[Trippin2.0]

ALL my pants are too BIG! ALL falling off! I just went up a dress size, I was finally 'normal' small woman size. FK FK FK FML! cant stob sobbing... I FKN HATE LOOKING LIKE I'M ALLERGIC TO FOOD, I WANT TO LOOK LIKE A GOD DAMN WOMAN! ytf is that too much to ask FML really fk it! Why is this happening to meeee...

[Trippin2.0]

Overwhelming sadness... Grieving the body I'll obviously never have, was never meant to have. Nobody gets how weight loss instantly kills my self-esteem and simultaneously breaks my heart... Nobody

huggs trippin

you'll be fine- i think you should find something that can calm you down a little

[Anika.]

Aww Trippin, know how you feel.

Have you been being more active, not eating enough, or just loosing for no apparent reason?

I know how it feels to not feel like a women, child size forever. You are still beautiful and plenty womanly.... just gotta see it yourself.

I am gonna start thinking of myself of as a women with fair qualities, maybe even fairy qualities, Maybe small but still beautiful, maybe look frail, but so very strong. Feel like there are misnomers attached to my size, but I'll just try to work with it.

I remember at my last job, everyone would always try to "help" me, thought I was too small to reach, to small to lift, too small for this for that. Finally I had to tell them to stop, because it made me feel incapable.

No I think I do get it. I got it too, not got the womanly curves, chest, butt, hips, legs.... yeah know all about that. Got the ed and the hate of being small all at the same time, if that ain't a messy confusion... don't know what is.

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

ALL my pants are too BIG! ALL falling off! I just went up a dress size, I was finally 'normal' small woman size. FK FK FK FML! cant stob sobbing... I FKN HATE LOOKING LIKE I'M ALLERGIC TO FOOD, I WANT TO LOOK LIKE A GOD DAMN WOMAN! ytf is that too much to ask FML really fk it! Why is this happening to meeee...

I wish I could help you, Trippin! I have the oposite problem, so I see all the ugliness is me the other way, and also have the bad self-esteem. Body image... blah! I hate the media for making us all believe only certain women are beautiful!

I bet you're a beautiful woman! Just because you are shapped different doesn't mean you're not beautiful. Don't let the media or the pants sizes tell you different! I think you're awesome, no matter what size you may be. You could be the size of a finger nail, you'd still be awesome to me!

[faerie_moon_x]

PS: Anika is right, you probably are like a fairy. You and Anika get to be the fairies (I love fairies!) And I can be the toadstool.

[Anika.]

She is A very beautiful women!!! Trippin, you are gorgeous, I told you before..I'll tell you again! Where is it coming from...... me it is def media, in your face all the freaking time. You are a women, you look like a women, just gotta learn how to feel it. Me too.

You even "Roar"... like a woman. You gave birth like a woman.... your body is all woman, and so is mine.

[Anika.]

Dark, you are not a toadstool... unless that is what you want to be, well than you can. I hate this body image crap I do, I really really do. We are robbed of a right to feel good in our skin, our bodies, our only vessel.

Dark I do in fact KNOW, that you are a beautiful women!

[Trippin2.0]

No reason for the weight loss.last week my clothes fit, this week they dont. Its not the media. Its me and family, and everyone around me. Out of 3 sisters and 4 grown nieces, I'm the only one who looks like a fkn lollipop! Everyone familiar or strange thinks its ok to comment on how food must be my biggest fear!!! I cant feel beautiful stuck like this. Idk how... My 12y.o niece weighs more than me... Whats the point in eating. May as well starve to death, then I have reason to look like THIS!

[Trippin2.0]

Tinkerbell has bigger boobs than me...

[faerie_moon_x]

Yeah!

What does a woman look like? She looks like Trippin. She looks like Anika. She looks like X. She looks like Hamster. She looks like Blue and Blue too (since we have 2 blues around here. ) She looks like BipolarNurse. She looks like genetic. She looks like cocoabeans. And the list goes on to however millions and billions of women exist in this world! What does a woman looks like? She looks like herself!

