I could just be paranoid...

It sucks! I'm really good at remembering numbers so someone just has to show me account information once or twice & I memorize it. And as for physical stealing? I've LITERALLY been doing it since I was 3. It may or may not correlate with having always been poor, in which case I try to tell people that I'm "making great strides in taking initiative to get the things I want"!! LMFAO people don't find it as entertaining though. *pouts*

That is weird! I don't remember the precise numbers but, my husband is the same way but, opposite. His verbal IQ is in the slightly above average ranges but his non-verbal? Puts him well above that.

He's a "weirdo" too, very emotional, bipolar with rapid cycling male I keep reading the rapid cycling is more common with women.

Off topic though...

Great job on not stealing Shay! Once, when I was 15 during a moment of driven madness, I stole a bunch of clothing from a store, and accessories from a few others. A few weeks later, when the madness subsided, and I was no longer impressed by my genius, I ended up giving them all away. Looking back I'm sure I was hypomanic. Since then, tho, I'm proud to say that I've convinced myself that being good at lying in stealing is not a reason for to do it, but... I learned the hard way that too much honesty is just as damaging as lying.
Uhm, sorry, didn't mean to hijack or derail.

ps. Hope Mike's kids aren't driving him nuts I miss his posts.

Your remark implies a rational mind. I have repeatedly sacrificed my well-being, from small things to the suicide attempt.

Yes, that is the precise opposite of me.

I have just been through a similar experience but reacted differently. I hate to be self-righteous, and I too have shoplifted in very small quantities repeatedly and might do it again, so I am by no means a saint, but I do want to give you feedback and offer an alternative way to behave. Then you choose what to do with it.

I have posted a thread today on something that makes me sad and afraid. I will not provide a pointer to the thread because I do not want to put the other person on the spot. In general terms, I described problem A and mentioned explicitly that I do not have problem B. In response, I get a long lecture on how to deal with problem B. (I find the lecture pretty condescending, btw). And good wishes.

I did not, in response, point the place in my admittedly long post where I say that I do not have problem B. I did not say that the poster does not take the time to read and rushes to post without noticing critically important information. I was annoyed, but I saw that the person was well-meaning. I acknowledged it. So I just stated that I do not have problem B and explained what helps me not to have it.

I feel that Moodcycles was well-meaning and even if she was not spot on, did not deserve your response.

Trippin: You didn't hijack or derail! I'm usually in that state of "mad genius" but since moving to this ****ed up little island? I've had to be more careful.
Pretty much everyone here illegally owns guns. Up in the states? If you piss someone off, they'll either call the cops (big ****ing deal, since they can't prove anything) or they'll yell at you/threaten to kick your *** (yet again, big ****ing deal). So it was easier to be careless...
I suppose without the outlet of being able to act out, my sense of self-preservation backslid to where I acted out in the only place I know is safe: my home. While it's monumentally retarded, I now recognize my error. The only problem now is finding a new outlet.
And yes, too much honesty is equally damaging as lying. Which is why I partake in both.

h-b: My verbal IQ is only marginally higher than my non-verbal. I was really good at the puzzles & mathematical ****, myself. Granted, I haven't taken an IQ test since 4th grade. I'd like to again, but only once I regain the intellectual finesse I used to have back before the deterioration began.
Ehhhhhh I wasn't being self-righteous. This person may not know me, but the notion is ridiculous to confuse self-awareness with incorrectness. Because trust me -- I have convinced myself out of recognizing my problems too many times to count. I don't even think of them as problems, except for through the perspectives of other people.
But I'm not an idiot. And there is only so long you can delude yourself before you can't ignore a very clear pattern. And I have enough delusions as it is; I don't need to entertain any more... Though that isn't to say that I'm by no means a severe case seeing as I have a great deal of perspective on myself.

So how is it going? Do you continue or did you listen to cocoabeans' advice and stopped? If you continue, is your bf noticing? What is his reaction?

Unrelatedly: how is your neuropsych assessment to become public knowledge available to the FBI? The doctor is mandated to report danger to self and/or others; ASPD is not such. Am I wrong?

Cuz they're the FBI man!! LOL they find out everything!! No, I have no clue personally just thought it'd be fun to say, Cuz they're the FBI man!!

(Long-*** stressful day, sorry I'm dancing all over the place, going to see the bf and hopefully get sex!!)

Hope you are doing better Shay.

I hope for you too!

Well... He hasn't noticed anything yet. Every day has really been blurring together, but that's probably thanks to my migraines that have been coming in from my wisdom teeth. Uhmmm... IDK why my impulsiveness just kicks into overdrive every few weeks. I kinda stole money... And have been making life generally difficult for everyone but me. But in my defense, I made sure to behave on his birthday! Idk. It's just such a ****ing chore. And I'm so bored. But I suppose another good thing is that I've called the local university that has the graduate students doing therapy services for the public. They said to call once the hurricane passes, when the offices will be open again... I'm still apprehensive. I don't mind my mind being dug into or anything. I just don't want someone unexperienced doing it because it feels demoralizing. So hopefully I won't have a bad experience.

Oh & ASPD stays on your record if they profile you as likely to commit crimes. You can get harsher sentences because "you are fully aware of your actions, with no remorse, & are unlikely to recover". ********... But whatever! Maybe it will act as a deterrent? Hopefully? Maybe? Haha.

ASPD on your record - that is tough. I would probably avoid being dx'd then.
I, too, am going to see a supervised intern on Wed for therapy and see how I like him or her. I have had so much bad experience with ladies and gentlemen with 35 years of experience that I am *completely* open to someone young and fresh and without overblown ego.

I'm still torn. If I could get my mania under control, or at least form more healthy ways of channelling my energy, I wouldn't really mind. THAT'S the dangerous **** for me. Having the energy & motivation to give a **** long enough to fulfill my desires. So, I suppose I'll figure that out once I feel out the situation. I'm torn about the ego thing... Not sure if it would be helpful or problematic to have another strong personality, sure of themselves, to bounce off of. *shrug* I'll find out when I get there! I'm not even a bit anxious anymore, really. That was just the over-stimulation creating massive anxieties. I'm doing the same **** but I no longer feel like I'm a threat to my security or wellbeing. ****ing bipolar, lol. "Rollercoaster" barely covers it.

But what if you need meds for mania? You can have bp dx without being profiled, right? A regular p-doc treating you for bp would not necessarily give you ASPD especially if you are being courteous and pay on time, which I am sure you will do.

Ugh, I really dread the idea of being medicated. I'm looking to exhaust every single other option in favour of being on medication. For the most part? I have a great deal of control. Even in hypomania or to the depths of deep depression, I have full control of my behaviour. But it's just for those days or weeks of mania that my grip is no longer there. Oh & I won't be paying for anything... The sessions are free! Which is comforting because I probably won't qualify for government insurance, so it's nice to have something to tide me over until I can afford actual insurance. I found a few psychotherapists, specifically CBT, with experience but they are pricey for my budget. $50 & $70. I'd really like not to have to pay... But if this doesn't pan out, at least I have options. And both of them have working experience with all of my concerns.