[purpledaisy]

Today, the first day of my fourth week back at work following my 5 weeks of FMLA/short-term disability leave, I got my walking papers.

Sort of.

I'm on probation for a month and a half, with weekly check-ins, and if I don't improve A LOT by the end of the month and a half, I'm out the door.

There was a meeting and an official document for my file, listing about 15 separate situations (over the past almost-2-years of working there) where I have proven to be incapable of doing this job.

I'm proud of myself because I didn't get emotional. I just sat there, listened, asked for the date this probation will be over, and then signed the document.

That's it.

After all the worrying I did over the weekend! I really thought I was going to be fired today.

At least this gives me time to figure out what I'm going to do, put my plan in action, and have a few more weeks of health insurance.

She gave me a vague list of what I have to do in order to keep the job. It's just stuff like doing a better job, bringing my work up to their standards, etc.

She said they've already provided training and I should be able to do the job without any more training. So more training is out of the question.

I feel kind of relieved to know that I'm going to have to move on. Is that weird?

[hamster-bamster]

No, that is not weird. You should just use the time wisely. First, use the health insurance as much as you can: if you have an option of a mail order pharmacy for three months rather than a local pharmacy for one month, use it. If there is anyone at all at your workplace who has been happy with your work, ask them to write a LinkedIn endorsement - would not hurt in your subsequent job search. If there is no one, that is OK, too. Your being relieved evidences that this job is not the right place for you, period.

The management is not performing well by being vague about what you need to do to stay. The management has to come up with attainable, measurable goals and clear criteria of success/failure. But you cannot make them do so because they are already going "above and beyond" by putting you on probation: the employment is at will. So they can get away with a lot.

I am sorry you have to go through it but I trust that in the end you will find a better place for yourself.

[OutlawedSpirit]

I agree with Hamster that you should use your health insurance as much as possible while you still have it. Even if you don't have a mail in pharmacy through your insurance, you could talk to your pdoc, explain your situation and see if they will even write you a script for three months instead of one, in case you need some time to find another job if you end up losing this one.

It might not hurt to even go to your gp and get a physical done, just to make sure the rest of you is healthy and where you should be. It can't hurt, by any means.

What do you do? Are there other jobs hiring ATM .. (at the moment)

[faerie_moon_x]

I feel for you, Daisy. I have to sit in on those ambush meetings for myself all the time, and I hate them. The next one will be the last one. I have to remain "stable." I feel like asking a bipolar person to remain stable is like asking a blind man what color shirt you're wearing. Maybe that's just me...

Anyway, I think it isn't weird to feel relief. Knowing is always better than not knowing. If they let you go, get on unemployment if you can. Make sure you have a documented copy of everything, plus documentation from your doctor about your bipolar.

[Clinte89]

I think your looking at it in a very good way, you don't seem to e overly upset just realizing there maybe and probably is a better fit out there for you. So I don't think it's weird, you just realize you've got the opportunity and the push to go out and find something else.

[purpledaisy]

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

If they let you go, get on unemployment if you can. Make sure you have a documented copy of everything, plus documentation from your doctor about your bipolar.

Maybe I'm wrong, but isn't it next-to-impossible to get unemployment when you are fired for not doing the job you were hired to do?

I've got documentation, but it's all negative toward me.

I've never told them that I'm bipolar, so I can't claim that they fired me for it. I guess.

[purpledaisy]

Originally Posted by landskaperdan

What do you do? Are there other jobs hiring ATM .. (at the moment)

There isn't much out there.

I'll be probably have to get a job where my degree doesn't even matter, since there are no jobs out there using my degree. Probably some sort of secretarial job.

That means I'll probably make about $7 less per hour.

I won't make enough to cover my bills.

The freelance work that I get on the side will be even more important, so I can pay the bills.

On the bright side, if the job gives me less stress than my current job, it would be a good thing. Very good.

Today I was continuing to work on one of the projects that I was given, and I kept thinking, "It doesn't matter if I do a good job on this anyway. I'm out the door, whether they fire me or I get something else and leave."

