is it possible to think your way into an episode?

I don't know if I'm actually causing episodes, or just catching onto them just before they hit. But every time I have an episode lately, it seems like I was just thinking about bipolar or previous episodes a couple of days before.

I want to blame myself for causing episodes, because sometimes it feels like I'm only having an episode because I'm thinking about it. The episode hits and I almost decide that I did it on purpose, purposely chose to feel manic or depressed. Last week I watched Stephen Fry's bipolar documentary. A couple of days later, boom. I had a short upspike and then a depression crash.

So am I causing episodes by thinking about bipolar things (occasionally the thoughts are "I remember when I felt manic, it was kind of cool") or am I drawn to thinking about the bipolar stuff because an episode is coming anyway?

I'm not doing anything to cause them like going off my meds.

Perhaps you are merely noticing early warning signs of either depression or mania. There are many cues. We're all individual. Maybe it's just that you're more in tune with your early warning signs.

I think that your thoughts perpetuate your reality and I truly believe this when I'm "up". It follows that if you think about your misery and feed it, then it will continue. This is part of therapy to retrain your mind.

That being said, I have a really hard time not despairing when I fall into depression and see the same things happening over and over and feeling powerless to stop them.

This is a common theme for me. I feel like in responsible for my episodes which means if I got myself in I can gt myself out - but it doesn't work like that for me.

If I could think myself into episodes I would have been hypomanic a longtime ago because it's all I've been thinking about for months! Wishing for! But it didn't happen until two days ago. And only because I've gone rogue!

I don't think you're causing them, but as someone mentioned maybe you are seeing the cues of things to come. For the longest time I didn't want to read anything on BP, I figured what do I need to read up on it if I live it on a daily basis. And finally I read into it, I got too deep into it, I started feeling more awful and insecure with myself for what I have.

My thoughts get me in trouble a lot, for example at night lately I just can't sleep because of racing thoughts. I find that when I'm out and about or keeping busy I don't have to time to ponder oh yeah I'm BP. So I suggest keep busy, do what makes you happy, and if you see signs that think you're going a depressive or manic state then take action. Go for a walk, clear your mind, talk to your pdoc or therapist.

It's hard for me to say to myself on a daily basis that BP doesn't define me. I am more than that, much more! And you are too!

I also do not think thoughts are causing them. I agree with the idea that you maybe seeing the cues which can show up first in how you think. But there also is another possibility. I think events can help precipitate mania or depression. Maybe this happens when you are already pre-disposed to another episode, where your time has come for such an episode to happen. Events can have significance because of what you think of them, where you can even be unaware of these thoughts. But the event does happens first.

I remember becoming more interested in bipolar, and then watching Stephen Fry's documentary, and then suddenly I was hypomanic for a night and then crashed really quickly into depression. I wasn't thinking about depression at all, I was thinking about mania. So I couldn't have thought myself into depression. Maybe I missed some signs. I don't know. It's really easy for me to blame myself right now. I'm pretty frustrated of this merry go round. How do you deal with the thought that the rest of your life is going to be this?

Have you read that old classic book, "Three men in a boat"?

No I haven't... I googled it but can't figure out how it applies.

Read it - you will see how one character, from reading about symptoms of ANY illness, would make himself find those symptoms in himself. Also, it is a hilarious read.