[faerie_moon_x]

why do they have to tell you "if you don't do this or that exactly how i want it, then i don't love you any more"

why can't people just love for who you are and not hate you for what you can't live up to in their minds?

[Trippin2.0]

Bcoz they dont know the meaning of the word in its true sense. I've read alot about self-love, and I think there is truth in the saying that, you have to learn to love yourself, before you are truelly free to love another... Maybe these people dont love themselves, so they love us, much in the way they love themselves, conditionally.

[Cocosurviving]

I agree with Trppin2.0---plus some people haven't learn tolerance. We're all different, loving someone means accepting one another's shortcomings. I'll sure the people your referring to are not perfect and there are things you do not like abt them. They should learn from yoo, learn how to truly love. I hope you reach clarity on this matter. I would encourage you to do what's best for your well being.

[faerie_moon_x]

It's just not fair because I love people for themselves and I try so hard to be good. But then I get locked out and left all alone and I don't understand why I always have to work so hard if nothing I do is good enough? And it's not fair to take away love as punishment.

I feel like I should have just left the stint in and let it take me slowly away. People only want something they made up in their head. Not the real thing... the real thing isn't good enough. How can I compete with someone who is perfect (and imaginary?) I can't....

I keep looking for the "Rule Book" and "Accounting Ledger" and I know I must need them... I don't have all the rules memorized because I'm told when I break them and Why I break them. I usually don't have enough in the account to cover any goof off time either. Can I make these entries in Quicken or something?

It sounds like a mother directing her child: "if you're going to kill each other, go outside and do it; I just finished cleaning the carpet."

People who do that to you are trying to be authoritative; just tell them to do what they expect you to do themselves. That'll teach them you are your own advisor about how well you are doing.

Trippin is right about self-love. If we can't love ourselves, we can't love others.
So the opposite is true: people who love themselves are able to love others. It's
so nice to have loving people around us, isn't it?

Stay away from those who want power or authority over you. A real leader isn't like
that at all. That's a good topic for a thread for someone who wants to tell us what
his/her opinion is of a real leader.

I was married to one, so I know what it's like. Most of all, it's a loving gentleness
and showing the way--that comes out. The thing you've been experiencing
is exactly what trippin suggests: it's someone who is projecting his /her own fears and inadequacies onto you (or me, as the case may be).

Something got erased somehow. It was this: never judge yourself based on somebody else's opinion of who you are. People reveal more of themselves when they speak than they do the truth of you and your behavior. In fact, never judge yourself at all. Just evaluate who you are and live by your deepest principles. You will be fine doing that.

[faerie_moon_x]

I don't believe that whole "if you don't love yourself you can't love others." Because I downright despise myself to my very core, but I love others and I don't expect them to be what they can't be. I may get annoyed or frustrated or mad, but it doesn't take away my love. I'm also extremely forgiving of others but not of myself. So I don't know if that's exactly the issue or not with others. Maybe. I may be some type of genetic mutation or something.

Why in this world, Dark Heart X, would you despise yourself? You're not a genetic mutation or anything else like that. I've read your posts frequently, and I don't see any feelings that indicate you despise yourself. Lady, you're a very valuable person here and you should feel that for yourself, too.

Have you ever thought about investigating why you think you despise yourself? It's worth a real examination by you. I just believe that you must love yourself or you wouldn't be able to show so much love to others. I'd ask my psychiatrist about that one; maybe a little therapy could clear up a misconception by you of your real being.

Down deep inside, I think perhaps you do love yourself; and if you really don't, then
you need encouragement by a therapist to convince you of your real value in life--which is very much vital for your well-being. If it's true, I hope it's just a passing thing that you may be able to break into minuscle particles and have it fly away from you for all time.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by YYZadd

I keep looking for the "Rule Book" and "Accounting Ledger" and I know I must need them... I don't have all the rules memorized because I'm told when I break them and Why I break them. I usually don't have enough in the account to cover any goof off time either. Can I make these entries in Quicken or something?

YYZadd, what is that about?

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

YYZadd, what is that about?

I guess my reference was to the fact I seem to not be aware of some social rules when I'm out with my wife. I'm very anxious in social situations and either don't talk or talk too much. I get notified when I've done something wrong in a way that I would not do to someone else. My wife worries about everything and how people perceive her/us and I must meet these requirements.

I feel like I need a Rule Book so I could have a chance to keep the correct image of us in place.

My reference to an accounting ledger is because it seems as if there is a running tally of chores/tasks completed. If I'm working in the yard or out running errands and come home and my wife is asleep, I won't wake her. I know how hard she works and I'm happy she can rest for a bit. Reversing the situation would not be the same.

I don't get mad if she does not get done what she expects to get completed. She will get mad if I don't get mad if I'm less productive that perception requires. I'm kind of rambling.

A relationship is never 50/50, but anger and expecting the same self-critical expectations on your partner is not fair.

[Trippin2.0]

Hatred is not the absence of Love, Indifference is... Therefore I believe I still love myself, even if I have some deep-seated self-loathing issues... You can definitly LOVE without LIKING, and that extends to ourselves, not just family. You know why I know you love yourself? You take care of her. If you didnt love you, you'd have let her rot a LONG time ago. So you, me, taking care of ourselves, it means we love ourselves, even if we cant 'feel' it on the surface...

[unaluna]

hey trippin, I think you just answered why some of us don't shower or take care of ourselves or our homes. we ARE indifferent; we don't love ourselves anymore. we can't even get excited about living our own life anymore. hmm, food for thought.

Hate is not the opposite of love--hate is the frustration of the drive for love.
The real opposite of love, as Trippin suggests, is indifference, which is the withdrawal
of emotions. (It's very difficult to help people who have no emotions.)

In one sense, that's why it's so funny that we can get so upset when there is emotional upheaval going on. Emotions are natural; it's the lack of any emotions that is unusual and disturbing.

We tend to associate strong intelligence with calmness of the emotions--that is, the
emotions don't get in the way of our thinking. That is the nature of bipolar illness: the emotions get in the way of thinking for many. It's the stability of the emotions or moods that science hopes to stabilize.

[~Christina]

DarkHeart

I am sorry that whatever happened is causing you such pain. I can relate.

[BlueInanna]

DH xoxoxo I love you to your core whether it's despicable, shining white light or a mixture. You are self-less and kind and true and sensitive And you see the absence of this in others. And others don't know it's not right, be we do, I do. We (human race) are supposed to love each other and have compassion and acceptance for each other. This doesn't happen enough. I hope whatever going on will smooth over soon mama