[babs92]

Hi everyone, haven't posted in a while. I was diagnosed with BPII in May this year and on Depakote, Zoloft and Zoplicone (sleeping pill). We have a 10 year old son with autism and a 13 yr old daughter. My son has just had half term holiday for two weeks and he goes back next Thursday so its three almost! I have felt so depressed and exhausted. For years one of us sleeps in with our son as he won't sleep on his own, we have a spare bed in his room. This is terrible for our marriage.

The school is an autism specific one, 49 pupils and has boarding and respite facilities - he stays over for 2 nights every two weekends to give us all a break. He has 4 weeks summer holiday and 2 weeks off again at Easter and in June.

The thing is we have no family support at all, we never had. My son is getting older, I am getting older and unhealthier through caring for him and my husband has so much anger and grief about it all, about my diagnosis too. I am getting psychotherapy, done 7 sessions, its very hard going but I hope it will help me in some way.

Just before I had hypomanic episode in May I was so frantic and wanted my son in a different school with better facilities (more space - he has sensory problems and needs physical educaton to de-stress). But here in the UK its a fight with the education authority (we went down that road 2 years ago and won the fight to get him into this current school). My husband doesnt want him boarding Monday to Friday and I don't think I can convince him. He says he is not sending him away just because I have bipolar - we do this together and be stronger or we go under. I can understand how much he is hurting right now but I am my son's main carer, of course my husband has to work but he does help alot with our son when he's home too.

We are very isolated as a family and our son is very shy. I don't think I am helping my son get a better life because of the way I am - I too am very emotional and sensitive and easily stressed (all BP rolled into one). I don't know how to be another way, like my husband's way I guess.

Sorry this is long and thanks for reading through. I am so heartbroken over my son, I do what I can but its not enough. Some days I want to throw it all in and leave and then I get stronger again. Also felt like going back to work full time just to take my mind off all the pain - work helps me a lot. I do some typing for some people from my home but I don't see anyone during the day. We went to church but stopped going as our daughter didnt like it, I want to go again and will do so.

Anyway enough for now. Its not a good combination BP and autism.

[biplol]

babs92, first of, Welcome.
Now, I have no idea how to help you, I'm in my bkunt mode today, sorry, but if it's of any help, I'm here, anytime you feel like screaming, you can PM me and I'll be happy to be there for you.
Hang in there!

[lonelychick]

Hey! I'm sorry things are so bad for you right now. You mentioned going to church; you might want to consider this again. It's really helped me. The only thing I don't like about it is when you try to talk to someone and all they want to tell you is to pray about it and it will miraculously go away. I love God and I also believe in prayer. But there's some things you have to have people to help you with. I am only 19 and am not yet married or having kids but if I can do anything to help you, let me know! You'll be in my prayers!
Nicole

[LoveDepp]

Hi. I don't know what it's like to have an autistic child but I do know what it's like to work with them. I work in special ed and 7 out of my 10 students are autistic in varying degrees of severity. One of our goals in our class is to work on somethng with each kid that will help them at home will help their family because we know how difficult it is to have them the short time we have them we couldn't imagine being a parent. Your job is tough and often thankless but you are your sons tie to the real world if it weren't for you his world wopuld be very dark. Your doing a good job. It's normal to have doubts especially when you have to also deal with the rollercoaster that being bipolar is. Hang in there. I'm thinking happy thoughts for you.

[bizi]

Dear Babs,
Wow!
This has been a really really hard year for you and your family.
You have only been diagnosed some 6 months ago so you are still trying to get the meds down right....
Your being in therapy is a very emotional time...usually bringing up all sorts of painful experiences from the past....and that is extra hard for a person with bipolar as I think we are a more sensitive lot.....
The challenges of your children...each needing individual attention in their own ways.
Then your hubby sounds like he is not being very supportive...maybe he needs some education in the disorder?
I wonder.....in regards to your special needs son...
He is spending a weekend twice a month....
the switch to monday thru friday does sound like a big jump...perhaps there could be a compromise...like 3 days a week ?
I don't know...
I wonder if you could get him to go to a marriage counselor with you?
How would he go for that?
I don't have any children myself.....
but I have a hubby and it is hard to juggle his schedual with mine....I can't even imagine juggling everything that you do.
I am sorry that it is so hard....keep talking and posting...
I do think that some journaling would be a wonderful way to sort of get your thoughts down...it also helps to identify what areas you want to talk about...help to focus yourself for your therapy sessions.
Hang in there....be nice to yourself, take hot baths, try to have some privacy time during the day if you can.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

[babs92]

Hi to everyone and thankyou so much for your replies. I have been feeling terrible last few days and just havent had the energy to reply until now.......anyway.......

