Shaken

Hello all. I have to post this here because I must pretend I am ok everywhere else and I'm not sure how well I can pull it off right now. So excuse me if it is off topic.

As some of you know I am a teacher in a special ed school. We deal with the most aggressive students in the area. I've seen my fair share of fights. But today was the worst I've ever seen and I am having trouble. Basically I was in my classroom during the transition. I was getting my students to settle so they could start their work. I was instructing a student who wasn't supposed to be there to leave so I was distracted by her. Out of nowhere, I mean NOWHERE, on if my giant male students starts beating the **** out of another student who is supposed to be his friend. Before any of us could react he had slammed his face into the desk corner, shoved him into the bookshelf, and had him on the ground punching him in the face. My staff member shot across the room and grabbed him off but the damage was done. The other student was bleeding everywhere. Part of his nose/face was stuck on the corner of the desk.

The student needed sixty stitches in his face and will need plastic surgery. This is the most vicious attack I have ever witnessed. I am sick. The student could have died. The other student attacked him so fast there was absolutely nothing that could be done (not that I could have done anything - I'm only 5'2" and the student is at least a foot taller and 100lbs heavier). I just feel so terrible. Especially because the big student is 18 and has thus guaranteed himself a jail sentence. And he was doing so well...I'm just sick.

Exacerbated by the fact that I have been in a moderate to borderline severe depression since Saturday. I really don't know how I will react. The last time something traumatizing happened to me (car accident) I went so for down. I was in IOP at the time but now I have nothing. My therapist's first available appt is April 1 and my pdoc not until may 23rd.

I just....I just had to share with someone. I can't tell my family because they'll just say I shouldn't work at the school anymore. I hope I will be ok sooner rather than later. Thanks for listening.

that sounds scary.

are you okay now?

Oh no! I worked in a school designed for hard to fit students (behavioral kiddos).. I witnessed a student strangling a staff person. He was an other wise awesome kid that ended up in jail. I'm so sorry you went thru this and I'm sorry for your two students. I know that it's hard sharing with family. I'm glad you came here.

Gosh I feel bad just reading that. If it was me,I guess I'd just keep telling myself I couldn't do anything. But that still won't help the fact that you witnessed it. I'm sorry you had to see that. I respect your decision to teach there.

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Oh goodness, I would have had a panic attack. That is just horrible. Don't feel bad about sharing, that is very traumatic and I would say a major trigger. Hoping you will pull through as gently as possible.

In a sense, I guess. I mean I wasn't physically hurt. I was having a hard time when posting (sitting in the staff lounge bc my room was still being cleaned from the blood) trying not to cry. But i think I am doing a little better now that I am home.

I had such a hard time getting out if bed this morning too. Terrible anxiety. Should have just stayed home.

I can empathize with your feelings, I had something similar happen in a classroom where I subbed. I couldn't get the students to stop and I was horrified at the whole thing. It must be harder since you are more invested in these students. I hope you are feeling better now you are home. (((Biggest)))

So sorry for the shock and pain and sadness you'd be feeling, wildflower

Surely counselling would be offered to you? Just to help you 'debrief' at least?
If not, is there any kind of phone helpline where you can just talk it out? Or a colleague with whom you can share?

I hope and pray you can find a safe place to recover from that traumatic experience, that you can allow yourself time to get over the shock and process the pain. Please be really gentle on yourself, nurse your emotional and physical self lovingly, and when you have the energy have a feel-good experience - like sweet movies, walk in the park, swim in a heated pool - whatever it is.

Peace and healing to you.

The school social work director said he would check in with me but I honestly can't stand him. He's so patronizing. I don't want anyone at work to know how much it bothered me really. I'm already embarrassed that I was panicked the way I was right after.

The new director of the school is really nice and understanding and told me after that if me or my staff needed the rest of the day off it would be ok, but I couldn't let the students know how it upset me so I stayed.

I absolutely dread going in tomorrow. Ugh. I just want to go to sleep righ now. Once my son is in bed it's bedtime for me too!

O.M.G., wildflowerchild! My heart goes out to you. Please don't be hard on yourself by being embarrassed about panicking right after(!) If someone weren't shaken by such a thing…. well, to me, that would be troubling!

Totally understand your not wanting to talk with someone patronizing. Can you get on a cancellation list for your therapist's to maybe get in sooner? Meanwhile, really glad you came here with it. It's very hard to have something you need to talk about and nowhere to do it. Post as much as you find helpful, that's what we're here for.

Omg, that sounds terrible! Of course you would feel shaken up by seeing that! Give yourself time to process it and recover, and keep posting about it if that helps. It sounds like this came out of nowhere and there was nothing you could have done. So sorry to hear you went through that

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Far out! Wow Im in awe of you having stayed the rest of the day. Well done for getting through it without panicing. You are stronger than you think.

I can totally understand the hesitance in wanting to return. I think being on your T's cancellation list is a good idea. It was a very traumatic event and you have every right to be upset about it.

I wish I had some advice about how to deal with the emotions but Im all tapped out, Im sorry.

Goodluck for your next work day and know we are all here to support you

I'm so sorry to hear you witnessed this, and also so sorry it happened. I work with children and adults with disabilities. My favorite client a couple of years ago stabbed someone almost to death and not only was I heartbroken for the person injured, I was also for my client, and for myself. It's so hard when these things happen and my heart goes out to you and everyone else involved.

I am so sorry you had to experience this incident, and I hope that you feel better soon. Just reading your original post traumatized me -- I can't imagine what it must have been like to have actually been there. Keep us posted on how you're doing, and take care of yourself.

What an awful experience! Be good to yourself!

Just to let everyone know I made it through work today and nothing terrible happened. I got a lot of people asking me if I was ok. I said that I was.

The depression has deepened since the incident, which I expected. I am not sure of my course of action. I just want To go to sleep.

Thanks for all the support yesterday, I really needed it. I appreciate it.