Very hard to concentrate. More difficult than usual.

[purpledaisy]

My usual state of thinking, "I just need to get a few more freelance customers and I'll be able to work back into being my own boss again full-time" has really been affected by the meds and all of the crap that I've gone through over the last few months.

Now I'm thinking, "Why bother? It will be too hard. It will be easier to work at a crappy 8-to-5 job for the rest of my life, not making ends meet, getting into even worse financial shape than I am right now."

I've lost that peppy, hopeful entrepreneurial spirit that I loved so much.

I've stopped listening to the motivational CDs and podcasts that used to keep me company throughout the day.

I've lost interest in my entrepreneurial friends and their uplifting Facebook posts.

Now all of that stuff just makes me feel overwhelmed and insignificant.

I miss my hypomania.

[Anika.]

I know here in Canada anyways, sometimes unemployment will sort of bend some of the rules depending on the circumstances. Not sure about in the US tho.

I am sorry you feel like you have lost your hopeful entrepreneurial spirit I dunno, but I get a feeling for you that it will not remain that way. The talk about loosing interest in it, and the motivational tools, the friends with this similar interest. Sounds like depression speaking. Hopefully once you are less stressed your hopeful spirit and motivation will return.. I am kinda thinking it will.

I have been following your threads about this job silently, I don't say anything because I am on disability and don't have any real life advice for careers or jobs. However, I agree I don't think the sense of relief is weird. I think that happens to a lot of us when we start moving in the right direction. Sometimes change is hard, stressful, challenging, but also the right thing.

I hope you get back to your dreams, and start feeling better. Hopefully a good opportunity will show up. They often do when least expected.

[thickntired]

Originally Posted by purpledaisy

Maybe I'm wrong, but isn't it next-to-impossible to get unemployment when you are fired for not doing the job you were hired to do?

I've got documentation, but it's all negative toward me.

I've never told them that I'm bipolar, so I can't claim that they fired me for it. I guess.

Hi PD,

I was fired from my last job because I was basically incompetent. Anyway, that did not stop me from getting unemployment bc I showed up for work and tried to do the job. It may vary by state, but you should at least try. PM me anytime.

Peace & Hugs,

TnT

[hamster-bamster]

Whether it is unemployment or disability insurance through the state, you have to think about how you will present your income from the small business. I guess they would ask for a profit and loss statement. Not sure - have not been through it myself. But I know that you are supposed to report income from whatever source.

[BlueInanna]

Originally Posted by purpledaisy

Maybe I'm wrong, but isn't it next-to-impossible to get unemployment when you are fired for not doing the job you were hired to do?

I've got documentation, but it's all negative toward me.

I've never told them that I'm bipolar, so I can't claim that they fired me for it. I guess.

Here in Cali, you can still get unemployment, but it doesn't come out of employer's unemployment insurance/UI funds nor does it raise employer's UI tax rate. That's why employers fire someone with cause, like poor performance, attendance, etc. Or they try to get the employee to quit.

I think you should be able to get unemployment or disability. The unemployment would maybe only last a certain amount of time. But time for you to focus on your health would be a good idea.

[hamster-bamster]

Disability in California is up to a year, with several medical recertifications during that time period. Basically, just additional forms for your p-doc to fill out and sign. Nothing major, unlike certification for federal SSDI. As far as I can tell, you have at least the following: insomnia, depression, and inability to focus. Should be enough to qualify.

[~Christina]

I live in Tennessee I applied for disability just over 18 months ago .. I am now waiting for a hearing.

I have given them every piece of documentation possible and all my doctors agree and have stated so in letters and medical records that I am unable to work .

I hope the process is easier in your state.

Good luck

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by morethingswrong

I live in Tennessee I applied for disability just over 18 months ago .. I am now waiting for a hearing.

I have given them every piece of documentation possible and all my doctors agree and have stated so in letters and medical records that I am unable to work .

I hope the process is easier in your state.

