[Victoria'smom]

Okay, I've been doing a lot of thinking and I would like opinions... on recent posts

Am I manic or hypo manic?

would it be considered sevre?

Can geodon be taken as a PRN?

Should I be upset that T told my husband (who I currently don't trust) I need a long term AP?

How do I ask my pdoc for a different AP?

How do I protect my husband from his issues if I'm taking tons of meds?

will the sedation and numbness of AP go away if PRN?

More to come... thank-you!

[kaliope]

I only have read one of your recent post and you definitely sounded like you were on the road to mania to me. I don't know if Geodon can be used PRn. you really need to sit down and talk to your pdoc. it doesn't take a load of meds to balance out bipolar. I am only on Geodon and Topamax and I am high functioning, work full time and go to grad school. I have been stable for quite some time now. you don't have to be totally drugged up to be stable. there are just a few meds that will do the job with minimal to no side effects. you just have to be patient, have a patient pdoc who is willing to try new things for you. best of luck.

[99 FAIRIES]

Have u ever had dysphoric mania? That could be what u are experiencing? Just a thot.

[wildflowerchild25]

Now this is just me and I'm only speaking from what you've posted. But when I have been in your shoes I was called manic by my pdoc, not hypo. But again that's just me and just what my pdoc said so I can't totally say with confidence. Just what I've observed.

As for geodon as a prn I'm not positive but I'm pretty sure it's one of those that do best building up in your system.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Okay, I've been doing a lot of thinking and I would like opinions... on recent posts

Am I manic or hypo manic?

would it be considered sevre?

Can geodon be taken as a PRN?

Should I be upset that T told my husband (who I currently don't trust) I need a long term AP?

How do I ask my pdoc for a different AP?

How do I protect my husband from his issues if I'm taking tons of meds?

will the sedation and numbness of AP go away if PRN?

More to come... thank-you!

I think you have been in an angry ugly mania . I think its severe if its effecting your life and those around you... From what I have see you post recently I think severe is a possibilty.

I dont know about geodon being a prn ... But many doctors use seroquil and zyprexa as a prn .

I think you can be upset about your T and hubby talking but you yourself set up that system to keep you safe when you may or may not be able to make the best of choices.

Just ask your pdoc what would be the best PRN AP for you

If your a mess and trying to keep your head above water your really not in any shape to keep an eye on your husband .. So you need to get you stable you can actually help him.

AP's never make me sleepy .. But for most people they do at first .. the sleepy effect will wear off.

I havent been really vocal on here the last few weeks but I have been reading and I have been concerned for you.. I see the struggle.. Just keep in mind you dont have to stay on any AP's forever .. I think PRN Ap's are very helpful for a lot of people.

Hang in there hun

[A Red Panda]

I obviously don't know for sure... but I would guess that you were in or heading towards a full out manic time. Things have definitely seemed like a struggle for you. Possibly a mixed episode as you don't particularly seem happy at all. It seems like it might be on the way to severe.

[BipolaRNurse]

When I've been in episodes like yours, my pdoc called it mania or mixed mania.

I suggested asking your pdoc about Geodon because it shouldn't put weight on you or make you feel "drugged". It does need to be taken regularly to be of the most benefit, although I've heard of it being used on a short-term basis to get through a mood episode and then being discontinued once one's been stable for a few months.

Believe me, being on an AP isn't the worst thing in the world, although it sure seemed when I first started on one. I was VERY reluctant to try this class of meds in the beginning, but mine is literally the glue that's holding me together and keeping me on an even keel (now that I've quit playing with the dosage ).

[Victoria'smom]

kaliope- I would really like to stay on my current meds. I've gone through SSRI, SNRI, and NDRI AD and every MS besides lithium. Only 2 AP's are available to me and Abilify is not covered by my insurance. My current AD has AP qualities and is the only AD that has increased my appetite while decreasing my paranoia surrounding food. The idea of having several medications in the house scares me plus I have a horrid time keeping medication down.

99 FAIRIES - I think disphoric mania is the only time I have obsessively violent thoughts but I'm not use to putting names to things. ****, it was only 2-3 years ago did I realize that I have paranoia, and delusions. That's only because PC kept explain it.

Am I manic or hypo manic? Okay, everyone seems to be in agreement that it's probably mania and possibly severe. That sucks, because around this time is when we start thinking we may be hypo-manic and we may want to ask for help.

New question:
So when do we know we need to ask for help?

Can geodon be taken as a PRN? I'm thinking that it can because it has less of a half-life but I'll have to ask pdoc Wednesday. The reason that I ask is because I have decided I will not take a long term AP.

