my story

As a small child when I guess I was old enough to think about things,I knew I was "different"to the other kids,couldn't understand why everyone else didn't get so super excited about things,would be the main thing as a kid I noticed and I've always been fairly loud and full on.I suspected I had Bi-polar for about 2 years and recently diagnosed as type 2,I am also 99% sure I'm ADHD as well,maybe the BP has come out as the hyperactive part,I've done tests,read books,talked to people with adhd and have no doubt,one day will get some $ and find out for sure.In my teens and early 20's I attempted suicide 4 times over about 7 yrs,and never want to go back to those days of depression,You put on a happy face,most ppl don't get it,and crap to those who think for attention,no I wanted out.I am now 2& 1/2 yrs off the gambling,(pokies) I had a 20 yr chronic habit,and what made it worse was I think not ever wanting to go back to the depressed days,so I became a rock,and blocked all the down stuff I should have felt,not to say it wasn't a %#@&#! of a life,but I was living on adrenaline and god knows what else bouncing around my head in the chemical dept.I have a beautiful sweet boyfriend of 19yrs,defacto,and now the poor thing has to try ride with me on the continuing highs and lows.That's about it for now,I love the ups and hate the downs,but need the manic to achieve in a business,I believe I can make big bucks out of.I realised in the last couple of years I'm an artist.I choose not to take medication,except sleepers that I badly need at times,but no motivation whatsoever unless I have the ups,and what a buzz,it's no wonder the brain wants more and more.thanks for listening

I'm sorry to hear about the trials that you have endured--living with BP can be so difficult. I'm glad to hear that you have a great supporter (your boyfriend)--that's wonderful!

I do want to pass along a story, though. My ex-wife is bipolar (as am I). She has worked as a nurse at a major hospital for many years. She always did OK before she was DX'd as bipolar, but was often passed over for new positions she applied for, that sort of thing. She always insisted that her mania (though she called it 'energy" at the time) was necessary for her performance. After her DX she was put on a mood stabilizer, lithium. At her next review she received the best evaluation of her life, and has gone on to head an initiative to begin a new department. She has done that for several years, and is now being invited to speak at other hospitals about what she has done.

My point, of course, is that we get "addicted" to the up feelings because they feel so much better than the downs. We feel invincible, like we can accomplish anything when we're like that. The truth is that we're better off in the long run if we try to decrease the frequency and the range of our cycles through medication, therapy, excercise and nutrition. We perform better and more consistently at work, and we're more pleasant to be around the rest of the time.

I know hassling with meds can be a pain, but I do think you should consider it--I have met too many people who have been helped by them.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best!

DJ

Hey if trials are over why don't you use this so other people can post their stories to share! I think many people with BP could relate as well as others with different problems and gifts to share them with each other! If none of you do I think I will start that topic!

why are you asking ppl this in all forums?

I can definitely relate to wanting to keep the highs. I've been hypo-manic (have bp I) since April & have been enjoying the energy, excitement, etc., but on Sat. night my husband made a comment that hurt my feelings & I took a bunch of Xanax & drank a bottle of wine & ended up in the ER. Went to my therapist today & she wants me to go to my meds provider to see if she wants to adjust dosage, etc. cuz she thinks I'm on the edge of doing some rash & perhaps dangerous behaviors like I did Sat. night. I'm really ashamed of my behavior & don't want to tell my provider cuz I've been stable about 4 yrs. & I'm considered a "success" story. Will have to monitor myself very carefully to see if I start "acting up" again, then it's off to my provider no matter what.

Hi dave,I really appreciate what you said,I mean that,but I honestly do need the mania,and I also like to call it up,rather than manic,and believe with work I can control my brain,sounds dellussional I know,but I still reckon it's surely only dellussional if it can't be achieved.I'm not keen on taking pills,but do if need be,but did take 1 that was prescribed by psych once(I requested something to knock me flat when need be)and I swear it brought on depression,or would have if I continued.I'm working it out slowly and will keep you posted,I think maybe in a way I'm lucky that I have type2,no holiday but maybe more manageable without meds.have a great day,and thanks for reply.

Hi Sarah,Yeah,it makes sense,I actually read some and think that's what a lot of ppl are doing already,it's good to talk with ppl with the same thing eh.Have a great day.

gidday,sorry I don't know what you're asking me about,but I'm fairly new to cyberspace,(going well but still a baby at computers)and very new here so I have found by asking questions I'm learning how to get around the site.Does that answer your question?cya

sorry darl,its me again,I've just realised what you are asking,Yeah,as I mentioned I'm a learner,and did find out how to put a posting up by asking,hence,my posting.Have a good day.

Hi suzy,If you don't mind me suggesting,I think it would be wise to be completely honest with your meds person,it's not something you conciously chose to do,if yu know what I mean,it was the manic cycle and chemical crap going on.I think,don't be too hard on your self,all successes have their downs too,but let the professionals help mate.good luck and hang in there,don't ever give up on yourself,it's hard work but we all will get there.Keep in touch mate.

I went to my therapist (whom I haven't seen in 3 or 4 yrs. since I was doing so well) & she wants me to see my meds provider. I'm not ready todo that, yet, but I'm heading out for a vacation in AZ & will be gone for a week so I'll have time to monitor myself & reassess my position. I'm hoping it was just a "blip" & won't reoccur. Bye, everyone & take care.

hope it all goes well for you Suzy,take it easy hon.

sorry Davey,I think I stuffed up answering the posts by replying on the wrong persons name,so your answer is I think under the sarah 116,you get that.lol,I'll get there.