[wildflowerchild25]

In my time here on the board I have seen quite a few people say that they recognize symptoms in themselves even as young children (like five or six). I want to know when people here began to experience symptoms and if anyone else experienced them later in life.

I myself have had severe anxiety since I was a small child. As long as I can remember really. I had a lot of fears about the sun exploding, bridges collapsing, elevators, many other things. When I was a teenager I developed severe and persistent depression in response to childhood issues. But one of the main reasons I always scoffed at the BP dx I had given at 18 is that I never experienced mania, or even hypomania. I mean between sixteen and eighteen, when I manged to stay out of the hospital and other programs, I definitely went in and out of depression. I remember clear episodes that began and ended. But I never became hypomanic in between. Even during my lost year I don't remember ever being happy. It's possible I had problems with mixed states because I can remember being extremely pissed off and agitated but who knows. During my med free years I remember times of euphoria but I can't remember enough to figure out if they could be considered hypomanic. Once again there were clear episodes of depression lasting a couple of weeks to a month. It wasn't until last year that I had a euphoric hypomania that even I can't deny. And then after that a full blown mania. But I am 26.

I'm just interested to find out if anyone else has had a later onset of the manic side of the party. Also interested if you feel you were symptomatic as a child - please describe why you feel this is true. What were your symptoms that young?

Looking forward to hearing people's stories!

[Curiosity77]

I experienced my first depression at age 10 or 11. I think it was hormonal shifts at the start of puberty that set it off. I remember staring into the mirror and hating myself, and wishing I was dead. I was convinced I would die by the time I was 17, and I started living life accordingly. I remember closing my eyes and running into the street into oncoming traffic. I did that quite a few times at that age.

I was in and out of depression from 10-13, and then I started cycling, although I had no idea that was what was happening at the time. I would have periods of happy hypomania, but most of my teens was spent in really agitated mixed states. I did really dangerous stuff all the time because I was convinced I was going to die young, and I didn't care. It wasn't suicide attempts, just very reckless behavior. I was very depressed, but also had a lot of adventures and excitement, so things were fun in a way. It's hard to explain. It was a very painful time, but also an exciting time because it felt like anything was possible and crazy stuff happened all the time. It;s only looking back at it now that I can see what was happening.

I was experiencing pure manic symptoms by the time I was 10. Going into violent rages, and then a few weeks later going into suicidal depressions. Most 10 year olds don't get suicidal.

[Noodles_320]

My first real experience was age 16 when I had my first very serious major depression. That memory is forever etched in my brain.

After getting into therapy and finally being diagnosed 14 years later. Looking back and feedback from family, I was clearly manic prior to my first major depression. I was always on the go, high energy, and non stop. I remember as a teen during the summer vacations I would play tennis and or basketball 12-13 hours a day and never feel tired.

My first three major depressions (16 - 18 & 21) were all preceded by a horrible panic attack. My first at age 16 was so bad I passed out and had a seizure.

For me it is a very different experience at a younger age because in addition to dealing with BP, the mind has not developed to a point where you can even begin to understand what is going on in your head. I am 44 now and have had 4 major depressions since my last one at age 21. None have been preceded by a panic attack.

What I have found interesting in the past few years is I have been experiencing mixed episodes which I have never experienced before. For me its been either "normal", "manic", or "depressed" for long periods of time. For the past few years I can be up for a few days, then depressed for a few. I honestly think my increased use of alcohol played more of a roll in that than BP. I have not had a drop for 3 weeks and I am sleeping normally, focused, no depression, etc.

[~Christina]

Looking back..... I was 6 years old .. I just thought everyone was like me.

[BipolaRNurse]

I've known since I was small that something wasn't right, but didn't learn what it was until a couple of years ago. I remember having intrusive thoughts back when I was in elementary school, and distinctly recall wanting to die when I was 10. Then I had my first honest-to-goodness clinical depression at 13 after my grandmother died, and all I can remember of that time period is being taken to different doctors and being tried on different kinds of pills, which were never explained to me but which I later came to believe were psych meds.

Terrible post-partum depression with all five kids, with psychosis after the last one was born. Interspersed with these depressions were periods of normality, but also some really high-energy times when I did stupid and reckless things on impulse. I drank like a fish too, not always, but at least some of the time. I quit drinking at 33 and fought my moods tooth and nails for another 20 years until finally being diagnosed bipolar at 53.

