[tigersassy]

Originally Posted by pawn78

But now I am either crashing, or going into a mixed state....lovely.

No Good on the crashing or mixed state.
I'm still up. I took a tylenol pm last night to sleep because my head started to hurt and that didn't kick in until like 10 now I'm up and raring to go. 6 hours of sleep or so. I know I've got to call Pdoc office, but I do not want to. I know I keep saying that. Its going to be a busy week at work hopefully I can focus enough to get everything done, caught up from last week. Hope it doesn't just get worse or I get so hyperfocused on things. So many ways this could go. As long as no one notices at work I should be good. Trying to keep this hidden though is getting harder and harder. So much stuff to do....

[Skitz13]

Originally Posted by pawn78

Oh my god, I could have written this exactly, I just peaked out on a manic episode this weekend, I slept 2 hours last night....I am hoping to sleep tonight, but it doesn't look too good. My emotions are on OVERDRIVE.
I realy need to sleep, I fear going even depper into mania, or worse,crashing into a dark depression, and not going to work, etc.

i admit, my mania is getting 'unsafe' after this weekend. I had one of the greatest nights of my entire life, seriously, it was peak euphoria!!!! The ultimate mania heaven

But now I am either crashing, or going into a mixed state....lovely.

Take care pawn!

[pawn78]

Originally Posted by Skitz13

Take care pawn!

I am ok. It turns out, I am not crashing, and I am not in a mixed state. I am just manic, and the lamictal is helping me from flying off the rails.
I THOUGHT I was crashing, because I am having some extreme drama in my romantic life, and it has been really up and down, and all over the place for me in that area.

I'm ok now. I talked to my best friend about it for over an hour. And I talked to my bipolar buddy/therapist (you know who you are) for a longtime too. I got it all sorted out.

THERAPY IS AWESOME.

[pawn78]

I slept a little over 5 hours ...much better than last night at least. Still manic, but with recent therapy and medication, I am back down to hypomania at least. I'll just keep plugging along and try ot get good sleep. After a whole lifetime of it, I am really good at managing my hypomania...but like everyone else, I completely lose control once I go into type 1 mania.

[Blue_Bird]

I feel really good! This depression has finally lifted, all I needed was a small dose of an AD in addition to my other meds to improve my mood without tipping me into mania like a larger dose would

[Skitz13]

Seeing my T today to sort out this mess I've created. It will be good to get it off my chest and do some problem solving

[Standup2me]

Life is good.

I can actually look at the world around me, and see the good, and not
just the evil.

It is as if I am walking toward light

[TheatreKid]

Last night was weird. I would have gone to the hospital if buses had been running at 1 AM or if I had cab fare. Eventually I slept and today I'm fine. I think it was a mixed episode but it only lasted two or three days. I don't usually cycle that rapidly. I think it was brought on by extreme financial stress, which still hasn't gone away so hopefully I'll be ok.

[TheatreKid]

tonight's poem:

Potential

a sharp cry
hits the air
like a wounded animal

or at least,
I think I hear it

perhaps it is only my mind
stretched thin
cerebral cortex
occipital lobe
and cerebellum

flattened under the weight
of everything I have ever been
and everything I have left to do.

must my brain always be either
humming with electric potential
or wrapped in heavy cotton?

such a promising young person
reduced to this?

I have something to say.
So say it.

I am a prodigy
and a failure
all at the same time

Schrödinger’s got nothing on me.

driven by circumstance
to set the bar so high
and sometimes when I'm soaring
I clear it with ease
and sometimes my feet
are encased in cement
and I crash face first
knocking out
any
stars
from my
eyes.

[rollacoasta]

Studying, feeling content. Went out and had a coffee with my girlfriend without any crippling anxiety, thank god for that...

[Curiosity77]

I didn't sleep much last night, so i hope i can sleep tonight, but so far i'm not feeling tired so it isn't looking promising. My day was good. I just worked then went for a run. I'm making progress in my training for a 10 km race. I want to be able to run the whole thing without stopping. I'm about half way there. Ok, i took some extra seroquel and i'm not feeling any sleepier. This might be another long night.

[Mamabug1981]

Went out and had lunch with my mom and my boys today, she called out of the blue and offered to take us, so we went. It was kind of nice to have her over, as her and Dad were here Saturday when the house was still gross, and it was nice to be able to show her the work I've put in on it since then. My folks are our landlords, so we started talking about various projects that need done around the house and making tentative plans for work weekends to get them done. And we had good convos over food about things they're doing too. I feel like I'm finally getting better.

