Moooooodswing!!!

I've been really "stable" for the last few months thanks to my friends Zyprexa, Prozac, and Wellbutrin. I am a college student in the US, and this semester I am studying abroad in Italy. I left about two weeks ago.

I knew before I left that this trip would challenge my stability. Last time I went to Europe, I went from mildly depressed to very hypomanic within a day due to the fact that my sleep schedule was disturbed. On that trip, I was with people that I knew, and was only planning on staying for a week.

This time, in addition to the initially interrupted sleep schedule and time difference, I have the following stressors:

-leaving my friends and family behind in the US
- knowing that I won't be going home for months
-having to live with people I barely know
-spending an extended period of time in a place where I don't know the language
-studying at a new university

Within the past two weeks I have been having intense mood swings (usually between elation and anger/irritability, but occasionally some depression). I wasn't too concerned about it, but last night I was thinking about my best friend whom I'm romantically attracted to (see the "how to get over her" thread for more details), and the possibility that our friendship doesn't mean anything to her. This heavily impacted my mood, to the point where I thought about sui seriously for the first time in months.

I know that it is ridiculous. So some girl doesn't like me as much as I like her; it's hardly a reason to kill myself. But the impulse was there. I also have a huge hoard of drugs, 120 days worth of all my meds, so if I wanted to overdose, I easily could.

How concerned should I be about these mood swings; could they be dangerous? And what can I do to minimize their effects on my wellbeing? I'm already seeing a therapist through my Italian university; I thought it would be a good idea to help me adjust. Should I tell her about my (now passed) sui impulse? I don't want to seem melodramatic. I'm frankly ashamed that something so minor would have elicited such a reaction from me...

Thanks!

the therapist is your biggest and only tool while you are down there. you should be honest about everything if you expect to change it.

Have the Sui feelings passed? Truly? I know my bipolar cycles ... I don't know yours. I'd go over-the-top 100% out of whack-whacko ... Then once I was settled into the new routine (assuming I comfortably settled into one), I'd slowly settle down over the next 10-15 days and be fine.
That's me. What's your mega-pattern? Do you know?

Thanks, everyone. I know that I should tell my therapist, but I don't want her to think I'm an overly dramatic attention addict.

Roadie, I believe that the sui feelings have passed. It was more like an impulse than a feeling, came out of nowhere and was very short-lived. I'm not in any danger now. I'm just kind of scared because, like I said, it kind of came out of nowhere. I wasn't depressed, just upset by my social problems.

As a tangential note, Zyprexa fully erases the time difference for me, as I discovered recently. Simply no jet lag, period, and I am normally very bad with jet lag. I have not renewed the prescription because I pay for this wonderful drug with severe weight gain, so next time I will opt to survive the jet lag unaided, but, just wanted to let you know. Have Zyprexa - will travel. No jet lag. Can force sleep during the locally correct time, any time. Brilliant.

Haha; wish it worked that way for me! Still got jetlagged. But I'm over it now.

They say that jet lag can trigger a mood episode. Not sure to what extent it is true, but... might be.

I'm still swinging. I woke up today quite high on life (I actually wanted to get out of bed; that only happens about once every ten years, lol) about an hour ago I dived into a lower mood where I just felt like curling up in a ball and crying. I'm feeling slightly better now, but I have no idea where I am going to be moodwise at any given time.

How long until things start to settle down? I think that I need to keep a consistent sleep schedule, try to forget about being bipolar (noticing my moods intensifies them), and reach out to other people more. Hopefully that should stabilize me.

I'm seeing my new therapist today...I actually woke up in time to see her, haha. Maybe she'll have some suggestions?

Up, up, and away again. My therapist agreed that I should try to have a structured sleep schedule. She also suggested that I take a walk everyday to get more sunlight. And I need to eat breakfast within 45 min of waking up. And no electronics within an hour of bedtime.

She's an excellent counselor; helpful, kind, understanding. The best therapists that I have seen have been free through my schools. Why are the free university therapists so much better than the ones that I have to pay $45/ session to see?

Still cycling. Less high today, more irritable. And then I was stupid and got myself into this somber, reflective mood. I need to stop analyzing every dark detail of my life in hopes of solving the mystery. I don't even know what mystery I'm trying to solve. Rumination never helped anybody.

I'm kind of scared. The two people that I have gotten close to here in Italy are going on weekend trips, leaving me alone. I realized that I need social interaction the same way I need food. Maybe I'll go to a coffee shop and talk to random strangers? But I'm not that brave.

There is nothing to be ashamed of. I would tell them. tell them everything so they can help you. Sorry your cycling and having such a rough go of it. But always remember things will get better.

I'm so sorry you're having such moodswings. I know how terrible moodswings can be. -.-
I think you should try to cope with all the stressful things that you listed. Perhaps make a list of things that you could try to make everything feel better? For example, you're leaving your friends and family behind in the US - call and message them as much as possible and remind yourself that you'll see them again soon. You have to live with people you barely know - you can comfort yourself in that this is a rare and great experience and you'll be able to meet some new, interesting people that may turn out to be your best friends eventually.
You wrote a list of 5 stressors; try to make a list of positive things to cancel out the negative ones. Try to remember that this is a valuable and unusual experience that you've been blessed to have, and that you'll learn many things from it & you'll be back at home and enjoying normal life soon enough. But for now you should embrace your current situation and make the best of it. I hope that everything turns out well for you!

Those are excellent points; thanks! I really need to appreciate every bit of this wonderful adventure I've been allowed to have.

I feel better today! Even-keeled.