[Broken Angel]

Hey Everybody !

I just felt like I wanna talk to someone and I couldn't find a better place.
I hate being a bipolar. Years ago I used to look at the mirror and be like 'Oh that girl would be having a brilliant, happy future ', but now I just look at it and say 'Oh I am a bipolar sooner or later I will get my depression episode and everything I will ever do will get screwed up'.
It's really hard to be on your own. I miss writing I wish I could be able to write again it used to be helpful. Nowadays whenever I start typing something or even hold a pen to write something, I just break down and start crying.
I miss how I used to be the sparkling star in everything. Now whenever I do something either people gets me all wrong or I end up screwing it up all.
A couple of days ago I thought about waking up early or sleeping really late so that I could make my dad an awesome breakfast and put a smile on his face. But it ended with me crying at night till the sun rise.
A week ago my exams were going on. I studied really hard on the hope of getting better marks, but because I am a bipolar during the exam every single thought was running through my mind and it caused me to get moderate marks. It made me depressed I just don't want to study anymore.
Today is supposed to be the Muslims festival known as 'Eid' in which I am supposed to be happy and to just enjoy everything. But I just started the day crying and I am sure it would end with me crying too.
I just wish that there would be someone who could appreciate and understand me.
I literally miss everything about my childhood

I get it. I totally get it. It's like we have been minimized and defined only by our condition. and we do it to ourselves. ugh... i hate bp

[Broken Angel]

Same here.
I hate it so much that I just want to end it all up in a way or the other.

[LadyShadow]

Im sorry that you all are struggling. I struggle too. I was told 7 years ago I had bipolar and I refused to accept it. But through hard work with my psychiatrist and my therapist I was able to see through the darkness.

Bipolar doesnt own you, remember that. You can conquer it like anything else. Just hang in there, keep posting here like you are, it helps a lot.

[Broken Angel]

My actual problem is that no one knows about my disorder.
I have started the year with hope and I have tried to overcome being a bipolar but by time everything just gets ruined when I get my hypo mania or depression episode..
And thanks for your help and support

I know that the Muslim community here, in the USA, is one of the most supportive groups that we have here. I don't know how it is there, and I know that nothing is perfect... but if I were to go to a religious group here, it would be Muslim or Buddhist.

Now... Saudi Arabia... is that the Sunni group? Sorry if I spelled that wrong, but I would hope that you could find all of the support you need. I'm really sorry if I am wrong.. I just have such a good impression of the Muslim groups down here. I really like them and their beliefs.

[Broken Angel]

Originally Posted by landskaperdan

I know that the Muslim community here, in the USA, is one of the most supportive groups that we have here. I don't know how it is there, and I know that nothing is perfect... but if I were to go to a religious group here, it would be Muslim or Buddhist.

Now... Saudi Arabia... is that the Sunni group? Sorry if I spelled that wrong, but I would hope that you could find all of the support you need. I'm really sorry if I am wrong.. I just have such a good impression of the Muslim groups down here. I really like them and their beliefs.

You are totally right. Muslims are supportive and helpful. But like all other communities there are some people who aren't.
And ya Saudi Arabia is that kinda of Sunni group. By the way, I am an Egyptian living in Saudi Arabia.
And I am really glad to see the good impression you have got

I hope that life is such that you can find the support you need there. I think that is awesome being egyptian! I have never really traveled anywhere, just within my state lines here in Arizona. It would be so fun to visit places like Egypt and Saudi Arabia... My best goes out to you and I hope that you can find the support system that you need there, as well as here! I hope that things get better for you really soon, I know exactly what you were saying in your original post.

[faerie_moon_x]

Hi Broken Angel!

I want to give you hope. It's not impossible to overcome and it is really hard to do on your own. It's not easy. I too used to be a writer and I don't write much any more. I used to have wonderful creative periods with mania, but now I have dysphoric mania and I don't get that anymore. It is very frustrating and I also miss it so much.

I also know how it is to go along alone. I always have to take care of eveyrthing on my own. It's hard and lonely. I usualy don't have a doctor or medicine or anything either, trying to get some now and it's hard.

But people with bipolar are also incredibly intelligant. So don't think you won't have a brilliant life. Don't give up hope. Famous writers, poets, and actors all have bipolar. Like Emily Dickenson and Catherine Zeta-Jones are two. There are politicians and scientists and doctors. Here on this forum there are people who have earned their doctorate degrees. It's not impossible.

I'm glad you've joined the forum. Having support here has helped me a lot! I hope we can help you, too.

[Broken Angel]

Originally Posted by landskaperdan

I hope that life is such that you can find the support you need there. I think that is awesome being egyptian! I have never really traveled anywhere, just within my state lines here in Arizona. It would be so fun to visit places like Egypt and Saudi Arabia... My best goes out to you and I hope that you can find the support system that you need there, as well as here! I hope that things get better for you really soon, I know exactly what you were saying in your original post.

Thanks alot I really appreciate it.
I hope it all gets well with you too soon.

[Broken Angel]

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

Hi Broken Angel!

I want to give you hope. It's not impossible to overcome and it is really hard to do on your own. It's not easy. I too used to be a writer and I don't write much any more. I used to have wonderful creative periods with mania, but now I have dysphoric mania and I don't get that anymore. It is very frustrating and I also miss it so much.

I also know how it is to go along alone. I always have to take care of eveyrthing on my own. It's hard and lonely. I usualy don't have a doctor or medicine or anything either, trying to get some now and it's hard.

