugh... it must feel impossible right now for you. Double Ugh!

can you use the cuts on his arm as a reason that will resonate with him that he should be taking his meds? Tell him how proud he would make you if he would just take them. That's the fight, Blue, is getting him on them. '

My heart goes out to you and your family. Take care of yourself Blue... you have needs too. Don't neglect them for too long... promise????

Please take a video of the cuts to show to him when he is in a calmer state and the cuts have healed. When I was in ICU post-suicide attempt, on ventilator, my then husband regretted not having taken a video - it would have been very educational to show to me afterwards, because otherwise this experience is not reality. It is not exactly the same situation, but close enough.

So when he does take the meds, they help? Does he have a reason for refusing them or is it irrational?

Hugs to you! It must be horribly difficult!

So how is it going now? Did he scare himself enough to start taking his meds? I hope so.

Blue I can only imagine how hard and terrifying this must be for you!

I agree you need help with him. He's not a little boy anymore. 16 years old and non-compliant and dangerous unfortunately. I'm guessing you live in the US so I'm guessing it won't be easy to find help. There has to be something other than CPS.

I also agree with Hamster, being in that state it's like being outside yourself. Like in a dream world. Maybe taking pictures or videos will remind him when he's in a better state of mind.

good ideas, thank you. and i really appreciate the support. i don't have anyone to talk to in rl, other than pdocs and t's. i have this boyfriend, finally told him this morning. we don't live together, he came by because i've been "missing" (ignoring maybe) his calls. and he was pressing with asking where older son is, so i told him minimal details... but he's pretty much unsupportive, just said "oh what did he go all manic?" yea what a jerk, i know. anyway, my son is doing well, we had a long visit last night. he's newly on probation, so i spoke with the officer and she is going to talk to my son and tell him he's court mandated to take the meds, and to not drink or do drugs, be home by curfew, etc. And yes, when he takes the meds, he doesn't have episodes. so they're pretty necessary right now. thanks guys, it means so much to me that you're here for me, even when i know you've all got stuff going on too. thanks.

oohhhh... let us know as soon as he starts on them! We'll start a celebratory thread for that!

I'm So sorry Blue
I hope your son is okay and has a break through after this scary day.

I am so glad to hear that meds help him not have episodes. I know it is hard to make him take the meds, but the situation would have been hopeless if the meds did not help. I hope the court order is effective.

Im so sorry your going through all this. Try to stay strong. When i was really sick before i started taking my meds, i was really awful to my mom, but she..like you..stayed strong and commited me to the hospital if i needed to go and today I am doing great and i will be forever grateful to my mom for saving my life..which is what your doing for your son now. Keep doing what your doing, one day your son will get better and he will never forget how you saved his life, untill then listen to your gut do what you think needs to be done to keep him safe, i wish you all the best.