[Clinte89]

Trigger beware.















My consciousness is back in full swing. Its telling my my life isnt worth living, it tells me to kill myself. It wont go away. Ive tried to distract myself tried to think positive, read all that stuff, but it wont go away. Any advice I need some relief soon. Im so close to doing it. I even held the pills in my hand practicing. I know it sounds dangerous but I wont do it. I will resist I swear I wont do it. Im very mixed I went from dancing around to now I feel heavy and lathargic with no desire to move. I need advice. The voice wont let me go.

[Bipolar mom]

You can fight it. Can you get out of the house for a little bit? How about listening to some uplifting music? Or putting on a funny movie. I know that when I feel like I can't fight the urges any more I need to get out of my own head.. And a funny movie or tv show sometimes helps.

Be safe...

[Clinte89]

Thanks Im trying but its getting really hard. My consiousness is realy men and says all kind of mean things.

[aquaman]

Like Bipolar Mom said, distract yourself. Go for a walk, listen to your favorite music, watch a good movie, etc. I found just getting out of the house in the fresh air helps a lot.

Or, if possible, have a friend/family member come over. Give them your meds and shoot the breeze with them to get your mind off things.

Keep in mind our brains can only concentrate on one thing at a time. So by keeping yourself busy with any type of enjoyable activity, you won't be focusing on how you feel.

If all else fails, go to the ER or call 911.

You can pull through this! I know it's tough, I've been there myself, but you CAN get through this. Keep posting here and keep us updated on how you're feeling.

[AeonDM]

1. You need to tell your parent.

2. Just a scenario:

Conscience : Your living is not worth living. Kill yourself!

Me: Why do you say that? Leave me alone.

Conscience: That is what you are telling yourself everyday. You are not taking control of yourself. You are not doing something about your thoughts. You are not doing something about your feelings. You just vent and complain. You are making me sick of you.

Me: Will you work with me if I do something about myself?

Conscience: Maybe. But you always say you will but give up even before the boat start rocking....

...

[Clinte89]

So your saying maybe talking back to my consciousness may help? Ill try it.
Thanks

[aquaman]

Since you're online, visit the website cracked.com. They have a lot of hilarious articles. I've given myself asthma attacks from laughing so hard at some of the articles.

Disclaimer: Many of the articles can be offensive.

It's just a quick way to distract yourself and boost your spirits.

[Clinte89]

Thanks Ill definatly look that up.
Thanks

[AeonDM]

Originally Posted by Clinte89

So your saying maybe talking back to my consciousness may help? Ill try it.
Thanks

Self harm rehearsal is dangerous. It is like you are preparing for it to happen.

Self talk/talking to your conscience is one of the way to find out why you want to self harm. When you think you kind of know what it is or you actually know it, you need to do something about it, asap.

[avlady]

your life is worth living, i havn't met you yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!you have to stick around for that. we could take our meds as friends together, fight the subconcious mind and look at bright colors in an art book, listen to music, i know what it feels like too when people give suggestions and don't really care when it is so bad you don't even want to try anything.i think if someone could turn the music on for you that would help-avlady

[Secretum]

That sounds really scary, Clinte. Maybe you should tell your t or pdoc what is going on? I went through something similar a week ago, and I told my pdoc. She didn't overreact or anything; she simply increased my zyprexa. It turns out that that was all that was needed to stop the intrusive sui thoughts. Maybe your situation is similar? And you'll want them to know, because if it becomes so severe that you can't resist anymore and would be safer in the hospital, then it won't come as a surprise to your treatment team.

Please be safe. You're a valued member of this board and, regardless of what your "conscience" is telling you, your life is worth living!

[Clinte89]

Thanks secretum. I told them and he gave me gabapentin to help with the nerves and wanted to up my lamicatal and I made the comment Im not depressed which maybe I am again and just dont realize it. Idk I like to dnc around to music but at the same time want o off myself.

[Clinte89]

To be honest it's taking me alot to not down a bottle of pills. Ugh why is life so hard.

[Secretum]

Maybe you should call a crisis line? Or your t or pdoc? Or even just a good friend? It might be a good idea to have a physical person to talk to right now.

[bos314489]

Please take care of yourself Clinte. I am worried about you. Keep posting ok?

[Clinte89]

Well my parents will be home soon. I'm not as depressed as I was in fact I feel exactly the opposite. But I'm still wanting to end it all. My little voice makes it seem so appealing. A fix to all my problems it says.

[hamster-bamster]

Clint! You are a wonderful guy! What does this ridiculous consciousness mean by saying that your life is not worth living? It is out of its mind.

[~Christina]

Stay safe Clinte.. Anyhow ,any way you can and need to.

Your Family here. We need you

[Moose72]

Please call!

Originally Posted by Clinte89

Well my parents will be home soon. I'm not as depressed as I was in fact I feel exactly the opposite. But I'm still wanting to end it all. My little voice makes it seem so appealing. A fix to all my problems it says.

I'm so pleased that you just posted. Please stay connected as I and many others do care about the way you are feeling. Just know that to be able to put things into words puts it into perspective . It sounds like you are feeling better since your parents will be home soon.
Take care, warm thoughts

[Clinte89]

I will I'm staying safe. I went through this earlier and gave my parents all my pills but I got them back and think I'm gonna have to give them back again.

[Clinte89]

Thanks ill keep all of you updated. I won't let myself do anything stupid I've seen the good times I don't wanna give those up. But on te same time wonder if my purpose in life is to have no life.

[Moose72]

I've been feeling very similar. I just got my pills back today. I think you should keep them out if reach the way you've been posting today. Have you called you pdoc? Can you call psych er and talk to someone?

[Clinte89]

Well I have an appt with my pdoc next week early so thats pretty soon, only 5 days away.

[Moose72]

I think you should call tonight since you keep talking about Sui. You've mentioned it several times I'm the last few days.