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#1
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Well, I went and acted all bipolar and did and said some stupid things. This is one of those times I wish I could crawl in hole and never have to see these people again. Wish I could quit my job and run away from home and be a hermit. Then, if I wasn't around people I couldn't make a fool of myself. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
I think I need to get my mouth wired shut! Just whining, sorry...
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Jon "A mind too active is no mind at all." -Theodore Roethke |
#2
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((((Jon))))) The same thing happened to me yesterday, and I have no more words to ask for forgiveness. I hope my hubby won't get tired of me
![]() ![]() Hang in there hon~ |
#3
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Tomorrow is another day? I had a T teach me a very valuable lesson about how one day/act/situation is not a whole relationship. These people have seen you "good" too, happy, sad, etc. not just messing up? There's a whole relationship with each and whatever happened yesterday is just a tiny part of it making it more "interesting" :-)
I use to hate it the day after my T appointment because one of my bosses would approach me first thing the next morning all "careful" and ask how my therapy appointment had gone :-) or if I was "cranky" that day mention the therapy. It can be helpful to see how others view/relate to you. I sometimes shift my focus to that, what the other person is actually seeing (nevermind what I'm feeling or "know" to be true) or responding to. It can be a bit of a rest to look at it "scientifically" like you're just an observer or reading a novel/case history about another person, etc.
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"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
#4
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i hardly remember PMS, but bipolar seems to affect those around us the same way........"are you bipolar today?".......
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#5
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I like the start of your post,
"Well, I went and acted all bipolar and did and said some stupid things." I have no idea how in the world I have any friends, that my wife hasnt left me, and I still have a job. Its crazy sometimes when you just fly off and say things. Thank goodness people are getting used to it. Hope you feel better! |
#6
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Wow, your boss knows you are bipolar?? I've been hiding my bipolar & have a great fear about anyone finding out. I did OD a few months ago & low & behold who is in the ER unit as a nurse but someone who works part-time in the company I work for. I freaked (she didn't deal with me directly but did acknowlege me & I was like "hi" even though I'm hooked up to all sorts or machines & blacking out). At work a few weeks later she says, "Are you feeling better?" Oh yeah!
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#7
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Thanks for the kind words everyone. I'm feeling a little less stupid today. Still embarrassed, but not wishing I was invisible anymore. I have renewed my vow to keep my big mouth shut. Now I just have to figure out how to make that happen. Too bad there isn't a bipolar med that will also keep you from saying stupid things. I'm thinking I need one that renders you mute as soon as you get manic. One that automatically disconnects your phone and email and locks the doors. Maybe I should go into pharmaceutical research....
__________________
Jon "A mind too active is no mind at all." -Theodore Roethke |
#8
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First off Suzy I'm fortunate I work in a family business, so ya they are use to it since I work for my dad. Parents tend to take way more abuse then a normal boss. lol
Jon: I hear you there, if you find something let me know! |
#9
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Ohhh I do too work wiht my family, and they are the ones actually driving me crazy!!!!!lol
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#10
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Hi Jon
Just wanted to say I hope you are feeling better today and sorry to hear you had a tough time there. best wishes. |
#11
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I have pushed so many people out of my life because of the stupid things you say and do when you are manic and I didn't even know then that I was bipolar I just thoght I was losing my mind and was going through the change of life.Now that I know I am bipolar I tell people that I don't always have control of my actions and tell them to read up on bipolar if they really care. Maybe then they can try to understand the hell we go through.
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#12
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oohhh do i know what u mean. ive done some very erratic behaviors over the years & i felt so self-conscious (& still do) because of the things ive done. some examples are laying down in the bathroom floor & pulling my iud out just out of the blue, leaving the house in the middle of the night in the freezing cold & going under the railroad trussell, grabbing the keys & taking off in the car with plans to spend the night in the woods. i did these things with delusions like i wanted to be like someone in the movies who survives in the woods i guess like sly stalone in the first blood movies. i was just recently diagnosed by my new pdoc as bp1 & looking over the past 10 years & even as a kid stuff made so much more sense. now instead of bringing up these things to hurt me my hubby is more like "oohh thats what was going on with u". my dad has mental illness & he is like my best friend & is the only one who hasnt said bad cruel words to me through all ive done. next time my mom starts in with cruel words im just gonna go off cuz im tired of letting her run over me & being so nice. like u im gonna tell people im bp1 & my actions were the result of mental illness not because im a bad person & if they want to know about it to read about it. im sick of people judging me. im getting pissed typing this. also in school i would have angry outbursts & just have never looked at the world like "normal" people. ive always thought someone was out to get me, very paranoid & anxious, afraid to go out of the house, & then having downswings of major depression. i used to medicate myself with food in school (& still do in spells). i went on to medicating with alcohol & became a full blown alcoholic & am now recovering thank the Lord in Heaven. i wish u the best hun & hugs hugs!
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im so glad there are people who understand here. |
#13
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Hello hope things are better for you today, and you have a better day today. Take care Sincerely soidhonia
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The Caged Bird Sings with a Fearful Trill of Things Unknown and Longed for Still and his Tune is Heard on the Distant Hill for the Caged Bird Sings of Freedom |
#14
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hi,
it is true that bipolar sucks. however if we continue to have the mindset to run away what would we ever solve? would we ever be satisfied, complete, happy, at peace? Try to stand still, continue to seek help from doctors, mediences, and counselors. continue to seek support with family friends this website and church family. remember god makes us each differnent for a reason. and you may have to struggle, in order to help someone else later. gwen ![]() ![]() |
#15
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we have perfomance reviews in work and they perfectly match my moods.Im a salesman and when im up i outperform everyone else but when im down im the worst in the store nearly.I think very soon he will get his answer as to why my performance over the last 5 yrs has never been consistant.
I am lucky in work,before even i new i was ill people always thought i was strange but they all seem to love me,still ive had great support while ive been off sick. im waffling about my self sorry,i hope you can feel better soon im having to take more time off its been 5 weeks already.
__________________
"These cuts i have.They need love,to help them heal" |
#16
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Hi Jon B.
You are right... Bipolar reeeeeallly sucks!!!!!!! Ohhh, I can totally relate to this!!! When I read your post, I couldn't help thinking 'how much' it sounds like me!!! You're definitely not 'alone'... I can tell you that!! I wish the sidewalk would just open up and swallow me when the things you've described happen in my life. If it's any consolation, 'there's always tomorrow'. And with tomorrow, there is a 'clean slate' to 'start over again'. (I know, I know... it's 'easier said than done', especially when some of us have OCD in addition to Bipolar disorder... argh!!!) Things get better... sometimes, we have to go through 'stupid moments', in order to fully appreciate the good moments. ![]() |
#17
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You're right, of course, things always seem better in a day or two. Still wishing for that miracle drug that keeps you from communicating in any way when you are manic.
I'm back to my normal, cheerful self and nobody's looking at me sideways anymore. Funny, people talk about cycling into depression and being suicidal and all - seems like I only want to kill myself after I've done something amazingly stupid while manic. I'm usually too tired to think about it when I'm depressed. More meds, more therapy, and time keeps on ticking.
__________________
Jon "A mind too active is no mind at all." -Theodore Roethke |
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