Really don't know what is happening to me

I hoping someone can say oh i had that , try this, because i really don't know what to do.
I'm scared about what the next hour or minute might bring.
Yesterday was a fairly stressful day. I woke up several time in the night panicking about things I had to do.There was an overwhelming sense of doom. Hauled myself out of seroquel fog and worked like crazy all day. Not feeling very real at all. Several times felt very matter of factly that I would just end it . That thought did not seem strange at all.
I didn't drink at all the first day in a long time, I wasn't hungry, either, this was mildly pleasing.

My son came home from school I started to get irritated by his demands for snacks whilst trying to work then became overwhelmed by housework his needs and work. So told him your old enough make you own snack. ok this is still ok. Other son comes home. He's younger so ok make him snack, put shop to bed, drive to hockey go to choir and notice. I'm so happy and smiley and underneath I hear a torrent of comments. and whispers. Then notice all the S@##t I haven't done yet that I won't do because I am so darn useless. don't sing the final amen because I am not religious then realise that's why I will die soon. Go home. Look at mess Didn't expect H to tidy up but son did nothing I start washing up and Boom.

Suddenly the chair is flying stuff is flying I am screaming Apparently Lucifer is in me screaming and I have leaked all over the steps which is very embarrassing. I had a total rip from reality.I was going to drive off too. Luckily it did not last long. Thing is Driving my car to the post office this morning i got thoughts that were pretty dangerous.

I wondering will it just pass. my H is pretty mad at me for last night saying if I pull another stunt like that I'll be in the hospital. I don't know where it came from. The main changes for me have been taking Topamax, Added Stress at work,Not drinking. I'm feeling pretty alone and I guess farly sad if I'd let myself feel that but what's the point in crying

I think all that stress got to you and you had an anger reaction. You need to find a way to get rid of the stress before it gets too bad. Do you journal? If not, start. It does help.

Yes thanks I write all the time. at the moment most of it doesn't make any sense.

Hi bumble2u!

These are some of the symptoms I exhibit when manic. That could be what you are experiencing. I would call your pdoc.

I was wondering about mania but I don't seem to be having that excess of energy really although i'm pretty medicated so that maybe helping with that . usually i feel good when i am manic, but i don't feel good i feel highly agitated at the mo. and quite out of my body. yep i guess i should call the doc .

I have experiences like this. I am trying to work with my wife to be able to say when I feel them coming, like I can tell I am feeling shakey and destructive, so I ask for space. She doesn't like it, she thinks it's selfish, but I think she is starting to see the utility of it. I do mood tracking to help me realize when things are shifting and I may be headed for a destructive bout. There is an app called T2MoodTracker, do you use anything like this?
Soon...
MT

I was using a handwritten tracker but then things evened out and i got bored and gave up. is you app on your phone because i don't actually have my own phone? i don't know this is not really behaviour that can be tolerated.Well i got the courage to call my psych hours ago but none has called back. i guess she is very busy. i found distracting myself with comedy helps somewhat. every little sound is people whispering and those crows are telling me something.

well told to stop the Topamax and ring crisis or go to the hospital if it happens again. Darn the not eating was working well. oh well

I had the sun giving me messages when I was manic 3 weeks ago. Maybe the crows are your sun?

It sounds like you've been overwhelmed, it built up, and finally came out in the form of anger/rage. Do you feel better today? Did you feel better once you got it out of your system? It sounds situational and if so, medication may not be the answer -I mean, short term maybe, but maybe not long-term. Like someone suggested, maybe journaling, practicing mindfulness (if you know about that) --in any case, trying to recognize when you're getting to that boiling point, and go out and take a walk or whatever it takes to not get to the point of exploding on the family.

If you're hallucinating, I do hope your pdoc gets back to you soon.

Are you in therapy? Have you tried DBT?

just walking around in a soup really. losing track of time. went food shopping today and it took me three hours. at times i thought id just lie down on the floor i couldnt be bothered. then waves of tears threatened to take over. half way home had to turn back because id forgotten vital things. nearly drove my car into a combine harvester. h said i wasn't at all present.usually i'm very good with my dbt, mindfulness, i've been using distraction and distresss tolelance plans.

bumble

I know the feeling of wanting to just lay down wherever in public. In fact, I nearly ran a stop sign today because my mind was so into something while I was driving.

Thanks Moose I needed a hug right about now .

No problem.