i don't understand the purpose of meds anymore

This probably sounds dumb, but why take meds with all the stupid side effects, if it doesnt even help??? Maybe for others it does help significantly, but for me I cant find any to help me be stable, I just seem to get worse. I just keep searching and searching lately, reading books about ppl who have regained stability from bipolar, but I dont even find the info useful.
Sigh...sorry for the rant, just very frustrated with my treatment.

I'm sure we've all felt like that at some point, but mostly folks end up finding a combination that works and is kinda worth the side effects. I'm sorry you haven't found it yet. What are you taking at the moment?

sorry you are having a hard time. I am pretty much a meds rookie (as far as BP goes), but I have found that the meds seem to just turn down the volume on my episodes....they have not gone away totally though, and for me that is worth it enough to deal with the side effects. I hoped but didn't know if the symptoms would go away completely but they haven't. They have reduced in severity though. I hope you find what you need and want. This may be a stupid question but have you given the meds you have tried enough time to really see what they will do over the course of several months? sorry if that is a dumb question, i am sure your pdoc knows what he/she is doing...it was just a thought.

middlepath has a point. I used to believe that meds were absolutely no good and only made me slow and dull, but it was mostly because I would quit taking them before they had really started working or my my body had got used to them.

well, some people find themselves better OFF meds. If it doesn't work for you and you find other ways to cope... please don't let yourself to be forced to stay on them just because you have this diagnosis.

there is a way. there's actually many ways. The substances are only small part of recovery anyways.

I agree with these posts. While there are side effects, they may sometimes be related
to the acidic residue which all meds leave when they are digested. You can help to
correct that by increasing the alkalinity of fluids and tissues. Much information is available on how to do that.

Often, it takes as many as three or more efforts to obtain the right "cocktail" to get
you stabilized. The first effort is just the beginning. You have a long life ahead of you if you are pro-active in your care. That you may wish to do to make things better for yourself.

Generally, bipolar illness can become worse if it is permitted to go untreated. While
you may not feel the first effort at medication is good, ask for different ones and try
them for a while. There are literally dozens of bipolar medications that work.
Do some research yourself on how to improve symptoms of medication acidity ash (or residue).

Ask about the value of Deplin in prescribed dosage for those who can't metabolize
folic acid (vitamin B9) into folate which the brain can use because it's able to cross the
blood-brain barrier. (Current research indicates that 70% of depressed patients are lacking
the stomach enzymes necessary to make folate which the brain can use to assist with serotonin
neurotransmitters--those are the ones that give the "good feeling" tone.)

Some medication-resistant patients find Deplin to be beneficial when added to their meds schedule.

Take care of yourself.

Try doing some research on "mindfulness". Sometimes it takes a change in how we approach the disorder and our thinking. I don't think there is a magic pill. The problem I had with medication was, as soon as I would start to feel good I would want to start to decrease dosages. Now, I very much live in the moment (mindfulness) and take quite a combo of meds, but I'm happy and stable. It took a lot of hard work and a conscious decision that I was not going to let the disorder ruin my life. I will be 38 next week, and I'm making it....I set out to "master bipolar" and I'm doing it. But it wouldn't be possible had I not learned how to practice and implement mindfulness as a way of being.

Try to think of 5 positive things right now. And in case you say there isn't any, I can help. First you have electricity, there are those without, you have internet, so you have access to as much information as you could possibly want, I'm assuming you are not standing out in the rain, so a roof over your head? Your turn. Now in this moment, what do you need? Not want, need?

I wish you nothing but happy days.

Kim

Yeah, I've taken them a while

clowns (lithium) to the left of me,
jokers (lamictal) to the right,
here i am stuck in the middle with you (bipolar)

Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you,
And I'm wondering what it is I should do

I would like to touch on the perception issue raised by Kim but with a different angle...

Meds increased my symptoms for different reasons: 1. My perception of myself was different, I now had a negative connotation attached to my identity. 2. While I remember how I praised them in the beginning (both cocktails) I loathed them in the end, because they were a constant reminder of my "defect" and not to mention nightmarish side effects from cocktail 2. Who knows maybe chemically they did make me worse, idk... But I'll try to elaborate;

All of a sudden I went from "wired differently" to "sick" and I believe this helped to increase my instability, I was cycling like crazy. Then I went from decreased volume of episodes to muted, which meant not recognizing myself, my demeanor, my reactions, even my face.