My paranoia for weight gain gets worse as I get worse. I start to have trouble understanding that the meds aren't purposely given to me gain weight instead of help those thoughts. Then to top it off I naturally assign a pound to pill ratio for each weight gaining med. Seroquel 25mg = 1 pill adds a pound, zyprexa is 1 pill adds 2.5 lbs. So I'm taking 1 pill when I think "If I wake up worried about the same demented though I should think about call pdoc." and .5 when I haven't slept the night before.

Should I be upset that T told my husband (who I currently don't trust) I need a long term AP? you yourself set up that system to keep you safe Yes I couldn't really understand English at that point (anxiety) so I'm not mad she talked to him. I'm mad that he lied (I feel so he could have a chance to hurt himself), she believed him, and saying I need a full time AP seemed to come out of left field (and hit me like a ton of bricks knowing my opinion on AP's.) BUT she did repeat over and over again "You need to try to calm down, take the seroquel, and sleep, you need sleep." Which I've been repeating over in my head and have been able to convincing myself to take it at least every other day because I trust her opinion.

How do I ask my pdoc for a different AP?

I've decided to refuse weigh in because I don't need to further my parinioa of AP's and gaining weight. I think it'll come up when I refuse to get weighed because I've been taking the AP

How do I protect my husband from his issues if I'm taking tons of meds? your really not in any shape to keep an eye on your husband

New question:
If I don't who will? I know he's an adult and I know in my current mood I'm pushing him more towards sui. If I'm knock out on meds am I going to wake up if he leaves the bedroom

will the sedation and numbness of AP go away if PRN? I geuss I can just deal because it's suppose to put me to sleep but I don't think for 14 hrs

New Question:
Do most AP's knock you out for that long?

[~Christina]

If you are concerned to the point your afraid to sleep in case he leaves the bedroom ? Is he seeing someone and being honest about Sui thoughts? Do you have the same deal with his Therapist about speaking to them about what you are actually seeing how he is acting?

The fact is you need sleep.. If your not able to sleep you will feel worse and worse.. then you wont be able to help anyone ..

I am not one to ask about the amount of sleep of any medications .. nothing knocks me out.

I hope you find some solutions that will help very soon

[99 FAIRIES]

I am taking zeldox for an AP. It is wieght neutral and i have no seddation side effects from it. Best of luck to you.

[Victoria'smom]

I actually have more say in his treatment then he does in mine. He's seeing his T and pdoc Wednesday too. He hasn't seen pdoc since the end of march and his T in 4 wks. It's not uncommon for him but it was bad after his surgery, he seems to be getting better but normally he'll wake me if he needs to talk or needs something out of our room for the night. For the first time he'll be seeing his pdoc alone, and he may have to go to T by himself for the 2x in 2 years.

[BipolaRNurse]

All I can say is, I'm glad you're seeing your pdoc Wednesday. I know you're not seeing how scary you sound to some of us. No, we don't live in your house and see how you interact with your family, but from the outside you and hubby both are looking extremely unstable and need help NOW.

Please keep talking to us, and hang on.....just let your pdoc and T do their jobs, and follow their recommendations.

[Victoria'smom]

Thank-you for understanding that I "don't get it", I put trigger because I realized my last post scared people. Honestly if I knew I'd scare anyone I wouldn't have posted.

I think others around can't/don't see this mess. ****, even my son barely sees. I know because of his reaction and confusion when seeing others fight. He understands I'm mad and don't want hugs. My husband is pulling my son's T aside and informing her of how things are going with me, just incase she hasn't read our file. I will be going to my son's pdoc appointments.

My husband is pretty sure he'll be told to go inpatient, especially since I messed with his meds, months ago. If suggested he will go. He doesn't even know what meds he's on (I fill each of our meds weekly.) I think Pdoc will increase my meds, remind me where his office is, scheduled me for a month and 'release' me to my husband. Meaning my T and his T will talk and figure out what to do with us if his pdoc just does an increase. I just had a med increase 8 wks ago. by request and finally bit the bullet and asked for a PRN. I think it'll depend on what my therapist wrote.

The next part I put in white so if you want to read you'll have to highlight it. I'm trying to be sensitive.

Some time between 8 and 2 wks. ago I scared my therapist. The even stranger thing is I wasn't able to communicate last session and she was stressed. So I wasn't able to tell her about taking the PRN on my own when I realized I was thinking violently (now I don't want too!) or maybe by now she realizes when I "flip-s***" I really 'flip-sh***'. I'm hoping I can speak and understand on Wednesday (happens when I'm anxious). Writing is a lot easier for me so I'm going to bring a notebook. I'm going to have to ask her what scared her. I mean I've done said stranger things.

I was going to say something else but I don't remember, I'm not thinking well. I know I only start threads when things are going bad and I'm sorry for scaring anyone with this thread or any other thread. Honestly I have trouble seeing it as serious as others here do. So if this is 'extreme' what's hypo? When our we suppose to get help?

