End of Rope

I've just about reached the end of my rope. After almost 4 years I am losing my T. He is moving on to a better job, but I feel like he is leaving ME.......and I have a hard time with abandonment. I have been crying most of the time, esp. yesterday at our appointment.

In addition to that huge stress, I have been unemployed since February and I am either over qualified or they won't take a chance on me because of my back (4 surgeries). My unemployment runs out in about 6 weeks and we will have nothing coming in really. We will lose electricity, internet, phones, etc. We may be able to keep the house because my husband does get disability, but it will just cover it with nothing left.

I feel like such a failure. I have always supported my family and now I'm nothing. My T wants me in the hospital (wanted me to go yesterday) because I am such a mess.

Every day is an effort, every turndown another rejection. I can't believe I got so attached to my T and am feeling so devastated by this loss.

Please say a few prayers for me and my family. I need some help desperately.

Mary Alice

Just a side note, my T is the best. He got me into the hospital in March when I tried to harm myself. He is always available to me and I have weekly appts. with him plus email two to three times a day.

How am I ever going to have that with someone else? Let alone trust someone again?



Mary Alice

You're in my thoughts and prayers dear Mary Alice. Wish I could say more but please say safe. And you are NOT nothing, none of my friends are

Also its normal to become attached to T, imho it would be abnormal not to be after 4 years

I'm sorry about you losing your T. That's always rough ... on top of everything else, that's really difficult.

I'll say a prayer for you of course... ((((((((((Mary Alice))))))))))

(((((((((((( Mary Alice ))))))))))))))))))

{{{{{{{{{Fuzzy}}}}}}}} thanks. I'm really trying to stay safe, but I can't even promise my T that I can. It's just day to day right now. Thanks for caring.

Mary Alice

{{{{{{{{Christina}}}}}} thank you for caring. It took so long to open up and trust him, now he's going. June 20th is his last day.



Mary Alice

{{{{{{{{{gimmeice}}}}}}}}} thanks for the hugs, I really need them.



Mary Alice

While not an advocate for the hospital it might be a good idea for you. Especially if the can help stabilize you during this time of such tension.

Since your T knows you so well is it not possible to have them recommend another T. Especially because you require extra attention as part of your treatment.

Do take care of yourself. We here at PC need you.

{{{{{{{{{Kebs}}}}}}}}}}}} what a nice thing to say. Thank you so much. My T is planning on introducing me to another one, probably next week. I just have such reservations about entering the hospital - it won't change much, the problems will still be there when I get out.

I've spent so much time crying, can't sleep.....everytime I do, I have nightmares. I know it is going to get worse though - I just hope I can get thru it.

Thank you again.



Mary Alice

{{{{{{{{mountainstream}}}}}}}}} thank you for your concern.



Mary Alice

(((((((((((((((((((((( Mary Alice )))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry for your pain, sweetheart. I do understand...so well.

Please know this pain won't continue on forever, and though the problems might still be there when you get out of hosp (if you need to go), you just may get the rest, help and reinforcing tools needed to better cope...as well as some good resources?

Regarding T moving...I almost cried when I read this. If you'll remember, honey, two years ago my t of 8 years moved away and I "graduated" at that time. Oh, Lord, but was it painful. I'm here to tell you that the pain does ease, though it was very hard at first.

Hon, I'm here if you want to talk, vent, scream, whatever about anything but especially about loosing long-time t. I do understand. If I can make it through, so can you, hon.

Much love and care,

KD

((((Mary Alice)))) you ARE someone! I'm very sorry you are having to go through this with losing the current T. I honestly don't know the heartache, but can imagine vividly and empathize.

Hospital stays are to keep you together when you are coming apart. Yes, your issues will still be there when you come back out, but hopefully it will help stabilize you and get you to a point where you don't feel so abandoned and lost and hopeless... and it will keep you alive...the most important thing.

Many people have had to change Ts, and often it turned out for the better. I know you can imagine that right now, but to try and think that it really isn't the end of the world...that will help.

Hang in there, hon.

MaryAlice,

If you could get a referrel from your T - that would be great.
You will feel better that the new T was selected just for you.
Somehow, that could be a comfort.

As far as the job situation, perhaps a plan A and plan B resume is in order.
A has all experience for a job you qualify for. B has half of the qualifications so you do not over qualify right now because you need to take something to preserve your familys' need. It is temporary - only temporary - if you take something you are over qualified for, and you can still look for a better job - the plan A - while you at least have something coming into your household.

See? If you have to, take the lesser temporarily. But do not stay there. Use it to get to where you need to go as a stepping stone to the next stepping stone, to cross over the stream.

Same with the T's, although I know there is love and trust and attachment involved, you can do that again with another. You are capable. That is the promising thing about therapy. To make us feel capable and functional as we move onto each new stepping stone as we cross the stream -

love and peace,
night

{{{{{{{{Kimmy}}}}}}}}} thank you for support and concern. My T sent me an email tonight telling me he thinks he has someone in mind for me, he will let me know more tomorrow.

He also asked me about planning for the hospital, again. I brushed it aside, although I know he will bring it up next week.

As it gets closer to his leaving and my benefits being gone, I may take you up on your offer. I will be in very bad shape.



Mary Alice

{{{{{{{{{Sky}}}}}}}}}}}} thanks for caring. I just feel so lost and worthless. Like I said, if I can't support my family it feels like I have no purpose. I am hanging on right now because I have an appt. with my T next week - it may be the last one.

When I was in the hospital last time, it did help. But then there was money coming in and things were okay financially. This time there wouldn't be, and the hospital can't fix that. I admit I need to get centered, but everything is such a mess right now.

Thanks again.

Mary Alice

{{{{{{{{nightbird}}}}}}}

I have tried taking any job that I can. There is just nothing close by and I can't afford to drive 45 minutes on my unemployment benefits until I get a regular paycheck.

I have been turned down because I am "overqualified" and they are afraid I would quit after awhile, and then because of my back problems, an employer took back their job offer.

I have been so open with my T - told him things that no one else knows about. I can't keep getting attached to these residents and then having them leave in a few years. And unfortunately, I can't get in to seeing an actual T, because they are so booked already.

Thanks for the support.



Mary Alice

((((PTS))))))))))

praying that things will improve for you soon

{{{{{{{nowhere}}}}}}}}} thanks for the concern.



Mary Alice