Silver Linings Playbook

if its working for you thats a good thing.

i personally have been through this too long and way too many hospitalizations that when a doc tells me that i dont take it so kindly anymore. also other people who say it. but i also want people to understand that they have a right to know exactly what is wrong with them or exactly what a doc writes down about them. i mean idk it may be slightly different with bipolar - but having schizophrenia i feel like i have to know every detail because im put into special programs and am on disability. and the meds are obviously important too. the meds go without saying.

im not by any means downplaying anybodies experiences - i just dont trust psychiatry all that much (bad and inhumane experiences).

I always thought that schizophrenia is a thought disorder and bipolar a mood disorder. Maybe, but when I go into an acute manic episode I develop delusions, paranoia, gandiosity and a whole bunch of thought disorders, the worst of all is ideas of reference (the radio and TV are all about me).

Even though they call it a "mood" disorder, I think really that's a misnomer. Like, what is happening to you may effect your "mood" but really there is a lot going on that effects your functioning.

I agree with Newtus that it's important to know little details. For example, you may have bipolar but do you have psychotic features or not? Do you have more lows or highs? Are you rapid cycling or not? There's a lot to it and the more you know about how it works for you specifically gives you more tools on how to work towards wellness. It's like GI Joe used to tell us every Saturday Morning "The more you know!"

Some things may be for insurance but other things help because if one doctor looks at your dx and then passes it to the next, it gives them clues into what to expect. That's the whoel point of language, so we can understand ourselves and each other.

the reason schizphrenia is called a thought disorder is because it affects your cognitive thinking - which is learning / memory / attention / disorganized thinking and speech / processing information / etc. thats why schizophrenia is considered the most complex and debilitating. because it can have psychosis - yea - like you mentioned but then the thought processes are messed up and then on top of that you have negative symptoms like social withdrawal and lack of desire for having relationships or say alogia which is when someone rarely talks or talks very little. or other negative symptoms. every person is different and would have a mix of different symptoms in all of these three categories of problems.

I do plenty of research. I do know the details of how I work. I do not get psychotic. I have lots of mixed episodes and they scare the Hell out of me. They entail sui and sometimes homi thoughts, but I never lose touch from reality. I feel like choking people. My mind races so fast I can't stop it. I feel depressed but have tons of energy. I become pretty paranoid. I can't sleep. The mixed episodes are horrid for several days initially, then they are there for 3 weeks until I get some sleep, then it is horrible depression for a long time. The worst mixed episodes always come about 2 days after a major event in my life. I have quite a few more lows than highs. I have more than 4 a year so that would make me rapid cycling. I know my triggers. I see my psych every 5 weeks, once a week right now. I see a psychologist -same one for 3 years, that helps me with the thought process. I read as much as I can and communicate with professionals as much as I can. I try to get enough sleep. I get exercise every day. Sometimes when I am outside running and getting exercise I get sui thoughts. So despite the language, I think I know myself pretty darn well. I have been dealing with this crap for years. So the splitting hairs part doesn't matter so much to me. I have Bipolar Disorder and an Anxiety Disorder and that about sums it up for me and works best for me.

We are all unique individuals that is for sure!

Btw, I did like the movie. I was just being *****y that day.

I did go into a psychosis 2 yrs ago. I thought every corporation was involved in some abuse I went through in the past. Not to me particularly, but that every company was doing it to other ppl. Like a secret society involved in like an underground ring, it was terrifying. I didn't eat or sleep for 5 days. I was completely sober. I finally went to the free clinic here. I thought they were taping me. They actually laughed at me and thought I was on drugs. I ended up in the hospital. I thought some of the visitors (at the hospital) were following me. That was even after I had slept. It was so scary.

Once I got about 2 hrs of sleep, I wanted to leave, I felt great. Honestly I don't know how many days that was into it. I thought I had slept for hours. I don't even remember that. My family told me later. I guess I had told my family I slept and can go now. The staff told them she only slept 2 hours. No memory of that at all.

Pls don't judge me anybody, it was awful and part of the illness. I'm usually quite normal....whatever that is, lol.

