[tigersassy]

So this past Friday my gp Dr gave me a preliminary diagnosis of bipolar 2. I know it fits but that doesn't mean I accept it. I've got my psychiatrist appt in April to hopefully get things figured out. But here I sit thinking my thoughts that run like the Flash around my head bouncing around and destroying everything in its path like Taz the Tasmanian devil. Unable to focus and concentrate on things that must be done. Everything is humming with life and I want nothing more than to take off and humm with it. Every color is vibrant and deep with color. I want to dance with the clouds. The zyprexa made me sleepy last night with my first dose. This morning I was so tired that I couldn't drive myself to work. I wandered arounn the apartment and fell back into bed to sleep for a few more hours. I don't want to sleep but I fell asleep despite my brain it runs and runs but still I sleep. The thoughts didn't stop they kept going round and round. But I couldn't make them stop then the meds kicked in and unconscious I was. Upon waking they were there as if they never stopped and they ran the entire night on a competitive loop. I have been reading Bipolar 101 and have decided that it is helpful. I need to maintain myself and find my triggers. How can I sit and focus and look back across my lifefor triggers that have always been there. Like my senior year of high school when I slept 2 hours a night went to school did marching band and maintained a high GPA. I was that way most of the year with masturbation running rampant, because my sex drive was up. I remembered things. I made it to college the fall of 2006 and depression hit full force. Started seeing one of the concelors on campus to be diagnosed with depression. Started medication that never really worked became suicidal got admitted to the hospital in spring of 2007. Diagnosed in hospital with PTSD and medicated for the depression. Then life went to hell. I want to exercise. I want to run and jump and swim in the sky. Its so blue and inviting. If only I could fly. Once around the world and back on solid ground. I want to take part in everything and dance the dance of life. Without a care, with only good things and maintain the energy to do everything. I love this feeling. I want it to never end. To dance forever and enjoy the sunlight on my face. Its such a wonderful thing to be this happy and excited and full of energy. Can this sound I hear be real? Or is my mind playing tricks on me telling me that I'm special and everyone needs to know about it. I can speak to the treesand plants and they understand me. I can dance on the wind. And sing with the birds. Why can't people appreciate the things I do? They should respect me. What is wrong with people. This is long and so random. But its a wonderful blurred slightly crazy mess. I'm so up that nothing can hamper my mood.

Tig

[Capriciousness]

Haha! I think you are me!

I so relate! I know you put out thoughts not questions so I feel free to just appreciate your "wonderful blurred slightly crazy mess". And I do. I think it is a beautiful blur and I could have written a lot of it at times.

I now accept my dx, love my meds, keep myself on the straight and narrow lifestyle path (blah).

It sounds like a new dx might be a great thing for you. A good starting point for new health and well being. Keep going to your doctor and keep taking your meds. This is an illness and a ****** one at that. But it does have its moments.

[tigersassy]

Originally Posted by Capriciousness

Haha! I think you are me!

I so relate! I know you put out thoughts not questions so I feel free to just appreciate your "wonderful blurred slightly crazy mess". And I do. I think it is a beautiful blur and I could have written a lot of it at times.

I now accept my dx, love my meds, keep myself on the straight and narrow lifestyle path (blah).

It sounds like a new dx might be a great thing for you. A good starting point for new health and well being. Keep going to your doctor and keep taking your meds. This is an illness and a ****** one at that. But it does have its moments.

Thanks. It's nice to know that someone understood my ramble. I'm thinking back and I'm sure that most of 2008 was spent manic. Had some very un me sexual escipades. This happened after I was r*per by my brother and had an abortion. Maybe trauma triggered. Not sure. Its amazing the connections you can make when everything is so shiny in your mind. Hmm... maybe its ok for me to feel this way. I'm sure I'm going to be rambling most of my afternoon and evening. Cause everything is coming into sharp focus. Ideas left and right. So much to do. I'm buying Frozen today after I get done with laundry. I can't wait. Its a beautiful day to be like this. I just wish that I didn't have to go back to work tomorrow. I'm liable to get in trouble for my mouth. Oh well.

