[Speed3]

I am in a super funk, very depressed. I saw my grief counselor on Monday, she is a psychologist too. She agreed although I am grieving the loss of my son, who's birthdate is on Saturday, I am also in a chemical/clinical depression.

My problem and question is .... I have been told never to take anti depressants because of the switch into mania, mixed or a rapid cycling type state. Which has happened to me though not always.

I took Lamictal years ago and felt it was helping with depression I had then . Unfortunately I got the dreaded rash. But this happened in part to an error my husband made. He was giving me my meds at the time and accidentally was giving me more Lamictal than I should have been getting. I went to a dermatologist for the rash, she said it was inconclusive as far as being from the Lamictal. But she told my PDOC to stop it anyway.

This was about 8 years ago. My PDOC is unwilling to try it again.

He did give me Effexor, low dose, right after my son died. I refilled the script yesterday but he feels it is not a good idea to take it. I am taking it out of desperatiion.

Currently I take Seroquel max of 200 mg daily, Tegretol ER 200 mg 2 x daily, omega supplement 4000 mg, NAC supplement 2000 mg, Vit D, CoQ10, a good multi vitamin, Ativan, Nuvigil 250 mg. Cytomel to boost thyroid.

I am eating healthfully because I am on a weight loss challenge and force myself to do this brisk walk video everyday.

I am so so depressed, not leaving the house, not talking to anyone, lying in bed too much, not interest in anything, switching between feeling numb to suicidal. I have zero energy and cry a lot.

I was just wondering what other people do or take when they get very depressed that helps.

I just fell into my own little funk.

it's like it changes everything.

a whole new world opens up for me every time this happens...

a world of tears and denials... a world of wanting to dissapear.

I know that I just have to wait it out....

knowing that it will pass.

madambipolar: 5 Treatments for Bipolar Depression You May Not Know—Yet

Hope this is helpful. I'm eventually going to try some of these.

[Speed3]

Originally Posted by Mandrec

madambipolar: 5 Treatments for Bipolar Depression You May Not Know—Yet

Hope this is helpful. I'm eventually going to try some of these.

1. Tried Mirapex didn't help
2. I take Nuvigil It is like drinking a pot of coffee then you crash
3. I take NAC
4. I am on 2 thyroid meds
5. I had 14 ketamine infusions at the out of pocket cost of $400 each. They work but don't last. I am not rich enough to keep having them.

Thanks anyway

[Skittles56]

Not sure why you are on both Tegretol and Seroquel. My doctor gave me one or the other, but not both, to control mania. I couldn't take the Tegretol because it made me dizzy. When he decreased the dose, the dizziness went away, but I immediately went hypomanic, so he changed me to an antipsychotic. Maybe you could talk to him about that.

I take AD without problem as long as I am on a mood stabilizer. Your tegretol and seroquel hopefully will serve to stabilize any manic effects the effexor might create.

[Speed3]

Originally Posted by Skittles56

Not sure why you are on both Tegretol and Seroquel. My doctor gave me one or the other, but not both, to control mania. I couldn't take the Tegretol because it made me dizzy. When he decreased the dose, the dizziness went away, but I immediately went hypomanic, so he changed me to an antipsychotic. Maybe you could talk to him about that.

My bipolar is very unstable. I have mixed episodes a lot or you could call it rapid cycling. Seroquel has been FDA approved to treat bipolar depression, but it has never helped me in that way.
I am trying to wean off it because of weight gain, it makes feel like I am in a fog and other health concerns about it.

I am on a minimal dose of Tegretol. I don't even know why I take it. It is the next to go after the Seroquel.

I have been on every mood stabilizer but had to stop all of them because of bad side effects.

Originally Posted by Speed3

I have been on every mood stabilizer but had to stop all of them because of bad side effects.

So, I'm assuming you've done the whole lithium tap dance, then... what were the side effects that made you stop and go on to something else?

Also wondering what specifically you take the Nuvigil for and ahy that over any other stimulant if you are feeling such a crash? (Not that you don't have a valid reason, just wondering what it was?)

[Speed3]

Originally Posted by JosieTheGirl

So, I'm assuming you've done the whole lithium tap dance, then... what were the side effects that made you stop and go on to something else?

Also wondering what specifically you take the Nuvigil for and ahy that over any other stimulant if you are feeling such a crash? (Not that you don't have a valid reason, just wondering what it was?)

I had extreme swelling in my legs from lithium. Nuvigil was given to me by my PDOC to counteract the Seroquel fog. So it will go too after the Seroquel is done.

[Speed3]

This is a new depression symptom for me. I feel so numb today that I feel like I am almost dead. Usually I can eat when I am depressed. Right now food disgusts me.

I had an assignment from my grief counselor to write a letter to Jason about the quilt I have in contributing to his death.

I just did it, I didn't cry once. But had this great urge to swallow all my meds. No feeling just like a robotic move.

I feel like 'me' has crawled so far inside it feels like a stranger is moving my body making decisions.

I wonder if this is a protective mechanism, because the pain and sorrow of losing Jason is too great I could not handle it. I guess it is like a dissociative state ?

[Anika.]

Speed I am firm believer that the most effective way to combat depression is through action or behaviour. I know that when you are so severly depressed that it seems impossible to change the actions. But things are not always what they seem especially when you are depressed.

