Feeling like I don't matter

I wish that someone would have warned me about the overwhelming feeling of being unimportant that comes with preparing a move to a new country. People are less eager to bond with you or meet you and you're a less valuable employee. It hurts more when others don't make or keep plans with you. You suddenly have less of a purpose in your current home. This all comes on top of knowing that you're moving to the other side of the world where no one knows you.

I am 100% confident that I am doing the right thing, but it is hard to not get emotional right now as I am writing up Mandarin flash cards on the floor of my barely furnished apartment

My man bailed on seeing me tonight and won't explain why. I hate this.

Moving to a new country sounds scary. You are brave to do that.

Moving is traumatic, whether you move across town or across the world. I grew up moving internationally every few years and I never established long term deep friendships. People on the move wagon consciously or unconsciously hold back in the friendship/relationship department because they don't want to get hurt when the person moves on. You know that saying, out of sight, out of mind. It doesn't matter how hard you try to keep the relationship, it fades, people grow older, have families, have new lives. The relationship we had with them remains stuck in the past, the day you said goodbye.

Your local friends probably are feeling abandoned because you are leaving, and probably a little jealous because you are going on a great adventure. And they probably don't realize this is what they are feeling and that it makes you feel sad and uncomfortable.

To many probably-s..... I have a foggy brain, can't seem to talk or write.

Good luck! I would say I'm jealous, but I'm done with my long distance journeys.

What should I do?

I don't have any suggestions but I think you're so brave to move to a whole new country! I've moved to several states for work but couldn't imagine moving across the world. Best of luck to you and we'll always be here for you.

No one can ever help me. Why is my life so complicated?

Moving to a new house down the street is crazy stressful so moving to a new country would be beyond beyond stressful. Most of the times I have moved, especially big moves, I have had a bit if adjustment disorder for awhile. It sucks. Moving sucks for anybody. With our neuro atypical brains is is even worse. I am sure this is an enormous adjustment for you and maybe just maybe it will get better someday.

It is really hard to feel connected to anyone especially when you first move. It feels so isolating and impossible and lonely. But you know what you are not invisible right now. Your words spoke to my heart and I clicked reply so I could connect with you.

You are in an extremely difficult and stressful situation and you have the sensitive kind of brain chemistry that bonds us all here, plus as you said your man is not with you tonight. The disappointment that brought combined with everything that you have going on has probably pushed you into a low. I know what that is like.

Thanks for sharing your feelings with us. I really hope tomorrow you wake up feeling better in some way.

Henry, regarding what you should do, you should enjoy the company of your friends here and try to ignore any negative feelings. Soon enough you will be on the other side of the world and you'll be missing them even though you felt mistreated the last few weeks.

Make memories with your friends, take goofy pictures, video record messages, set the video feature on your camera to run unattended while you hang out with your friends. I guarantee you that all these memories you create before you leave will be your life saver when you get to China. You are in for a huge culture shock and rude awakening. You are learning the language, but it takes a long time to be proficient in Mandarin. You'll have your work colleagues to mingle with, but that only goes so far. Take it from me who has done the radical change in culture and language, it can be hard, and I was still in the Western World. You will appreciate the goofy pictures and videos when you become homesick.

If you are brave enough, you could ask your friends to record a message for you and you keep it sealed until you get to China.

Let me know how that works.

I know that I am doing the right thing. It's what I need, but its scary. I do worry about my mental health overseas.

The friends recording a message sounds nice. I love my friends, but I feel like I am putting a bandaid on a problem. I feel OK or happy with them, and then go home and cry. Sometimes, I try to reach out to others, but I am often unvalidated. They just throw optimism at me or tell me that I'm so strong and going to meet cool people ... true, but I'm looking for help out of this crippling depression that will only get worse.

My man hasn't contacted me. Today was horrible. I deleted his number. He was supposed to be my Skype buddy in China. Now I have to do it alone. My ex says that he would never have had the strength to stay in China if I wasn't Skyping him.