[Skitz13]

Don't feel like doing anything and haven't done anything today. Played around on PC creating my profile but nothing else. Feel so lonely and lost tonight.
I hope tomorrow's a better day, however they all seem to run into one very long day lately.

[Skitz13]

Originally Posted by Hbomb0903

I'm so right here with you. I layed around all day with the kids yesterday and thus had poor sleep last night, so I slept and layed around most of the day today. I feel like nothing. But shame and resentment and sad. What the heck is this creature I have become. It's just heartbreaking, yet I can't find a way past the apathy and fear.

for you and for me too

Such a beast. I don't know if I'll ever get use to this. I just hate it. Not knowing who I'm going to be from one day to the next. Always praying that the next will be better than the last.

Isolating yourself from others and then feeling sorry for yourself because you're alone. I wont even make plans anymore because I don't know where I'll be on that particular day.

So we continue to ride the wave

[Espurr1989]

I felt tired and grumpy for most of the day, but I seem to be better now. I guess I need to remember that I still am simply a night owl. As long as I keep on a steady sleep schedule, I can work my life around that. Got two loads of laundry completely folded and put away, including my work clothes for tomorrow, so I'm pretty proud of that.

Yesterday, I went to the therapist and got my official diagnosis - Bipolar I and Generalized Anxiety. It's a relief to actually know what I'm targeting, and that now I truly fit into this part of the forums and I'm not just being a hypochondriac lol. I can read up more on these disorders and talk to people and actually finally begin to truly understand myself.

[Skitz13]

Originally Posted by Curiosity77

Need to work on setting boundaries. I keep compromising myself because i can't say no to people.

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Setting boundaries. One of the hardest things to do. I've just started learning how but feel pretty darn guilty setting them

[Blitter2014]

Originally Posted by Plzsti

Setting boundaries. One of the hardest things to do. I've just started learning how but feel pretty darn guilty setting them

Boundaries protect from both sides too dont forget . They stop you getting hurt and they stop you hurting others when you mights have gone too far....

Two sides to the boundary....

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[BlackSheep79]

I can't sleep and today I really noticed that I am having difficulty with my memory which is the first sign for me that I am going to be going into a hypo-manic phase. Cross my fingers I am wrong.

[Blitter2014]

Hoping your fingers are wrong Blacksheep......u got them crossed?

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[Ziriya2]

Feeling anxious, weepy, restless, foggy brained, and depressed. Having a hard time accessing knowledge I know is in my brain and words going in from reading and speech I'm not connecting with meaning. Not sure what's up, I just know I'm unhappy and feel like I should be doing something, but I feel like doing nothing but just sit here. URRGH

[Hbomb0903]

Originally Posted by Plzsti

Don't feel like doing anything and haven't done anything today. Played around on PC creating my profile but nothing else. Feel so lonely and lost tonight.
I hope tomorrow's a better day, however they all seem to run into one very long day lately.

I went to therapy today and talking with her does make me feel somewhat stronger. But they are just words. I know thoughts are linked to feelings, so why can't I just change my thoughts and therefore my feelings? Where is that motivation?

This wave keeps swirling me around and pushing me down.

[Hbomb0903]

Originally Posted by r010159

Second day with no depression, hypomania, and anxiety,

Hooray!!!

[Standup2me]

Melting down
Too much noise
Too many people
Too many smells
The world is spinning too quickly

Make it go away

[r010159]

Originally Posted by Hbomb0903

Hooray!!!

Thanks!

Third day without any significant problems.

[BlackSheep79]

I was tired and now wound up like a top, arghh, it never ends.

[Angry1541]

Doing alright -- Zoloft has me a bit leg-bouncy, but I just bumped it to 100mg this week so....hopefully that goes away...also been a bit distractible.

[Blitter2014]

Originally Posted by Standup2me

Melting down
Too much noise
Too many people
Too many smells
The world is spinning too quickly

Make it go away

Totally understand. Yet in the middle of all that feel lonely and disconnected. Hoping you can find some peace or loose yourself in a good book, find a quiet spot in the bush to time out. Hang in there

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[Moreta]

I get to keep my job for a bit longer. Woot!

[Skitz13]

Originally Posted by Hbomb0903

I went to therapy today and talking with her does make me feel somewhat stronger. But they are just words. I know thoughts are linked to feelings, so why can't I just change my thoughts and therefore my feelings? Where is that motivation?

This wave keeps swirling me around and pushing me down.

Sorry to read you are having such a rough time Hbomb. That kind of therapy takes a long time to grasp but once you get it, it does make things somewhat easier but I find that when I'm in the throws of whatever, I forget to use the skills I've learned. I've been in a few CBT DBT groups and now I'm having to do it 1-1 with my therapist. I feel the worst time to try and learn these skills is when you're already depressed. Can't concentrate, the confusion, no motivation, all the distractions in your mind. and everything else that might contribute to your own depression

Try not to be hard on yourself, this is not your fault. Mental health professionals don't get timing. I would doubt you're going to get much out of it the way you're feeling. Sorry honey

[Skitz13]

The day wasn't too bad. Had breakfast with my daughter, saw a friend, did some shopping and walked 3.5 miles/5.6 km's. So overall it wasn't too bad of a day but it's only 5:40. My mood tends to change at night.

I've also started a mood chart and diary today just to look at all these mood changes I've been having.

Had to work today, however I worked under my Social Services title today so I was taking people to doctors appointments/surgeries. Ended up spending 12 hours at the two hospitals at the capital. After that I found out my uncle had been admitted to the hospital, and my more or less grandmother as well. So then I spent the rest of the evening at the hospital back where I live at.

Right now I am feeling so empty, just want hide away from everyone and everything.

[Blitter2014]

Originally Posted by blwi3310

Had to work today, however I worked under my Social Services title today so I was taking people to doctors appointments/surgeries. Ended up spending 12 hours at the two hospitals at the capital. After that I found out my uncle had been admitted to the hospital, and my more or less grandmother as well. So then I spent the rest of the evening at the hospital back where I live at.

Right now I am feeling so empty, just want hide away from everyone and everything.

Sounds like the type of day that even the best most well adjusted person would struggle with.......don't be too hard on yourself. ....feet up, brain in neutral, food book/movie and phone off the hook!

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Bad day today. I ran out of zoloft and I was a little scattered at work I think. It didnt go too well. All was great until there was a question asked across the yard. And I answered honestly, perhaps a bit tactlessly... It just slipped out as it was the truth.

I feel awfully guilty now. I am trying desperately to forgive myself but it is not working yet.

I dont really like who I am, I feel right and happy when I am being who I am, but I dont like that person. Maybe that person is unfamiliar?

[usehername]

Bouncing off the damn walls. Can't sleep, can't sit still, can't finish a thought let alone a project. Boing boing boing!

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[Skitz13]

Did absolutely nothing today. Had to take a couple PRN's and just slept all day.
I have to get away from all the noise in my head.

[grandmaof3]

Worked 16 hours last night, came home and tried to sleep but I was too wired up. I cut my grass and my neighbors grass too. Went shopping and spent money I don't have> I feel like the lack of sleep is causing me to get manic.

[pawn78]

Originally Posted by grandmaof3

Worked 16 hours last night, came home and tried to sleep but I was too wired up. I cut my grass and my neighbors grass too. Went shopping and spent money I don't have> I feel like the lack of sleep is causing me to get manic.

Yeah, it sounds like your are manic.