Seething, alone and hurt. RANT

My ex SIL and nephew are homeless, they're at our house for this week. My room isnt mine, even tho I only offered to SLEEP on the couch. I have to smoke OUTSIDE, coz I feel like a fkn intruder even when I just need clothes. Wanted to escape to so called friends or family, the ones that are NOT out for the day, never answered the phone! I want to scream, & gorge out ex SIL's eyeballs, & I have no escape, NONE being nice never got me anywhere but I never fkn learn!So here I sit,seething crying

Ah! A week, well you are going to have to lay down the law and let them know it's your house/room. Put some headphones on and do what you normally do. Hugs

I can't, I'm the one who said she could stay for a few days, now she's monopolizing my bed, my laptop, even part of my cupboard. If I say something. 1: it will sound hostile,and 2: my brother already treated her like crap, my sisters cant stand her, and she has no family... I'd be the villain. I tried reclaiming my bed when she was out,she just returned and basically took a nap over me and the laptop.So no,I just have to keep quiet and hide under this blanket on the couch coz I have no space of my own

I agree do what you normally do and don't let them bother you and if they do just make sure they know that they are guests.

Trippin, if you word it well, it won't sound hostile, you can just say that you need a little space for now. Say you have a migraine or something and let them know they are welcome to take up space elsewhere in the house. That's not being hostile, that's looking after your own sanity.

Do you really only have a room in the house, Trippin'? I seem to remember thats how it it. I'm so sorry you're suffering for your kindness. That's why she came to you, of course ...
Vent here all you want. I understand that kind of person and how button-pushy they are. I know you're stuck, so awful you've got yourself in a corner. Many hugs, more coming ...
* hugs & love galore *
Roadie

Holy crap. Well we have something in common. What is it about SILs that makes us want to gouge their eyes out? They know we only put up with them for our sweet nephews. I agree with above poster, wouldn't have an "Hey I'm sleeping here!" set up a boundary? Not only would you be helping yourself, you'd be helping her. Sounds like she's rather clueless.

I feel for you, Trippin. My mother-in-law is homeless, too. She's been living with us for 11 months!!! In October her brother also become homeless, so we said he could stay with us for 30 days.... ahem.... (that was like Oct. 20th.) Anyway, they are looking into getting an apartment of their own, and we are also having to move out. Because my mother-in-law decided she didn't have to pay the rent, so we all are getting thrown into the streets now (awesome....)

But, I know exactly what you're talking about. I feel my mother-in-law and her uncle-in-law have basically taken over and behave like "parents," and my husband has his office where he can hide, but my desk is right in the middle of the living area, so I constantly feel watched, judged, and like I have 0 privacy..... -.- Hopefully only a month and a half to go.

Roadie I stay with mum, wouldn't leave her after dad died & then couldn't.You're right,I only have my room. When she returned from the beach, I was very clear that I'm relaxing in MY room coz I have to be up at 4:30 for work after a night on the couch, & she said 'well I'm taking a short nap too' & plonked herself across my bed,obstructing my use of the laptop! Subtlety doesn't work & hostility for once isn't comfortable.My comfort zone has been invaded,I feel violated

awwww.

have some hugs from me

Thank God for mommy's, they are so clever! Its 20:30 and I have my room for the night, while I was taking a 'calm down' nap, mum told her the couch was not condusive to getting up for work at 4:30.So I just went to my room and plonked myself down on MY bed, nodding when she asked if I'm turning in. I'm not even tired (obviously) I just want my own space back for as long as I can, if pretending to sleep gets it, then so be it.Thanks for all the hugs and understandingI had no idea this could upset me so

Glad you got your bed back for now.

Your mom can see she raised a sweet girl.

Me too DH Hankster, I doubt my mom would use 'sweet' to describe me But thanks! Still pissed off at my brother, sister and friend who didnt answer their phones. Still hurts to think about it, but atleast I stopped bursting into tears. Its always been me against the world, & not in a 'woe is me' kinda way. I should really stop buying into pipe dreams of support systems I learned of after being dxd. Its non-existant IRL, so I should stop setting myself up for dissapointment, you guys are ample support!

I'm with you, Trippin. The whole "support system" thing is like a fairy tale, similar to the term "happily ever after."

Hopefully your home is back to normal soon.

Yip, its exactly like 'happily ever after' you know I just got home to discover my ashtray not in my room, but nicely perched in the lounge! Ok, so its not a big deal but its MY ashtray, in MY room, bcoz nobody else smokes in this house, it belongs IN MY ROOM! Nephew is throwing tantrums, my bed is full of visitor stuff and my anxiety was sky high all the way here, and getting worse! Ugh now she wants to know if I'm turning in early, YESSS YES DAMMIT YES! Jordan must think me such a grouch...

How much longer until she goes? You only said she could stay one week, right?

It's frustrating when you're doing someone a favor and then they come in acting like the queen.

She is now staying until New Years day... And yes, I hate it much when Queen Bees stage a coup prompted by your kindness. Just had a text fallout with my eldest sister, about my fb status. I said F U to the ones who didnt answer their phones and somehow she thought I meant her.I told her it wasnt directed at her, but she could 'keep' it since she already 'took' it,that instead of asking why im suffering, she makes this about her, and to please leave me alone coz I'm not well! Geez the gall of these people!

The world revolves around my sister, so naturally my status was about her, even though she had no missed calls, voicemails or texts from me. She has no idea how her self-indulgent misplaced hurt feelings have affected me, all bcoz she MUST be centre stage! Just as I was experiencing some semblence of normalcy on the surface, she goes and RIPS IT OFF urgh, I just want to fricken dissapear!

Trippin,
I believe in Necessary Evil , espcially when one is being taken advantage of,If it were me, and I've been there,Id take moment to calm down, think of how Im gonna lay down the law, and give ultimatums,in a diplomatic,Southen Lady Style,take them to the wood shed..Sounds like they are definately takeing advantage of you.They seem to have no RESPECT for your kindness.so What Do You Owe Them??? A Good Talking to!Or time to tell them to move on...In my words...Ya Gotta Go !!

Oh how I wish I could take your advice, but the situation is far more delicate than even my family realize. No, I'm just going to suck it up, and play nice, and next time she wants to stay, I'll think up an excuse. Just a few more days, I can handle it, I've been through worse, much worse, I can do this. ( now to repeat that 7 times in the mirror and pray I believe it!) you guys have been great, thanks for reaching out to me during my rants, even though you're dealing with your own stuff too

So there must be a clear and non-hostile way like Peg said. Maybe you say something like, "I feel horrible for what you are going through and want you to know you're welcome here through the 1st. But I need my room back. Do you need me to help you guys get setup somewhere else in the house?"

And if that doesn't work.... Scream! Jk but not really lol. Healthy boundaries, much easier said than done.

Well, sis, a lot of what you're going through is similar to what I'm going through with extra people in the house. See, we really are sisters.

It will work out. Build them a fort out of blankets. If your nephew is small he will love that....

You're right, it will work out, I just gotta keep my crap in check, even though I'm quite overwhelmed right now...

I'm sorry Trippin. Hopefully you can reclaim your space soon. Im sorry I am not much with words lately. But still reading and care very much. I have hugs for you... Wanted to send them to you.