List of things to do while you're waiting for life to pass by or get better

1. Take a nap.

2. Rent a movie.

3. Go to a movie at the theater.

4. Take a drive.

And here is what I was really thinking.

1. Take a nap -- But I've already been sleeping too much lately and it will throw my inner clock off even more.

2. Rent a movie -- But I'd have to leave the house, and I don't feel like leaving the house. Plus a movie might remind me of all the things I don't have -- a best friend to confide in, a spouse or someone to be intimate with, a nice house, a happy family living in that house with me, etc.

3. Go to a movie at the theater -- See #2.

4. Take a drive -- But I would still be by myself.

Draw a picture

Read a book

Watch a funny show

learn to knit or crochet

dance around in your living room good exercise raise endorphans!

learn to cook something new, or maybe order in something new if you can't cook like me!

I'm still sitting here, staring at a TV which is fuzzy because I have an antenna and no cable or satellite.

Wasting time.

A movie starts clear across town in 1 hour and 45 minutes.

Would be easier to go to sleep.

I just want today to be over. And tomorrow. And the next day. Then Saturday will include a few hours of semi-fun. Then I'm back to waiting for the days to be over.

I told my t about you today. Not your name or anything. Just that you're not doing anything, like me, but at least it bothers you. At least you let it bother you.

Take a walk

listen to music

ride a bike

or as a former cook one of my favorites create something new in the kitchen.

Sit outside in the sun, live it up and don't wear sunblock lol

Listen to random music ( never know what you may like)

Get a new haircut and or Color

Find a Soup Kitchen and offer a hand.

I can't wait for summer because I really want to:
Go for long bike rides on the nature trail
Walk the trail and sit and stare at the river, birds, sky, clouds etc. exercise helps my mood a lot and the winter sucks because I cant get outside.

get some sun
buy some fresh flowers
smell some lavender aromatherapy oil
get some exercise
take a hot bath
get out in nature

Cried the whole drive to the movie theater.

Wiped my eyes.

Saw a stupid romantic comedy that just made me feel worse about being unloved and celibate since 1997.

Usually I like romantic comedies. They're one of my favorite types of movies.

Cried all the way home.

Checked a few of the Facebook posts that I made while I was out. Once again, I've posted brutally honest things about the way I feel and people are responding with "LOL" and telling me how funny I am.

Why do they think my pain is funny?

I didn't drive by my son's apartment, even though it was just 2 blocks away from my route home.

Realized on the way home that I am now to the point in my life where if I was hurt or dead, no one would notice.

I wish I could just sit with you, and give you some much needed hugs

Even Freud made the distinction, as did my comedic colleagues: Comics say funny things, but comedians say things funny. You are being paid a compliment, FWIW.

Hankster, I'm concerned about you. I had to read your reply a couple of times and, if I'm understanding correctly, you feel the way I do but you're not doing anything about it. Is that right?

I'm not really doing anything about it besides complaining.

I hope you feel better.

I go to therapy and talk about it, but yeah. There's a lot of us on here who don't do much. It takes everything we have just to get thru the day. Hey there's even threads on I took a shower today! Some of us are older so we kinda have an excuse. I put in my 30 years of working. I used to get called In the mIddle of the nIght for work (on top of workIng day shIft), so beIng able to sleep straIght thru Is a luxury. But really it's all ages.

ETA: plus I have a weird health issue right now that has put anything on hold but hopefully it will resolve soon.

Purple it's hard to tell through text like FB where someone's coming from. I wish there was a 'give hugs' button on FB. Fb is weird. Today I tried to write a comment to a lady whose son used to be my sons best friend, she wrote that her son was in a car accident but is ok. I tried to write something like "thank god he's ok". But it wouldn't let me, she has to have me blocked from posting anything. why even bother having me in her "friend list"... Idk what to think of it, I've never written anything on her FB before so not sure why I'm blocked. But it hurt, maybe I should just unfriend her.

