[Trippin2.0]

I hate that I have nobody IRL to confide in.

It hurts that I always deal with all the negatives alone.

I hate that my family is a bunch of self-serving pricks.

It hurts that they think I shouldn't need anyone.

I hate that I will spend the rest of my bloody life alone like THIS.

It hurts that I deprive myself of giving love a chance.

I hate that nobody ever makes an effort FOR me.

It hurts that I'm the only considerate person I know.

I hate that this all hurts so damn much.

I want to be ok with it. I HAVE TO BE. But I'm not. Not right now, probably not ever.

Atleast it doesn't hatefully hurt everyday right?
Just when I'm callously reminded that I didn't even choose half of my reality...

[faerie_moon_x]

I hear you, sis.

[Trippin2.0]

most people have friends, family, spouses, SO'S....

Even if said relations aren't much help, they're an option... I don't have any...

[Clinte89]

Sounds so familiar. Hang in there. It'll be ok. Even though it sucks to not have anyone to talk to irl.

[Trippin2.0]

Like how much can ONE person carry before they break????

HOW MUCH????

14 YEARS of carrying!!!!

I'm FED UP!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Secretum]

I can really relate. It's hard to be the only person in your life who truly gives a damn about you.

I want to comment on this:

Just when I'm callously reminded that I didn't even choose half of my reality...

The sucky, everyday reality that is making you so upset is not the only reality. It's not even the reality in which you spend the most time.

On average, people spend a third of their lives asleep. The average person also spends half of his/her waking hours daydreaming. That leaves one-third of the time for "real" life. You get to spend 66% of your time in alternate realities! Hopefully life is better in at least some of them.

[Trippin2.0]

I don'twant it anymorrrre

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by Secretum

I can really relate. It's hard to be the only person in your life who truly gives a damn about you.

I want to comment on this:

The sucky, everyday reality that is making you so upset is not the only reality. It's not even the reality in which you spend the most time.

On average, people spend a third of their lives asleep. The average person also spends half of his/her waking hours daydreaming. That leaves one-third of the time for "real" life. You get to spend 66% of your time in alternate realities! Hopefully life is better in at least some of them.

I average 4hrs sleep a night, I don't daydream. I mostly spend thinking time strategizing...

Work is my only real reprieve....

[Secretum]

Hang in there.

Is there anything that you could do to make friends irl? Join a book club, ask someone from work to get coffee sometime, introduce yourself to the neighbors? Try everything and anything to make as many connections as possible.

I know how terrible being lonely feels. I know what it's like to literally be starving for meaningful human contact, which I am convinced is just as essential to life as food. I know what it's like to feel like literally every other person in this world has somebody, but you're condemned to live alone.

It hurts! You're absolutely right. That's why you have to do everything in your power to make connections.

Why are you so lonely? Are you socially anxious? Do you have really low self-esteem, and feel like you don't deserve friends? Are you afraid that you're bothering people when you ask them to hang out with you? Identify exactly why you are lonely, and then strategically work to overcome these obstacles. A therapist can really help you with this.

[Secretum]

It's never too late to learn to daydream. Seriously, it is the most pleasurable activity that I engage in. I don't know how I'd get through life without it.

Just spend time imagining yourself in different situations. Any situation you want. You can go back and relive a pleasant experience that you've had. You can imagine that you have special powers and are on a very important mission. You can tell someone you don't like exactly what you think of them without consequence. Anything is possible.

[AeonDM]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I don'twant it anymorrrre

I call it existential frustration. It is extremely difficult to bear life when we can't change the life we are in, to live the life we don't want. The way out for something we can't change in practical reality is to accept it.

If you can accept it, then LIFE begs you this question, "what is the meaning of your life?". You can answer it by being responsible to your life. You are a considerate person. Could that be the meaning of your life? You are trying to be considerate among difficult people. You don't have to hate your life because of them. You can be yourself and to love yourself.

Begin a journey to discover the meaning for your life. Nobody can do that for you, only you can.

[Trippin2.0]

I'm lonely because I'm surrounded by people who profess to care, yet never show it.

I'm not any kind of awkward, I know tons of people. Befriend people easily... People who's hands I've held through every type of hardship known to mankind over the years. People who know whoto call when their relationship is on the rocks, or they're in a financial jam.
People who are never available when I'm in need.
People who insist that either they are there for me... or I shouldn't be dependent on others, I should learn to cope...
People who are ALWAYS centre stage, even when I request the spotlight.

So that's why I'm lonely...

[AeonDM]

"I'm lonely because I'm surrounded by people who profess to care, yet never show it."

This is call normal. This is how normal people behave. We can't blame them just because they are normal. They don't see the need to deliberately show that care.

We have to learn to get our needs met by using non violent communication. We have no choice because of our condition. We can do it because we are no less a person than them.

[BlueInanna]

Wish I could think of words of comfort right now I think I'm out of words. I'm so grumpy at life today. I might have pms or I'm just a b****, idk. But you are a great friend and i love ya.

[~Christina]

Hey Sis

I am so so so sorry that life has kicked you in the teeth. You take care of many many people that you should not have to. Let yourself feel all these emotions. You are a wonderful special caring person. I would love to b1tch slap all the people that are causing you grief..

