Feel like running...

Today is one of those days when I feel like running away from everything.

I feel like putting all my money in my pocket, getting in my car, and driving until I don't even know where I am. People don't understand that I get tired, too. I need a break sometimes, too. I'm human. I can't do it all for everyone all the time.

I AM HUMAN.. I need time for myself. I need time to just be me. I need time away from being a wife... away from screaming kids... away from the financial worries...just away from everything. I can't take it. I can't keep going without seeing some sort of relief for myself.

I don't think anyone should be expected to do everything all the time. But I am. I'm a wife, mother, friend, daughter, sister, maid, councelor, nurse, cook...etc... all the time without a break.

Am I being a baby? Should I just suck it up and get over it? Am I allowed to feel like this, or am I being selfish? I was raised to just shut up, get over it, and do what you have to do no matter what. Is that the way it's really supposed to be? I always get confused when I start to feel like this, because I have a hard time determining right from wrong with situations such as this one.

Anyone?

Hi MP,

I think it's totally normal to feel as you do. Sometimes life just gets too overwhelming, and we want a break from all of our responsibilities.

I'm not sure what options are available to you, but a time out sure would be good for right now. Is there a way that you can get away, just for a while, to re-center and relax?

You are in no way being selfish. No one can do it all, and trying to do everything without a break can wear you down mentally as well as physically. I wish I had more to suggest, I just wanted you to know I understand. I hope you can find some time just for you.

Love,
Sujin

You are NOT being a baby, you are overwhelmed and rightfully
so.
My pdoc, tells me when we talk about things in my RL, that I have "too much on my plate", I'm sure many of us know that expression, right?
It is true though, and yes we are only human,we get stressed then tired (exhausted)and it really does get to be too much. Many expect too much out of us, and not realizing it, we continue to do more and more, then run out of gas from out emotional and physical "tank".
MP, can I run away with you too? I swear, I've said just what you said about just wanting to vacate. LOL!!
Not meaning to make a joke, but you and I know how we feel on all this overwhelming stuff.
In all seriousness, we do need a break,finding out how in a healthy way is sort of a mystery.
I am planning to speak up very soon, to mom,etc. for all this with her poor health and dementia is draining.
Many professionals say when a person finally comes to the point, where they feel they can do this sort of stuff any longer it then is very important outside help is gained.
Sorry for the ramblings, for I'm still trying to figure a way of getting some relief soon, I'm at my breaking point,even my health is declining . . . stress has been proven to trash our immune systems.
Take care,
Roe

Anyone who can help us with some ideas, please do.

Jenn, I know these feelings you're having. You're no baby! You are your OWN PERSON- as well as all your other rolls in your family and life. You need time and some silence around you to recharge your batteries, by being on your own. You need some good feeding!
You're a wonderful person, Jenn! Don't feel bad about having these feelings... you're not Superman ( psst... and I'm not Tarzan ). You can't keep going, keep going, keep going... without something to put into your emotional bank. When it's empty... it's empty. You need to fill it regulary. Think of something you want to do or maybe just take a bath in calmness and silence... let your hubby take care of the kids for a while. Go see a movie with a friend......

(I guess I need to read my own words!)

((((((((((((((( Jenn )))))))))))))))

I enjoyed talking to you earlier! You've got a lovely voice and your kids were so funny a cute!

I know how you feel. Before I had my breakdown and went on meds I was able to just mentally shut down to get through and now I cant. I have to deal with it and its so flippin hard. I have a four year old boy, a princess whos going through the terrible twos and a lazy insensitive husband. So many time. I just want to go and not come back. I think theyd be better off without me cause I cant handle it. Just like recently. I have been so manic which is odd for me, Im usually down alot, and I went nuts. Screwed up the bills by forgetting stuff, had a bad day and had my hair cut super short, got one ear pierced four times, spaced on all responsiblilty and just last night I realized Ive been driving around on an expired drivers license. But, those days pass and some good ones come. I just have a hard time cause I am really really lonely alot. I feel so alone. I just want to cry and cry.I dont really have any friends or any support at all. I think we all feel that way though. Which oddly makes me feel a little less lonely.

i'm not a young mother now, but i remember those days well. especially with the girl's dad. i sympathize so much....i wish i could come over and bring everyone a big platter of sour cream cookies and a big pot of tea. we'd dress up and sit by a lovely river and just let the troubles flow by.....love, pat

(((MP))) and (((cutenotcrazy)))- I definitely was drowning repeatedly when I was a younger mother. My daughter is 8 now and the only coping mechanism I really used were anti-depressants and two trips to the mental hospital. I could not wrap my mind around the concept that other mothers had it tough. Everyone I talked to said little or nothing. I think we all have such a great fear of being thought of as a bad mother. When I went to the pdoc, I just said I was depressed and anxious and got meds. I drank a lot of alcohol and then realized I wanted to kill myself. I took a lot of my pills and fortunately blacked out but not before calling two of my brothers who called police from hundreds of miles away. The paramedics came in thru my back window. My daughter was two and was napping. Once I drank I decided everyone especially her would be better off without me. I was very fortunate. I hadn't been seeing my therapist for quite awhile. After all this happened, she rightly tossed a bucket of cold water over me once and for all by telling me the greatest predictor of suicide in a child is a parent who kills him or herself.

Please go easy on yourselves.

Meta

It's good to know that there are other people that feel/have felt like that. I think a lot of it does have to do with me being a young mother. I am 26 and have 3 kids.. they are 7, 5, and 3. I've been a mother since I was 19, and somehow I guess I think I should just get used to this. I suppose everyone gets overwhelmed sometimes, though. I hardly ever hear other mothers talk about being overwhelmed or on edge, so I guess I just thought I was being a bad mother for feeling like that.

Of course, I am so happy to have my children, and I wouldn't change that for anything. It just feels good to know that I am allowed to feel like this without being labeled as a bad mom. My mother always made me feel like you should never show emotion no matter what. We weren't allowed to cry much when I was a kid. She still won't listen to me when I have a problem. She just tells me to get over it. Her motto is, "If you're not dying it's not worth sitting around pouting like a baby over it." Nice, eh?

It's all new to me to realize my feelings count, and to realize I am ALLOWED to feel! Thanks, everyone.

Its funny, my mom used to be so hard on me. Dont cry, dont pout, she was so hard on me and treated me like I was a big baby if I couldnt handle something. Then this all happened and shes pretty much my only support. Now shes so sensitive to my moods. She can tell how Im doing by the tone of my voice. Even over the phone. I wish my husband (hes the type that pees on the fence ) would be more like that. Hes such a goober sometimes. We went out to eat and he gave our two year old a jalapeno and she actually took a bite!! She freaked!! She started screaming and jumping and began gagging herself to get rid of the taste and vomited in my hand next to my food. Everyone was staring at us. It was a nightmare, but hilarious. I think he stresses me out more than my kids. My therapist thinks hes too much for me to handle sometimes. I dont think hes that bad, but, Im married to him so Im a little impartial.