That was a lot of years to go untreated, or treated wrongly (with antidepressants unopposed by a mood stabilizer), and I know I've suffered permanent damage because of it. But I'm a lot better now, even though I'm still rapid cycling despite meds and therapy. I've come a long, long way.

[Lobster Hands]

I mean...it depends...as a young little chap, probly 4th gradeish, I knew I was a lot different from all the other kids. I got in so much more trouble than everybody else and I was a loner even back then.

Besides that I'd say my first concrete symptoms were as a sophomore in high school.

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[Victoria'smom]

Every since I can remember.

[happywoman]

Hi I think I had emotional dysregulation in early teens.A couple of trauma events in my childhood and early teens which I still think of today sometimes.
I can remember significant blue feelings in my early teens.
At 19 ,During uni I had a very depressive isolative time for a few months and some mild bulimic symptoms. I never sought any help for any of it.
4 years later I had a felt like manic but pyschotic episode which landed me in hospital and delivered my first dose of medication chlorpromazine( largactil ),then swung to severe depression. Total episode lasted a year so with over 6 months constant hospitalization. Diagnosed schizophreniform,schizoaffective,schizophrenia.
At age 28 hospitalized psychotic depression for a couple of months on and off.
Managed for 12 years with no meds or hospitalised,only psychology no pyschiatrist but my family probably witnessed too many mood swings.
Age 40 hypomanic bipolar diagnosis for the first time, pregnant at the time
Stopped meds and another episodes at Age 44 2 years ago
Sticking with meds now and trying to manage with lifestyle choices and supports.

I remember first getting depressed at 12, I started self harming at 12 as well. Teens were a mess but its hard to figure out what was hormones and what was episodes, my memory is not good today. I was definitely hypomanic at 17, went between moods with suicide attempts, until a severe depression at 18 when I was first hospitalised and medicated. Few hypomanias since but a whole lot of depression and one mixed state.

Just wanted to add, I was also convinced I would die young. I was absolutely positive I would die by 21. When I didnt it was a big shock to me. I think it took years to adjust after that to live life as I was so convinced I would die early. I used to do reckless things as well, I was lucky I was never seriously hurt. (I suppose lucky is the word, right now I wish I died on my first attempt so I dont have to keep going through med changes and depression!)

Forgot to add, I have had self harm, suicide and violent intrusive thoughts since I was a child. I remember being terrified at the iceskating rink when I was 7 because all I could see was myself slicing my own fingers off, or purposely pushing someone and falling stomach first onto their skates. I didnt know they were intrusive thoughts until my 20's. I thought (and still do think) that I am evil for having the thoughts I do.

[Mickey4333]

My first depressive episode was in second grade. I remember hiding in the closet, to cry. I also remember doing a lot of crying as a teenager. To look back at my life for mania, I think the earlier-est was about 15-16 yr old when I was very promiscuous and thinking that I was better than everyone else.

[happywoman]

Originally Posted by Supanova

I remember first getting depressed at 12, I started self harming at 12 as well. Teens were a mess but its hard to figure out what was hormones and what was episodes, my memory is not good today. I was definitely hypomanic at 17, went between moods with suicide attempts, until a severe depression at 18 when I was first hospitalised and medicated. Few hypomanias since but a whole lot of depression and one mixed state.

Just wanted to add, I was also convinced I would die young. I was absolutely positive I would die by 21. When I didnt it was a big shock to me. I think it took years to adjust after that to live life as I was so convinced I would die early. I used to do reckless things as well, I was lucky I was never seriously hurt. (I suppose lucky is the word, right now I wish I died on my first attempt so I dont have to keep going through med changes and depression!)

I am glad to have survived my suicide attempts in my twenties. The depressions passed even though they have returned now and then with this illness. I have found great joy in my friendships and relationships in the last twenties years. I never thought I would when I was in my twenties and I am sure I will have more joyous moments in the future. Life is always changing,don't know what is coming.
We are lucky we to be alive. I hope supanova that soon your meds will be stable or regular and that that depression will lift and leave you!

[wildflowerchild25]

Thanks for all the replies so far! I too have known I was different since as far as I can remember, but always attributed that to my high anxiety and just being a general weirdo. I was never suicidal until I was 13, but I slant an inordinate time in fantasies when I was a child, many of them consisting of me being gravely ill or injured. I always thought that was more of an attention thing though.