Bizi........yes its been a terrible year. My mother had suspected heart problems in January, my autistic son had tooth problems (doesnt do dentists), my daughter is loud and a teenager - she knows about my bipolar and she has had a lot to put up with.......the list goes on here, I love her to bits.

Then my grandmother died aged 100, I know she was old and it was time for her but it was still a loss nonetheless.

My hubby is very good with our son, he makes time for him and can relate to him really well. He has been terribly worried about me understandably and I did want couple counselling but we have had this before years ago and it was all about my abusive past with my family (mother) and the things we have both gone through with them in our marriage. It helped at the time though but he just doesnt want it now, he keeps saying its my abusive upbringing that triggered bipolar, I happen to agree to a certain extent, but also the fact we have a son with autism has not helped in the mix! I can deal with my mother, my past etc. what I want to deal with is NOW, my marriage, my health, nurturing my family, all that stuff but he refuses counselling so I am in psychotherapy.........what's the point when we can go together............I love this man so much but he won't budge. I know he's tired of it all but so am I, I just think we can start to find some peace and togetherness if we get help......

Then I had the diagnosis of BP, had hypomania and was frantic and exhausted trying to get my son into a weekly boarding special school - my husband went along with it all - I was on a mission - it made me very ill.

He won't read anything on BP says he doesnt need to - that's his way - he doesnt read anything on autism either. I read everything and anything.

3 days a week at school.....in the UK they see this as a "waking day 24 hr curriculum" so its an education need - crap is'nt it and another fight. Respite is for families who are going under or who have completely gone under! Hence the weekend respite.

I have been keeping a journal when I can, it helps.

[bizi]

Hugs to you babs
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[RainbowFaerie]

Hey Babs,

I had a year like that last year. Tons of stress on my job due to a passive aggressive co-worker. My partner and I seperated. Then in April I was having horrible headches and almost went blind. While I was going from doctor to doctor, back and forth to hospitals for tests my job fired me so I had no health insurance. In the middle of this I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis!

I also am dealing with the wreckage/fallout of an abusive childhood and also sexual assault. My new P-doc has diagnosed me with Mood Disorder NOS, and is leaning toward Bipolar II, but she needs to look at more stuff, I guess. My partner sounds a lot like your hubby, she won't go to any counseling. She is not supportive of my taking medication to stabilize my moods, although thanks to support from my therapist, I have let her know I am not changing my mind on that. I am trying to learn everything I can about it, but she won't read anything.

You know what though? I am taking care of me, regardless. I can't control what she thinks. What a friend shared with me has me thinking hopefully: At least I am trying to get better, and maybe once she sees that I am getting better she may be more supportive. (Then again, she may not. But I'll feel better and more sure of myself, so I may not care as much.) I am also rekindling my interest in spirituality.

It sounds like you are trying to do that too. You are doing what you need to take care of YOU. Posting here, therapy, and journaling are great! :If you enjoy your church then go. It can offer real strength. My friend had a son with autism and it was a real challenge for the family. I will keep you in my thoughts.