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Tinkerbell has bigger boobs than me...

Tinkerbell had plastic surgery.

[Anika.]

Ahhh trippin, I get it I do... think I don't get the comments from family.. strangers.. who ever feels entitled. It IS frustrating. I have been trying to maintain a healthy weight and not starve, but I am still below, but think everyone still doesn't think it's a problem. Not that everyone knew in the first place. I will forever be trying to prove I am doing better with food.

My daughter right now is 12, she is tiny, she is almost 5 feet, but she is only about 70 lbs or so, the kids eats, she eats a lot and healthy, but she doesn't grow, she had been called anorexic, told to eat a sanwhich you name it, it's very freaking sad. I have been trying to work with her on body image, and got her into a girls group for self esteem building.

Boils down to people are stupid sometimes, they open their mouths and let whatever crap flow out, never thinking, and often wrong. Do they have these so called perfect bodies, what ever that is?

Well tinkerbell has bigger boobs than me too, and hips. But she can be kinda annoying anyhow. Gotta find a way to love your body Trippin.

[Anika.]

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

Yeah!

What does a woman look like? She looks like Trippin. She looks like Anika. She looks like X. She looks like Hamster. She looks like Blue and Blue too (since we have 2 blues around here. ) She looks like BipolarNurse. She looks like genetic. She looks like cocoabeans. And the list goes on to however millions and billions of women exist in this world! What does a woman looks like? She looks like herself!

Exactly that !!!

Same for men, I know they go through this too, think they are not man enough cause they don't have a chiseled face and abs, what about the short men, they probably feel awful. My bf has these same ideas about himself.

[Trippin2.0]

Feels like I stood last in line for everything the genetic provider was dishing out... Dont think I even heard when he yelled 'boobs'... Feel like I failed myself. And I give up. I do. I'm tired, its been 8 LONG years, trying EVERYTHING. I'm done. I am.

[Anika.]

What would you tell me to do about this Trippin? Probably not to give up, to embrace myself. I know it's hard, but feeling like crap forever about your self is harder. Letting go of some idea we have about what we should be is hard too, but it doesn't belong.

Look at me, I am still considering a boob job, I even have the financial part lined up, only thing holding me back right now is that I cannot decided which is the right choice. I not only have no chest, but I feel it is deformed from pregnancies and nursing. I am almost willing to under go the knife, which is dangerous alone, to have bags of stuff that can be dangerous stuffed into my body. That is actually pretty sad, that I feel like this, it's not healthy. Which is why I am still trying to decide what to do. If it was not for the deformed feeling I could be past this already, but that one is holding me down. And they are not deformed, it is all in my freaking head.

Just know trippin, that you are not alone in feeling this way, tons and tons of women across the globe feel it too, somehow there has to be a way past it. It serves no benefit to us at all.

How did you fail yourself, by letting your body naturally grow to what it is supposed to be?

[Trippin2.0]

I failed bcoz nothing I've tried has worked... Eating plans, supplements, body building milkshakes, pills, birth control, I cant even think of what else. Tried loving myself as is, self-help, even some therapy, I finally accepted that I will never feel whole. Nothing has worked. I'd have a boob job in a heartbeat. Its my longterm financial goal. I want it more than I want my own place to live, or a car of my own. I dont care about risks... What am to do except give up and feel crap?

[Trippin2.0]

I hate how I look. I loath it... And 5kg can change that, but its too much to ask... I never want to see food again. Honest. I hate food, and how my body does not respond to it. I hate how people think I'm scared of it. I hate food, and I hate my body. Damn it all, I really do give up, I'm sick and tired of trying to not feel crap, I'm tired and hurt that none of my efforts paid off. I want to stay in my dark room with the music blairing forever cos I don want people to see me. Summer's nearly here.

