[purpledaisy]

Well, it finally happened.

My son moved out today.

I've kept myself busy for the last few days to try to keep my mind off things, but now I am at home alone.

Now I'm left with the kind of crying that hurts deep within my gut and I've cried so hard that I'm ready to puke.

Keeping busy does no good. It just delays the pain. Sooner or later, I'm left alone to deal with it.

I don't know when I'm going to hear from him again.

He never calls to say hello.

He spends all of his time at work or with the girlfriend. When the girlfriend is at work, he would spend hours in his room here at our house, not talking to me.

The few cases over the last few months when we were in a car together, he wouldn't even talk to me. When I realized I was doing all of the talking, I just shut up and drove, and waited to see if he would bring up a topic of conversation. And he didn't. It was like he had nothing to say to me, not even polite conversation.

He doesn't answer my text messages. And these weren't constant text messages from me or nosey text messages.

I just feel more alone than ever.

[hamster-bamster]

Purpledaisy, we are here with you. You are not alone. We are here for you.

[~Christina]

I'm sorry that you are having a rough time. Just lean on us, we will all help you

[BipolaRNurse]

Having that last child fly the coop is harder than hell. At first you just kinda wander around the house, lost, not really knowing what to do with yourself; suddenly the house is not only silent, but big and empty too. Eventually you figure out what to do with the time that used to be filled with your child's doings, and much later down the road you finally see that being an "empty-nester" is pretty groovy.

But right now, it feels almost like there's been a death in the family, and it's going to take time to adjust to the absence. Please be kind to yourself, give yourself some time to mourn---because it IS a loss--and let your son contact you when he's ready. He will probably do it sooner if you leave him alone for a bit; he's going through an adjustment period too, and he's too young to know that this isn't all about him, that it affects others as well.

Hang in there, hon. It does get better.

[pogar246]

Don't worry he loves his mommy more than you will ever know. He just needs to make some mistakes, live life and become a man before he can truly appreciate everything you have ever done for him. I hope you feel better soon.

[Darth Bane]

i am 26, my mom is around your age.... and it is hard to have mom with mood disorder.... i have spent almost every single day in my first 18 years fighting shouting match with her.... at morning shes so nice.. at evening there is always something... and it gives you headache you know... now i get it and her shouting doesn't affect me but when i was little i used to feel very sad... just like how puppy feels when you shout at him...

and words hurt you know... any mother always knows how to say something which will make her child mad...
like in film "despicable me", son is super villain and still afraid of his mother!

i too call my mom only once in month....... two years ago it was phone call per day.. but not now..... she calls my sister thrice per day now...... it doesn't mean i don't love her or something... but lets say i call her,we are gonna have some normal conversation right... then she will say something that will make me mad... like how successful neighbouring kid is... i am not that behind but still... i just reply if you want to have someone to shout at call your daughter and then i hang up the phone...

perhaps i shouldn't have written this... all my anger about my mom came out.. but you might get some insight how one thinks... and no son can really not love his mother,just like no mother can stop loving her son...

[purpledaisy]

I hate the thought of things with my son becoming like Darth Bane described.

Son and I used to talk all the time about all kinds of topics. I know it's normal to start pulling away from your mom and becoming your own person, and he started this around 18. But it has really increased in the last year and a half. Now we're to the point where I have to ask for a hug, he acts like it is a big deal, and he doesn't start conversations with me unless he wants something.

I don't want us to end up with him treating me the way he treats my mom. He won't talk to her at all. They used to be very close.

I probably did give him all kinds of grief when he was little because he had no idea what was wrong with me, and I spent most of his life unmedicated and out of therapy.

Several months ago, I told him about being bipolar. I kind of regret telling him, because that was about the time that he stopped speaking to me as freely as he had always done.

Now I only get to see him when the girlfriend is at work, and even then he would rather spend time alone in his room. I have to ask him several days in advance if he might be free on the next Sunday to go to lunch or coffee and then, once we go to lunch or coffee, it's almost entirely spent in silence.

I had trouble sleeping last night. Last time I looked at the time before going to sleep, it was 3:00 a.m. I woke up at 8:30 and now I don't know what to do with myself. I guess I'll get ready and go to church.

I'm not a Super Bowl person at all, but I was invited somewhere for the game to visit with the women while the men watch. I don't really feel like being around people, but it might be better than being alone, and I'm sure son will come back today to get more boxes that he left behind.

Thanks for the comments, everyone. It helps to think that there are a few people out there in the world pulling for me.

I'm a son...I'm also a bad son

worse for the fact that my mum is so wonderful!

just like you are P ..Daisy

she lives in another state!...I see here pretty much only when she comes down to support me when I go to court!

...or for xmas...which I struggle with and I struggle with everything!

but I love here and I'm protective and it worries me that I might only ever really show my true feelings when I camp at her grave someday homeless and not giving a damn!

I can't show my feelings and she is so wonderful!

we have had some amazing times but it's a shame I was off my face..cos thats how I function best with those close to me I am damaged she is not and it's never her fault that I make mistakes.

apart from the unreal and the peculiar?!...all son's adore their mums...they always come back it's something probably the only perfect thing in life apart from mums and daughters!

boys will be boys

thank God mums will always be mums....

or?...boys like me would be long gone!

[Clinte89]

Sorry your going through such a rough time daisy. I know you can pull through it and we are here to help you so keep talking and posting. We are here for you.

[Moose72]

I worry about this as my eldest is 15.

[purpledaisy]

I've been awake for about 2.5 hours and I am still sitting in bed.

Church starts in 2 minutes. Guess I won't make it.

Really need to take a shower. Guess I could do the bare minimum.

Hair is dirty. Could always put it in a ponytail and cover it with a ball cap.

I just need to leave this house.

