Eureka!

Well admittedly, this is a cross post from the bpd section, but you guys here have been so good about me venting and whining here even when its a bpd trigger that I feel its only right to share some positive bpd related news with you

So most of you know how love causes me instant destablization, this is related to that issue

Anyway, been wondering for a while why bpd is so ugly with bf. It was never this full on with ex bf who donated sperm to my daughter and whom I dated at tender age 18 till 24 and was convinced I would end up marrying, should he miraculously stop being a drug addicted abusive jerk (which he wasn't in the beginning, I'm not THAT dense) but yeah, I didn't spew venom at him and he deserved it

I mean I had my moments, but they were rare and not as wild as now. But with bf omgeeee I'm batshit crazy wearing "normal lady" costume! Which is a tiring gig might I add...

First I thought its because this is true love, but that makes no logical sense as I was inlove with jerk of an ex too, and disorders can't differentiate between what's true and not and cannot present itself accordingly!!!

So I started thinking about how the relationships differ and it was suddenly obvious

Ex is possessive and clingy therefore I never had reason to fear any abandonment. Hell I knew it was an issue, but it didn't come up in that relationship (obviously not when he routinely threatened to kill me if I ever left) I did however suffer identity disturbance ALOT, which thankfully is now mostly if not completely a non-issue in my current relationship! And him (ex) being my first real bf, I honestly didn't even know how deep my rabbit hole was.... Silly silly naive little Alice.

Current bf I don't see him as often as we'd like (he works and studies and lives an expensive distance away) so that in itself was my first real full on bpd trigger. I felt so unimportant, so insignificant. Bf behavior is so the opposite of clingy and possessive ex, so its quite an emotional and mental adjustment to convince myself that just because he doesn't feel the need to "stalk" me, doesn't diminish his love for me.

The adjustments are slow, tedious and difficult, but finally trusting him emotionally (that he loves me and doesn't want to be without me) is slowly challenging my thought processes, proving them wrong one by one. And while this is a harrowing process for me, it is also a very healthy one as I don't have a T and been therapying myself

well just hot boogie wow! ...and spin me out wow!...

...I gotta say thats easily the most enlightnening thing I've read from you Lia!...I mean you're always captivating but that?

...that was from another place that was a new and very excellent place.

thanks for proving to us that those most diabolical pieces of the puzzles in our lives do actually fit somewhere!...

I'm overjoyed you've had ah-ha moments
But I'm not there yet- my so called relationship is very different. Why does he not show affection as I would like, I feel uncherished, neglected, unimportant to him. Maybe I am. And the hating him then missing him, thinking maybe I understand him... Ugh no I'm not there yet. He plain and simple doesn't treat me how I want and needs to be dumped with the trash, he's a dickhead and I hate him. Who the f am I when I get all weird jealous needy like this. It confuses the hell out of me! I don't want to hate people is it him or me with the problem... Am I just the stupid crazy girl of the town who should be lucky anyone dates me... See how nuts that is just horrible self esteem. Love is torture why do I keep trying.

Sorry should've been in bpd forum :/ love makes me a way I do not like.

You're not nuts C, but love can be torturous at times yes, it causes so many inner conflicts because your thought processes and emotional reactions rarely match the general idea you have yourself, its very contradicting and tiring

You keep trying because you're resillient and hungry for answers.

If bf doesn't meet your basic needs after you have communicated them, I would strongly suggest rethinking the relationship. People in our lives all have roles to fullfill, and a principal cast member cannot go around acting like an "extra", its just unfair and selfish....

You wil have plenty ah ha moments of your own, you are taking great strides to achieve this, PLUS I saw it in my crystal ball!

You flatter me James Thank you for the compliment my friend

Mannn Do I relate!!!!

that is awsome

thanks for sharing

Isn't it great when you figure something out?

Now to figure out how to calm the storm.

It is great yes thanks sis The storm is proving quite tricky, I must admit, even when I don't go all gale force wind and relentless rain, there's still an electrical storm, a strong current ripping through the sky quietly... just waiting... waiting for its prey...

Had an electrical storm today, howeverrrr, I managed to post, read and sleep through it hehe, Lia 1 - bpd 0

Here's a crazy idea.... (maybe a sane one, LOL.)

Can you reality check your BPD abandonment thing? I mean really, it sounds like paranoia a lot to me. And maybe learning reality checking skills can help calm it?

I'm just learning about bpd, but I think that's the idea... challenging the intense emotions, talk yourelf through it, so similiar to bp stuff (in my mind). Leaves me confuzzled!!


And Lia thank you!! Yes - I've got a "Lead Role" man acting like an extra on a really boring reality fishing tv show!!!! But I expect more than my "basic needs" met in a romantic relationship - if it's not mind blowing or at least wonderful more than half the time, then it's a waste of my time, I think??

I said "yourelf" instead of yourself, omg lmao... maybe an inside joke between me and my inner elf

Not insane at all! Its what I've been attempting to do, but without my bf's help. So what I'm doing is I save the chats between us that help me reality check so that I can use them as a point of reference when my thoughts lie to me.

And it actually does feel like a form of paranioa This business with bf challenging my thoughts, I imagine it feels like exposure therapy. Not at all pleasant, but undoubtedly helpful

Lol at reality fishing show and elf self! I absolutely agree! Life is fulla shyt, time should not be wasted IMO

My inner elf says it's a good idea to keep the proof of love on hand you can look at it easily.

And, I think, if he's a caring guy, then he will help with the reality checking. Like, if you can honestly take a deep breath and be like: "I am having this high anxeity about this situation right now, and instead of blowing it out of proportion, I want to run it by you and get your take on it." Just a thought.

(My inner elf is also named Merryweather I decided, LOL. Princess Merryweather.)

Ideally, yes I want to be able to talk about it with him, but for now bp is an acceptable topic, while bpd is a no-go zone. Not only is he going thru his own personal hell, but he's still...uhm skittish(?) when it comes to the bpd.

I hardly blame him my last attack on him was mercilessly brutal and fueled by an OBVIOUS delusion. Still cant understand how it took me 3 weeks to notice I was insane at the time, I'm supposedly intelligent! but ok, that's the past right?

I like your elf self's name

Well, just remember sis that intelligance does not have anything to do with delusions. Don't be hard on yourself. Some of the most genius geniuses in history have also been completely delusional.

My inner elf is a guy maybe named Bossy, an awesome boss... Lol

Yes Lia you're so very intelligent and I admire how you're facing all this stuff. Huge respects

Awwwww I love you guys my sisters are thee absolute best!
C, Bossy sounds quite intriguing