[Trippin2.0]

I cant wear v-necks, tank tops, tube tops, swimming suits... I'm deformed. I feel less than

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I hate how I look. I loath it... And 5kg can change that, but its too much to ask... I never want to see food again. Honest. I hate food, and how my body does not respond to it. I hate how people think I'm scared of it. I hate food, and I hate my body. Damn it all, I really do give up, I'm sick and tired of trying to not feel crap, I'm tired and hurt that none of my efforts paid off. I want to stay in my dark room with the music blairing forever cos I don want people to see me. Summer's nearly here.

You are beautiful even if you can't see it with your own eyes.

[Anika.]

You are not deformed. You can wear v-necks, tube tops, swimming suits, you can.

If you really want to there are ways around a boob job, maybe this is not my best advice, but it did help me feel better, there are silicone inserts you can buy, they are pretty cheap here, like 7 bucks at walmart Don't know if you that there) even.. you can even put these into a bikini top, there are padded bras that are well, stuffed to the brim underneath that push even the smallest girl way up and out. I have a few that are not just your regular padded bra, they are like a push up level 4 --- intense. That is one option. And ya that is what I do, it does help me feel better, maybe it's superficial, but it makes me feel better the same way putting makeup on makes people feel better.

Just want you to feel better, and I def want you to feel whole. And I do not want you to miss anything.

Be patient. Wait 'til you're 45; you'll have all (and more) than you ever wanted!

Genetic

tinkerbell is a ho b.itch!

you aint...

Lol, on the Tinkerbell comment, Trippin'! (That's an lol of empathy btw.) And yes! People do feel free to comment, don't they?! What is up with that?! And when shoveling through seconds or thirds commenting on how they can't believe it. Well, believe it, 'cause here it is! <roar!>

Now caught up with posts in the interim, back to OP...

Oooooh, yeah I *do* understand what you're saying, Trippin'. Though of average height, I am basically a stick, and recently said I hope I don't lose any more weight. 2/3rds of the pants in my closet are too big. Droopy-butted pants? No thanks. Skirts that are supposed to be near the waist are hanging on at hip bones. If I see a shirt with darts, it's pointless to try it on. Strapless dress? Good thing I'd never have the occasion for one. Bra shopping? Full-on self-esteem shattering nightmare. Most juniors' clothes (a slimmer cut in US sizing) are ridiculous for my age. Manage a few. And good luck finding much on the discounted sales rack. They didn't even order that many to start.

Compounding that, and speaking of age, let's just say there is little sympathy among my peers. I wouldn't dare even talk of it. There was a quiz thing online. One entered their gender, age and weight to see where they fell in the global picture of the data that was calculated from 177 countries. I fell just under the average in Bangladesh. Country number 177. An ex-neighbor ( a few years older than me, rather heavy and most importantly -- not blind) had watched a movie -- oh, you simply must watch it, it's wonderful! It never even occured to her that the title alone was a total smack-down -- "Real Women Have Curves". Really? Yeah, thanks. That's obviously right down my alley! <sarcasm> A real feel-good movie that must be!

Really, I do get it. It's an understatement to say that there is beauty far beyond the narrow parameters media presents. I even get how come people on the other end have little sympathy -- that media "ideal" is pervasive after all. Thing is, I don't have it either! You won't see me wearing clothes that show my ribs. Or an.y.thing with a v-neck or scoop neckline. Or modeling bras. Or wearing clothes likely to be referred to as "sexy". There will be no man-distracting or enticing use of bosom. That ain't in the toolbox. I've got to work with personality like just about everyone else (oh, ok, and a nice toucas according the my SOs through the years, lol).

Being on this end of things has its challenges and self-esteem issues too. And it feels like we aren't even allowed to b**** about it!

So yeah, Trippin'. I totally get it.

(Worth noting -- definitely no EDs here. I love to eat!)

***Important addendum (this is a very busy thread!). Trippin' our word is "compact", definitely not deformed.
And I'll toss in: Boob job? NEVER. The world and its warped thinking can f*** off.

(I'm older than Genetic incidently.)

[Trippin2.0]

Thanks IZ, Anika,DHX, DM,SS,Gen. Its appreciated, all of it. The hugs, the humour, the advice, the empathy, the understanding. Seriously, all of the support... Love you all