How does one forgive themselves?

- I look at the things I have done. One by one as they pop up in my head.
- I look at them as if someone else had done them. I keep a person in mind and I judge them as if they had done it
- I find it would be easy to forgive the other person of the things
- I convince myself that I am not less than the other person. That I am just as good as them and that I deserve it too

I find that this helps. Really helps me. I have developed processes like this throughout my life that I use to cope with things.

hope this helps

What is the other person disgusts me with her actions?

remind myself everyone F***s up and I'm not better then everyone. It's really hard for me because I'm a perfectionist.

Rationally, you are a human, making a mistake, that's what we do. We **** up, forgive ourselves, learn, grow, evolve, repeat.

There are serious physical and mental consequences for not forgiving yourself. (I have no idea what you did or how bad it was - if others were hurt, you make amends). But not fogiving yourself can lead to hating yourself, hating your life, hurting yourself, and so on, false beliefs about yourself that hinder your growth and healing, can really make you go crazy. If you want to be truly healthy, you need to know there's no room for hate in your body, and that at some point you must forgive yourself.

That's how I rationalize it, even if i've disgusted myself, forgiveness of self is something that must be done.

As for how I go about is through positive self talk like Dan is saying, or through meditation which becomes becomes metaphysical and spiritual for me where I smash false beliefs and so on.

this is where a person might arrive at the limits of personal fear.

the 'unstruggling' just dont arrive there. ....!

what am I capable of?....what am I gonna do even though I don't want to do it?

I have done things said things mistreated people been evil it makes me sweat hot and bad beyond sad blew the chances I had.

I forgave myself while dripping blood all over myself.
I forgave myself when I kept the knife
I forgave myself when I picked fights I couldn't possibly win
I forgave myself in handcuffs
I forgave myself strapped to hospital beds

I punished myself...thats how I forgave myself...I beat the world to it....so I thought?

with mental illness....sometimes things don't go right at all

and it just makes us stronger...deeper

"it's a damn good question!"....thanks

there are things I legitimately cannot let myself 'off' from...they are just too bad.

so ...?

it's ok to be unforgiven as long as you can handle it

But if someone else had done it you could come to forgive them in time. IDK.... I guess if you couldn't forgive someone else of it then that's a good start to work on.

"Off", think about it for a minute............................ok long enough. If you have forgiven others, then don't you think you have been forgiven? If someone doesn't forgive you for something, then how do you perceive that person as an individual? Probably not good right? Some where someone has forgiven you and so you also have to forgive yourself.....just as you forgive others. It's the same concept. Same steps. It's one of the hardest things to do in the whole world, (except for an abstract, intellectual, rational person), but we would all die by our own hands if we didn't do it.

i came across a definition for forgiveness that gets rid of all the religious connotation and just makes it plain and simple and workable.

forgiveness it making things as right as possible. so by looking at how to make things "as right as possible" it gives you the answer of how to work toward forgiveness.

good point!

and yet...'

it's as you say...'instant'...most often to forgive others.

and I really don't want to unshine you WNT...because I respect you.

the thing is...forgiveness is in my heart but i have behaved opposite to this my whole life....saying it acting it but not proving it....

I was exposed to blame really too soon for me and ever since all I seem to be expert at is finding fault in the world around me.

I say "no worries man"....but it's just a bad habit.

I forgive no-one for anything they might or might not do...

meanwhile...it's very lonely

I'm 'dubbled' up as usual blame me for blaming them

For me forgivness of oneself and acceptance go hand in hand cannot have one with out the other. I accept what I have done, accept the concequenses, accept the lesson, accept that I have faults, and accept the repsonsibility to change the actions that caused the problem.

After that I can accept the choice to let it go and move forward. Maybe if I choose not to fogive myself, I won't learn the lessons, I won't grow, and maybe I wont accept what I have done, or responsibility, and have to repeat all over again. Except with more and more resentment towards myself each time .

Thats just my thought on it. I think this would all be in line with being authentic.Seeing the truth of yourself for what it is and accepting it, not excusing it.

But then again I think forgiving others is something I do for myself, not them. They may never even have known I did or that there was a problem. I would be the one feeling the anger,bitterness, or resentment, they might not be . And I can forgive them, but that does nothing to heal them really, they would have to fogive themselves and others to heal their own feelings. My forgiveness of others might only serve as a doorway for them to forgive their own self, and vice versa.

No disrespect taken "Dubble". I love constructive critisim. It builds character. So, let's look at it in a different light. If we could forget, would it not be easier to forgive.......or would not remembering even need forgiveness? That's the problem. We can't forget, and with the dysfunctional brain cells we have, it is even harder to forgive with the intense thoughts that are brought to the surface because of a trigger. Ok....so the forgive and forget crap is out the window....not gonna happen. It's' not that we can forgive so much as we need to not react when presented with the situation that we were supposed to forgive for in the first place. Everyday is 10% of what happens to us and 90% of how we react to it. So, the truth, we never really forgive.........we just don't react in a manner that shows we remember. Hope this makes sense to everyone.

Awesome insight "Anika". And your dead on with the accepting responsibility. That's something the majority of people can't do.

I don't think it so much matters what we show on the outside James. Those are all learned responses and don't matter half as much as what's on the inside. You said you have it in your heart but don't show it. Good! It's what's inside that makes you, you. not what you choose or don't choose to show the world!