Tig

[tigersassy]

More thoughts that I have to get out of my head. I think I'm in a mixed state. I've got tons of energy but I feel like I'm going to cry at any minute. I keep thinking I don't want this to be what's wrong with me. Nothing is wrong with me. I can't make my thoughts stop. They aren't sui yet, but I fear they could turn easily. I hate this uncontrollable mood episodes that happen. It isn't fair. There's too much in my head. I want to get out of my head and get an escape. I'm worried the zyprexa is going to make me fat. Who knows though.I can't sit still. I want to run and cry but I can't its work for another few hours then therapy after work which sucks. We've been stuck on a plateau. I need to be blunt and honest. And not get distracted by the little things. Ahhhhhhhh...... sorry had to get it out.
Tig

[Lobster Hands]

Originally Posted by tigersassy

More thoughts that I have to get out of my head. I think I'm in a mixed state. I've got tons of energy but I feel like I'm going to cry at any minute. I keep thinking I don't want this to be what's wrong with me. Nothing is wrong with me. I can't make my thoughts stop. They aren't sui yet, but I fear they could turn easily. I hate this uncontrollable mood episodes that happen. It isn't fair. There's too much in my head. I want to get out of my head and get an escape. I'm worried the zyprexa is going to make me fat. Who knows though.I can't sit still. I want to run and cry but I can't its work for another few hours then therapy after work which sucks. We've been stuck on a plateau. I need to be blunt and honest. And not get distracted by the little things. Ahhhhhhhh...... sorry had to get it out.
Tig

That's ok Tig, it feels good to get things out.

Sent from my Nexus S 4G using Tapatalk

[hamster-bamster]

If you take Zyprexa only when it is really needed, chances are, it won't mess with your metabolism. You sound mixed, but not psychotic, so you do not need Zyprexa for maintenance - you just need a bit for sleep and to calm you down, right?

[tigersassy]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

If you take Zyprexa only when it is really needed, chances are, it won't mess with your metabolism. You sound mixed, but not psychotic, so you do not need Zyprexa for maintenance - you just need a bit for sleep and to calm you down, right?

My gp Dr put me on it for my manic symptoms. I don't get to see psychiatrist until April 21.

Tig

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by tigersassy

My gp Dr put me on it for my manic symptoms. I don't get to see psychiatrist until April 21.

Tig

If you take Zyprexa continuously for a whole month, you are very likely to gain weight. I am a little surprised the GP prescribed Zyprexa... usually psychiatrists handle Zyprexa, and not GP's. What is your dosage (it can vary between 2.5 mg and 20 mg)?

[tigersassy]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

If you take Zyprexa continuously for a whole month, you are very likely to gain weight. I am a little surprised the GP prescribed Zyprexa... usually psychiatrists handle Zyprexa, and not GP's. What is your dosage (it can vary between 2.5 mg and 20 mg)?

15mg. She changed to it when seroquel wasn't working.

Tig

[catsrhelm]

Hi tigersassy! I know it is hard to deal with bi-polar of any kind. I think you are doing a good job just patiently waiting. You'll do better once you are medicated right. By the way, how is your sleep? I can remember when mine wasn't good I got soooo moody. After I googled "Sleep hygiene" and put the suggestions into practice, the moodiness disappeared. Anyway, keep us posted.

[hamster-bamster]

That makes sense that she'd give you Zyprexa when Seroquel wasn't working, but 15 mg is pretty high a dose to take on a regular basis. Do you have a pill cutter? Can you ask the GP to prescribe 5 mg so that you can take 5 mg, see if it works, and up to 10 mg if it doesn't?

[tigersassy]

Originally Posted by catsrhelm

Hi tigersassy! I know it is hard to deal with bi-polar of any kind. I think you are doing a good job just patiently waiting. You'll do better once you are medicated right. By the way, how is your sleep? I can remember when mine wasn't good I got soooo moody. After I googled "Sleep hygiene" and put the suggestions into practice, the moodiness disappeared. Anyway, keep us posted.

I try to keep good sleep hygiene. Every night at 7 pm I take my evening meds after that I take a bath then I go to my desk write in my journal climb into bed read my night devotional and lay there. Tring to will myself to sleep. Sometimes I put a movie in that relaxes me because I need noise to sleep. I try very hard to stock to this nighttime ritual because consistency is good for me.

Tig

[Standup2me]

I love that feeling.

I once ate an orange, and there was/is nothing in this world that can measure up. It was the best orange in the universe.

I love the ups so much, and miss them so very very much...but the afterward part.... the down...the feeling of falling off of a cliff after is too darn scary

[tigersassy]

I'm on the downward slide I think. Day 2 of random crying and around 12 hours sleep. Whats strange is that I'm still spending too much money (don't have my copay for psychiatrist anymore cause I wanted things). And my energy is through the roof after I get up. I want to si, but I promised I wouldn't. I'm so over not being right in my head. I feel like I'm broken like humpty dumpty and no one can fix me. Grrrrrrrrrrrr. I don't think zyprexa is right for me either. I'm over med games. And I feel that its just going to get worse after I see the psychiatrist. More med options and someone comfortable playing with them. I need to mellow out.

Tig