I also found out today my doctor's office is going to help me battle Medicaid. I was enrolled in the wrong plan when they processed my application, and my doctor doesn't take the one I was enrolled in. I've been unsuccessful with getting them to switch me over. My doctor referred me to their in-house psych, so it would really help to get on the right insurance so I can actually see them. Using their in-house will make my continuity of care so much easier since they all have access to my same charts. I have my first appointment with the psych scheduled at least! Not til next month, but before the script my primary care gave me runs out. Time to get the insurance switched and the mental health pre-approval processed.

I made a stupid mistake though and had a caffeinated soda with dinner tonight, which means my insomnia is acting up badly. I'm groggy from the Geodon, but my thoughts won't stop spinning. Nothing scary, just irritating cause my hubby just got home today from being gone for 5 days, and I just want to cuddle up to him and sleep. And I have a horrible craving for something I don't know what, and apparently we don't have whatever it is in the house and it's pissing me off. Which isn't helping the sleep thing. I usually only have caffeine first thing in the morning to combat the groggy from my morning dose for exactly this reason. Boo.

[Skitz13]

Hoping for a better day. I'm finding that as time goes on, it gets harder to stay stable. I see my pdoc this afternoon.

[tigersassy]

Took 100 mg of seroquel last night with my meds to help me sleep. It worked I slept 6 hours about, But had the morning med hangover. Now I'm starting to wake up. Thoughts are starting to speed up a bit and my body feels so slow compared to my brain. Looking forward to meeting new Pdoc on Monday, usually meeting new people stresses me out so I guess that's a good thing.

[Standup2me]

I feel at peace with the world

[Perfectllyflawed]

Finally getting back on my meds. I still feel unstable, but I'm hoping to feel normal soon. I feel out of control.

[pawn78]

I feel amazing.

[Skitz13]

I'm surrendering to the meds. I've been fighting the pdoc about meds for so long. I give in. I'll do whatever she wants to do because I'm at the point of giving up

[Bpfroggy]

Just saw my pdoc today, and what a difference a week makes! Last week I was in the depths of a very bad depression, since then the meds have kicked in and I feel SO MUCH better. In fact, I think I'm a little hypomanic. The combo of depakote with pristiq seems to be working well for me. The pdoc added some more depakote to hopefully prevent me from becoming more manic, but feeling better is such a relief!

[Skitz13]

saw my pdoc and both anti-psychotics were raised. Anyone who knows me around here, knows I hate taking chemicals but after last week, I'm just going to shut up and take them.
Although I have BP2, it was a full blown manic episode but she was pleased that I took matters into my own hands and medicated myself down, so that was positive, I guess

[Blitter2014]

Having a bad morning this morning, the overwhelming feelings of dread are lurking and I thought the best place to try to dispel them was to come on here. I wish I knew what was causing them, nothing more unusual about today than yesterday, perhaps the appointment for a walk in the bush with another bush walker? They are coming along just to help me out, I have been a bit panicky when by myself and they offered to walk with me while I do some prospecting. But surely that isnt what the cause of dread is. Whatever is causing it, Pdoc is next week and I'm hoping he has some answers.

[tigersassy]

So not taking seroquel tonight. I don't like this not connected feeling. Hoping to go back up a bit.

[Tucson]

I have been operating under a different name here. But my previous name would be recognizable to many others outside of this website. So I now feel more comfortable to continue my posting here.

I have been having episodes of depression since a very bad swing down a few days ago. But I am still functional. I am having problems with the caretaker for my mother. I may have to replace her. She is very nice, but it is difficult for her hold down this part time job.

[cashart10]

I am great! I've had a great day and a great attitude and I'm enjoying life.

[Love&Toil]

To those who are struggling - group hug, hang in there.
To those who are enjoying some relief - so glad for you!

Yesterday I felt great, very positive and even but today I was sooooooooo irritable. Not usually this irritable. Cutting back a bit on the Prozac and am feeling more intense emotions. It is nice when they are pleasurable or positive, but I'd forgotten how intense it can be when they are negative. Sometimes I don't want to believe I have mental health problems, but every once in awhile my mood flares up and then it hits me on the head like an anvil.