[nannywoofwoof]

Why is that nobody will just accept that I am just a bad person? Some of us are just rotten on the inside. We have done bad things that are unforgivable and can not be excused by mental illness even if we were out of our head at the time. There is no excuse for evil, for causing suffering or being selfish beyond reason. Why will people just not accept that I am rotten without me having to go into details of why it is so?
I am not delusional, nor manic at the moment. I know it to be a fact that I am BAD. Is that so difficult to accept? Stop trying to make me feel ok. Please. That is all.

[wildflowerchild25]

I honestly can't agree. But I am sorry you feel that way.

[manymiles]

Warning.. This may sound tough but is written with good intentions.

Rotten to the core, if you let yourself believe that it can also be an excuse to give up, not try and not to do the work it takes to get better.

We have all made mistakes and some heinous. Everyone falls down but not everyone gets up. OK you have done some bad things that does not make you bad. Do you tell yourself that you are "rotten to the core" as an excuse to give up?

I dare you to keep trying. Everything changes, it is the nature of life. Winter is ending and Spring is coming. No thing last forever not even if we cling to it with all we have. Allow yourself to be different than you have been.

Again it may sound like I am being a jerk but I DO NOT intend that. I want you to see that all things change despite our desires to think differently for reasons that may be functional for us.

[Frankbtl]

Hi nannywoofwoof, Well you haven't had ME tell you yet!!
But PLEASE. PLEASE (!!) bear with me, and let me give it a shot!! You might have heard all this before, but..............YOU are NOT your mental illness!!
How is it your fault that you haven't found/someone hasn't found for you a "treatment" that will help you manage that and the things it causes you to do yet???
I'm not even going to ask you to forgive yourself for the things you've done, because it wasn't YOU who did them, right??
And if you've done things which you wouldn't have wanted to do........well responsibility here!!!.........if they were that bad then surely your pdoc, mental health worker, whoever should have been noting your decline or the potential of.....so surely their responsibility to be keeping you "safe"!!
Now bipolar....missed medication?? (really, really sorry if I'm wrong about that!!!)........well that wouldn't be uncommon so surely someone should have picked up on the signs or again the potential of.....and been working with you on that!!! If that was the case.......responsibility again!!!
Anyway, your illness, right!! And medical, right!! If someone had epilepsy and had a seizure in the middle of a mall upsetting some people, are you really going to stand there and say that it was their fault, their choice, it was deliberate??!! Really??!! Well similar thing if you think about it!!
So now, you're not delusional or manic (not experiencing the effects of your mental illness), so who are YOU? What sort of choices would you make?...........What sorts of things would you do/not do to those around you?...................THAT is YOU!! What you've done when your mental illness takes over IS your mental illness!!
And you know, it can be SO hard having bipolar (depending on it's effects, for those out there!! ) so if you're not treating everyone with "kindness" after a manic episode then hey, you're trying to deal with what you've been through, aren't you??!! And, not necessarily easy, right??!! Shaken up, devastated, remorseful, powerless, gutted............ring any bells??
But, aside from that, I'd say that if some of the people around you could better understand bipolar (??) then they AS WELL would be able to see that, that "lack of control" WASN'T you!! Maybe bring them in a bit more on it, explain a bit more, show them some resources or something you feel explains it e.g. YouTube videos. Remember it's an "it", NOT you!!!
Best wishes
Alison

[Atypical_Disaster]

Truly bad people don't really care all that much about how bad they are. They may have a passing thought over it, but they're not going to get all torn up about it. I don't believe you are bad.

[BipolaRNurse]

I felt the same way for the first 50 years of my life. Like there was a stinking cesspool at the bottom of my soul. It wasn't true. I suspect it's not true for you either. And I'm not blowing sunshine up your @$$---very, very few people are truly bad or evil.

[Lobster Hands]

...if a person has any regret/remorse for there actions then they aren't "bad".

Even people who do bad things and feel no remorse are still doing those things out of some desire for happiness, no matter how obscure/twisted it seems to others. All humans are the same, when you get down to our most basic level, we all seek the same thing...pleasure. Whether it is a serial killer torturing something for entertainment or a person committing suicide to escape pain.

All people are good. It's just a matter of perspective. Our minds can rationalize the most outrageous things...just look at Hitler, he believed what he was doing was right.

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[Lobster Hands]

No I'm not excusing the bad things people have done. I'm just forgiving there misdirection.

And I know...it's easier said then done when it happens to you.

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[r010159]

Originally Posted by Lobster Hands...

...if a person has any regret/remorse for there actions then they aren't "bad".

Even people who do bad things and feel no remorse are still doing those things out of some desire for happiness, no matter how obscure/twisted it seems to others. All humans are the same, when you get down to our most basic level, we all seek the same thing...pleasure. Whether it is a serial killer torturing something for entertainment or a person committing suicide to escape pain.

All people are good. It's just a matter of perspective. Our minds can rationalize the most outrageous things...just look at Hitler, he believed what he was doing was right.

Sent from my Nexus S 4G using Tapatalk

This is a very insightful post! I know I have hurt very much many women who I have dated by doing mean, mindless things, trying to hurt them and make them feel how I was feeling. But I am not evil. I can be unstable and very misguided.

tucson

[nannywoofwoof]

Thank you for your insights. It has been quite a read. Perhaps I should put up another question. If I am not truly bad, how then do I ever forgive myself for my actions when I see the effects of them every single day? I can not move on or forget, even if others can, for there can be no forgiveness. Does this make sense? Plus the constant guilt for not being capable of being the person I should be. How can I ever change. I can not make up for the past because it is gone from me and I am now paying the price.
Thank you.
Nannywoofwoof

[littlemiss44]

You can find forgiveness in yr heart for yr self. Do you have to see it everyday? Is it not something you can ever avoid,? And if you can't avoid it then there's room for acceptance. You need to accept whatever happened and try really hard to forgive yr self. Easier said than done right?- if only it was that easy. The only way out of the black hole you've got yr self in is radical acceptance. Acknowledging the pain you've caused and trying hard to let it go...if we feed the darkness then it's only gonna get darker. We've all done things we're not proud of. Sure.there are diff scales as to how bad the mistakes were but holding onto yr deep seeded self loathing will only make you feel more like ****. Am I right? I could be here being totally not helpful but I couldn't pass by yr post because there is good in all of us. I have done some f#==@$ up **** that I still struggle with on a daily basis but when those thoughts come up I remind myself that I've changed.

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