The most embarrassing part of your illness?

The way my appearance changes depending on my "cycle". Depressed, dirty, unwashed, uncombed, smelly, house looks like a dump.....Manic, super clean, hair colored and perfect, nails done, clean clothes, super clean house.....it's like living with two different people. I'm never sure who I will be when I wake up.

Haven't been officially diagnosed yet, but a lot of what I do fits. And much of it, looking back, is embarrassing - the patterns, the lack of filters, the impulsive decisions and behavior, the fact that people know something is wrong...

Maybe the worst is that my daughter has to put up with it, trying to decide what to say and what not to say to people, what it does to our relationship, how it affects her. I feel like a failure in her eyes.

The shakes. My meds give me the shakes.

Having not one but two security guards outside my room at the ER a couple weeks ago. One guard was 6' tall and they had one on each side of the door. Curtain open and everyone stared at me in my hospital scrubs. I was there crying for about 4 hrs. I spent that day crying from 3am to 10pm.

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Being depressed. I become afraid to talk about anything. I have lots of bad thoughts, which leads me to feel guilty/sad and embarrassed. Not being able to respond to people in public because my brain isn't functioning properly.

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I hope your stay helped you...I'll probly end up there this week, if I continue on the path I'm going.

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Oh no! I'm sorry. If it helps any, I really got a lot out of it and feel better.

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..someone telling you always look like you just rolled out of bed...

having people in your family telling you a look like a homeless person.............

The ill will I feel towards those who have refused my apologies. I never knew such a thing was possible until I got sick.

Feeling self-destructive

That infuriates me too! My fav is, You're mentally ill because you have sinned against God. Just one of the joys in growing up in fundamentalist evangelical religion (cult in my opinion).

I almost forgot - I had a 'friend' tell me that he thinks I'm only depressed and I just need to "respect" my struggles and work through my issues. I asked him when he got his degree in psychology and should I respect my psychosis too? I should invite him over during my next bout of crazy and let him see how respecting this gets a person nowhere. I have to take the meds just to function at a somewhat acceptable level and even that is a stretch.

I am so sick of people without mental illness thinking they have all the answers.

When I have to call into work because I can't control my thoughts let alone what comes out of my mouth. Or when I'm at work and say something I shouldn't and worry about if the person overheard and now they know.

Tig

Losing the battle.

Eh. I'm not sure what's the most embarrassing. I guess if I had to choose just one it would be the things I did when I was having a giant mixed episode about 4 years ago. Everything from absolute promiscuity (and I'm completely reserved normally when it comes to that) and the things I said to the people I love the most. Also, the obsession with the ex at the time. I look back now, and it would definitely have to be due to a mental disorder. She is a terrible person. -____- when I think of how much I thought I needed her I gag and die a little. I gag a lot, actually.

Embarressed or ashamed..
I spent most of my life being angry and riding a roller coaster.
I am embarrassed by how I have treated some people over the years.
Also when I see people who are not there.

...someone throwing your MI in your face and using it against you when they're mad...

I'd have to lump it all under 'boundary issues,' such as revealing too much to anyone who will listen and inappropriate sexual relationships at work (or wherever).

Oh, and shopping sprees

The embarrassing email messages I sent out to an ex girlfriend, or to friends detailing my beliefs in conspiracies or how I bruised my face intentionally and potential employers should overlook that as artistry...
or the police visiting my house 5 times in two years...
or quitting every job...
and many more.

Agreed. Sometimes this is such an irrational, if dirty, fighting tactic.

Hahaha...ha...thinking that my eyelashes were tentacles of an octopus grabbing me once...I'm glad that one was brief and just out of the corner of my eyes.

Not being able to handle stress like I used to. I don't know if any given amount of stress is going to flip the switch or not.

I agree with putting my child through my moods. She now has issues of her own and it's painful to know that I'm part of the reason why.

Depression. That is when I shut out those who really do care.

Um I've been in bed since Monday and I smell. Had a really hard therapy session Monday and just got out of the hospital so reeling from that crap. I have no earthly idea how the hell I used to get up and go to work everyday. I'm a mess as is my house and hair. I'm going to fight to walk at the track today and take a shower ugh!

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