I do wish I could remember my teens and early twenties better. The ECT really did a number on me, erasing memories from the year prior and the year after. The rest of my teens were so unsettled (I spent a LOT of time away from home in different programs) I just can't remember what I felt. Except there was a clear vein of anger and defiance in the group home that continued afterward, punctuated by periods of black depression.

[swheaton]

I think I was seven? It was depression. I wasn't too bad through grade school and didn't have the desire to kill myself until I was a teenager. I never told anyone and I wish I had. I didn't go off the deep end until 2001.

[A Red Panda]

I was first suicidal at age 11. That's the only thing I can really trace because it's very clear.

I've allllways had a lot of anxiety based around different things.

I do know that even as younger kid I frequently had people telling me at times that I talked too much and needed to stop talking so much, or times where people would always be on my case for not talking much.. or from not being as social. That was even younger than age 11.

[pink&grey]

Apparently I'm a late bloomer. I think depression hit around 17, but I didn't seek treatment until I was 19. About a year later I had my first hypo-manic episode.

[Marshellette]

24 when it first happened. I began tearing my hair out piece by piece. This led to starting on an antidepressant which made me manic.

[Nightside of Eden]

I know I was depressed starting around age 10, and had my first suicidal thoughts at age 14--about the same time I started self-harming to cope with certain moods. I don't know about hypomania, because I always found it to be fun and still don't really consider the "ups" to be a problem. I was having definitely cyclical mood shifts by age 17 or so, though. I self-harmed and self-medicated with alcohol throughout my late teens, then thought I actually had a handle on things for a few years in my 20s, using healthier coping mechanisms, until the depressive episodes started to take on psychotic features when I was 23. I started self-harming again around that time. I started cycling more severely and rapidly, with the mixed and hypomanic states becoming more clear and impossible to deny. I still managed for two more years without meds before a catastrophic episode finally forced me to seek treatment at age 26.

I know I would be in a much better place if I'd sought treatment sooner, but there's nothing I can do about that.

[chris1964]

In retrospect... early teens for sure.... perhaps as young s 4.
diagnosed at age 48 after a miserable life

Originally Posted by pink&grey

Apparently I'm a late bloomer. I think depression hit around 17, but I didn't seek treatment until I was 19. About a year later I had my first hypo-manic episode.

Although it can start at many different times, the most common age group of onset is actually late teens/early 20s. So, no worries, you're right in there!

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

...I do know that even as younger kid I frequently had people telling me at times that I talked too much and needed to stop talking so much, or times where people would always be on my case for not talking much.. or from not being as social. That was even younger than age 11.

Oh, I can sure relate to that! It ran from being loud and running the show ("quiet down!!!") to not talking at all (In kindergarten, I'd tap on the teacher to hand something in, eyes averted and take off. I don't recall having friends or socializing at all early years at school.) In second grade, I have a very distinct memory of realizing I wasn't like the others. It was a pretty dispassionate observation of a simple fact. I didn't get what made them tick or how they interacted. Whatever. I lived in my own head the majority of the time.

I don't make anything of those years (except as proof I've been a weirdo for a long time, lol) as anything more than interesting observation/recollection. There is no doubt however about when things got serious for real. Beginning of my third year of university, a massive depression hit out of nowhere. And I mean nowhere. I was utterly baffled what was happening, but mostly WHY. There WAS no why! WTF?! People talk about school pressure blah blah blah. Pffft. Nope. I was having a GREAT time! It was preceded by literally the best time of my life, hands down. Friends, social life, bands, dancing, woot! Sure, with what I know now, it probably was hypomania, the high before the crash, but I can't pinpoint it, so I don't. (The time span would've been the last couple years of h.s. up till the tsunami of depression at 20. That's a long time, so… I dunno. It was a real departure from my life till then. I do know I was calling the shots -- and despite having one main group, got along with just about everybody, could hang with any group and well, yeah. Many years later, my h.s. best friend's mother thanked me for being her friend. Ohhhh, you wouldn't be saying that if you only knew! )

Anyhow…. it probably was some time in there, but I only officially count it as BP with the huge depression (stopped going to classes, barely left room for months, had to drop out) at 20. (Oh, how common of the common… ) Why? Because it had a definitive start, came out of absolutely nowhere and there was nothing else it could be attributed to or confused with.

Then followed decades of being all over the map, literally and figuratively.

