You know when you wake up from a dream and stuff from it stays with you? Especially the last sentence spoken to you? And it just had to be something inducing self-doubt, feelings of rejection and wariness verging on paranoia? Yeah. That.
Spent the time getting ready for work crying. Now… just... subdued and kind of sad. There was painful lonely truth in the dream, even if the people were different (unknown IRL). Sigh. Really reticent to talk today, that's for sure.

[Felgore]

I'm a little all over the place today.

I woke up feeling depressed, slept til noon, got up and ate massive chocolate. Then decided I was going to lose lots of weight! So I added about five different scales to my Amazon shopping cart, remembered I have no money and saved them for later.

Then I exercised for at total of 8 minutes...got distracted petting the cat, then felt like life was meaningless. So I came here. And after reading the "You know you're bipolar when" forum, found myself laughing and crying at the same time, but feeling much better for the moment.

[Moreta]

Went to t today. She said i should do a partial hospitalization program. Blah. I really do need to get my meds straight. I keep getting so angry and suicidal.

[x_BabyG_x]

Ive been naughty!

[Blue_Bird]

Doing bad like usual. Appointment with T tomorrow. Really hoping I don't get hospitalized yet at the same time maybe its what I need right now. I get to see my pdoc 3 days after I see my T. That's the appointment I really need right now. I hope I can start an AD. Part of me is saying screw it and just don't go to the appointments , stop medication, and just completely give up.

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[usehername]

My brain is full of angry, noisy thoughts today. It's very much a nine inch nails sort of day.

[usehername]

Originally Posted by Felgore

I'm a little all over the place today.

I woke up feeling depressed, slept til noon, got up and ate massive chocolate. Then decided I was going to lose lots of weight! So I added about five different scales to my Amazon shopping cart, remembered I have no money and saved them for later.

Then I exercised for at total of 8 minutes...got distracted petting the cat, then felt like life was meaningless. So I came here. And after reading the "You know you're bipolar when" forum, found myself laughing and crying at the same time, but feeling much better for the moment.

This too.

[kala83]

been having just a lot of manic days where I am either
a. controlling it but being angry still
or just
b.going off on people and regretting it with a low swing of depression afterward

not having a good time of things for these reasons...but REALLY REALLY trying to get a handle on stuff

[gayleggg]

I'm losing the battle. The black hole is getting too deep.

Had a good session with my T today and, upon his recommendation, made a date to go walking at the mall with a friend who also has bipolar. Heading to an AA meeting soon and will go out to dinner with my husband tonight. Left a message for the prospective employer to call me back. Overall, feeling okay right now (brief periods of feeling good do happen for me occasionally - - rarely lately, but occasionally).

[tigersassy]

Up again. Hour less sleep even with meds and no groggy feeling. My energy level is over the top. I want things I use to not want because of abuse but now I want it almost desperately want it. Then coworkers noticed which made me paranoid. Got cocky at work and told a few people that I am just that good when I took care of issues they couldn't figure out. And wanted to make everyone happy since I'm so happy. Too much energy to sit still and got everything done at work thats my job and other peoples too. It's like the past two weeks didn't even happen. Really hope the psychiatrist calls my mental health nurse back and will let me go there without seeing a different therapist. I don't like waiting this just doesn't work feel like I need instant gratification.

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[LadyShadow]

The same as every day. Numb. Empty. But not sad. Just here. Just existing.

[Phoenix_1]

I barely slept at all while at my daughter's house. Now I'm sleeping 12 hours a day. Other than that I feel ok - not too good and not too bad. Is this stable? I think I sleep too much because I'm really bored. My next knee surgery is in 9 days. Maybe I can go back to work in March if my head's in a good place then.

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[Qbug223]

I feel crappy but hopeful.

Crappy about my depakote weight gain but hopeful my psych can switch me tomorrow and I can throw this medication down the toilet. And hopeful to taper off my antipsychotic morning dose as well.

[x_BabyG_x]

Irritable. My high is turning weird, I think im finally burning out. Took a double dose of sedatives today to try and sleep it off, so ive been asleep until 10.30pm tonight. Until tomorrow

[tigersassy]

Can I just say that I'm not really happy about all this snow that fell today. My spouse won't let me go out for long periods because of the bitterly cold winds but I've got too much energy to stay inside and I'm so bored. I really want to go exercise but don't have a place I can go thats inside. Now I've got to try and go to bed and have not done anything to even be tired. Tomorrows drive to work is going to be an adventure. Going to have get up a little earlier than normal. So even less sleep than normal. Fun times

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Going ok... Saturday night and sunday were awful for anxiety. But it was self inflicted... I went a bit overboard with the weed when I got home from holidays and then watched a disease disaster movie which triggered my anxiety big time. I felt gross all day yesterday, but managed to get through it. I was really proud of how I handled it. The temptation to take PRN meds was there but I used my coping stratagies - a shower, meditation and crystals to help me get through it. When it got to bed time I was scared I wouldnt sleep. I made some sleepy time tea and tried to meditate with my amethyst. It took about 15 minutes before I started to calm. But I did! Eventually I got to sleep in a few hours without the need for medication even though the anxiety was at a level I would usually need to take medication for I felt taking meds was cheating since the anxiety was self inflicted.

Today I feel kinda blugh, Im ok, not too anxious but not great like I was before going on the weed binge. I accept that it might take a few days for me to get back to normal.

I have my appointment with my endocrinologist today. I am a bit nervous about it as I cannot afford to take the car in so I am catching the train. I am useless on public transport, I get travel sick and get lost really easily. Its also going to be a very very hot day and I have a few kilometres of walking to do. I caught the train successfully on saturday morning so I am confident I can handle it again but this is new territory for me.

Im also worried he will palm me off for another 6 weeks... the PMDD cycles are hell, absolute hell. I get depressive and mixed type symptoms, as well as extreme fatigue. I want to get this sorted ASAP so I can continue with my life. Its exactly 9 days a month that I go crazy for, but it does take me a week or so to recover and get back into a healthy routine. The increase in AP did help last cycle but I dont like changing meds so dramatically so fast, it does have an affect on me. The last lot of period pain was so severe it took 2 weeks to subside. The pain from the cysts is getting way past the point of comfort. Im not sure how to tell him that this needs to be sorted sooner rather than later. Its really affecting my ability to move forward with my life.

[Pikku Myy]

hmnnn... not sure

[Cyclowolf]

Just soo disinterested in anything that I usually enjoy, .

[tigersassy]

Snowed in not allowed to drive because of weather conditions heres to another boring day.

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[avlady]

i have to have a tooth pulled today so not doing so good right now

[couldntkelpit]

Thank you for asking

Originally Posted by shezbut

How are you feeling today?

[couldntkelpit]

Got up earlier this morning to study. Gave my self a little time for coffee to kick in. 20 minutes may not be enough Trying to wake up mind, was doing some quick posts. Kept messing up and having to delete, which I kept screwing up. Waking up little by little.

First long work week after winter holiday break at school where I work. Meh.

Originally Posted by shezbut

How are you feeling today?

Had a really bad day yesterday, depression-wise, even though I spent most of the day with my husband. Felt like a slug for spending so much time lying on the couch watching a movie/t.v. and the football game. Today am feeling no better.

[usehername]

Can't sleep. I've been up for hours. I can't decide if I'm sad and manic or in a mixed state. I guess we'll see how the day goes, but I'm not optimistic so far.