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Old Mar 02, 2013, 10:45 PM
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I had a fun date to ight but eveRN throughout the date and even during the standup comedy act we saw I was having Sui thoughts. I say and stared instead of laughed and when I did it was halfheartedly. Just when I told my T I was on the mend.
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  #2  
Old Mar 02, 2013, 10:57 PM
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How can I be half ok and half Sui? I'm just blah and having Sui thoughts all the time.
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  #3  
Old Mar 02, 2013, 11:00 PM
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I don't really have an answer, but I know what your feeling
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Old Mar 02, 2013, 11:05 PM
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I dunno. My t did say to all this week to be seen if I needed to. I just don't get it. My insurance doesn't count ideation of pills. But I've been taking more and more of them.
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  #5  
Old Mar 02, 2013, 11:43 PM
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Gonna take more Ativan now.
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  #6  
Old Mar 03, 2013, 02:24 AM
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Moose the more you up you dose of Ativan the MORE you will need to achieve the same effect.. You will run out long before your next refill is due .. what will you do then?

Suicidal thoughts float through my head on a daily basis... A couple times a month I give it some good thought. But I have a "game plan" of what I need to do and who I need to call if my thoughts turn to planning ... My T said its very common to feel this way.

You really need to learn coping skills that can be used anywhere and isn't just a pill to hopefully numb you down.

My life is certainly not perfect, my Bipolar can give me problems daily if i don't use my skills for coping and not letting it ruin my day, or make me worry and wonder how my mood will be the following day or week or month.

The funniest thing is I don't even realize my coping skills are at work until I think about it... They just appear and get to work..

Just keep moving forward and things do improve.
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  #7  
Old Mar 03, 2013, 03:21 AM
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Having suicidal thoughts and being suicidal are 2 very different things.

I understand if they worry or upset you, but I've come to accept them as part of the package, and really I pay them no mind.

Have you tried to counteract them with positive thoughts?

When the sui thoughts are disconcerting to me. I think 3 beautiful thoughts for every sui thought that pops up.

Pills are a quick fix, you need to retrain your thought pattern away from its default
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Old Mar 03, 2013, 07:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moose72 View Post
How can I be half ok and half Sui? I'm just blah and having Sui thoughts all the time.
i think we get stuck on these. Some **** lingers.

I get that each time I am on cliff or bridge or high building. It's just a thought like others at this point. "those shoes are hot". "I wanna jump off this bridge". "If i weren't such prude, i'd do that hottie in a suit". Seriously, I do think like this. And it's okay, thoughts are not me.

I am with others. Benzos are downers... not good for sui thoughts... i don't even think they are designed to treat this... they are good for anxiety issues... but eh... intrusive thoughts need to be dealt with differently.
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  #9  
Old Mar 03, 2013, 08:50 AM
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What I'm feeling is anxiety ! And Sui mixed.
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  #10  
Old Mar 03, 2013, 02:29 PM
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Coping skills aren't easy. Trying. The comedy club should've been a fun thing to distract me but it didn't. Not enough. Not really. That's my point.
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Qui Cantat Bis Orat ingrezza 80 mg
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Benztropine 1 mg
Vraylar 4.5 mg
Risperdal .5 mg
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  #11  
Old Mar 03, 2013, 02:48 PM
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Coping skills aren't easy. Trying. The comedy club should've been a fun thing to distract me but it didn't. Not enough. Not really. That's my point.
That's exactly why I mentioned the counteracting positive thoughts...
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Old Mar 03, 2013, 02:59 PM
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Which thoughts are those ? Sometimes I only have my kids as happy thoughts.
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  #13  
Old Mar 03, 2013, 03:00 PM
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You have to find your own. Something comforting.
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  #14  
Old Mar 03, 2013, 03:09 PM
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My t always says to go out to the movies or something else that makes me happy. Photography makes me happy. But these thoughts don't make sense.
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  #15  
Old Mar 03, 2013, 04:12 PM
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But these thoughts don't make sense. They don't have to they're just thoughts.
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Old Mar 03, 2013, 06:06 PM
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Are we becoming existentialist. ? Should I start posting poety?
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  #17  
Old Mar 03, 2013, 06:16 PM
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I had lunch with a friend. Very nice. Still have these thoughts. I went shopping. I am home . Still have these thoughts. Texted a friend. .... It's almost evening. Here starts another night of distracting myself.
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  #18  
Old Mar 03, 2013, 07:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miguel'smom View Post
But these thoughts don't make sense. They don't have to they're just thoughts.
They aren't just thoughts. I keep increasing my meds every night.
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  #19  
Old Mar 03, 2013, 08:53 PM
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I'm not sure if you would be up to trying an art class. Art and crafts are very therapeutic. I started participating in an art program and it helped me create coping skills.
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Old Mar 03, 2013, 09:52 PM
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I know it can feel as if the thought are the end of the world, but it is possible to function while having the thoughts. It's essential to remember that you can choose not to let the thoughts become more. I agree that they are more than "just thoughts." The word "just" is belittling them. They hurt, they interfere, and they are not fair. Once you find adequate treatment I hope they will go away. Remember that you do not have to act on them and there is treatment. I hope you can find something other than anti-anxiety meds. If you are using them other than as prescribed though, you need to talk to your prescriber.
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  #21  
Old Mar 03, 2013, 10:42 PM
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I have this sleep study to Do with my son tomorrow night. I'm nervous about that. I never confirmed it so they may not evened us. We'll have to see. I'm calling I'm the morning.
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  #22  
Old Mar 03, 2013, 11:02 PM
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Originally Posted by Tiger_Lily View Post
I agree that they are more than "just thoughts." The word "just" is belittling them. They hurt, they interfere, and they are not fair.
I'm sure Miguel's mom was not belittling in her post. "Just" also refers to, they cannot harm you, you are stronger than thoughts, thoughts do not have the power to rule us....

Just saying.

Moose. Physical distraction can only do so much, look into that art therapy Cocosurviving mentioned, because like I said, you need to retrain your thought patterns away from its default self- destruct setting.

It happens to the best of us, but there are ways around them, that help on an intrinsic level rather than a surface level like meds.
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  #23  
Old Mar 03, 2013, 11:27 PM
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The intrusive thoughts are ugly. They just play. Detailed visions of stabbing myself. My friend things I should go to ER. I told him there's nowhere to sleep there.
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  #24  
Old Mar 04, 2013, 01:50 AM
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I seriously did not mean to belittle anything. Just trying to remember the thoughts as tortuous as they can be can not physically harm you. It's what you do with them that can seriously physically harm you. I do think you should go to the ER if you can't stay safe until pdoc or T open. I'm sorry if I offended.
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  #25  
Old Mar 04, 2013, 04:46 AM
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No worries. I'm home and I slept. Going back. Weird dream. Will call T when they open.
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