[Hbomb0903]

I'm planning on going in the hospital this afternoon after my children go back to their father. I have been flat and alienated and scared and emotionless for weeks now. It started with my job performance going down and feeling like I couldn't connect with my coworkers or my clients. Then it started to get worse and I started feeling like I couldn't go out and do things. I hole up in my house and make myself do what I absoutely have to to survive and feed the kids, get them to school, what not.

I can be with "safe" people. People who I am comfortable with and know me well. I have an bf/ex-bf that I don't know what is up with but he is not supportive and doesn't really understand my illness, and he just lost his mom and pushed me away during that so he's a loner I guess anyway.

I want my meds to make me feel like myself. When I'm stable I'm outgoing, hard-working, insightful and maybe a little scatter-brained, but I keep it together pretty good. It seems like when my relationships fail this always follows, but I can't get out of it.

Any insight? I don't know I feel paralyzed with indecision.

[Hbomb0903]

Oh yeah and since I haven't been working and have no safety net I'm on the brink of having rent due that I don't have to pay, car payment, insurance, etc. It's scary.

[Hbomb0903]

How long do you think they'll keep me? I am hoping it will be long enough to make sure something is working, but I'm not sure. I live in Florida. God I hate this indecisive feeling, but I have to do something!!!!!

The time is ticking. Take the kids back to my ex in 3 hours and then....dum dum dum.

It's been 5 years since my last hospitalization and I didn't like it.

[txbipolar]

Good luck! I hope they help you work things out and you get the care you need.

[Hbomb0903]

I just took the kids back to their father and I'm thinking that going and checking myself in the hospital now is basically just setting up for a night out of my own bed and not much happening.

It's already 4 pm my time and I can't imagine they do much "work" after that. Still not sure if there is any point to this but I can't wait till April 18!!

[wildflowerchild25]

I have been hospitalized an embarrassing number of times in my life. Discounting the ones as a teen, there have been two distinct time periods of hospital trips for me as an adult. When I was 18/19, I struggled with trauma from my childhood, which led me to act out against myself and others. Bipolar was probably there too but I ignored that. It was mostly BPD tendencies. Anyway I would run to the hospital every time I felt I just couldn't face my life anymore. It had nothing to do with safety that year because I never wanted help, just a place to hide from myself and my problems. So I never came out any better those times, not until the last one where I received ECT for my crippling depression.

This year, having confronted the trauma issues and dealt with them, I have been left to conclude that I perhaps do indeed have bipolar disorder. I've been in the hospital three times this year, and each time it was because I was mixed and truly feared for my safety. Because of this, and because I was willing to accept help, I had a much better experience. The last stay in august stabilized me completely, which is a miracle. But it only worked because I used the place.

I guess my point is a hospital is not going to magically cure you. They don't keep you there long enough for that. I went in July and came out even more depressed, even though thy started a new AD. Especially if your problem is depression, because often mood stabilizers and ADs don't work for a couple of weeks. But a hospital can put you on the righ track and keep you safe until you feel better about facing your life. It just can't be used as an escape. Yor problems will be waiting for you when you get out.

Another thing is they may not admit you if you are not a danger to yourself. I've had many of my students go to the crisis center after saying they were suicidal but they still were not admitted. However I personally have been admitted every time, even when I adamantly denied being unsafe, so you never know.

As for length of stay, average is 5-7 days, unless you are in a crisis stabilization unit (which they don't have in NJ) which from what I hear can be only up to 72hours.

I hope they can gt you on the right track! You will still have work to do when you get out but maybe you'll at least be more hopeful!

[~Christina]

If you think you need to go in then by all means go IP .. I was IP recently due to a situational situation that caused me to just not feel safe ..

Any time I have been in its been and average of 3 days to 7-10 or more .. Just depends on you and how your feeling .

Get help if you feel you need it

[Hbomb0903]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I guess my point is a hospital is not going to magically cure you. They don't keep you there long enough for that. I went in July and came out even more depressed, even though thy started a new AD. Especially if your problem is depression, because often mood stabilizers and ADs don't work for a couple of weeks. But a hospital can put you on the righ track and keep you safe until you feel better about facing your life. It just can't be used as an escape. Yor problems will be waiting for you when you get out.

I don't go because I wonder if this is what I'm unconsciously using it for. Even though I feel wretched and do believe I need med changes. My doctor still can't get me in for 3 weeks! I can't wait that long for sure. I have insurance and can admit myself, I checked. I don't want to go, but I do want to go... it's like everything else right now. I just can't seem to get my **** together!!

Goodluck.

[Marshellette]

If you can't wait that long for sure, go. Be aware that you have to play by their rules since they are your keepers at the hospital.

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by Hbomb0903

I don't go because I wonder if this is what I'm unconsciously using it for. Even though I feel wretched and do believe I need med changes. My doctor still can't get me in for 3 weeks! I can't wait that long for sure. I have insurance and can admit myself, I checked. I don't want to go, but I do want to go... it's like everything else right now. I just can't seem to get my **** together!!

I mean if it's not going to cause you undue stress, then go. I just want you to know you may not feel 100% at the end because they will likely only keep you for about a week.

See when I was 18/19 I didn't have anything to lose by going inpatient. Now I have a job and a family, not to mention a $2000 deductible I would have to pay. And I sure don't have money. So I have to only use the hospital if I know I cannot control my destructive impulses. I scrape by otherwise. If you can go IP without losing anything then do it. Because at least then you will get a few days to sort things out and not have to worry about basics like food and shelter.

[Hbomb0903]

My mom is coming to take me in the morning. She'll be here at 9. And we're gonna work out how I can keep my place for at least another month. Hopefully the sun will come out by then!