Good luck

for state disability or for SSDI?

[~Christina]

Both. The process in my state is terrible . I have a friend in Alabama ( just an hour south of me) that filed under fibromyalgia only and was authorized in 6 weeks. She can not believe with my bipolar and fibromyalgia that I was denied and I have to wait for a hearing ( could be another year) , even once the hearing is complete it can be another 6 months before you are actually approved.

Meanwhile I struggle because I no longer have health insurance so many medications that would give me some much needed relief from chronic pain is out of my reach.

*end rant*

[purpledaisy]

Wow. That's a long wait.

I'll be in financial ruin (even worse than I already am) if I have to wait that long.

I don't know what to do.

If I get unemployment, it's ALMOST enough for me to pay my bills. I would need some of my freelance work coming in to pay the rest of the bills, even though it's a no-no.

I can't live without income if I'm waiting for disability to be approved. And I've heard disability is around 1/4 of salary. Can't survive on that.

If I find another job, I'm probably going to make about what I would get from unemployment.

I hate this.

One minute I'm find. Last night (Friday night) before I got off work, I had the attitude of, "I did my best this week, although I'm sure it's not good enough. But that's OK because I'll get unemployment when they can me in a few weeks."

By the time I had driven home to my empty house, I was in tears again and feeling like a failure. I didn't want to be alone, so I went to hang out with a couple of family members. Even though I had people around me who supposedly care, I felt so alone. Then I was in tears again on the drive home.

Spent most of the day with another family member. When it was time to go and we hugged, I said, "Thanks for spending time with me. I get lonely." She seemed surprised by this and said, "We can hang out anytime. Just call me."

Right now, a group of people I see several times a year is about to gather at a restaurant to hang out. I'm torn over whether I should get ready really fast and make an appearance, even though I'd have to be a little late because I look sloppy right now. Or should I just stay home alone and cry again?

Being around people doesn't seem to help. It all boils down to me being a failure and putting myself in yet another terrible situation.

[MommaR]

Daisy, dont get too discouraged, getting disability isnt as hard most places as it is here in TN.
Christina, Im in TN also. My mother is handicapped physically and mentally from an accident at work and it took her almost 3 yrs to get approved. She is obviously unable to wk, anyone could tell it! Its ridiculous!

[Anika.]

PurpleDaisy,

Sometimes life throws us stuff, and it can look pretty bad. But a lot of the time something really good can come from it too. Usually the end of something is just the beginning of something else. Often the good things that have come into my life have come out of something that did not seem good at all. Good things a lot of the time need a catalyst to get to us, or us to them..

I hope you can find some more hope and faith in yourself. Because I don't see you as a failure at all, hope you can see it too.

I hear you on spending time with others when you feel like this. Yes you can sure feel alone even when surrounded by people. I am glad that your family member said that to you tho, I hope you will take them up on the offer and call when you are lonely.

Sometimes we just have to re-frame things in our mind, when the plan we had changes.And it can be hard to do sometimes, but I think you are a pretty bright lady for sure. I hope you can find a way to find a light in this situation.

You are not a failure! Life just does happen, it's all just a process and a practice. And it is not always in our hands.

[likewater]

Are you in the US? You can totally get unemployment. The company I work for fires people all the time saying they can't do the job which is weird because it's a crummy job, but these people get unemployment.

[purpledaisy]

I don't think I'll have any problem getting unemployment. I just tend to worry about stuff lately.

I shouldn't worry. What's that saying? "Worrying is like praying for something bad to happen"?

Before this round of depression hit, I was in a long spell of being positive and really feeling like my business ideas were going to take off, and the book I'm writing would do well. I was into positive affirmations and always played CDs that were either motivational or related to business. That helped keep me up and kept me thinking about the future.

But several weeks ago, something hit me. I've spent all these years saying "someday" my businesses will be successful, "someday" I'll finish a book and it will do well, someday, someday, someday. But why haven't I done it yet? And what if "someday" never happens?

