My doctor doesn't believe me. Another doctor said that it sounds like I'm somewhere in the bipolar spectrum and my doctor says he doesn't agree.

I'm on an antidepressant only. I was previously on an antipsychotic for psychotic symptoms but stopped.

I've been so up and down. I'm drinking more. Secretly. Shhh. Woke up. Vodka. After lunch. Vodka. Wheeeee.

I'm not depressed. If anything I'm just fcking angry. I'm up so up and I just want to punch someone in the face.

Whatever I hate my doctor and I want happy hypomania but I guess vodka is close ha.

[gayleggg]

You are not doing yourself a favor by self medicating with alcohol. It is dangerous with your taking an antidepressant as well. I don't know how long you have been doing this but you may already be addicted to the alcohol and may need help getting off it. Please talk your doctor about helping you quit your drinking.

You sound like you have the unhappy mania going on, you might need to call your dr even if you dont like him right now. It wont get better on its own.

[jesusplay]

You're all over the place and after reading I don't know how to respond.

[jamox01]

You may hate your doctor but contacting him is the only way you can get yourself out of this reckless behavior. Have you thought about finding another doctor?? All I know is that self medicating is not the way to go and you'll eventually be worse off. Please get help! :-)

I'm sober now. I feel better. Feel stupid. Feel awake.

I need to be more mindful.

I need to relax and not fall into these traps of recklessness.

Thank you all for responding.

I just saw my doctor today and I felt fine. Maybe a little drunk at the time but I felt fine.

I usually do feel fine.

I just don't know.

[IndieVisible]

I tweeted about this thread.

Originally Posted by IndieVisible

I tweeted about this thread.

I'm curious. Why?

Originally Posted by jesusplay

You're all over the place and after reading I don't know how to respond.

I'm sorry I don't know how to respond either. Thank you for reading though.

[IndieVisible]

Originally Posted by lalalabp

I'm curious. Why?

bipolar vodka sounds like a good search combo

Originally Posted by IndieVisible

bipolar vodka sounds like a good search combo

Hahaha awesome.

[BipolaRNurse]

I echo the others who have advised you about self-medicating. Last weekend I blew almost 22 years of sobriety---although this time it was pills, because I'm not in the habit of having bottles of Jack Daniel's laying around the house anymore---and I've been kicking my own @$$ for it ever since. It's SO not worth the guilt. All it does is put off your recovery---from substance abuse, bipolar, whatever you've got going.

JMHO, of course.

[LadyShadow]

I sometimes feel like you do. Yes your original post was all over the place, but that usually happens when you're not thinking straight.

Bipolar Vodka is an awesome trending subject, I would have tweeted it too lol.

But in all honesty, glad you saw your doctor and you at least got some help.

I feel like drowning in vodka too sometimes. I did for a long time.

Originally Posted by PlatinumHeart

I sometimes feel like you do. Yes your original post was all over the place, but that usually happens when you're not thinking straight.

Bipolar Vodka is an awesome trending subject, I would have tweeted it too lol.

But in all honesty, glad you saw your doctor and you at least got some help.

I feel like drowning in vodka too sometimes. I did for a long time.

Bipolar vodka actually does sound cool now that you people have mentioned it lol.

I'm just kind of lost. I thought I was doing well but just feeling irritated as fck and my doctor doesn't believe me makes me worse.

I could be worse though. I could be back to drinking alcohol, drinking cough syrup, taking lorazepam, AND snorting ketamine.

I just need to clear my head. Get above board.

An embarrassing thread about my drinking might have been a good stepping stone to start with.

I have things I have to do. Things I have to get done. I have to do these things. I have deadlines.

I have to do these things then I can fall apart.

[LadyShadow]

I understand, sometimes its hard to get going.

I have no responsibility, nothing I have to do. So I could literally just sit here and drink every day. But I don't. I don't want to be wasted all the time anymore.

Maybe I've grown. I don't know.

[emgreen]

Originally Posted by BipolaRNurse

I echo the others who have advised you about self-medicating. Last weekend I blew almost 22 years of sobriety...

I'm so sorry, BipolaRNurse. There are varying views about whether you surrendered your sobriety. For my money, the fact you didn't drink Jack means your sobriety is intact. While taking pills ain't a good thing, at least you didn't give in to drink. Don't beat yourself up. "Progress, not perfection."

[MOHANAKRISHNAN]

Alcohol will always work as a catalyst to boost the nervous system and suppress the effect of anti-depressants adversely.You may plz be select a suitable psychiatrist and visit de-addiction center if necessary for better advice. Wish you an early recovery.

