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  #926  
Old Jul 16, 2014, 09:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tigersassy View Post
Really feeling odd. Not bad or negative. I just feel like I'm buzzing against my skin on the inside. My brains even more all over the place now (after yoga) than it was before too. Not sure if this is normal, but then again what is normal about me. I made it thru my 30 min beginners DVD, felt like I couldn't be that's still and deliberate to the point I felt my body trembling with the effort. Time for dinner/meds and then bath and write and bed if I can.
This can actually be a side effect of some meds. I can't remember what it's called, but I read about it in Night Falls Fast by Kay Redfield Jamison. The book itself can be REALLY triggering though (it's about suicide) so don't read it if you're not safe, but there is information out there if you need it and I'm sure it's in other places as well. It was something I'd dealt with off and on for years, but never knew was something other people had until I read that snippet in her book. It used to make me feel absolutely crazy. I was on and off so many different meds at the time though that I never even thought it might be related to them. I thought it was just me. Anyway, it can totally be something worth looking into if it's bothering you.
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  #927  
Old Jul 16, 2014, 10:05 PM
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I'm doing really well with my mood. Very, very happy and content. Part of me is afraid that I might "crash" soon. I have been working really long hours, and not sleeping enough. I just feel like I have so much to do everyday, and I'm extremely motivated, so it is difficult for me to just stop and rest.
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  #928  
Old Jul 16, 2014, 10:38 PM
r010159 r010159 is offline
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I have returned from a trip to San Diego. My daughter and I had a good time. Now she is back to being a teenager again: whining, grumpy, difficult at times. Life is back to normal again.
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  #929  
Old Jul 17, 2014, 02:23 AM
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Heheh, r010159! When my son was 13, we took a big trip -- 3 weeks, cross-Atlantic. I was happy high-energy hypo. He was a delight. I thought…. ahhh if only he were like this all the time. He probably had a similar thought.

Not entirely sure still what the scent thing was the other night. It hasn't happened again. But I am thinking I'm in hypo regardless. Did a MAJOR bathroom scrub yesterday (walls, ceiling, the whole bit). It was only about a bazillion degrees in there. Mind you, I HATE the heat. The night before, at 3 am I was still wound up and said something that's still hilarious. Other stuff as well. Not all good though. VERY agitated this morning at work.

BF just told me I need to shower and get to bed (you need to get some sleep!). He knows. He always does. Before I do.
  #930  
Old Jul 17, 2014, 03:02 AM
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Better today.
Still too needy. Wife tells me she feels like a security blanket and Im suffocating her. Finding it hard to cope, but will keep on trying. Tomorrow hopefully better again
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  #931  
Old Jul 17, 2014, 03:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lonelychick View Post
This can actually be a side effect of some meds. I can't remember what it's called, but I read about it in Night Falls Fast by Kay Redfield Jamison. The book itself can be REALLY triggering though (it's about suicide) so don't read it if you're not safe, but there is information out there if you need it and I'm sure it's in other places as well. It was something I'd dealt with off and on for years, but never knew was something other people had until I read that snippet in her book. It used to make me feel absolutely crazy. I was on and off so many different meds at the time though that I never even thought it might be related to them. I thought it was just me. Anyway, it can totally be something worth looking into if it's bothering you.
Thanks. This isn't the first time it's happened. I'm not sure, but I think I remember feeling like this before my meds. It doesn't happen often, but it is something to look into.
Slept for a while like 6 hours or so not counting the "waking up" staring at the inside of my eye mask. I'm so not wanting to go to work still not focusing well and have so much to do today. Want to drive cross country and move to a new state. Trying to maintain a bit of control of these urges. Should call Pdoc office and see what they say about all of this, but I don't want to talk to someone who has no idea what brought me in in the first place. One more day of having to get up at 3:45am for work. So Saturday I might be able to "rest" longer, don't want to, but I know I should.
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Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin


  #932  
Old Jul 17, 2014, 02:59 PM
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Skys are very dark
It is cold, damp and windy
No green skys, so no tornado coming

