[lonelychick]

I've been pretty dang depressed. I wish I was in on this dance party of which you all speak. It might help lift my mood. I see my t on Monday. It's my first appointment with her since she's off maternity leave, and I'm worried. I've lost a lot of weight, and she's not going to like it. I'm tired and lonely, but I have to keep going to keep myself from shutting down completely. Getting ready to change out of my work clothes and go for a walk.

[Mamabug1981]

Been super productive today. Several loads of dishes, living room mostly done, cooked dinner for the third day in a row (huge deal for me!). Didn't scream at my son like I normally would, even when I discovered he'd gotten to my laptop and torn a half dozen keys off and lost the parts. Makes typing interesting. He did spend the day in his room though! Got plans to finish the rest of the cleaning (boys room, bathroom, kitchen) tomorrow. It's like a light just popped on and I suddenly realized how gross my house had gotten before I got on this medication, and I've only taken it since Wednesday. Not sure if all this is the meds starting to work or if it's because I'm still hypo, or if I'm going even more manic. But the MOTIVATION to do it all is new since Wed. And is it really so bad if cleaning my house is (so far) the worst that comes of being manic? Had horrible insomnia last night though, brain wouldn't shut down.

[TheatreKid]

It seems a few people are running high at the same time. I wonder if you get a bunch of bipolars in a room their mood cycles will sync up the way women do with their menstrual cycles...

Yep, I went there.

[Honeydew1]

Well, feeling better. I decided last night I was going to experiment. Several weeks ago we were camping didn't get my meds. And didn't sleep well. And my down went to up the next morning. Hum.... Combo of no meds and lack of sleep made me transition?

So last night I thought I'd go no meds, but I couldn't sleep. Ended up taking meds at 3am. Woke up without that feeling of, can't get out of bed when I'm down.
I know, I know, playing with my meds like this is highly not recommended.

When I've had slep issues my pdoc would ask, doesn't the Geodon help you sleep? Hum... When up I get insomnia, so no. When down all I do is or would like to do is sleep. So is the Geodon helping me sleep?? Not sure?
Anyway, need to get to bed. Ha took my meds

[pawn78]

I feel amazing. Am i dreaming? Am i in heaven? This can't be real.

I am in love.

[Curiosity77]

I had a nice day. It was pretty social and pretty chill. I had some anxiety at a party, because parties can be hard since i don't drink. But i'm still glad i went. I'm becoming friends with some people from work and it's nice. I am getting more confident. I'm going to stay up late tonight and sleep in late tomorrow. I'm definitely feeling less angst than a few days ago.

[Blitter2014]

Today was ok.
I decided to cut myself a break and not push myself to do the usual Sunday things, opting to just putt n potter.

The sun came out for a short time and I made the most of it doing a few things around the garden and even managed to play with my daughter for a while. I specifically stayed outside later than normal to see if I could lessen the dread I have been feeling as the sun sets and it worked a little. I came in near dark, had dinner and came on here.

I survived another day

[Skitz13]

After a day of depression and beating the crap out of myself, I'm hoping today will be a better day.
I will focus less on what went on with me last week and concentrate more on picking myself up, brushing myself off and moving on.

[cashart10]

I went on a date with the hubs last night. We didn't do much, just went out to dinner. I'm thankful I am able to sit long enough to go to dinner. I'm still feeling really up but in a very pure, non irritable, non angry way. I wish it could last forever. For now, I'll just enjoy it. My doc is making a med change; she cut my lamictal in half to wean me off of it. I was feeling high before I applied the change but I have a feeling if I call her she will tell me to nick the weaning. My goal is to taper off of everything except lithium so I think I'll avoid calling unless my husband insists because I start getting out of control.

[r010159]

Originally Posted by TheatreKid

It seems a few people are running high at the same time. I wonder if you get a bunch of bipolars in a room their mood cycles will sync up the way women do with their menstrual cycles...

Yep, I went there.

LOL

My kind of humor!

For me, guess what? I am in an up mood too! This came after a day of severe depression. I hope this lasts.

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by TheatreKid

It seems a few people are running high at the same time. I wonder if you get a bunch of bipolars in a room their mood cycles will sync up the way women do with their menstrual cycles...

Yep, I went there.

Lol! It would be cool if we could! That way we could help the ones on the down side out of there depression! This is the longest running upswing I've had in a long time! Wish I could share it with everyone!

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by TheatreKid

It seems a few people are running high at the same time. I wonder if you get a bunch of bipolars in a room their mood cycles will sync up the way women do with their menstrual cycles...

Yep, I went there.

Lol! It would be cool if we could! That way we could help the ones on the down side out of there depression! This is the longest running upswing I've had in a long time! Wish I could share it with everyone!

[Alone & confused]

SORRY! Brain overreacting! Didn't mean to post this twice!!