I thought of you today cuz I finally got some laundry done, it's a nasty mountain that made it clear it wasn't going anywhere. Ugh I so hate the laundry. But I decided I like the machine fine, starting it and letting it do its thing. So I'm trying a new policy of only starting another load when I've folded and put away the first. So far so good. If I could just get the stuff manageable, I could manage it.

I wish we all could help each other more in rl, I'm way better at helping a friend at their house than dealing with mine. Also I would go watch a sappy movie and eat popcorn and cry right along with you!

somebody once said you have to fill the tedious days between birth and death with something... so here's my strategy.

Learn a language. I still have racing thoughts, but at least they are in Russian and they are about directions, how much does it cost... and random lyrics of Russian songs. And I won't get Alzheimer.

learn a lot about nuclear weapons and military strategy. Learn how Yom Kippur war was won. Wait... that I was forced to study. Scrap that. If you want.

Arts and crafts.

Learn to cook and cook daily... or almost. At least you will have something to talk about with your friends, since food is new sex it seems.

Become geek in something. Even if it's Eurovision. Or Yugoslav war movies (hey, you will feel blessed after watching them. Maybe. Chances are you gonna end up hating humanity and craving rakiya).

Become spiritual. Discover faiths. Things will start making sense.Or you will at least know lot about hindu Gods and Kabbalah.

i am envious of being able to plan things to do and follow through with them.

honestly, I sit and obsess over things, no matter how hard I try not to. that's how i spend my days when I am not working or forcing myself to work and do chores. If I slow down at all....

I wish I could do these things. how to slow down the mind enough to accomplish these things?

own a pet- and devote your time to looking after it

play some online games

shop online

I have pets. One that I adore and two that I am sort of stuck with.

My big fear right now is that my elderly, beloved dog will die.

I don't like online games or video games at all.

Can't shop online. No money to do that.

I suppose I should be proud of myself for following through with the things that I actually follow through with. But I beat myself up for not getting even more done.

seriously, you just have to force yourself to... make it habit.

I am too lazy and I would sometimes prefer to do nothing... but it doesn't help.

so I distract myself with shiny things.

there's nothing shiny in my life right now
I don't mean to vent to you.
you don't deserve for me to do that.

I am just stuck right now. thank you for talking to me and trying to help.

OK there are 2 moms on Kathie Lee and Hoda's hour of the Today show this morning, and their sons are/were in the military.

I should be glad my son isn't in the military and in danger.

I should be glad my son is alive.

I should be glad my son is healthy.

I should be glad my son feels confident in his ability to live on his own and pay his own bills.

But I'm selfish because I wasn't ready for him to move out.

I'm selfish because I wanted him to get back into college and be closer to finished (or finished) because I know it's difficult to finish college once you have real-world responsibilities.

I'm selfish because I don't get to see him every day.

I'm selfish because I no longer go to sleep feeling the comfort of knowing he is asleep across the hall.

I am selfish because I no longer look forward to someone coming home at some point during the day, to break up the monotony of the day.

I am selfish because I no longer have someone to eat dinner with.

I am selfish because I no longer have someone to chat with about their day, my day, current events, etc.

I'm selfish because I wonder if this is what the rest of my life will be like. Will I no longer know what's going on in his life? Will he get so used to me NOT being part of his life that I won't get to know his future wife and kids? Or feel comfortable when visiting his current apartment or future home? Or see him for holidays? Or see him at all?

I like Venus' list. I am reading about Mt Everest.

Sometimes I just gotta feel all the sadness and depression until some point comes where I start seeing solutions... how are you doing today? Selfish or not, having your son move out is a loss you're dealing with, most moms I know tell me, "oh good your son is almost 18 and then you can kick him out!" I have no intentions of that ... no one else could ever love him more than I do! I will go to the ends of the earth for that boy. Anyway point is you're in pain and it's more than understandable.