What if THIS is really all there is to life? Work an 8-to-5 job for a little more than minimum wage, come home to an empty house, watch a little TV, go to bed, and do it all over again until you die?

Maybe it's part of the funk that I'm stuck in right now.

I don't think this Wellbutrin is working very well. And I hate to get it increased.

I'm scheduled to see my therapist and psychiatrist one more time before I get fired. Maybe I should see about another appointment or two with the therapist.

[purpledaisy]

I'm sorry. I feel like I post on this forum way too much. Feel free to tell me I've used up my quota of posts for the week or month, and you're tired of my whining.

SUMMARY OF THIS WAY-TOO-LONG POST: Since, once again, I'm about to get fired, should I try for another stint of short-term disabilty with FMLA leave and let it flow into long-term disability OR should I just let them fire me and draw unemployment?

Here's the long version of my babbling...

I've been reading through the threads about getting on disability.

I checked the short-term and long-term disability policies through my employer. Also, up to 12 weeks of FMLA is available per year, and I've only used 5.

Keep in mind, I've already used 38 calendar days of short-term disability (at the same time as FMLA leave) this year.

4 weeks after being back at work, I got the big write-up about all of the events at work that happened prior to my leave, plus a few new ones that took place since I've been back. Also got a deadline to turn myself around or I'm fired.

My employer's policy says:

Short-term disability (maximum of 90 calendar days) must be exhausted before applying for long-term disability.

Long-term disability coverage works with other disability benefits (including Social Security and State Disability funds) to replace up to 60% of the salary earned before of pre-disability coverage.

If a long-term disability claim is approved by the insurance carrier, the employee will receive a rate of 60% of regular pre-disability monthly earnings.

The monthly disability payments will be reduced by any amount received from workers' compensation, social security, state disability funds, or other retirement benefits.

As of this coming Monday, I've got 43 calendar days left before the day I'm supposed to be fired.

What if I got ahold of my pdoc as soon as possible, showed my pdoc the write-up, and discussed the fact that I'm still unable to concentrate at work, plus I've now sunk into another depression, and ask if I could be put on short-term disability again?

38 days of short-term disability already taken
+ 43 days potential for more leave before D-day
= 81 days

Not quite the 90 needed before long-term disability can kick in.

But if I'm on short-term disability with FMLA leave to protect the job (even though I'm on probation, because I'm still a regular, full-time employee), they can't fire me when D-day comes, right?

And if I hit the 90-day mark with short-term disability, I could apply for long-term disability to get 60% of my pay.

Would it be easier to let them fire me on D-day and get unemployment, which is 1/3 to 1/2 of my pay? I know the drill with unemployment. Been there. Done that.

I hate the thought of applying for SSI or SSDI, possibly going to court, etc.

Plus when I'm hypomanic and my creativity comes back, I can accomplish some great things. Just not the things that bring in a steady income. I don't want to tie myself down to never again being able to make more than $____ per month.

I'm sure my therapist and pdoc would look at the long list of items on my write-up and say that they are all related to bipolar.

I'm making myself batty this weekend with all of this wondering and going back-and-forth.

P.S. Long-term disability payments from the employer's plan last a max of 2 years for MI. Unemployment lasts up to 2 years. Same amount of time either way.

[purpledaisy]

Since this thread is so long and cumbersome to read through now, I'm going to copy my last post and start a new thread with it.

I would have deleted it, but the system won't let me.

Here is the link where I moved it. I thought this conversation was so old and long that nobody would see it.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=249892

[moremi]

I was on unemployment for two years. Towards the end of my unemployment I filed for SSDI. It only took 2 1/2 months before I was approved. So by the time my unemployment ran out my social security disability picked up. So I believe your best option would be to file for unemployment and SSDI. As long as you are currently seeking treatment and have doctors backing you, you have a good chance of getting it. Atleast thats how it is here in Indiana.

I had been seeking treatment for years though. I also had 3 doctors backing me and two employers behind me telling disability that my employment ended due to my bipolar.