trigger - at the end of my rope

I'm just plain losing it. I'm ready to just give up. I don't feel as though anything anyone says will help but I'm posting for lack of any better ideas. I have enough pain killers and sleeping pills to take with the single beer I have in front of me to make giving up a reality but so far I've resisted temptation. I tried calling Suicide Prevention and was told no volunteers are available in a recorded message.

I didn't really think they'd be able to help anyway. I'm just plain tired of trying to make a life for myself. Can anyone else see what I mean? I feel as though I've wasted my entire life from start to... well until now. And the future doesn't look any more promising. I can't stick to anything I try to do.

This seems like it's just so much whining to me, but then that's as much the problem as anything. I don't really want to talk about it with anyone but I am so lost I don't know what else to do. It all seems so pathetic to me, like a complete waste of time for anyone who might read this. I don't even know what I expect to accomplish with this post. I just need to get it off my chest I guess. I have made so many dumb mistakes and I'm sick to death of living with them. I keep having dreams where I am the outcast among a close-knit group. It mirrors my experiences so closely I can't escape the message, i.e. that I don't fit in with any group and I never will because I'm an antisocial loser. I'm sorry, but I just don't know what else to do other than post this nonsense.

Thanks to anyone willing to read this. But I don't know what good it will do.

Rebound........
you are way too witty to deprive us of your company, my Canadian friend. Turn on some loud music.....after you call 911 in Canada that's 911.
talk to me.........

leslie(bigdog)
you wanna chat?

um... so if i wanna get ahold of 911... what do i dial? :P

bebop...

I do know what it's like to not want to mess with any of this anymore...to be done...to not see the point in trying anymore. You feel good for a while, and then feel like dirt (or worse).

You just can't give up...I hope that by the time I'm writing this that you've gone to get help...sometimes you just have to let go and let others worry about all this crap for a few days. And then, after a little while, you'll be reaady to carry on...and we'll be here to help you.

peace,
DJ

I've been where you are many times, but there is HOPE. A good doc & therapist can help you get your quality of life greatly improved. Don't blame yourself for past mistakes. You just did the best you could under the circumstances & with the skills you had at the time.

I had a premature baby due to my abusing alcohol & smoking. But I was undiagnosed with bipolar I & couldn't cope any other way. I have guilt, but I know I didn't do it to harm the baby but because I was in such pain & had no skills to cope other than numbing myself with alcohol. But I was able to be helped (after a year of experimenting with medications) & I couldn't believe how good I could feel. I've never felt like that before. I still have my dips & had an "episode" about a month ago, but I'm still optimistic that my life will be more good than bad. With proper treatment, I bet you will, too.

Take care & keep posting. Have hope.--Suzy

Thanks for all your replies. Strangely, my internet connection was down all day yesterday or I would have replied sooner.

I've had better days, but I feel much better than when I posted originally. Hopefully, I'll manage to obtain some kind of help with this. Thanks again.

I sure hope you are feeling better. I understand how you feel. I get down in the dumps too and I feel as if nobody cares and that nobody understands. Sometimes I feel like this is never going to end and that it doesn't seem to get any better no matter how hard I try. Fortunately, I found this little community of bi-polar people here on psych central. I reached out last week and I got so much encouragement and understanding. I did what was suggested and called my pdoc and my therapist. Sometimes it's so very hard to ask for help. I'm so glad you're reaching out to us. I try to remember this silly little saying when I feel terrible - "this too shall pass" Don't give up! I was diagnosed last May and I've had a few ups and downs already. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. TLynn1019

Thanks again for the reply. I'm cycling so much these days it's hard to keep my head on straight so I'm glad I zoomed back up a bit over the last day or so. Even as I was posting the original message part of me felt it wouldn't last so I agree with you TL. I wish you luck and I assure you I will try to hang together as best I can.

Take care, all of you great folks

rebound I am glad you feel better!

Davey I think you put me instead of rebound there hon!

I think you're right...I apologize to you both...not paying attention!

DJ

Hey Rebound, I hope you are feeling better. I don't know you, but I can tell you that you have a lot to offer to this world. I really hope you are doing better!

Jen

HI Rebound,

I hope you are feeling better.

hugs, Lisa

Sometimes the only thing that brings a little bit of calm to my crazy mind is thinking and pondering upon how much I'm able to <font color="purple"> </font> .
I know it might sound so stupid and simple, but at least i can move from a really dark place (and I know you know what I mean) to one a little different.
I hope that writing about maybe helped you release some pain.

I think you're probably right about that, although at the time it seemd like more of a last resort than an active effort. I have to admit it sometimes takes writing it down to see that I mainly just needed to get it off my chest.

I'm not sure if that was the case here but it's the result that counts, that is, I went to bed and woke up feeling better than I was. He who fights and runs away and all that right?

So happy to hear you are feeling a bit better.
What can we do?! Just hang in there!!!