You already proved that with the eating healthy and the walking video right? And the swim? You did those things so it's within you. The more you reach back into living the more the depression will fade. And I know that you have a very special circumstance and that is challenging. Make sure you are giving yourself credit for what you have done because that will fuel more of the same. You have strength and you have shown that.. try to keep building on that and make sure you acknowledge it. Try not to down play it or pass the credit to some other reason because that is robbing yourself of your own strength and power.

I know that you have a lot of anxiety around leaving the home etc but sometimes facing that fear, realizing yes you are ok, just breathe through it and take notice that you are ok. It might be uncomfortable mentally but physically you will be ok. You need to rebuild the proof, our brains are wired to look for proof in our beliefs. If you build proof or evidence that it's ok when you go out each time you do it and actually stop to think about it you will be building evidence to show your mind and beliefs that it actually is ok and they will follow suite, but it is an active process not passive. You have to pay it some mind at the time to make some headway.

I can't give any suggestions for meds as I really never had any success with that area. But just know we are still with you here and very willing to listen and try to help in any way possible. I really believe in you!

[BlueInanna]

Agree with that ^^^. Be gentle with yourself & take it slow. But leaving the house, change of scenery, could really change the rut of the depression routine. I'm so proud of u with the exercise & healthy foods. This week & month around Jason's birthday have to be excruciating & painful , understandable u'd be dissassociating. Please do try to get outside a bit... Gardening or just pulling weeds or brown leaves off my flower bushes do something very healing for me. It's grounding. It's allowing earths healing life force in...
We are here, keep talking.

Sleep deprivation - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Have you researched this? I'm not sure how good of an idea this is, since we have bipolar and all. You've probably heard of it, but just in case. Maybe you should go inpatient?

[Mollywisk]

Anniversaries are so tough. I just went through two. A friend suggested that I do something that continued the relationship, because even in his absence it was continuing in my mind. So I did, and it ended up being helpful and so much better than the dread feelings I had been sparing with for a year.

I don't want to presume that I have the answers for you; just sharing my experience in the hopes that it can help even a teeny bit.

What are your plans for Saturday? Are you thinking you would like to do something to celebrate his life? Or is there something you could do or somewhere you could go where you would feel closer to him?

[unlived]

Have you tried Geodon?

That worked pretty fast to bring me out of a bad depression - but I couldnt stay on it due to too much daytime drowsiness / fatigue.

[Speed3]

Originally Posted by unlived

Have you tried Geodon?

That worked pretty fast to bring me out of a bad depression - but I couldnt stay on it due to too much daytime drowsiness / fatigue.

Yes it gave me bad akathesia.

[jd6266]

I'm sorry to hear that you haven't had much luck with meds. I've spent many years searching for the right combo and it has been a horrible experience. However, I feel I need the meds. That said, have you called your pdoc to get them adjusted, for now at least? Then, when you feel better you can plan what meds to take and how to go off the ones you don't like.

I was diagnosed because of my manic reaction to prozac. However, I currently take cymbalta 60 and have for years. It works great and I never get manic. In fact, I recently was pulled out of depression because I increased my cymbalta dose. As was previously said, I believe this works because I am on a mood stabilizer.

As others have said, coping behaviors and thoughts are really important now. Try not to focus on your symptoms, that won't help you. There are things you can do to help yourself and you can do something even if it is small. Going outside is a great goal. At the very least, go sit outside or take a walk.

Take care of yourself! This will pass.

[99 FAIRIES]

I just wanted to say I am so very sorry you lost your son.

[BipolaRNurse]

Meds can help, but you have suffered a loss that can't be medicated away, and the only remedy for that is tincture of time. Eventually it will hurt a little less, and then a little less with the passage of each anniversary/birthday etc. You are already helping yourself by exercising---that's more than most depressed people can do! But I think you've still got some room to play with medications, even ECT if it comes to that.

Have you ever tried a four- or five-drug combination consisting of an antidepressant, mood stabilizer, antipsychotic, and benzodiazepine? It's what's helping me get through this business with my husband's cancer and poor prognosis.....I still get sad and upset, but it's a normal sad and upset and doesn't feel like my sanity is on the line every time I cry or have a down day.

Dunno if that's helpful in any way, but just know that I think of and pray for you.

[Mack2]

Lamotragine can be used as an AD

[venusss]

Yeah, you suffered a loss. You have problems with your husband. Medicating that could be dangerous. Unsolved grief will eat you from inside and mess you up... possibly irreversibly.

This is something to spiritual matters can help with... Or various philosophies. But mostly time, time and more time. Time is really the best medication for grief.

I take saphris, an antipsychotic, it is a cousin to zyprexa but dissolves under the tongue so bypasses the stomach route, I have not gained weight on it and it has been very helpful for me, this is only my experience with it, obviously everyone is different and will react to meds differently. Originally my dr had hoped to only have me on saphris and effexor but my generalized and social anxiety disorder has amplified my bp. I take several other meds too, mood stabilizers for mood and weight, antidepressants for gad and add, and anti anxiety med for gad. My dr did a dna test which the results are in her computer so all my meds are cross-referenced as to how they react together, so far I've had good results.