[BlueInanna]

hi lala,

big deja vu reading your original post! maybe I've been there before??
I think you sound hypomanic, I crave alcohol and anything when hypo.. not usually until after work. Looks like you're self medicating to take the edge off. I can get really irritable when hypo. But when depressed like now, zero desire for alcohol. I even quit smoking. I feel like hypo might be coming back on after 2 nights no sleep. If so, I'm going to try to make better use of it this time, like clean my house, get my work done...

Then again there's the lack of focus problem I get with hypo. Well I have trouble focusing often & have add dx.

So you want the correct dx ... i'm wondering why, just curious, maybe cuz I don't want my dx. I liked when I was "allowed" to take adhd & depression meds... Now she says I have to take the mood stabilizer with them. The bp meds didn't help me be productive. Now that I've got this dx, there are all these rules and pdoc seems at the ready to report me for road rage or suicidal or something... Now I don't want her meds at all. i'm only still taking the klonopin cuz I'm physically addicted after taking it for 5 years. I've actually officially run out of them today, ****, will have to get more & try to taper down again. it's a really dangerous one to quit cold turkey - like alcohol - could have seizures.

Are you hoping to find meds that will help? Seems like most bp folks swear by the meds, so they must help most people. Have you always had the bp symptoms or just after the anti-depressants?

I worry about you telling doc about the drinking and they could just assume you're an addict, not address the originating reason of mood disorder. How you treat, deal with your bp should be up to you - but it's sad to see bp people labeled as addicts. Watching an addict be an addict is sad too.

Ok, I'm all weird and talky today, stopping now!

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

hi lala,

big deja vu reading your original post! maybe I've been there before??
I think you sound hypomanic, I crave alcohol and anything when hypo.. not usually until after work. Looks like you're self medicating to take the edge off. I can get really irritable when hypo. But when depressed like now, zero desire for alcohol. I even quit smoking. I feel like hypo might be coming back on after 2 nights no sleep. If so, I'm going to try to make better use of it this time, like clean my house, get my work done...

Then again there's the lack of focus problem I get with hypo. Well I have trouble focusing often & have add dx.

So you want the correct dx ... i'm wondering why, just curious, maybe cuz I don't want my dx. I liked when I was "allowed" to take adhd & depression meds... Now she says I have to take the mood stabilizer with them. The bp meds didn't help me be productive. Now that I've got this dx, there are all these rules and pdoc seems at the ready to report me for road rage or suicidal or something... Now I don't want her meds at all. i'm only still taking the klonopin cuz I'm physically addicted after taking it for 5 years. I've actually officially run out of them today, ****, will have to get more & try to taper down again. it's a really dangerous one to quit cold turkey - like alcohol - could have seizures.

Are you hoping to find meds that will help? Seems like most bp folks swear by the meds, so they must help most people. Have you always had the bp symptoms or just after the anti-depressants?

I worry about you telling doc about the drinking and they could just assume you're an addict, not address the originating reason of mood disorder. How you treat, deal with your bp should be up to you - but it's sad to see bp people labeled as addicts. Watching an addict be an addict is sad too.

Ok, I'm all weird and talky today, stopping now!

I'm not sure why I'm so upset at my doctor for not believing me... My meds make me feel excited. Why would I want them to change. I hated the antipsychotics... They brought me down I HATE THEM.

I've had BP symptoms before. A couple years ago a big hypomanic episode. Later depressed.

I don't really want to tell anyone I know about the drinking. It's not their business. I'll get ahold of myself.

I have an alternative. I've recently purchased myself a punching bag. I hit it a lot today (along with some drinking I'll admit) and I think it helped. I also almost punched someone today so that's a minus.

Don't worry about your talking I quite liked what you had to say. It wasn't simply DONT DRINK like I've heard from other people no offense to them. Thanks.

[BlueInanna]

I hated AP's also - suppose abilify was the only one I tried - bad bad experience...

I'd be upset too, at the doc dismissing your experience. It's confusing and often feels patronizing when people do that. He may have his reasons - my pdoc said 8-10 yrs is the Average time it takes to dx bp... Sounds a little long & far fetched to me, but she said that. Or maybe he wants to let you stay on the meds you like - an official bp dx from him might require him to put you on a mood stabilizer in addition to the AD.

Thanks for letting me ramble some more! I cannot focus wortha darn right now, should be sleeping. But hey good job getting the punching bag - those are a good outlet - I have one too I should use it more. Take care.

I was aiming for an alcohol free day but it's 10am and I've already failed.

I feel so good though. Very happy and excited. I just saw alcohol and wanted it so I had it.

LIVING ON IMPULSES.

I have to grow my hair long I used to have it really long and I really miss it and I need to have it long again and to do that I have to be healthy and drinking all the time is bad so I have to stop and I have to work out and take my vitamins and the work will pay off and I'll have long hair again I have to have the long hair again.

[swheaton]

I so hope you can get help.

[Zabine]

I only clicked on this thread because I thought the title was funny, sounds like a song or a movie.