[Notnrml85]

I must have been about 9 or 10. First suicide attempt was at 11. Didn't start to severely interfere with my ability to function till 2009, which was also when I was finally diagnosed with bipolar. I'm now about to be 29 and experiencing severe symptoms again cause I'm off meds right now. But I feel more like myself than I have in years. Bummed about having to start new meds soon.

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[Crazycatlady82]

I think my symptoms started around age 6, age 6 is the last time I remember not feeling extreme mood swings, my first panic attack was when I was 11 or 12 and I started medication at 16.

[spydermonkey]

first depressive episode around 12 years old. first manic symptoms around sixteen. both progressively got more severe over the years. something that delayed diagnosis as bipolar is that i never recognized the manic symptoms as such. i thought hypomania was "happiness" and that i was only "happy" once or twice a year. so i remained diagnose MDD til i was 28 and medicate accordingly and the manic symptoms and swings got worse and worse!

also i didnt recognize the depression either while it was happening, it's easier looking back with hindsight at the symptoms i thought were "normal" for me and realizing what it really was!

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Although it can start at many different times, the most common age group of onset is actually late teens/early 20s. So, no worries, you're right in there!

Oh, I can sure relate to that! It ran from being loud and running the show ("quiet down!!!") to not talking at all (In kindergarten, I'd tap on the teacher to hand something in, eyes averted and take off. I don't recall having friends or socializing at all early years at school.) In second grade, I have a very distinct memory of realizing I wasn't like the others. It was a pretty dispassionate observation of a simple fact. I didn't get what made them tick or how they interacted. Whatever. I lived in my own head the majority of the time.

I don't make anything of those years (except as proof I've been a weirdo for a long time, lol) as anything more than interesting observation/recollection. There is no doubt however about when things got serious for real. Beginning of my third year of university, a massive depression hit out of nowhere. And I mean nowhere. I was utterly baffled what was happening, but mostly WHY. There WAS no why! WTF?! People talk about school pressure blah blah blah. Pffft. Nope. I was having a GREAT time! It was preceded by literally the best time of my life, hands down. Friends, social life, bands, dancing, woot! Sure, with what I know now, it probably was hypomania, the high before the crash, but I can't pinpoint it, so I don't. (The time span would've been the last couple years of h.s. up till the tsunami of depression at 20. That's a long time, so… I dunno. It was a real departure from my life till then. I do know I was calling the shots -- and despite having one main group, got along with just about everybody, could hang with any group and well, yeah. Many years later, my h.s. best friend's mother thanked me for being her friend. Ohhhh, you wouldn't be saying that if you only knew! )

Anyhow…. it probably was some time in there, but I only officially count it as BP with the huge depression (stopped going to classes, barely left room for months, had to drop out) at 20. (Oh, how common of the common… ) Why? Because it had a definitive start, came out of absolutely nowhere and there was nothing else it could be attributed to or confused with.

Then followed decades of being all over the map, literally and figuratively.

I feel the same way - I had lots of emotion difficulties when I was a teenager because of trauma. It wasn't until the mood episodes worsened for no discernible reason when I was 26 that I considered the possibility of bipolar. The rest of it is just me being strange lol.

[nowIgetit]

I think I had my first major depression at SIX! I cried every day for months. Of course I didn't know what it was then. I remember thinking about killing myself at eight, also. I've always struggled with anxiety and depression especially hormone-related, I've always had crazy mood swings and rage around my period (hence the PMDD dx). I never told anyone about my childhood depression, not even my parents. So I knew something was wrong with me at a very young age, I just wasn't sure what, and was too embarrassed to ask anyone.

I only got a tentative bpII dx a few months ago (I'm in my mid-thirties now). I went into a major depression after my son was born (not postpartum depression, I think more than anything after a few months of sleep deprivation I started just slowly sliding downhill) and it wasn't until he was two that I wondered why I was still so exhausted and uninterested in everything. I think my dx was hard for my doc because I never had the happy fun mania...more hypomania and/or inexplicable rage without a cause. Ironically it was an SSRI sending me into a suicidal raging tailspin that tipped my doctor off and she's been treating me for the PMDD for four years now.

I'm not sure if the pregnancy made me bipolar (and I was only depressed before?) or if the stress associated with a new baby just made the bipolar symptoms so bad I couldn't ignore them or brush them off anymore...