I completely understand. The last so called hospital I was in was maddening. The staff there seemed to hate their jobs. The nurses there hated it too. It was crazy. I saw 2 ppl run. They only cleaned the tables before visitors. It was madness. There were ppl there that needed way more help like the real psych ward we have here. Not just some warehouse.

I can only imagine what u have been through Newtus. I'm so sorry. it makes me so angry they won't tax the wealthy more instead just more cuts on social programs etc. I will stop my political rant...sorry about that.

i been to many hospitals where staff seemed to hate their job. sometimes being there you forget they are people too. and a few of them had mental illness of their own i would eventually find out. one male nurse i found out had tourettes disorder and had various facial tics. most of them its not hard to find out about stuff about them because the amount of gossip that goes on or the amount of talking they do in between times or during downtime. you really start thinking about who goes into this type of work and why. much of the staff is just as messed up as many of the patients.

i have serious hygiene problems which is a symptom of my schiz and at one hospital they would get on me constantly because i did not take a shower. borderline insulting me telling me how much i stink and make faces at me and to each other and behind my back (or so they thought). another hospital would tell everyone if they didnt shower for more than two days they would "hold you down and make you take a shower". i just attributed the difference to one hospital being more upscale and not seeing too many severe patients because of the problems of the patients were mostly depression/anxiety or fleeting drug use. the other hospital mostly served the homeless and severely drug addled or poor. so the mental problems were extreme there.

idk i just have so many stories.

but its hard to find programs. where i am anyway. hah political rant. idk what to think. im in a state that ranks the lowest in mental health care in the USA. 49th or 50th place. so its hard to find good treatment but at the same time in some places theres little help to begin with. im in a place that has little to begin with. cause i live in the rural.

Yes, lack of self-care is a big issue with some people. I don't know what it is about showering that is so hard. I have the issue sometimes, and I like showering. My mother-in-law has it pretty bad. It's hard to watch because she used to be a home health nurse. Now she needs a home health nurse. In the time I have known her, her self-care has declined by at least 70%

For me I do the not showering when I'm in the gallows of depression. The longest I went was 6 days. When I'm in that state it is like going in and taking a shower feels like going to another country. It is soooo very difficult.

im a little embarassed but the longest i went was about 6 months. on average i shower maybe 1 times a month. it definitely feels different when you go in. i feel like a cavewoman cause i hardly shower but i also hardly get take my clothes off. i wear my clothes to bed everyday so i am rarely naked. ive had these problems since i was a little girl. it doesnt seem to matter what state i am in. but when i am severely psychotic i go even longer. hence the 6 months being the longest.

that was one example.
another would be that i have severe lack of eye contact. everyone involved including my parents get frustrated. but its so bad hospitals thought i was deaf and i said no and they thought i was lying. its the first thing every doctor and therapist notices about me. so that upscale hospital was always very frustrated with me because i couldnt look them in the eye. hardly ever. only about maybe 10% of the whole time i was there.

Pls don't be embarrassed. Have u ever done any therapy?

Last year I was hanging out a lot with this woman who has schizophrenia. She has such a good heart but it was hard to watch her being taken advantage of by the ppl around her. I suggested therapy and she got very angry at me. Hope u don't

ive done therapy but it never works. in the end they literally all said they couldnt help me or theyd ask why i come anymore. it just never helped.

idk therapy seems like a waste of time for me.

a lot of people speak highly of therapy or recommend it here and in my life but its just not working for me. and then i think why it may work for others. all i can think of is maybe it doesnt work for me maybe cause i have schizophrenia or something. i rarely hear people who have schiz say it works for them. so i begin to wonder. idk. online like psychcentral for example says therapy doesnt work for people with schiz. i have no idea. but it seems almost so.

No that makes sense. I hope u are well. I've been thinking about u and how difficult it must be to cope with schizophrenia. I've always gotten along with schizophrenics for some reason.

not well at the moment. i think. its hard to say whether im well or not because 95% of the year is not well. it gets worse as i get older.besides depression - in my preteens most of the year i was ok. when i got 17 about 50% of the year was ok. when i hit 20 most of the years have not been ok. but also i used to be very depressed all the time or most of the time and not much psychosis. as i got older the depression decreased but the psychosis increased rapidly. so i could be content or happy or even sad and i am still hearing things or paranoia. etc.