But people with bipolar are also incredibly intelligant. So don't think you won't have a brilliant life. Don't give up hope. Famous writers, poets, and actors all have bipolar. Like Emily Dickenson and Catherine Zeta-Jones are two. There are politicians and scientists and doctors. Here on this forum there are people who have earned their doctorate degrees. It's not impossible.

I'm glad you've joined the forum. Having support here has helped me a lot! I hope we can help you, too.

I can relate to that writing part. i really miss writing at least I used to have something to vent my feelings through but right now I just have to lock it inside.

It's really awful to be all alone with no medicines and no doctors and no support at all

I know that there is still hope. And who knows maybe just because of bipolar disorder I would turn to something incredible. And there is also Agatha Christie , Mark Twain, Edgar Poe and Demi Lovato are people who have had bipolar disorder.

Thanks alot for your support and help

Hi, Broken Angel.

You hit the problem right on the head when you said that you miss your childhood so much. That's the biggest problem for some of us with this illness.

You might try letting your adult in you accept the little child within and then try to
meet some of her needs that are unmet at this time in your life. For example,
I miss the childhood play time, and I try now to let the little child out of its prison and do some things that she enjoys--such as painting.

Give your little child within the love and attention she needs. That will go a long, long way toward helping ease the pain you're feeling. The child within is very sensitive and
needs to feel loved more than anything. Letting her have freedom will permit you to
accept many things that bipolar illness wants us to feel pain about. Give her that love,
please.

Good wishes,

Gen

[Broken Angel]

Originally Posted by genetic

Hi, Broken Angel.

You hit the problem right on the head when you said that you miss your childhood so much. That's the biggest problem for some of us with this illness.

You might try letting your adult in you accept the little child within and then try to
meet some of her needs that are unmet at this time in your life. For example,
I miss the childhood play time, and I try now to let the little child out of its prison and do some things that she enjoys--such as painting.

Give your little child within the love and attention she needs. That will go a long, long way toward helping ease the pain you're feeling. The child within is very sensitive and
needs to feel loved more than anything. Letting her have freedom will permit you to
accept many things that bipolar illness wants us to feel pain about. Give her that love,
please.

Good wishes,

Gen

Thanks alot, I will try working on that

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by genetic

Hi, Broken Angel.

You hit the problem right on the head when you said that you miss your childhood so much. That's the biggest problem for some of us with this illness.

You might try letting your adult in you accept the little child within and then try to
meet some of her needs that are unmet at this time in your life. For example,
I miss the childhood play time, and I try now to let the little child out of its prison and do some things that she enjoys--such as painting.

Give your little child within the love and attention she needs. That will go a long, long way toward helping ease the pain you're feeling. The child within is very sensitive and
needs to feel loved more than anything. Letting her have freedom will permit you to
accept many things that bipolar illness wants us to feel pain about. Give her that love,
please.

Good wishes,

Gen

This is really good! Thank you!

[NDNOutlaw]

I read that Ernest Hemingway suffered with bipolar disorder. There was a time when in a deep depression he tried to walk into a spinning airplane propeller but was restrained before he could complete the act. I used to write for a living. I like feature writing. What often works for me is to write short stories. I also often find the bp effect comes out in the moods I describe. It helps me alot to write from a source of outrage. Its a greta motivator. One of my short stories was republished three times and used in the curriculum in the eastern US. Now the spark is faded. Its so frustrating to see the possibilties but be to be so crippled at times. Anyway I understand where your coming from. Its a tumbledown.

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by NDNOutlaw

I read that Ernest Hemingway suffered with bipolar disorder. There was a time when in a deep depression he tried to walk into a spinning airplane propeller but was restrained before he could complete the act. I used to write for a living. I like feature writing. What often works for me is to write short stories. I also often find the bp effect comes out in the moods I describe. It helps me alot to write from a source of outrage. Its a greta motivator. One of my short stories was republished three times and used in the curriculum in the eastern US. Now the spark is faded. Its so frustrating to see the possibilties but be to be so crippled at times. Anyway I understand where your coming from. Its a tumbledown.

I hear you. I tend to be long winded so I wrote novels but never have been published. I've been trying to write short stories or something, but it's really been slow.

[Broken Angel]

Originally Posted by NDNOutlaw

I read that Ernest Hemingway suffered with bipolar disorder. There was a time when in a deep depression he tried to walk into a spinning airplane propeller but was restrained before he could complete the act. I used to write for a living. I like feature writing. What often works for me is to write short stories. I also often find the bp effect comes out in the moods I describe. It helps me alot to write from a source of outrage. Its a greta motivator. One of my short stories was republished three times and used in the curriculum in the eastern US. Now the spark is faded. Its so frustrating to see the possibilties but be to be so crippled at times. Anyway I understand where your coming from. Its a tumbledown.

I am not really good at writing stories, but I write poems and maybe articles and just some random lines which I could add up and end into a song.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Broken Angel

Hey Everybody !

I literally miss everything about my childhood

Then it must be the case that you, during your childhood, did not go through emotional, physical, and/or sexual abuse. But that is really great!

[Broken Angel]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

Then it must be the case that you, during your childhood, did not go through emotional, physical, and/or sexual abuse. But that is really great!

Ya, at my childhood I never did.
My childhood was simply perfect.
But through my teenage I went through emotional and physical one..