Life is good, we needed rain.
Drops of hope from the sky
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  #933  
Old Jul 17, 2014, 06:31 PM
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Brain and body fighting each other cue migraine with circus music as background. This it's my life. Been "sleeping" since bout 4pm cause migraine. Feeling better but took a tylenol pm to sleep through the night so I don't have this same issue tomorrow since I'm wide awake now and its been 3hours.
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Dream Big..... Wish Big..... Believe Big......
PTSD possible bipolar
Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin


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  #934  
Old Jul 17, 2014, 10:59 PM
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I saw my therapist today. He's been away for the past 2 months, so it had been a while since I'd seen him. Talking to him helps me feel more connected to myself and the things that are important to me, but it also makes me question and second guess a lot of things in my life. I know what kind of a life I want, and I know what kind of a life I have now, and there is so much separating them. Every time I see him I want to stop my meds and live more spontaneously and be more free. He makes me feel like that is possible, and I want it so much. My pdoc doesn't think I will ever get there, and a waiver between my T and believing my pdoc. My T says I should wait until next year when my work monitoring is over, and then he will connect me to a homeopath who can help me come off meds. But even he thinks I should wait and not do it now, and he is pretty against meds generally. I know I talk about the same thing on here a lot, so I appologize for taking up so much space. I know that I need to be compliant right now, and I am, but I really miss the energy and chaos I used to have. I'm stable, but things seem so boring now. I would rather feel intensely bad than feel nothing intensely at all - and it's the feeling nothing that is really getting to me. It's fear that keeps me on my meds, because I'm afraid of getting really sick and destroying my life again. But I don't want to do things out of fear. I want to take more risks.
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  #935  
Old Jul 18, 2014, 09:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tigersassy View Post
Thanks. This isn't the first time it's happened. I'm not sure, but I think I remember feeling like this before my meds. It doesn't happen often, but it is something to look into.
Slept for a while like 6 hours or so not counting the "waking up" staring at the inside of my eye mask. I'm so not wanting to go to work still not focusing well and have so much to do today. Want to drive cross country and move to a new state. Trying to maintain a bit of control of these urges. Should call Pdoc office and see what they say about all of this, but I don't want to talk to someone who has no idea what brought me in in the first place. One more day of having to get up at 3:45am for work. So Saturday I might be able to "rest" longer, don't want to, but I know I should.
Tig, you've said what I think so much. I just want to disappear and move to some isolated place and run away from the world. It is so tempting sometimes
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Thanks for this!
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  #936  
Old Jul 18, 2014, 11:00 AM
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I slept. I slept for almost 12hours. Thank you tylenol pm. Hopefully this means I can avoid the migraine that comes from not sleeping. I don't want isolating if I move I want fast paced activity. I'm still running on full speed. Everything is still bright and shiny.
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Dream Big..... Wish Big..... Believe Big......
PTSD possible bipolar
Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin


  #937  
Old Jul 18, 2014, 10:06 PM
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Today has been another great day. My mood is very elevated and I'm filled with so much passion. SO SO SO much passion. Tantalizing passion. Passion that makes me move from head to toe, inside and outside. Passion that burns a fire inside my heart. I can just feel EVERYTHING and it is so freaking wonderful. OH my gosh! I can just feel everything. I want to go driving but my husband insists I can't; he's afraid of where I might end up. But I want to go. I long to go. I want to get the keys and go anyway but I hate how that will make him feel and I know he is filled with good intentions. So I just feel stuck. I want to move but hardly can move. I don't want to exercise. I can't express myself while exercising. BAH! But, I can still dance, so I will, probably all night.
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Every finger in the room is pointing at me
I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now

Tori Amos ~ Crucify

Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder
  #938  
Old Jul 18, 2014, 10:24 PM
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Dance, baby, DANCE!