I'm sorry you guys have to keep explaining this type of stuff. I was raised in a house of untreated mental illness (apparently extreme), and only realize anything could possibly be wrong until college and am VERY slowly learning that what we felt was very mild is not. Especially since even at our worse we have never been hospitalized.

[A Red Panda]

It's ok MM. If we're scared, it's only because we care about you and your family and are worried about you.

It sounds like your H is making your life and struggle a lot worse - both his lying and his SUI thoughts and behaviours. I would have been upset if he had lied to T as well. Why not print off all the various posts that you've made lately, and bring those in to your T?

I sorta hope that they suggest inpatient to your H. I think that it will help both of you.

[~Christina]

MM

Its not that you are scaring anyone, You have people concerned and worried about you and your family being ok. It is hard when you are in the middle of a mess to really see what may or may not be going on... It might just be a great idea for your husband to go inpatient .. its really not that bad , he will get med adjustments and be safe.

You will be able to take care of you and Miguel . You will be able to rest and not have to worry about hubby leaving the room.. Really inpatient isn't all that bad , and sometimes its just needed.

I just want you and your family to stay safe

[Victoria'smom]

I know you guys care that's why I come here when I dont trust my husband. I have no problem with telling T and pdoc What's going on . In fact I have word vomit currently. I'll probably do a condensed version of my posts because that's a lot of posts. Plus I have to have t explain last session as I'm mad at her.

[~Christina]

Gotta love word vomit It's a good thing... means things are getting OUT not inside and stewing .

Keep posting hun

[Victoria'smom]

He and his cousin are caring for Miguel as I can't. I think we're both concerned about the other because we don't want to deal with ourselves so our T's and pdoc's deal with each of us separately. I think we're going to get the 'you're not the professional and you have to rely on us in regards to each other because you're not healthy enough and to close' but it's hard as we've been dealing with this on our own for years and it's so much less intense now.

[Victoria'smom]

So condenst version for drs.

My pdoc
- not sleeping
-prn makes me feel druged
- T wants me on F/T AP (won't do it)
-no longer want to injure anyone because"it would look pretty"
- worried prn will make me gain weight
-understanding English again
- still eating
-still agressive & agitated
- time's running to slow
- I no longer think my meds are going to kill me, just make me gain weight on purpose
-What changes?
-when can I stop prn?
-when do you want me to call?

---
Question for T- how did I scare you enough to want me on a full time ap?
- what happened last session because i couldn't understand English?
- did you really want me on a full time Ap? why?

H's Pdoc and T
______
L thinks I'll commit sui soon

Miguel's T
Mom is hypo maniac.

Anything else anyone can think of?

I'm so scared, usually i avoid pdoc when unwell. Wish me luck tomorrow. If I don't update my husband or cousin will.

[~Christina]

I think you covered alot ! that should help your Pdoc and T come up with a plan you also agree too ..

I'll be a pocket rider if you want

[A Red Panda]

Good luck MM!!!!!!

[Victoria'smom]

LONG
*trigger SUI*
I was to late to see My pdoc but I rescheduled it 10/23/13. I'm going to call his other office to see if he has a sooner appointment but a lot of the things I talked to T about.
Start of conversation
Me- "I missed pdoc appointment."
T- "I was very, very concerned about you last time"
Me- "I'm understanding English this time. We're going to have to talk about the whole full time AP thing, there's no way that's going to happen"
T- , "So your sleeping?"
Me- "It level's out to seven hours since I'm taking .5 every other day, w AP I'm sleeping 14 hrs."
T- "So you are taking the AP? So you've taken around 8?"
Me- "yeah because I keep repeating what you said until I eventually take it, (then I completely blanked out) but I don't think the drugs are going to kill me any more ."
T- "So your taken the thyroid med?"
Me- "Sometimes"
T- "You can't mess around with it like you are with the AP, it's not PRN. Are you taking your other meds properly?" (T's meaning: stop messing around with meds & take your damn AP) How are you getting along with family?"

Talked about violent behavior, time running slow ......
T- wanted to talk to my husband. He was getting lunch
T- " your energy will come out no matter what, you need to find hobbies right now" (Sex & SI don't count ) " Your smart and creative but your brain likes to turn on you"
Talk...
"Playing hiding go seek meds"
talk... talk...
T- "So, what side effects don't you like with thyroid med?"
me "It makes me dizzy, off balance and dehydrated"
T- "So, how are you eating?"
ME- " like always (T showed me a project I did) yep "
talk, talk, talk
________
Husband
H- " So while MM was sleeping I tried to commit SUI , I failed obviously but I'm in place now that it's not even worth trying, I feel nothing"
T- talk
Husband's pdoc canceled but'll see him tomorrow
___
Miguel- Added foclin

So I covered everything but with T. I'm going to see if pdoc can see me tomorrow. If not I'll call his other office to see if there's a sooner appointment.