Best,
RainbowFaerie

[maureen]

Babs,
I have BP1 and my brother who for some reason only has the symptoms of a first-degree relative: meaning he does not get manic, never has been hospitalized for anything mental, only had some depression in his 20's and does not self-medicate. However, he is intelligent and happened to get the gift (from BP) of creativity. He plays the guitar and is a vocalist and wrote the music and lyrics to his first CD.
Anyway, I mention my brother because he finally gave me a nephew 3 years ago (my brother was 45) and my nephew Danny has only a vocabulary of 10 words (one at a time seldomly heard), he is immensely into objects and the same DVD, no eye contact with anyone and he doesn't know who I am. Danny has never been to a Pediatrician or any other doctor at all. My sister-in-law is from Europe and does not care for our medical system and she plans on home-schooling him because she does not like our school system. They are in denial that he may have autism; although recently due to pressure from friends and relatives they said they will bring him to a speech pathologist in three months if he doesn't begin speaking. I read up on autism and recommended to my brother that he bring Danny to a pediatric neurologist. I'm currently reading "The Bipolar Child" and there is a section titled Autistic Spectrum Disorders and Bipolar Disorder. Under this section is mentioned 1) In many cases of autism the autistic behaviors are so dramatic that the possibility of a bipolar comorbidity (dual diagnosis) is often overlooked. 2) A Dr DeLong published a paper which reported on the family histories of 51 children with autistic spectrum disorders and found that 23 of the 51 children had a family member with manic depression. Another study had results of 29 out of 40. 3)The incidence of bipolar was 4.2%, about fivefold greater than that expected in the general population. Last, based on the experience of Dr. Edwin H. Cook, "My best guess is that 10 percent of the children with autistic spectrum disorder have a bipolar comorbidity" Dr. DeLong feels this may eventually turn out to be higher (more in the 35 percent range). It is bewildering to me that there is a correlation (I have 3 children non-autistic, but definitely bipolar, although I had my last child at 31). I met recently with an L.A.U.S.D. teacher who only teaches autistic kids and after telling him the symptoms of Danny, he said he's 90 percent sure he is autistic (My brother also is a L.A.U.S.D. teacher of history). When I told my brother about this teacher, he said he'd like to invite him over for dinner for a diagnosis. My teacher friend refused because he said he is not a professional and can get in trouble although he told me he would know immediately upon seeing him. Furthermore, he said it was due to my brother being older when he had Danny (his wife was 30) and that my brother should not have any more kids. He said that autism is on the rise because of parents waiting longer to have a child. I have not seen this particular reason for autism in any book or web-site. What do you think of that and can you give me advice about Dannny? Sorry for the bipolar detail. Thanks, Maureen

[babs92]

Thanks Rainbow, very kind words and much appreciated.

Hi to Maureen. Your post is interesting. Last summer I had suspected my son may actually have Bipolar as well as autism so I took him along to a consultant psychiatrist and he ruled out BP. Then I get my own diagnosis this summer!! I was actually misdiagnosed a few years ago as well by a psychiatrist who said I had an enormously stressful life with my son and I wasnt BP!

Damn, based on this suspicion with my son I did buy the Bipolar Child book but I cannot find it anywhere in my house now.......

I certainly know, and there is evidence, that having an autistic child one and/or both of the parents are at a higher risk of mental health disorders - not surprising when these children are so very complex and have many difficulties. My son has severe sensory integration problems with touch, taste (limited diet), anger outbursts, tells us to shut up and go away, gets extremely hypersensitive and cries very easily. He also has "episodes" almost like an epileptic fit (quite common in autism) where he rocks and rolls his eyes and opens his mouth wide and makes wailing noises - these can last for up to a few minutes several times a day. My son has been identified as having moderate learning difficulties due to his autism.

With regard to your nephew. Its difficult this one as I had a friend who was in complete denial with her son and they alienated themselves so much from everyone else - it was very sad to see. Indeed he was eventually diagnosed with autism.

With regard to age of the parents. I was 30 when I had my son and my husband was 34 - I had heard about this older parent stuff somewhere but cannot think where though, sorry. I do know for a fact that there is also a higher incidence of asperger/autistic traits in the father of an autistic or asperger child as predominantly autism is seen more in males than females. Certainly my husband has some autistic traits but not enough for a diagnosis of any kind or a psychiatric evaluation.

You should say to your brother that if he is willing to get a diagnosis for his son then he should get an assessment done - are you in the US? I don't know how you would go about it there, I am in the UK. My health visitor referred my son at age 3, he is now 10.

PM me if you require any more info, it would be good to keep in touch.

take care