Do you see what I'm saying? Even without being muted in the end, my perception of myself was now very negative. I started thinking of myself as sick, and while this works for some, because the standard medical model is suited to certain personalities, for others it increases symptoms, episodes, cycles. Its counter-productive, as "we" reinforce the illness in a sense. I am not alone in this, that's why I use "we" but do not wish to use names as the member is not online to speak for herself, but am sure there are more like us.

Since quitting the medical model, I am less symptomatic, yes I still swing and cycle, but not as often or as wildly as before when medicated. And I don't analyze every mood or every nuance as symptomatic, and by taking away that magnifying glass, for me atleast, it has now become less of a burden to bear... I am not anxiously awaiting other shoes to drop, I am not constantly on guard. That was wayyy too stressful in itself, and stress + bp don't mix. I believe it is because I changed my perception and reverted to being "wired differently" as opposed to being sick, that I now cycle less and have very few fullblown episodes.

Now I'm not saying quit your meds or hide your head in the sand like an ostrich and pretend bp is a myth, a certain amount of awareness is very helpful. Cold turkey was hell on earth for quite a while on me and I hear tapering's no walk in the park either. But if you could maybe change your mindset to work in conjuction with meds, maybe then you won't feel worse on them...

Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm talking snot, but I thought it worth mentioning anyway

I relate to you. I've been on over 45-50 meds since 1986 and I came to the same conclusion about ten yrs ago. I'm very sensitive to meds or either I don't respond to them. And I'm stuck in the middle because Doctors don't know what to do. They usually give me options like, "Well if it helped your mood a little and you had a small side effect wouldn't that be better than not taking it at all?" And I'm like, "No! I'm having trouble walking or I feel too lethargic on this dose and overall I'm not exactly functioning like I want to be functioning!!!" (And they kind of just have no answer.)

That's what Psychiatry is about sometimes which I learned from my Doc. I told him about schizophrenics which I've been around and how they're turned lifeless after getting treatment and my Doc told me "Well, a Doctor has to determine if a certain course of action has to be taken sometimes." Anotherwords, the medication might have some demons but there really aren't any other choices to make.

I'm taking celexa, lamictal, lorazapam and flurazapam.

My first round of meds worked REALLY great for several months then I began having these unbelievable anxiety attacks...read the med literature...guess what one of the side affects was....anxiety attacks. Seriously?!?
So I stopped taking those and got another one...it worked really great too.
Then my medical benefits changed and I could no longer afford to go see my Pdoc and my scrip ran out.
Since then I have been reading alot, doing a lot of self help, reading and posting here on PC, and overall I think I am doing pretty good.
I am much more aware of my issues and symptoms....I push myself when I see certain triggers or situations that can cause me to relapse into panic or anxiety...I do have some days where my symptoms are my non-med side affects.
But I am really lucky that I am not worse than I am. I would never give the advice to NOT take your meds if the Pdoc thinks you should.
I am also lucky enough that any stigma associated to taking the meds does not matter to the room full of people I work with who are on or have been on similar meds for similar issues....I have talked with many of them.
Good luck on whatever path you choose. You have to do what is best for you.

I agree. I really just want to stop taking them because I hate being dependant on anything. I feel.stable ish now, though, I guess.

Funny I woke up after what seems like a 18 hour coma (had meds adjusted 2 days ago) ok sleep a bit excessive, even for the woman who puts sleep on her "I love...sleep always #1 list" but after bouncing into furniture, figuring out the coffee maker I've used a thousand times...body slowed down in a sea of molasses...
...I wonder why. I shell out lotsa money to feel like crap. I think I'm being a whiner as usual, but damn, is it worth it?

When I think back to just a few months ago where my mania had taken my short term memory, ability to drive, to sleep, to read (#2 on the "I love list"), type, to reason & to function I'll say yes. Heck - I'll say yes now, it's easy to forget how bad I was. Forget (snapping my fingers - that quick). Give me more coffee, pull the plug on the molasses, and I'll be good to go.

Those were my first thoughts this morning & was going to post on them. I really hope they find a good balance. I went on a mini rant, and then realized I don't have much to complain about. I've found much more balance than I had. Be persistent, proactive and positive about finding the right treatment. Here for ya...