I don't want to be here when they show up to get more of his stuff. It was weird and awkward and I was in the way and all I could do was grab the animals, go in my room, and shut the door to stay out of the way last night.

Every time I feel like I need to leave the house because it is too messy or I can't be here for whatever reason, guess what is still here when I return?

The clutter.

Or the pain.

Whatever I tried to run away from.

I'm sorry this is happening to you purpledaisy...

[Speed3]

I am sorry for your pain As long as he is a live there is always hope things will get better. Just give him som time.

[purpledaisy]

Originally Posted by Speed3

I am sorry for your pain As long as he is a live there is always hope things will get better. Just give him som time.

Big hugs to you, Speed3, and everything you've been going through.

[purpledaisy]

It's Monday.

I haven't seen my son since Saturday.

He sent me a couple of text messages, but only because he wanted something.

I forced myself to be around people Sunday so I wouldn't have to deal with the empty house.

Today, I have not uttered a word to another human.

Slept late.

Skipped shower.

Put on yoga pants and T-shirt.

Made a deposit at the bank before things started bouncing.

Drove to the gym.

Sat in the car for 10 minutes, looking at Facebook on my phone.

Decided not to go into gym.

Came home.

Nursed a headache during a soap opera that I haven't watched for years.

Stared at the TV during "The Doctors."

Decided to take a nap.

Got into bed.

Sitting in bed, playing on computer, feeling sorry for myself.

I still have a list of things I need to do to try to get more clients coming in before I run out of unemployment.

I still have a cluttered house that needs attention.

I know what will happen if I fall asleep. Even if I set my alarm for 1 hour, I will end up sleeping clear through the night.

Then I will wake up mad at myself for not getting anything done today.

[faerie_moon_x]

You know, I bet that over time he may just turn around. I know it's hard now. I bet because you lived together for a long time that right now he's just testing out how he does without you. It might take some time, but I bet he will turn around.

Now, my husband and his mom, when she doesn't live with us he talks to her al the time. When she lives with us, he doesn't talk or spend any time with her! I know it drives her crazy. But, I know that he wants to be "king of the castle" and his mom wants to be mom, but he's grown now so he just hides from her as a resolution. For some reason they get along better when not living in the same house. Not sure why.

[~Christina]

Purple, I thought of you tonight. I filled my measuring cup with water and popped it in the microwave to make tea. With in those 5 mins I washed half a sink full of dishes,wiped down all my counters and got out all the stuff I needed to bake some brownies, and went to the bathroom. In only 5 mins I got a lot done, I was surprised, very much so. Why not try a 5 minute run and see what you can get done. Anyone can do anything for 5 minutes.

Your son may have texted you about stuff he left , but he did text. He is your son, he wants to spread his wings a bit. Its the normal process, He will flutter back into your life.

Hang in there hun

[purpledaisy]

Yesterday and today, I took a 2-hour nap in the late afternoon, woke up, puttered around the house for a little while, and then went back to bed.

I've been waking up late in the morning and then leaving just to get away from the clutter. Instead of following my To Do List and working on the clutter for a while each day, I leave.

I go out and have lunch somewhere, even though it does not fit into my strict budget to do so.

Then I update the Excel spreadsheet that I use to keep track of my budget and wonder what I'm going to do because my savings is shrinking.

Two days in a row, I have worn my gym clothes under my regular clothes so I could stop by and do some walking, but I haven't done it.

The only person I have talked to each day has been the person who took my order at lunch. Incredibly deep, meaningful conversation, right?

I'm so freakin' lonely.

My excuse for going to bed each afternoon has been the headache that hit me both days. One of those blinding headaches right behind the eyes.

[Clinte89]

Im so sorry your going through such a rough time. I know with my mom i moved into my dads house and didnt talk to her for a good while not sure why but I didnt and now we talk all the time. So Im sure he'll come around. Just hang in there it will get better. Just try the 5min thing once you start its easier to keep the momentum.

[purpledaisy]

Wednesday morning.

Haven't seen or spoken to son since he moved out Saturday.

Since I am now at home full-time (since I got fired again the day after Thanksgiving), I am not seeing people during the day. Or the night.

I do have a social event planned for this Saturday, but it's with superficial friends. People I would like to know better, but never make that connection. I see them maybe twice a month, and on Facebook, and that's it.

Last night, I wasn't sure if I would be able to sleep when I went to bed because of the big nap I had late afternoon/early evening. But I did it. I went back to sleep without a sleeping pill. Had really weird dreams. But the dreams probably tell a lot.

I dreamed that all of the houses on my tiny street were picked up and moved to the other side of the street. So I had a different view from every window and a different backyard. Things were supposedly the same inside my house, but they were not. My bedroomw as different. My bedroom windows were lower and there were more of them, so that I looked out onto a sidewalk that was right next to my house, but in real life there is no sidewalk there if my house were to be picked up and put on the other side of the street.

So things are supposed to be the same inside my house, but they are different, even though my entire world was picked up and moved across the street.

I don't think I need a dream analyst to figure that one out for me.

Why do people wake up in the mornings? What's the point of being up by a certain time, and then back in bed by a certain time?

I guess I should fight this by making myself a daily schedule and sticking to it.

However, I can't even make myself stick to the To Do List that I have created.

I've followed the advice of several people here on the forum and made my daily list smaller. I pull a few things out of the big to do list so I can focus on a few smaller things.

Still, it's like I am a rebellious teen, telling myself I won't do the things on my list. The only person I am hurting is myself.

My unemployment will run out in a few weeks, and then I will be in big trouble if I haven't done the things on my list to get some clients for my small biz.

Sorry. I'm just babbling at this point. Woke up with a headache AGAIN. Must be stress. I've had this headache off and on for several days.