Help, I may be in Sui trouble, not sure

I'm sorry Speed. I wish I knew where you could go that is safe and healing until all of this passes. Do you have any family anywhere at all that might let you come stay for a few days even? You could just tell them you need to get out of the house for a while and away from your grieving, you don't have to tell them everything if you don't feel comfortable.

You definitely need a new pdoc if this one has been so nasty and didn't even respond when paged.

Did you ask the ER people if they could get someone else?

You aren't obligated to see this particular pdoc forever.

Don't let the shi**y attitudes and actions of your pdoc and your husband lead you into doing something awful.

You're too important, Don't let them have that power.

I am in a vicious circle. My PDOC of 12 years has me on 12 mg of Ativan a huge dose. Last year when I felt better I tried to find a new PDOC. No one would take me on that dose.

This past December I started to ween down and was doing good, then Jason died.
I needed the bigger dose to help me get by.

I don't know what is wrong with my PDOC, when I first met him he was great.
We had a standing appointment every Friday. He actually did therapy with me.

Know I barely hear from him. He falls asleep in appointments. Barely returns calls.

The Er I went to is the one I always go to, it has the Psyc unit there. He lied to me yesterday, he said they did not have a bed. They did. I told the nurse and regular doc I took extra meds they night before and yesterday.

The Doc and Social worker kept paging my PDOC, he did not return any pages.

Finally, I just said I want to go home. I lied I said my friend would be with me all day today.

My PDOC use to be head of the Psyc until last July. The last time I was there I asked if I could have one of the Pdocs that are always on the unit. They said no out of respect for my PDOC.

My Husband Called my PDOC last night after we came home and confronted him about the bed situation and why he did not answer his page. He said he never got the pages and never addressed the fact that he said there were no beds.

I just kept remembering him saying the unit didn't want me anymore. Keep in mind they have known me for 12 years. Yes, right after my son died my husband and I got upset that I could not use my felt markers to journal on the unit. This was never a rule and they had a bin on the table in the community room. I can't believe I would be outed for this one thing.

I am wondering now if it is true or it is something my PDOC made it.

I really don't need this SH....IT right now, I need compassion and help. Has the world gone off its axis ?

Thank goodness you're with us, Speed. No, the world isn't off its axis; you've just
had a psychiatrist who is longer in touch with his patients.

Please go someplace and see a psychiatrist who knows your grief and can medicate you properly.

Your husband sounds as if he was somewhat better last night. Maybe your going on to the emergency room had something to do with his waking up.

Try very hard to get with a psychiatrist in another area, even if you must drive a good distance to see him. The drive alone will give you time to have calm thoughts and to begin to plan your life with better environmental circumstances.

You are stronger, you know. You got to the hospital on your own, found out the
real character of the psychiatrist you have, and know now that a big part of your
recovery is going to be with people who will be very glad to help with your recovery.

Please continue to act in your own behalf. It's very strengthening.

I was really worried about you yesterday and thought earlier today I'd try to see if
all is okay.

It does sound better, but you do need to continue psychiatric treatment for a while yet.

Keep us posted, PLEASE. We worry when we don't hear from you, you know.

Greif.
The most horrendously painful thing in the world is for a mother to lose her child.
I'm really sorry and I can't even imagine the pain you feel.
I have been thinking suicidal thoughts over some stressful meeting coming up.
You have some real strength.
Hang in there.

PS Fire that PDoc and hire someone else. Sometimes all it takes is a formal complaint. Sounds like one may be in order.
(((Speed3)))

I'm so happy your here. Please keep asking for a new pdoc. Just because he was head of the department does not mean he's a good pdoc. I don't believe your pdoc for one second that they banned you from the unit. If he's that high ranking he could have fought for you.

(((((( Speed3 ))))))) This thread is so painful, my heart hurts for you. You don't need abuse, you don't need to be lied to and you don't need masses of pills. You are grieving and hurting. You need compassion and understanding, a shoulder to cry on, talk, talk and talk some more. That's what you need.

lSpeed I am so happy to see you here with

I am so sorry your Pdoc is just a waste of space. You keep reaching for help and its like things just won't line up, That tells me what you really need is coming and it will be exactly what you need want and deserve.

I can't remember if you have been to see your Primary care doctor? Primary doc's can typically get you in with a new Pdoc much faster than you can by calling.. If you went that route already its time to go back and let them know just how bad things are.

You can fire your Pdoc and find one that cares. I just doubt you have been banned from the unit.. that's just ridiculous.. Did you ever get a formal letter certified ? I mean really, loads of people kinda flip out .. Hello ! It's a Psych ward .. I mean this seriously but also joking. I flipped out once when I was inpatient... I have been back numerous times wasn't ever an issue.

Shame on your current Pdoc for medicating you up to 12 mg a day .. W T H ? Shame on him Shame on him Shame on him.

Another Pdoc will take you on , they will just want to set you up on a taper down schedule is all, and you know you need to get off that stuff it's just a depressant now.

You are so strong, much stronger than you even allow yourself to believe.

With all the new information you gave us, I am thinking that your pdoc has hit a wall. He may have once been great, but to me it sounds like he is in crash and burn mode now.

Also you said that you asked to see a different pdoc while on the ward but they didn't allow it, out of respect. Well, to my perhaps paranoid ears that sounds like he may have heard about that and is now being petty. I don't believe they have no beds. I have a feeling he is being childish and keeping you out on purpose. This man is the block to your wellness now. He isn't being a doctor. He's being a jerk.

I agree with everyone else, you need a new pdoc ASAP. And you're right, you don't need this s**t right now. It's rather horrible and ridiculous.

I can't believe this. One of the ER nurses called me today, she was concerned and wondered if my PDOC had called to check in on me. Of course he had not.
I called him and started to leave a message. He picks up , oh ya he says what should we do for you. He wants me to answer, da you are the doc.

He still insists the ER did not call him. I know this is 100% false. He just did not want me admitted.

He now says on the phone the unit was upset because I didn't go to groups. I always go to groups. I would say 50% of the patients don't go
to all groups.
I said DR.. W you told me it was over the felt markers ? He started getting nasty and I hung up on him.

I wish I felt better to scout for a new PDOC. I thought after 12 years, in my time of need he would be there for me, not there to pick fights and leave me hanging.

I'm keeping you in my thoughts, Speed.

I think you've caught him in his lie. Whatever is going on with him, he's not the same as he was from what you said. It's terrible. Maybe he needs to see a pdoc.

I"m glad that nurse called you. She's a very good nurse, I'm sure. I hope you can get help soon. Is he still the head of the ward? I hope not. I know you're not up for a battle right now, but he seriously needs to be reported to whatever superior is above him.

Oh I'm sorry Speed

Here is the thing HE broke the patient Doctor bond... If you go back to the ER and they ask who is your Pdoc ... He is NO longer that person, You will get help and will at least be seen by the on call Pdoc

Maybe this is the break you have needed through this?

So glad to hear from you, Speed3!

Something is VERY wrong with your pdoc. Maybe he is going through his own mental health issues. Maybe he is burned out and ready to flip burgers somewhere instead of his chosen profession.

He has violated the oath that doctors take.

He is supposed to be watching out for your best interests, not lying to you.

Speed3 I'm reading and thinking of you!!