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Thanks for this!
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  #939  
Old Jul 18, 2014, 10:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pawn78 View Post
Dance, baby, DANCE!

lol...I love it!
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*****

Every finger in the room is pointing at me
I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now

Tori Amos ~ Crucify

Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder
  #940  
Old Jul 18, 2014, 10:31 PM
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I'd suggest another 3 AM dance party tonight but I really shouldn't be awake for another 3 AM.
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Seroquel/Abilify/Risperidone/Testosterone


My Bipolar Poetry Anthology

Underneath this skin there's a human
Buried deep within there's a human
And despite everything I'm still human
I think that I'm still human
Thanks for this!
Curiosity77
  #941  
Old Jul 18, 2014, 10:35 PM
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Originally Posted by TheatreKid View Post
I'd suggest another 3 AM dance party tonight but I really shouldn't be awake for another 3 AM.
Lol...it would me most fun, if you guys are around, it's on.

I haven't started dancing yet, but I wasn't kidding, lol. I love to dance and it is the only way I know how to get rid of this much energy. If I get started I may not ever sleep though, lol.
__________________
*****

Every finger in the room is pointing at me
I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now

Tori Amos ~ Crucify

Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder
  #942  
Old Jul 18, 2014, 11:21 PM
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Well, it's after midnight and I'm still up. Around 5 PM I was tired and thought about a nap but didn't nap in case it made me stay up tonight.... should have just napped while I could.
__________________
Bipolar I with psychotic features/GAD/Transgender (male pronouns please)

Seroquel/Abilify/Risperidone/Testosterone


My Bipolar Poetry Anthology

Underneath this skin there's a human
Buried deep within there's a human
And despite everything I'm still human
I think that I'm still human
  #943  
Old Jul 18, 2014, 11:27 PM
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I am dancing all over my apartment blasting music and doing dishes. Long live mania!
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  #944  
Old Jul 18, 2014, 11:33 PM
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Ha ha. I'm a little worried I'm headed in that direction since this is the second night I'm not sleeping. It's going to be a busy weekend for me too.

I would blast music but the people who live upstairs would kill me. Want to come do my dishes?
__________________
Bipolar I with psychotic features/GAD/Transgender (male pronouns please)

Seroquel/Abilify/Risperidone/Testosterone


My Bipolar Poetry Anthology

Underneath this skin there's a human
Buried deep within there's a human
And despite everything I'm still human
I think that I'm still human
  #945  
Old Jul 18, 2014, 11:36 PM
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I actually hate doing dishes with a passion! But it's got to be done, and I might as well use my energy for something productive.
Btw, I'm not totally reckless, I'll be going to bed to sleep 7-8 hours soon.
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  #946  
Old Jul 18, 2014, 11:37 PM
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Good plan. I'm going to lie down soon whether I sleep or not.
__________________
Bipolar I with psychotic features/GAD/Transgender (male pronouns please)

Seroquel/Abilify/Risperidone/Testosterone


My Bipolar Poetry Anthology

Underneath this skin there's a human
Buried deep within there's a human
And despite everything I'm still human
I think that I'm still human
  #947  
Old Jul 19, 2014, 12:38 AM
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I changed my mind. Still blasting dubstep on the 1000 watt amplifier and doing laundry... Probably only sleep 4-5 hours. I feel really good.
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  #948  
Old Jul 19, 2014, 04:10 AM
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It's 2 am here, and i'm up for a dance party!
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"Does the body rule the mind, or does the mind rule the body?"

"Those who feel the breath of sadness, sit down next to me. Those feel they're touched my madness, sit down next to me. Those who find themselves ridiculous, sit down next to me."
  #949  
Old Jul 19, 2014, 04:38 AM
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I've had a very intense bout of hypomania, had to totally sedate myself to come down and I've crashed hard and for me the destruction is devastating.
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is developing the strength
you need for tomorrow

Don't give up
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  #950  
Old Jul 19, 2014, 02:13 PM
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Alone & confused Alone & confused is offline
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REALLY GOOD! Maybe TOO good! Libido is in OVERDRIVE! I'm taking full advantage of the situation though.
Thanks for this!
Blitter2014, Skitz13
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