Today I feel a bit better and I'm glad that I went to bed earlier, I seriously needed it. Lets hope that this day continues to go by good.

[Skitz13]

Originally Posted by r010159

LOL

My kind of humor!

For me, guess what? I am in an up mood too! This came after a day of severe depression. I hope this lasts.

LOL too funny!!!

[tigersassy]

Yup think I'm crossing the line between in control and out of control which isn't good. I've got work in am and don't want to have to call in or get fired. I'm all over the place. I'm supposed to be sleeping, but I'm wide awake. Maybe I should just forget about sleep and do everything on my list I want to do.

[pawn78]

Originally Posted by tigersassy

Yup think I'm crossing the line between in control and out of control which isn't good. I've got work in am and don't want to have to call in or get fired. I'm all over the place. I'm supposed to be sleeping, but I'm wide awake. Maybe I should just forget about sleep and do everything on my list I want to do.

Oh my god, I could have written this exactly, I just peaked out on a manic episode this weekend, I slept 2 hours last night....I am hoping to sleep tonight, but it doesn't look too good. My emotions are on OVERDRIVE.
I realy need to sleep, I fear going even depper into mania, or worse,crashing into a dark depression, and not going to work, etc.

i admit, my mania is getting 'unsafe' after this weekend. I had one of the greatest nights of my entire life, seriously, it was peak euphoria!!!! The ultimate mania heaven

But now I am either crashing, or going into a mixed state....lovely.

[r010159]

I am going through a spending spree right now. I now have my credit card above 7K while I am on disability. I need to do two things. One is freeze my credit card in ice. The second is to get a part time job.

[Curiosity77]

I'm getting excited about a bunch of plans i have for the next 12 months. I'm trying to get on with life instead of just waiting for monitoring to end. Now i just have to stay on track with everything so that i don't screw any of my plans up. I guess that's a reason to stay on meds. Thinking positive.

[pawn78]

Originally Posted by Curiosity77

I'm getting excited about a bunch of plans i have for the next 12 months. I'm trying to get on with life instead of just waiting for monitoring to end. Now i just have to stay on track with everything so that i don't screw any of my plans up. I guess that's a reason to stay on meds. Thinking positive.

Wow, you are really handling it great now. What an inspiring attitude you have about it. I am sure living out your present plans will be fantastic fun!

[TheatreKid]

I'm not sure what's up with me - I'm not manic, I may have been hypomanic for the past few days but not really any more, it's not a mixed episode, I don't feel depressed. But I can't stop thinking about suicide. What do I do in a position like this? I'm loath to call a helpline, I'm not depressed. It's not to the point where I should go to hospital. I don't actually want to do it, and I'm not generally impulsive so I'm likely safe. The thoughts are just distressing. I'm kind of hoping posting it out here will help get it out of my head. I'm taking my meds, and don't have any PRN. I wouldn't use meds in a situation like this anyway, antipsychs take time to work so I don't see any point in using them PRN for me. I don't want to just knock myself out, because the thoughts will just be there when I wake up.

[r010159]

Originally Posted by Curiosity77

I'm getting excited about a bunch of plans i have for the next 12 months. I'm trying to get on with life instead of just waiting for monitoring to end. Now i just have to stay on track with everything so that i don't screw any of my plans up. I guess that's a reason to stay on meds. Thinking positive.

All I got to say is WOW! I wish you success.

[TheatreKid]

I wrote this poem in an attempt to feel better:

I want to go back
to when I never had these thoughts
but then,
was I ever really innocent?

melancholy
has always been my
closest friend.

these insistent ideas
visceral images
are so much a part of me
but still they are hard
to accept.

so much time spent
waiting for the end to come
so much dread
and so much longing

but I am not its suitor
I do not wish for its hand
we are brief lovers
meeting breathlessly
in the middle of the night
but I don't sleep over

I wonder how it might look
the morning after
would it be triumphant,
having captured me at last?

that is why I never stay in the same place
for too long
I will not give it a chance
to know me

I will not give up.
It will not win.
Not while I can still write
my own story.

[cashart10]

My body was feeling a little tired this afternoon but my mind is still racing. My focus on my faith and activities surrounding it are getting a little obsessive which is sometimes just a symptom of hypomania for me but sometimes is a sign that I am headed to a delusional place that is scary for everyone around me. For now, I am just going to enjoy this amazing feeling and this amazing passion and just pray that is all it is.

[ceramichornets]

Mixed emotions about my meds at the moment. I feel like I keep getting used to the dosages and then they stop working. It would help if I could see my therapist, but unless I randomly get normal insurance again there's no chance. I haven't had a hypomanic episode in some time but I just keep drifting between neutral and depressed. I wish I could know if I'm actually okay or not. I wish there was some sort of meter I could stuck underneath my tongue that could give me an accurate reading and I would be able to go from there. Can't get the memories of my old high school days out of my head for some reason. I have to find some way to keep my head above the waters.