[Hbomb0903]

So I put her off till this afternoon thinking maybe with my insurance we can find some other doctor that will see me sooner and avoid inpatient?? I think I'm just avoiding the going though. I'm so indecisive and don't look forward to what my memory of inpatient is. I just want to feel better. I'm so tired of dealing with this **** over and over again. I feel alone, but I'm glad I have all of you to help me not feel quite so much that way.

My inpatient stay kept me mainly safe but has not been helpful past that. I hope you get more out of yours.

[Hbomb0903]

Originally Posted by Supanova

My inpatient stay kept me mainly safe but has not been helpful past that. I hope you get more out of yours.

How long have you been in and what have you been doing?

[outlaw sammy]

Sorry folks, but I LOVE THE PSYCHE WARD! It gives me a safe protected environment to recover from whatever state of mind is hurting me (i.e. depression, mixed state, manic, or manic-psychotic). Best of all, federal law protects the psyche patients from being brutalizing, intimidating, harassing, and so forth by the Denver Police thugs.

[thickntired]

Originally Posted by outlaw sammy

Sorry folks, but I LOVE THE PSYCHE WARD! It gives me a safe protected environment to recover from whatever state of mind is hurting me (i.e. depression, mixed state, manic, or manic-psychotic). Best of all, federal law protects the psyche patients from being brutalizing, intimidating, harassing, and so forth by the Denver Police thugs.

It also provides beds for patients who are avoiding the police, court dates, and jail time. The staff put a girl in my room who was homicidal with no security. I later saw her mugshot in the paper for battery & drug trafficking. I couldn't be in the room because she was loudly masturbating. I finally got one of the nurses to find me a room. She said it was some kind of mix up bc she is a threat. No Kidding?! It's sad too bc the kids in for dual diagnosis were saying they can't wait to get out and get high, and the indigent patients almost never found room at the salvation army so they just got a bus ticket. See ya! You're not our problem.

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[wildflowerchild25]

I really think it depends on the place. I've been in four nice ones and three terrible ones.

If you are even asking yourself the question I think you should go. At least they can jumpstart a med change if that's what you need and you will be safe. And sometimes a break from stresses is necessary just to get your feet back under you. You'll be in my thoughts

Originally Posted by Hbomb0903

How long have you been in and what have you been doing?

3 weeks, Group therapy, Creative therapy, meditation sessions, medications changes, nursing staff is mediocre and do not deal with panic attacks well on this ward (we're fine on the acute ward) I should have left as soon as I go moved from the acute ward. Now I know thats when being in here does more harm than good. Due to them basically forcing meds onto me I am now immune to benzos (2.5mg of ativan, 2mg of clonazepam has zero effect on me). I have nothing to help with anxiety and I wont take Zyprexa for anxiety.

Feel so far from home and scared I now wont be able to cope since its been so long since being home. Short admissions are best. Im more drugged up now, which I could have done at home past the initial suicidal crisis. Wish I left weeks ago.

[Hbomb0903]

Well I need to be stabilized so I can be LIVING in this life instead of cringing and hiding. This is the quickest way and I'm realizing I have more support than I thought, which was one of my main depressors.

Told my Mom to not let my talk my way out of going tomorrow. It has to happen, IMO. I'm not waiting 3 weeks.

[thickntired]

I wish you the best, and the last inpatient really did give me help. Just know if you go in as a suicide risk it's completely different. I was put in the ER with 2 armed security guards. The Dr said they were looking for beds in the area and I had no say in where I went. Luckily for me I wasn't transfered which would take me away from my pdoc and cost an ambulance. I know what you mean about the frustration of having to wait for a freaking appt. There should be more pdoc clinics that take emergency clients.
Take Care

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[TheatreKid]

My last two hospitalizations were direct admit from my psychiatrist's office, since she works at the hospital, and the first of the two my psychiatrist let me wait in her office for a bed to open up. I was lucky and a bed opened up that day.

The second time was last November, and it was already afternoon when my psychiatrist decided to admit me. Again there were no beds, but this time I was sent to the psychiatric ER to wait for a bed. For the first day, I didn't even get a bed. Just a chair. Then, I got a bed, but waited in the psych ER for 2 days because there were still no inpatient beds. Lights on all the time, no groups or therapy, nothing to do but stare at the wall, with frequent commotions and outbursts and people throwing things and banging on walls.

I don't ever want to go back to the hospital, because waiting through those gruelling days in a holding tank waiting for a bed does damage.

I hope you have a better experience. Good luck.

[Hbomb0903]

This is a hospital that is run by the mental health center that I use. I'm not going through the ER, I'll be admitted directly. I've spoken to the case manager and she said it won't be a problem. Hope she's not just ********ting me, because I would rather stare at my own walls than a stupid hospitals, waiting for a bed.

Thanks for the well wishes. The countdown till my mom comes has started in my head. She will be here at 9 am and since I slept all damn day by accident I don't know if I'll get much tonight.

[thickntired]

Yes I hear you and double that on waiting for a bed. I got to the hospital at noon, sat in a chair with armed guards for 5 hours, and the psychiatric nurse did my intake at 10pm. It was awful how many patients and workers in the ER stared at me sitting in a chair crying with 2 guards. One guy was 6' like they really needed 2?! I just wanted you to know if suicide is mentioned you are owned. Meaning you do not leave of your own volition. They will put you somewhere no matter if it's a place that takes your insurance or is a 45 min private ambulance drive. So, I hope you're going in as a regular case because I totally regretted it when I felt so powerless and like a hospital liability. But it sounds like where you're going they aren't going to look at you like your taking up a bed for the people who are "really" sick.

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