I hear you, I love you , I care

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by AeonDM

We have to learn to get our needs met by using non violent communication. We have no choice because of our condition. We can do it because we are no less a person than them.

and this is where it gets downright traumatizing...

Its ALWAYS been excrutiatingly hard for me to voice my needs, because I knew my struggles were different, even though I didn't grasp just how much...

So after 2yrs of people saying "talk to me, I'm here for you, its unhealthy to deal with this alone"...

I tried it. I tried it more than once, even though it nearly killed me to do so...

I asked in a non-violent manner, voiced that I need help, or just some company to get me through this rough patch.

The only one who tried to be there, was my ex, and we are currently trying to rebuild our friendship and I'm not comfortable reaching out to him because my drama hurt him badly last time (bp/bpd episode)

The rest? not once did they even bother to attempt to be there for me, not even after all the times I've been there for them!

[AeonDM]

"and this is where it gets downright traumatizing..."

I know... I know.

"The rest? not once did they even bother to attempt to be there for me, not even after all the times I've been there for them!"

Maybe they are afraid of your episodes. I know my relatives are. Our expectations are very important to our survival. What is the reason of being there for them, that they might do the same for you? If that is the reason, deep down sub consciously, then you are putting yourself up for disappointment. You do it because you are human, not expecting any rewards and in your journey, life will reward you as a side effect. Then it will be health to your soul.

"The only one who tried to be there, was my ex, and we are currently trying to rebuild our friendship and I'm not comfortable reaching out to him because my drama hurt him badly last time (bp/bpd episode)"

Be very clear of your expectations for him. Make sure you only expect those he can do in practical living. Talk with him if you are not sure. Be considerate to him at all times not expecting a reward from him or that he do the same for you. You do it because that is who you are. Everyone has their own strength and weaknesses. Try to communicate slowly, don't overwhelm him with too much info. Normal people can't take it. They walk away.

You don't have open up yourself to him if you are not comfortable. Just be yourself. Do one thing at a time. Tackle one issue at a time. Get one need met at a time. Take it easy but take it. Be patience. Certain things take time to see results.

[faerie_moon_x]

You are a giver.

Ther horrible truth about this life is that givers are often surrounded by takers (not receivers because receiving is different than taking.) So when a giver needs to receive something, who is there to give it to them???? No one because they attract takers like a magnet.

It can be very hard to balance it out, find what you need. The only way is to start saying "NO!" And at first it will piss everyone off around you because they are all takers, and they are used to you giving. But, over time you'll see you start to lose some of these people who will just fade off, searching for another giver.... And hopefully it will shift your energy to attract other givers into your life so you can get what you need when you need it. And already as a giver yourself, you won't become a taker.

[Victoria'smom]

I know you don't like the idea but please think about therapy so that you have some IRL support. Please don't let your past ruin your chances for a IRL supportive loving relationship. You deserve others to care for you as much as you care for others. Is there a way to get out and do fun things with your daughter regularly?

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I know you don't like the idea but please think about therapy so that you have some IRL support. Please don't let your past ruin your chances for a IRL supportive loving relationship. You deserve others to care for you as much as you care for others. Is there a way to get out and do fun things with your daughter regularly?

Therapy is impossible. Literally.
I don't have insurance and state ones work weekdays only, I can't take off an entire day for each appointment... but I agree, its time I gave in and saw someone, just physically can't.

Jordan and I are restricted to housebound fun due to funds, or rather lack thereof (we live an hour away from fun) We watch old movies, paint, design clothing, play cards and whatnot, but hopefully we can go out and do something month-end, maybe the arcade....

Its 6am, on my way to work, feel like shyt with my raw nose and puffy itchy eyes, probably look it too. My own fault for crying all night...

[Victoria'smom]

What about a T close to your job so that you can use your lunch hour?

[hamster-bamster]

Do you have to get up after having had 4 hours of sleep? Or you can't help waking up?

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

What about a T close to your job so that you can use your lunch hour?

I work in Surburbia. No state facilities close by, nd even if there were, no transport except for peak hours, bcoz apparantly everyone has cars...

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

Do you have to get up after having had 4 hours of sleep? Or you can't help waking up?

Its a bit of a combo of things...

*I've always slept less than most people

*I can't sleep before midnight unless I'm exhausted (read 4 days out of a month) and get up at 4:30am which is my routine, so thats roughly 4rs

*I can't help waking up most days, like weekends, I'm up before sunrise regardless of the time I went to bed.

* I tried sleeping more hours for about 3 months, I learned that 5 hours a night is ideal, any more than that and then I'm grumpy and sluggish the next day.

Hey you! I'm real lol....
I know what you mean... but it's not like you are alone!

we could be text buddies! lol.... that might seem more real than online?

you could also email me..... assuming that you even want to

you can email me at landskaperdan@gmail.com haha original huh? lol

you can text me @ 480 - 718 - 5646 I know that texting for me is more real than being online with someone. See? You have options rather than feeling alone.

I don't always respond to texts right away while I'm working cuz I leave my phone in the truck during jobs.... but I always get to them! anyhoot... just trying to give you some options of having friends more in real life!

hope it's received well....