[C2015]

I feel like I am completely useless and not cared about. I told my dad I feel like no one cares he said if they didn't care about me they wouldn't do all they do for me. That offended me to me that is the worst thing to say to someone with bipolar.

I feel like if I died no one would care. People might care for a few days then they would forget about me. Like I was never here. Everything I do I have to do it alone. Anytime I go anywhere I do it alone.

My mom asked a few weeks ago if I still felt like I wanted to die. I said yes I do. She asked what about my boyfriend. I said he will find someone else. I've only seen him two days this month which is his choice not mine. I have no control over when we see each other. I'm not a priority to him. I seriously doubt he would be devastated if I died.

I just feel so worthless and useless. I feel like no one cares about me. I am alone most of the time. No one invites me to do anything. My life is still the same it was four years ago alone. It will be the same way four years from now. I've told my family this is how I feel over and over. It doesn't seem to matter how I feel.

It's getting to the point I want to cut myself again. My parents know I have done that in the past.

[Hashi/bipolar mom]

How old are you and are you on any meds? I'm sorry that you are suffering!

[Xand]

Hi C2, the first thing you gotta do is drop that loser of a boyfriend. He ain't helping you none. If you are taking antidepressants they take a few weeks, 2 to 3 to kick in and you can feel worse in the interveening time. Then the dark veil lifts and you get your life back. So you can look forward to a fresh new boyfriend. Wishing you well.

[gina_re]

I'm so sorry you are suffering and that this is your current outlook on life. I'm pretty sure you're not useless or not cared about. I felt that way for years, and still do struggle with it. I was so down one day that I didn't care about myself and was convinced that no one else did that I sat at my desk and wrote out where my assets should go "just in case." If I had a funeral, no one would be there to say how great of a person I am and how much they missed me. That's my depression taking over. Once I stabilized and slowly came out of it, those feelings weren't as strong, but at least I am able to function and they aren't as nagging. The combination of medication and therapy is what will work. I've tried all the drugs I probably can at this point. Look at my current cocktail! And I still hate myself from time to time. But I'm finally getting into therapy to attack these deeply rooted self-esteem issues. So I understand. And if you don't think anyone else cares, I care. I get it. I'm alone most of the time too. You may not care enough to do so, but please seek out help whether it be through medication and/or therapy. You don't have to live your life like that. I went way too long being like that. It can get better if you allow yourself to accept the help. Please take care and PM me if you ever need to talk about anything.

[C2015]

I am on medicine but I can't help but wonder if I have gotten used to it. I've been on it for years. I am seeing my doctor next Friday. I am 33.

Thank you everyone for the responses. My family just doesn't understand why I feel this way. They are like look at everything you have and stop focusing on what you don't have. If it was that easy to do I would do that. They just can't understand my bipolar keeps me in negative thoughts.

[C2015]

I have only seen my boyfriend five hours this month. Today my dad said most people who date usually see each on the weekend. I don't even get a full weekend with my boyfriend.

[scatterbrained04]

*hugs* I totally understand where you're coming from. I've been dealing with depression as well, and it definitely makes me feel like that. Sometimes it is super difficult not to believe it. Do try to remind yourself that what you are feeling is not founded in truth!

I haven't been seeing my boyfriend much either. Makes me think and feel all kinds of things. In my case, a lot of it is because we each have a child and other things going on. Have you asked your boyfriend why he's not around?

[C2015]

One thing my boyfriend does that really makes me mad is he uses his phone most of the time we are together. He couldn't stay off the internet five hours this month.

He hasn't mentioned seeing me his days off this week. I honestly don't want to see him I am to depressed right now. I don't really feel like seeing anyone.

One thing I do when I get in depressed moods like this for some reason I want to watch horror movies. I feel like horror movies are the only thing that can take my mind off being depressed. I feel like horror movies can help more to take my mind off being depressed than other movies. I just bought a Stephen King movie and I can't wait to get it.

[DesigningWoman]

I completely understand C2015. I spent until I was 36, living at home and feeling mostly numb and unloved. I don't know precisely what started my moving after all those years. I suspect hypomania played a part. But it was more than that.
I realized several important truths.
1. If I was unhappy with my life, it was mine and mine alone to change.
2. That I actually was unloved. The worst thing I ever considered possible was true...and a relief to admit. Living two mentally ill parents who refused treatment for themselves and me as a teen just wanted me to be pliable to their needs. That was making me worse.
3. Time was passing and if anything was going to ever be different I needed to start working on it today in any and every way I could.
I explored anything I could to improve my life. Not everything worked but I was doing something. The fog slowly over the last 3 years lifted. That was what worked for me. My life isn't perfect. I'm not perfect. I have bad days. I get frustrated. I am however free and at times lonely. But I am more awake and healthier than in many years.
I tell my story only in hopes you might see that there are different paths. New life and a better tomorrow is possible.

[intergalactictraveler]

Originally Posted by C2015

I feel like I am completely useless and not cared about. I told my dad I feel like no one cares he said if they didn't care about me they wouldn't do all they do for me. That offended me to me that is the worst thing to say to someone with bipolar.

I feel like if I died no one would care. People might care for a few days then they would forget about me. Like I was never here. Everything I do I have to do it alone. Anytime I go anywhere I do it alone.

My mom asked a few weeks ago if I still felt like I wanted to die. I said yes I do. She asked what about my boyfriend. I said he will find someone else. I've only seen him two days this month which is his choice not mine. I have no control over when we see each other. I'm not a priority to him. I seriously doubt he would be devastated if I died.

I just feel so worthless and useless. I feel like no one cares about me. I am alone most of the time. No one invites me to do anything. My life is still the same it was four years ago alone. It will be the same way four years from now. I've told my family this is how I feel over and over. It doesn't seem to matter how I feel.

It's getting to the point I want to cut myself again. My parents know I have done that in the past.

Even if what your dad said came out clumsy, he meant it in the most positive, loving way. You're hearing it through the filter of depression and nothing sounds good or positive coming through that distorted filter.

If you're suicidal, put yourself in a hospital where you can be safe and treated. If you keep thinking about suicide, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. I'm 65, on disability, in a dysfunctional marriage of 20 years and my illness is getting worse each year, but, like a fighter, I get back into the ring when the bell goes off. I'll die when it's my time but while I'm here I'm going to work my butt off to do everything I can to make my life better. And you can do it, too. Don't wallow in self pity. You don't have to have a perfect life, just a life where there's some joy and a sense of accomplishment. You roll with the down times. Like the weather, they'll pass and it will be sunny again.

[C2015]

Could it be that my boyfriend not seeming to care if he sees be the reason I am so depressed? It really does bother me hasn't mentioned wanting to see me this week. I just don't understand him at all.

[C2015]

Originally Posted by intergalactictraveler

Even if what your dad said came out clumsy, he meant it in the most positive, loving way. You're hearing it through the filter of depression and nothing sounds good or positive coming through that distorted filter.

If you're suicidal, put yourself in a hospital where you can be safe and treated. If you keep thinking about suicide, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. I'm 65, on disability, in a dysfunctional marriage of 20 years and my illness is getting worse each year, but, like a fighter, I get back into the ring when the bell goes off. I'll die when it's my time but while I'm here I'm going to work my butt off to do everything I can to make my life better. And you can do it, too. Don't wallow in self pity. You don't have to have a perfect life, just a life where there's some joy and a sense of accomplishment. You roll with the down times. Like the weather, they'll pass and it will be sunny again.

That's my main problem I don't have any sense of accomplishment. I rarely have any joy.